PDA

View Full Version : Cheating - Mental Vs Physical.


Commenter 42
09-21-2016, 03:33 PM
Is there a difference? Which is worse?

Can you really just fall in love with a mind? We've all exprienced the "damn" moment, just looking at someone else, but what about reading someone else, online? I've recently found myself very attracted to a blogger, whom i wouldn't ever have looked twice at in real life, but based on her blog, Her Brain is a thing of incredible beauty. She speaks a number of languages, including math.

Do you ever feel yourself mentally cheating?

Commenter 42
09-21-2016, 04:05 PM
Sorry , I guess I forgot that this is the drome, and most folks here aren't in relationships.

Maybe i should rephrase; any of y'all ever liked someon for just one over the other? loved their mind, but grossed out by them physically?

Loved their body, hated their mind?

ToTheNines
09-21-2016, 05:28 PM
Mental cheating? Nah, not really. My girlfriend is kind of a nut and tries to tell me I'm an alcoholic when I have anything more than like 5-6 drinks. I party with the guys from work almost every night we're out of town, so I normally lie to her about going to bed. I feel bad, but I'd really rather not hear it.

I'd never cheat though. I've been ruined by a few evil women. Emotional terrorists, I like to call them. I couldn't do that to another person.

snake
09-21-2016, 05:59 PM
Cheating is the worst f*cking thing in the world. If a woman does it you always see her friends telling her she was in the right and sh*t. F*cking disgusting.

I've never been in a relationship but I guarantee when I get a gf I'll be 100% loyal. No fapping either.

CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy
09-21-2016, 06:10 PM
As a married man, I'mma sit here and watch all the single people argue this topic. :tlol:

ToTheNines
09-21-2016, 06:25 PM
No fapping either.

Lol, such idealism.

TonySiegel
09-21-2016, 06:26 PM
Physical cheating is the culmination of mental cheating...

tread carefully and be aware... don't be naive...

snake
09-21-2016, 06:30 PM
Lol, such idealism.

Pfft. Once you go for 2 months no fap I can go as long as I want

Bry
09-21-2016, 07:31 PM
Physical cheating is the culmination of mental cheating...

Yeah, agreed on this. The betrayal felt when someone cheats isn't solely a physical thing, it's on every level.

It's hard for me to speak to, as I've never cheated. And I married someone I feel very connected with, who accepts and loves me as I am, and vice versa. In my own experience, that kind of thing is very rare, and I'd never want to risk losing it. In short: cheating is bad, don't do it.

To the actual question asked... I think the mind is more important. Let's face it, our bodies will change a lot more as we age than our minds will, and if your connection is mostly physical, that's got a much shorter clock. :trazz:

Powder
09-21-2016, 08:33 PM
All cheating is equally bad. It's the worst thing you can do to an SO. I've been cheated on a few times & literally nothing twists me up more than that, in the moment. I can't wrap my head around being in love with someone & straying mentally, let alone physically betraying that. Old school love/romance is dying with the times anyway, so I've pretty much stopped bothering with it altogether, personally.

Commenter 42
09-21-2016, 09:25 PM
Any of y'all been in a long term relationship? like 4 years plus?
Once you pass the third year, I'm saying things change, and the menu look better and better every day.

Just saying.

Also sounds like most of y'all been cheated on, not done the cheating...

Me, I think mental could be almost worse than physical.

Candy Kappa
09-22-2016, 02:21 AM
6 years under my belt, a mortgage and a dog. We have a honest and fairly open relationship, not so open to see others it's still mostly a monogamous relationship. (Although my partner have promised to marry our UK friend if she have to escape the current hellhole known as Great Britain.)

Never cheated, or as far as I know been cheated on. Although, my highly jealous and paranoid ex-fiancÚ who accused me on cheating since I was "too" focused on my school exams and projects, had a fling going on with a guild member on WoW. :lol:

Prowler
09-22-2016, 02:29 AM
Since I've never been in an actual relationship I can't say I have any experience to draw examples from. But I'd never get involved with a married/taken woman. It's low, might attract drama and it's not something I'd like to to happen to me.

One thing I've always wondered about couples is if they, occasionally, fantasise about someone else whilst having sex. Let's say I was having sex with my long-term girlfriend but wasn't really in the mood for it that night and I needed Scarlett Johansson as a mental viagra to enhance my performance that night. Would this be considered cheating? I mean, it's not like people can control what their mind might think of the next moment...

FredWolfLeonardo
09-22-2016, 03:55 AM
I really think mental "cheating" is much worse than any physical pain that can touch you. Infact, is it even possible to physically "cheat" without the intention? After all, we all mentally define what "cheating" is.

It just sounds alot worse for me to have bad intentions and purposely cause suffering than to ignorantly do something that others would consider wrong while being naive about it.

Prowler
09-22-2016, 04:05 AM
I knew a guy back in HS who'd who'd engage in flirting through text messages with other girls even when he was dating his gf. Eventually he cheated on her a couple of times with different girls by the time their relationship was heading down south. His gf was also quite possessive and jealous apparently, which turned out to make sense in the end. Before that people just called her "insecure" and "paranoid".

I wonder how much cheating goes on between couples, tbh. It's hard to get reliable stats on it, but I wouldn't be surprised if about 20-30 percent of people have been cheated on before. And by cheating I mean their partner sleeping with someone else or kissing them.

I sorta envy long term couples because I can only imagine how much work they put in to make their relationship last so long. I mean, every couple fights occasionally.

Powder
09-22-2016, 04:34 AM
I'd never get involved with a married/taken woman.


One thing I learned the hard way, more than once-

If they'll cheat on him with you, they'll cheat on you with the next guy. Same risk with breaking it off with their current SO in your favor.

My ego saw snatching up somebody else's girl as me being great enough to abandon a love for, but the reality is, hoes gonna ho. :tlol:

Commenter 42
09-22-2016, 05:09 AM
One thing I learned the hard way, more than once-

If they'll cheat on him with you, they'll cheat on you with the next guy. Same risk with breaking it off with their current SO in your favor.

My ego saw snatching up somebody else's girl as me being great enough to abandon a love for, but the reality is, hoes gonna ho. :tlol:

QFT.

when I was younger, physical cheating would make me physically ill; just the idea of another dude on my girl...I'd see red, go crazy.

But as I got older, was cheated on, cheated-on girls, did the group ****, all of it, it got so that, it didn't really matter anymore.

Sex really is just sex, and a'int a problem unless you catch something, an even then, most ***** curable.

What I'm saying is, the mental cheating, is way more difficult to live down.
You can go months without sex, but can you go as long without real connection?

Truth though, I never found both, mind and body. It's never a full package, you always make concessions. A few were a good mix, but never 100/100, you know?

Katie
09-22-2016, 05:09 AM
Physical cheating is the culmination of mental cheating...

tread carefully and be aware... don't be naive...

This. If you are starting to check out of the relationsip you start to do things like fantasize about someone else. Eventually you will follow through.

When you are checking out, just end the relationship. Easier on everyone in the long run. Its what I would do. And if I ever caught my BF "mentally" cheating by interacting with someone online or in real life in an obviously intimate way, he'd be out so fast he wouldn't have time for excuses. I'm not a doormat either.

6 year + relationship and I'd end it over that garbage.

Commenter 42
09-22-2016, 05:20 AM
This. If you are starting to check out of the relationsip you start to do things like fantasize about someone else. Eventually you will follow through.

When you are checking out, just end the relationship. Easier on everyone in the long run. Its what I would do. And if I ever caught my BF "mentally" cheating by interacting with someone online or in real life in an obviously intimate way, he'd be out so fast he wouldn't have time for excuses. I'm not a doormat either.

6 year + relationship and I'd end it over that garbage.

Hard and fast rules are meant to be broken, especially when you're that punitive.

Love isn't that binary, at all. If you're going to tell me you've never fantasized about anyone else in six years, you're either lying, or, your lying.

It's one of the two.

EDIt...my autocorrect is being a real ****.

plastroncafe
09-22-2016, 08:11 AM
If you believe in The One, then you've already set yourself up to fail. No one person can be everything for another perso, it's just too much to ask for.

Monogamy is a tall order, given our evolutionary lineage. I'm not saying it's impossible... actually, if you expect your partner to think of no one but you then I do think it's impossible.

I don't buy the notion that one has committed adultery by thinking about committing adultery. You do something when you act upon it, and that act can be flirting, it can be an intimate relationship without physical contact.

Cheating is broken trust. It's going outside of the parameters of a relationship. However, most people don't actively participate in the setting up of those parameters. And the devil lives in those details.

As if it's not already evident I'm a big fan of Dan Savage who has a saying: every relationship fails until one doesn't.

CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy
09-22-2016, 08:37 AM
Cheating is not thinking Scarlet Jo is Merriam-Webster's official definition of hotness; cheating is systematically thinking and wishing you were with her instead of your partner.

It's a mindset. It's the difference between saying "I hate that guy" and actively planning to take a shotgun to work.

It's really not that hard. Mutual trust, mutual respect.

plastroncafe
09-22-2016, 08:56 AM
It's really not that hard. Mutual trust, mutual respect.

And a metric F-ton of communication.

CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy
09-22-2016, 08:58 AM
And a metric F-ton of communication.

You can't have trust without communication. :twink: Also, yes.

plastroncafe
09-22-2016, 09:12 AM
You can't have trust without communication. :twink: Also, yes.

I don't know that I necessarily agree with that statement.
I think trust is what happens when communication isn't an option.

If I'm with a partner and we have decided to be both exclusive and monogamous I trust that they will hold of that even when it's difficult. When I am not there to communicate the difficulty with.

Trust is a leap of faith.

CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy
09-22-2016, 09:15 AM
I don't know that I necessarily agree with that statement.
I think trust is what happens when communication isn't an option.

If I'm with a partner and we have decided to be both exclusive and monogamous I trust that they will hold of that even when it's difficult. When I am not there to communicate the difficulty with.

Trust is a leap of faith.

True, but trust comes after there has been a history of communication. It can't happen in a vacuum.

Prowler
09-22-2016, 10:08 AM
Cheating is not thinking Scarlet Jo is Merriam-Webster's official definition of hotness; cheating is systematically thinking and wishing you were with her instead of your partner.

It's a mindset. It's the difference between saying "I hate that guy" and actively planning to take a shotgun to work.

It's really not that hard. Mutual trust, mutual respect.
I lol'd @ the first paragraph for some reason. maybe it was the way you worded it.

I think celebrities are more of a "fair game" since they're usually not reachable to the common fellow out there, therefore my gf would probably never fear I'd cheat on her with ScarJo.

But yeah, I think I get what you mean.

Andrew NDB
09-22-2016, 10:13 AM
Well, let's not get it mixed up. There's mental cheating, then emotional cheating and the more... physically, actually cheating thing.

Mentally cheating would be fantasizing about and/or getting off to the mental image of someone other than your significant other that you'll probably never meet. Emotional cheating would be... talking to someone(s) other than your significant other, flirting with them while actively lusting after them and wanting to be with them. It could be a co-worker, a friend, etc..

CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy
09-22-2016, 10:14 AM
I lol'd @ the first paragraph for some reason. maybe it was the way you worded it.

I think celebrities are more of a "fair game" since they're usually not reachable to the common fellow out there, therefore my gf would probably never fear I'd cheat on her with ScarJo.

But yeah, I think I get what you mean.

:tlol: You're the one who brought her up in the first place...

Katie
09-22-2016, 11:02 AM
Hard and fast rules are meant to be broken, especially when you're that punitive.

Love isn't that binary, at all. If you're going to tell me you've never fantasized about anyone else in six years, you're either lying, or, your lying.

It's one of the two.

EDIt...my autocorrect is being a real ****.

In this current relationship I have not. In previous ones, when I was no longer invested in or satisfied with the relationship to the point where I was ACTIVELY seeking an intimate connection, mentally or physically, I left. I've had guys leave me for the same reason.

There's no need to hang on to a dead relationship when you know you want something else.

Also, to me, just thinking someone is hot or whatever is not cheating. Its being human. Seeking intamacy, mentally or physically, is.

snake
09-22-2016, 12:54 PM
The girls in my school get a 1/10 in the personality and looks department. Literally only 2 girls I would seek a relationship with

Prowler
09-22-2016, 01:27 PM
The girls in my school get a 1/10 in the personality and looks department. Literally only 2 girls I would seek a relationship with
Aren't you in 9th-10th grade? If so, that's understandable. When I was 14-15 I didn't see any positives in most girls either. It was a mix of shallowness and also the fact that many teenage girls are unbearable.

Funnily enough, some of the average looking girls from back then turned out to get better looking as they got in their 20s. I've heard girls saying the same thing about guys. Funny how things turn out. But cant' say I've seen many stereotypical cases of good looking girls getting fatter and/or uglier after HS.

plastroncafe
09-22-2016, 01:29 PM
Puberty isn't exactly kind to anyone, either in the looks department or the temperament department.

Prowler
09-22-2016, 01:33 PM
Puberty isn't exactly kind to anyone, either in the looks department or the temperament department.
Tell me about it in the temperament department.

The time in life where kids are the most annoying and retarded is when they're 12-14. From 7th to 9th grade. it's like every of my classmates became a derptard from 7th grade on. Always looking for fights and sh*t.

Teenagers are not human beings.

plastroncafe
09-22-2016, 01:36 PM
Tell me about it in the temperament department.

The time in life where kids are the most annoying and retarded is when they're 12-14. From 7th to 9th grade. it's like every of my classmates became a derptard from 7th grade on. Always looking for fights and sh*t.

Teenagers are not human beings.

http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/2e/2edce6518730c0705517ca318560c05e3a8ab459e36b720e2b 9b05dfed81da46.jpg

Prowler
09-22-2016, 01:37 PM
Zits is a good comic strip about teenagers. I liked it a lot back when I was 15-16. Can't relate to it much anymore but it's still fun to read.

CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy
09-22-2016, 01:40 PM
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/2e/2edce6518730c0705517ca318560c05e3a8ab459e36b720e2b 9b05dfed81da46.jpg

I am morally obliged to endorse anyone who posts Archer memes or otherwise quotes the show. :tcool:

Prowler
09-22-2016, 01:41 PM
I really oughta watch Archer someday.

CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy
09-22-2016, 01:45 PM
I really oughta watch Archer someday.

Do you not!?

Prowler
09-22-2016, 01:51 PM
Do you not!?
I don't really watch tv outside of anime and soccer nowadays and I haven't even watched an anime episode in nearly a year now. Just haven't been in the mood, I guess.

Commenter 42
09-22-2016, 01:56 PM
So, only a handful of folks here have any experience with cheating.

Here's the thing, in my experience, it isn't a what if, and I don't buy the idea that a relationship dies, or goes south, and there's no hope.
I think, looking for the right person to come along, and just be perfect, is up there with the spiritual belief that the universe will just hand you anything you want if you wish hard enough. It's lazy thinking, frankly.

Most people are allergic to the real hard work a good relationship takes to build.
You can work through anything, if the relationship is actually worth it.

Dan Savage is wrong; every relationship fails. That's it. THAT is the nature of the universe. Entropy is to be expected.

It's the time in-between you get. Forgive, forget, ****. It works surprisingly well.

Also, I'd REALLY like to know why there are ALWAYS stupid double spaces in my post. DAFQU is with that!

plastroncafe
09-22-2016, 02:02 PM
I don't really watch tv outside of anime and soccer nowadays and I haven't even watched an anime episode in nearly a year now. Just haven't been in the mood, I guess.

Oh you really should make an exception.
Archer is DELIGHTFUL.
And it only gets more bizarre as time goes on.
Kind of like Venture Brothers, which is another show I highly recommend.

So, only a handful of folks here have any experience with cheating.

Here's the thing, in my experience, it isn't a what if, and I don't buy the idea that a relationship dies, or goes south, and there's no hope.

I think, looking for the right person to come along, and just be perfect, is up there with the spiritual belief that the universe will just hand you anything you want if you wish hard enough. It's lazy thinking, frankly.

Most people are allergic to the real hard work a good relationship takes to build.

You can work through anything, if the relationship is actually worth it.

Dan Savage is wrong; every relationship fails. That's it. THAT is the nature of the universe. Entropy is to be expected.

It's the time in-between you get. Forgive, forget, ****. It works surprisingly well.

This is interesting, because at the beginning you say that love doesn't die, but then finish by saying everything does.

To quote one of the greatest philosphers of our time...OutKast in their seminal work, "Hey Ya!"
If what they say is "Nothing is forever"
Then what makes, then what makes, then what makes
Then what makes, what makes, what makes love the exception?
So why oh why
Are we so in denial
When we know we're not happy here?

Sometimes love just isn't enough to keep a relationship going.
There's no shame in admitting that. Life's just too short.

CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy
09-22-2016, 02:03 PM
So, only a handful of folks here have any experience with cheating.

Here's the thing, in my experience, it isn't a what if, and I don't buy the idea that a relationship dies, or goes south, and there's no hope.
I think, looking for the right person to come along, and just be perfect, is up there with the spiritual belief that the universe will just hand you anything you want if you wish hard enough. It's lazy thinking, frankly.

Most people are allergic to the real hard work a good relationship takes to build.
You can work through anything, if the relationship is actually worth it.

Dan Savage is wrong; every relationship fails. That's it. THAT is the nature of the universe. Entropy is to be expected.

It's the time in-between you get. Forgive, forget, ****. It works surprisingly well.

Also, I'd REALLY like to know why there are ALWAYS stupid double spaces in my post. DAFQU is with that!

It's worth it if you put effort into it and hard work BUT every relationship fails?

You day drinking again?

Commenter 42
09-22-2016, 02:03 PM
This is interesting, because at the beginning you say that love doesn't die, but then finish by saying everything does.

To quote one of the greatest philosphers of our time...OutKast in their seminal work, "Hey Ya!"


Sometimes love just isn't enough to keep a relationship going.

Wait, where did I say love doesn't die?
I didn't really say that...did I?

plastroncafe
09-22-2016, 02:05 PM
Wait, where did I say love doesn't die?
I didn't really say that...did I?

Right here:

Here's the thing, in my experience, it isn't a what if, and I don't buy the idea that a relationship dies, or goes south, and there's no hope.

CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy
09-22-2016, 02:06 PM
Wait, where did I say love doesn't die?
I didn't really say that...did I?

You said a relationship doesn't die, and we're not exactly discussing siblings or cousins here.

Unless you're a Lannister, in which case... WINTER IS COMING.

plastroncafe
09-22-2016, 02:07 PM
You said a relationship doesn't die, and we're not exactly discussing siblings or cousins here.

Unless you're a Lannister, in which case... WINTER IS COMING.

Cut because NSFW....and there could be children present.
60Znn2_jDIc

Prowler
09-22-2016, 02:09 PM
Divorce rates are higher today because, back then, divorce was a big taboo. Not to mention, in many countries, it was hard for a woman to initiate a divorce or even illegal.

And ofc, nowadays the job market is very competitive, people marry later, leave their parents' house later and most young people live or move into big cities where there's a wider variety of people, which also makes it harder to get friends and close to others. And life in the big city is mote stressful and more expensive. Those two factors can impact a relationship.

My mother is in her early 60s and has been married to my father since like 1981, and in her opinion, many couples nowadays just can't seem to sit down and talk whenever they face a problem. That's just her perspective. Maybe she's just lucky my father and her have a very happy marriage. She has a few friends and work colleagues whose husbands cheated on them and were just assholes to them all along.

Commenter 42
09-22-2016, 02:13 PM
Right here:

AAAAHHHH


yes, er, not how I meant that. I was trying to say that some people think of the "relationship" like an entity, which has the ability to die, of it's own accord, and there's no "fixing" it.

What I meant was, it's more of a decision. Either you will, or you won't roll up your sleeves, again, and again, and get to work on finding the busted gasket, or whatever. sometims it's really deep, and somtimes, the instructions are from Ikea, or worse, there isn't an instruction manual.

I'm saying, i've had figts with mine that come up time and time and time again... it was endless...until, we took the time to get to the root of it, and fix it.

The sense of satisfaction... pretty great.

But yes, in the end, no matter how much work you put in, it does end...SO

...

Get busy loving, or get busy dying. We all have an expiration date.
Even if you choose to stay forever, forever is a countable number, and likely < 100.

plastroncafe
09-22-2016, 02:22 PM
I like the poetics of the notion of a relationship dying, but that's not how I think the process actually works.

I honestly don't think English is a great language to use when expounding upon love, because we've only got the one word for it, and there's more than one kind of love.

I'm glad you like working through issues with your S.O., but there are people out there who are better off not being together.

Then again, there are also times when people love being with their S.O.s, but find themselves with needs that either can't, or won't, be met. That's a rationale for cheating that doesn't often get discussed.

In a culture a bit more honest than ours people would be able to admit more freely that one person can't be EVERYTHING to another.

Prowler
09-22-2016, 02:30 PM
I like the poetics of the notion of a relationship dying, but that's not how I think the process actually works.

I honestly don't think English is a great language to use when expounding upon love, because we've only got the one word for it, and there's more than one kind of love.

I'm glad you like working through issues with your S.O., but there are people out there who are better off not being together.

Then again, there are also times when people love being with their S.O.s, but find themselves with needs that either can't, or won't, be met. That's a rationale for cheating that doesn't often get discussed.

In a culture a bit more honest than ours people would be able to admit more freely that one person can't be EVERYTHING to another.
But you also say things like "I love cats" per example. here we say "I adore/like cats a lot". Saying "I love cats" in my language just seems weird.

Also, we don't really have a word for "dating here". We just say "going out", which is also the same verb for exiting.

Candy Kappa
09-22-2016, 02:48 PM
Divorce rates are higher today because, back then, divorce was a big taboo. Not to mention, in many countries, it was hard for a woman to initiate a divorce or even illegal..

This.

Adam says it best.
HKgZf-m_PjE

Commenter 42
09-22-2016, 02:50 PM
I'm glad you like working through issues with your S.O., but there are people out there who are better off not being together.

Then again, there are also times when people love being with their S.O.s, but find themselves with needs that either can't, or won't, be met. That's a rationale for cheating that doesn't often get discussed.

In a culture a bit more honest than ours people would be able to admit more freely that one person can't be EVERYTHING to another.

I'm not a snowflake, no one is.

Everyone can lose weight, everyone can contribute to the common good, and everyone has the potential to work through a problem.

It's the won't factor that clouds everything.

Yeah, I think being open and honest about being attracted to another person is good, healthy even. it's one less lie to tell. Honesty can be brutal, but brutal honesty is the only way to a solid understanding.

anyway, so yeah, I'm having, as Andrew put it, a MENTAL affair, kind of. The object of the affection isn't aware, I'm just really enjoying reading her books/blog etc. That's all i want out of it, I'm just glad to have read her at all. He brain is, like, BOOM. A first for me, never really read anyone's work and thought, y'know, things...so it was a first.

I've told my girl, she's cool - she's go her own eyecandy on Paradise.

TurtleWA
09-23-2016, 03:53 PM
Those dang mental STIs/STDs though. Need to be safe and always have mental protection.