Panda_Kahn_fan
01-13-2015, 02:17 PM
Hey everyone, I posted this in the fan works section, but got no response there, so I thought I'd try putting it here. I have decided to attempt a rewrite of the 2014 and 2016 films, to make it more appealing to regular TMNT fans. I've created a bullet points of the changes I'm making to the overall story, trying to keep what I can, while restoring/changing things to give it a more 'TMNT' feel.
Oh, and to keep this an open discussion that isn't just about a fan work, we can also discuss what changes could have been made to at least make the movie palatable to TMNT fans (Oh, and if your answer is 'nothing can be saved, it all sucks" without even giving it some intelligent thought, then please don't post in this thread.)
So anyway, here's the changes I'd make. The turtles designs will be made to be more like the classic turtle designs, though tweaked to fit a live-action move. The story will directly follow the events of the Platinum Dunes movie as we saw in theaters, with these changes:
-'legend of the Yokai' clip plays as the movie's intro. (incorprating the 'legend of Yokai' segment here), and how the Yokai were created by an elixir made by an alchemist. The Yokai were taken control of by a warlord named Ororku Saki, who ravaged the countryside with his new army. It tells of the four kappa yokai, and who they were trained in ninjitsu by a master named Hamato Yoshi. The Kappa Yokai defeat Saki and his monsters, and Yoshi declares that he and the Kappa Yokai will return again one day, if they are ever needed again.
-April tries to get info on the foot out of several people in the city, with no luck. As a neat little cameo, the gangster she talks to on the phone who won't tell her anything is named 'Big Louie'.
-April/Vernon part in the beginning cut down to one or two scenes, Vernon more of a scuzzy letch. April's roommate's name is Irma Langstien, and gets one or two more scenes.
-Foot soldiers retain a more military-esqe look, but also use katanas in addition to their guns. Think ninjas that look more like snake eyes from G.I Joe, instead of sixteenth century kabuki pajamas.
-Shredder scene with Karai at the beginning expanded, more dialogue and character development for the two characters. Shredder resembles his TMNT 2 look, instead of the scarred and shadowy figure from the first film.
-Scene after Turtles seize April's camera followed by a down time scene in the lair of the four just chilling, playing video games, and eating pizza. A slip of Mikey's tongue makes Splinter realize they had snuck out, scene with Splinter and the pizza in the discipline room proceeds as usual.
-Baxter Stockman replaces Eric Sachs as rich businessman villain, and at the scene at the mansion Baxter tells April about the yokai of Feudal Japan, and how they were created by an elixir made by an alchemist. Stockman also tells how he was adopted and raised by a ninja master after his father was killed in the Vietnam war, and how he and April's father tried use the mutagen to re-create the heroes who had defeated the warlord and his yokai army.
-Scene with Shredder and Stockman expanded, giving both more screen time and character development. Stockman sends one of his little robots, a mouser, to follow April and track her back to the turtle's lair. When the mouser's sensor's locate the TMNT's home, Shredder puts together an assault force.
-When Splinter tells April about how he learned ninjitsu, he explains that the book on ninjistsu awakens memories of 'another time, another place' and ninja skills he had no idea existed (the legend of the Yokai tale at the beginning of the movie said Hamato Yoshi and the Yokai would return again when needed, implying Splinter is Yoshi reborn). During the attack that follows, The Armored Shredder, the two thugs, and Karai and an army her of foot soldiers attack the lair.
-The battle concludes with three turtles captured, Raph believed destroyed completely, and Splinter is left behind because Baxter had commented that his rat physiology had absorbed the mutagen remnants in his blood completely, rendering him useless.
-Stockman draws the final remnants of the mutagen out of the three other turtle's blood, before Raph and April rescued them. After the mountain scene, the turtles and their two human friends attack Stockman's tower. Shredder and Stockman plan to release the mutagen from atop Stockman's tower, mutating the entire city's population to give Shredder an army of Yokai.
-The Turtles deal with Shredder on the roof, while April and Vernon try to get the mutagen away from Karai and Baxter. The two manage to knock Stockman out, but Karai manages to get away with a tiny vial of the Mutagen. The turtles, win the long and hard battle with the Shredder on the roof, destroying the machine on the tower, and sending the Shredder tumbling to the concrete below. We see the armor is trashed, but a moving hand shows us the armor's occupant is very much alive.
-Conversation with April white the new party wagon expanded, April reveals Stockman's money got the whole situation swept under the rug, and the Shredder has been arrested. The party wagon is the trash truck from the second movie, and not the turtle van from the first. Meanwhile. We see Karai preparing to attack the prison truck transporting the shredder, and so we lead into our next story....
So what does everyone else think? And what would you do for a rewrite? Also, this has been updated so the story will include the second film, as well.
Oh, and to keep this an open discussion that isn't just about a fan work, we can also discuss what changes could have been made to at least make the movie palatable to TMNT fans (Oh, and if your answer is 'nothing can be saved, it all sucks" without even giving it some intelligent thought, then please don't post in this thread.)
So anyway, here's the changes I'd make. The turtles designs will be made to be more like the classic turtle designs, though tweaked to fit a live-action move. The story will directly follow the events of the Platinum Dunes movie as we saw in theaters, with these changes:
-'legend of the Yokai' clip plays as the movie's intro. (incorprating the 'legend of Yokai' segment here), and how the Yokai were created by an elixir made by an alchemist. The Yokai were taken control of by a warlord named Ororku Saki, who ravaged the countryside with his new army. It tells of the four kappa yokai, and who they were trained in ninjitsu by a master named Hamato Yoshi. The Kappa Yokai defeat Saki and his monsters, and Yoshi declares that he and the Kappa Yokai will return again one day, if they are ever needed again.
-April tries to get info on the foot out of several people in the city, with no luck. As a neat little cameo, the gangster she talks to on the phone who won't tell her anything is named 'Big Louie'.
-April/Vernon part in the beginning cut down to one or two scenes, Vernon more of a scuzzy letch. April's roommate's name is Irma Langstien, and gets one or two more scenes.
-Foot soldiers retain a more military-esqe look, but also use katanas in addition to their guns. Think ninjas that look more like snake eyes from G.I Joe, instead of sixteenth century kabuki pajamas.
-Shredder scene with Karai at the beginning expanded, more dialogue and character development for the two characters. Shredder resembles his TMNT 2 look, instead of the scarred and shadowy figure from the first film.
-Scene after Turtles seize April's camera followed by a down time scene in the lair of the four just chilling, playing video games, and eating pizza. A slip of Mikey's tongue makes Splinter realize they had snuck out, scene with Splinter and the pizza in the discipline room proceeds as usual.
-Baxter Stockman replaces Eric Sachs as rich businessman villain, and at the scene at the mansion Baxter tells April about the yokai of Feudal Japan, and how they were created by an elixir made by an alchemist. Stockman also tells how he was adopted and raised by a ninja master after his father was killed in the Vietnam war, and how he and April's father tried use the mutagen to re-create the heroes who had defeated the warlord and his yokai army.
-Scene with Shredder and Stockman expanded, giving both more screen time and character development. Stockman sends one of his little robots, a mouser, to follow April and track her back to the turtle's lair. When the mouser's sensor's locate the TMNT's home, Shredder puts together an assault force.
-When Splinter tells April about how he learned ninjitsu, he explains that the book on ninjistsu awakens memories of 'another time, another place' and ninja skills he had no idea existed (the legend of the Yokai tale at the beginning of the movie said Hamato Yoshi and the Yokai would return again when needed, implying Splinter is Yoshi reborn). During the attack that follows, The Armored Shredder, the two thugs, and Karai and an army her of foot soldiers attack the lair.
-The battle concludes with three turtles captured, Raph believed destroyed completely, and Splinter is left behind because Baxter had commented that his rat physiology had absorbed the mutagen remnants in his blood completely, rendering him useless.
-Stockman draws the final remnants of the mutagen out of the three other turtle's blood, before Raph and April rescued them. After the mountain scene, the turtles and their two human friends attack Stockman's tower. Shredder and Stockman plan to release the mutagen from atop Stockman's tower, mutating the entire city's population to give Shredder an army of Yokai.
-The Turtles deal with Shredder on the roof, while April and Vernon try to get the mutagen away from Karai and Baxter. The two manage to knock Stockman out, but Karai manages to get away with a tiny vial of the Mutagen. The turtles, win the long and hard battle with the Shredder on the roof, destroying the machine on the tower, and sending the Shredder tumbling to the concrete below. We see the armor is trashed, but a moving hand shows us the armor's occupant is very much alive.
-Conversation with April white the new party wagon expanded, April reveals Stockman's money got the whole situation swept under the rug, and the Shredder has been arrested. The party wagon is the trash truck from the second movie, and not the turtle van from the first. Meanwhile. We see Karai preparing to attack the prison truck transporting the shredder, and so we lead into our next story....
So what does everyone else think? And what would you do for a rewrite? Also, this has been updated so the story will include the second film, as well.