Hey ZariusTwo,
So I just finished reading your fic story for "Mutants and Miracles" and to start off the writing was great, the characters were spot-on, and the plot especially with the Rat King and a child stopping the fight was a unique and intriguing plot twist.
But...the last two chapters kind
swerved the tone of the story, what I thought was going to be a bubbly, optimistic story of friendship transformed the tone to an intense, long awaited romance. And it's just that the last two chapters brought up some red flags (if you still wanted to preserve the original OT tone), but it wasn't just the romance itself but the detailed description of a more K+ description with lines like:
Spoiler:
Chapter 10:
Irma's eyes welled up, she looked at the dog as it lovingly darted across the room, she looked back at Donatello, and, without any further hesitation, gently kissed him on the mouth.
The two were anchored to the spot, suspended in a sense of timelessness, revelling in the merry moment, the pull of the holidays and the complexity of loneliness had conspired for real magic to unfold this fateful afternoon, and neither would just forget about it when it was over. This was now and forever.
In this spark of passion, a lifetime of possibility was unfolding for the pair of them."
Chapter 11: "What if it doesn't have to be a joke?" April said, wrapping her arms around Michelangelo's neck.
The Turtle got hot and heavy very quickly as uncertainty coursed through him.
"You said you couldn't find someone" Michelangelo said.
----
If you used tamer words/sentences it wouldn't be
too bad, for example with Michelangelo's emotions, "the Turtle immediately blushed and a rush of affection bubbled up." But something like "hot and heavy" and "spark of passion" implies a more "grownup" form of love. Do you know what I mean?
In the episode "Green With Jealousy", I know April was saying this to Rocksteady but she said "I keep telling you, you're not my type I go for human beings" and Irma shocked and disappointed at the end saying "You?!? A trio of Turtles?!? **sobbing**". In addition, I remember April saying in "Michelangelo Meets Bugman" when she self-questions herself upon seeing the bug-form of the dashing, good-looking human side of Bugman, saying "...And to believe I actually fell for that
thing." I could see Irma maybe being love desperate and following down that path, but April would be far more difficult to persuade in falling for a mutant especially when there would be many human guys lining up to date her.
Usually the couples in love in the OT were more playful and hilariously cute and on the surface, these descriptions show a deeper, soul-yearning for romance with Irma and April. Again, I'm
completely fine with whatever direction you take but the romantic descriptions were crossing past the line similarly with the "gross out factor" in "My Seer, My Secretary". I just didn't know if you were loosening up your rules/guidelines in following the OT tone strictly or not, but I just wanted to say that the tone made an abrupt change in those last two chapters...that's all.
Again, I'm fine with whatever route you take, it's just it was a bit
surprising. I'm
still looking forward to the the next wave ZariusTwo!
Can't wait and all the best!