Goddamn, Facebook, Try Harder

[Cipher]

If you have friends in real life (do you? Be honest) you'll have noticed a slew of terrible quizzes running rampant across Facebook. Who makes these quizes? Who takes them? How creatively bankrupt is the "Are You On A Boat?" quiz? How long before I break down and create one to which the unwavering result is "YOU WILL DIE ALONE" in all capital letters?

These are mysteries that will plague us forever. But for one glorious moment, the cesspool of Facebook quizzes has spewed forth something beautiful from its uncleanly bowels. I present you all with: The "What's the first letter of the person who loves you (http://apps.facebook.com/qwhats-the-fir-cbhjj/?start=1&target=home)" quiz.

Below I offer a running commentary on this gem, which is not symptomatic at all of why Facebook sucks now. Comments are in bold.

1.What type of person are you?

Everyone wants me ! because I'm popu No, Sobbing Obese Preteen Girl (SOPG), pop you!
I'm cheerful. I laugh a lot and acting sometimes strange. But I'm just myself In Soviet Russia, sometimes you act strange. Woah.
I'm being loved by my friends and the opposit sex. But I just stay myself Sigh.
I don't say much, but if I do everyone listen By this point, I've simply assumed that the quiz will accidently forget the letter that is the result.


2.what type of opposit sex attracts you??

someone who respects me and the other things doesn't matter ! I respect you, SOPG. Your quizzes are thoughtful and provocative. You're taking Facebook to a new level of excellence.
someone with style and fashionable clothes ! someone who everyone likes
Someone who just wants me and loves me ! This one was important enough to capitalize, I guess. Still baffled by the exclamation marks though.
someone carring and sweet. Who loves me just the way I am and not being ashamed of me "Carring" is obviously a verb for "Is being driving."


3.If you like someone, you ...

waiting till that women/man comes to me. The plural/singular confusion here makes it clear that the author is a Mormon. Further confirms my suspicion that this quiz was made by former SOPG/Mormon Stephanie Meyer, author of some terrible vampire books. just say so !!!!! SERIOUSLY JUST YELL AT THEIR FACE THAT'S NORMAL RIGHT THEY WILL WANT U !!!!!
Tring to find out whats he is like and then you become friends and then you'll see what that person wants and of he/her really fits with you ! And then you get married and then you fight about child custody and then you stalk them and go through years of therapy and other weirdly specific things im not a stalker ! tring to find contact with him/her and then go out with that person Phrased in a less retarded manner, I'm fairly certain this is the correct answer.


4.If you go out on a first date, you ... Haha, "if."

just see what will happen
go to the cinema, and wait untill he kisses you THIS QUIZ IS TRYING TO MAKE ME GAY AT THE CINEMA!
You talk a lot and make sure that you both have a good time. Maybe later the first kiss can come! This...is the only acceptable answer for normal people. just kiss and maybe more! It's now or never ! THIS QUIZ IS TRYING TO MAKE ME A GAY RAPIST AT THE CINEMA! Also, hilarious image of an ugly girl standing up in the theater and shouting "It's now or never!" before leaping onto her hapless male hostage. And why's it "now or never," anyway? The ol' natural clock ticking or something?


5.to you have a type??

Helll yeah ! Not everyone is good enough for me Well, I can honestly say no one deserves you.
maybe, I don't know yet
Not really
Mmm, I think so ! Start this one off with a sassy black woman noise!


6.do you care about money and clothes ??

JEEEEEEEEEEEP What. The. F***? I am truly baffled by this one. Is that her mating call or something? Product placement for off-road vehicles? Inerpretive, free-form poetry? I really don't know.
not really, but you don't want a gay who looks like a slub and can't take care of you Spot the hilarious typo! (Truly, the gay slub is a dangerous species.)
No, as long he just loves me its fine !!
no, but maybe the clothes are a little importent ?? (Im)Portents of doom!


7.Do you want someone who wants more than just kissing? This is just icing. I love how there's no "Yes!" answer. Every choice is hesitant at best. Here's to getting that chastity belt removed one day, huh?

I don't care ! But...I do.
Depends how old I am and how long we are together !
No, kissing is enough for me !! What are you doing on As-...I mean "Face"book then?
I don't know, I think I woudn't mind


I got the letter 'A', which is oddly prophetic but besides the point. The second time I took it, with exactly the same answers, I got 'N'. Yes, the result is absolutely f*cking random.

So if this was "tee-el-dee-are" for anyone (that is what the hip kids are saying now, right?) here's the short version: Facebook sucks now and it hates you with its sh*tty quizzes.

[Hannah]

Facebook = Quizilla.

[Ninjinister]

Here's my first tip-off when I'm bored out of my skull and sadly decide to try a quiz: If there is more than three serious misspellings or grammatical errors in the title and/or first question, I say adios.

[Cipher]

I finally made one, almost in direct response to that first one. It's legit as hell: What Kind of Super Royalty Rockstar Astronaut Will Mary You? (http://apps.facebook.com/what-kind-of-icacjdi/?start=1&target=home)

And if people take it, it will start to rise above less worthy quizzes.

[Peanut]

My solution is just not to use Facebook or any of these ridiculous "social networking" applications. Aside from the fact that the term "social networking" is amazingly ironic, the people who get "addicted" to them usually have some kind of psychological problem, and probably aren't the kind of human beings I'd like to interact with, anyways.

[Cipher]

My solution is just not to use Facebook or any of these ridiculous "social networking" applications. Aside from the fact that the term "social networking" is amazingly ironic, the people who get "addicted" to them usually have some kind of psychological problem, and probably aren't the kind of human beings I'd like to interact with, anyways.Back in the days when Facebook was just a place to post pictures, organize events, and leave comments with absolutely no frills, it was great. It was a really convenient way to plan, keep in touch (I actually used it to communicate with people I met overseas during an exchange), and yes, a fair time waster.

As soon as they allowed user-created content, the sh*t hit the fan.

[Sewer Bull]

Different social networking portals are good for one thing.

Once a year or two, when a certain site arises to popularity, I can inform all my old friends that I'm still alive, by adding them to my list. Or by letting them add me.

And then I usually just leave the service after a week.

[Raven]

Facebook is great for talking to people you cant see, like right now I have a buddy who is on medical leave in the military and they have him stationed in Texas, so when ever he gets the chance we talk on Facebook to see whats going on.

Facebook is cool for things like that, but the quizzes and such I stay away from...there just pointless.

[Evenstar227]

Hahaha, nice quiz Cipher. I'm pretty sure the answer to #7 is beatniks, by the way. For that "first letter of the person who loves you" quiz, I'd say it was done by someone for whom English is not the first language. At least I hope no native English speaker created that horror.

Most user-created tests cause bleeding in the brain, but there are some that are pure gold. I've seen great ones at OkCupid.com (yes, an online dating site, though I first went there for the tests). Blogthings.com has a lot of tests that are inane, but at least there aren't any user-created ones.

As for Facebook itself, personally I think they're the Nazis of social networking. When I first joined I wasn't thrilled with their insistence on using my real name (I used Leia Organa, but eventually changed it). The site itself is not very user-friendly (not for this user, anyway). My pet peeve is that links to certain features can only seem to be found on certain pages. Might not sound like much, but basically when I want to upload a picture I have to go to this page and click that link. Can't do it from my homepage, despite there being several links to photos there. (It's probably just an issue with me. Please let me know if I'm wrong here.) However I like it better than MySpace or MyYearbook for actually communicating with people. Plus there's a lot of cool people there...like Robbie Rist and Daran Norris. ^_^

[Cipher]

As for Facebook itself, personally I think they're the Nazis of social networking. When I first joined I wasn't thrilled with their insistence on using my real name (I used Leia Organa, but eventually changed it). The site itself is not very user-friendly (not for this user, anyway).Have to disagree with these, as they're two of its strongest features.

While you don't have to use your real name, it's fantastic that it encourages you to. It makes finding someone you met much easier, it's more professional, easier to remember, etc. I don't want to have to track down the fact that my friend Billy goes by "Darkangelslayer87," for example, because that's asinine and I'd lose self respect just by typing it.

And the layout of the site, when it's not cluttered by stupid user-made applications, is very clean and easy to use. Has been since day one, even though people complained about every minor change in the format.

[Evenstar227]

Have to disagree with these, as they're two of its strongest features.

While you don't have to use your real name, it's fantastic that it encourages you to. It makes finding someone you met much easier, it's more professional, easier to remember, etc. I don't want to have to track down the fact that my friend Billy goes by "Darkangelslayer87," for example, because that's asinine and I'd lose self respect just by typing it.

And the layout of the site, when it's not cluttered by stupid user-made applications, is very clean and easy to use. Has been since day one, even though people complained about every minor change in the format.

I guess I'm just leery about using my real name online because of the possibility of identity theft, and more so for people who I may not want to find me on a particular website (although I'm always using certain user IDs so it probably wouldn't be all that hard anyway). Personally I have no need or desire to act professionally on a social networking site, so I couldn't care less about that. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, I don't know.

I only recently joined Facebook, having used MySpace and MyYearbook only prior to joining. FB's layout is different that the other two, which are comparatively similar. It must just be me who has a hard time navigating FB's site, then.

[Candy Kappa]

facebook... whats that? :P
I don't use that crap

[Dark 5cythe]

...........im not gonna point out that this forum is a form of social networking.........

[Ra]

I thought this forum was for slandering people that we will probably never meet. :cry: