Wedding Etiquette Advice?

[AquaParade]

Looking for your advice/input!

I'm attending/taking part in a friends wedding about a month from now, 100 miles away, and last night he told me that for the wedding they have rented out a great cabin space, andif we pay $100 each, all guests will be able to stay there both nights.

The catch is that these are shared spaces. We won't have our own bathrooms and I'm not sure I Would have my own bedroom but I am still trying to understand the details. Since I sometimes have stomach issues, the idea of sharing so much space, especially bathrooms, with "7 or 8" people I don't know (4 bathrooms), has me a little nervous. When I told my friend I was considering just staying in a nearby hotel so that I could have my own privacy, he seemed to get uncomfortable and started requesting that I please stay in the cabin due to "logistics".

Am I wrong to be a little annoyed/uncomfortable? All the details, like wedding weekend, suits to purchase, and housing arrangements all seem to be coming last minute, so maybe that has been contributing to my negative outlook, but what do you all say?
I'm now asking for final details on whether I'd have at least my own private bedroom for those two nights, and if not, I'll be staying in a hotel nearby. Am I being unreasonable on his big day/weekend?

[plastroncafe]

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but given the strain he's under...because weddings make even the most sane people pants-on-head crazy, it might help to be as blunt as possible.

"Dude, I don't want to rock the boat, but I'm really concerned about my GI health and the sharing of a bathroom."

[ToTheNines]

Yeah, sounds like they're trying to make that cabin as cheap as possible. Certainly not ideal to be that cramped in with strangers. But if it's at a campground they might have a bathhouse with a crapper.

Me personally, I'd just sh*t in the woods. (I have GI issues too and work outside, often in remote areas. I understand you might not be as comfortable with that.) But yeah, be blunt. Ask if they're counting on you chipping in and maybe just throw in on the cabin you're not staying in instead of a wedding gift.

[AquaParade]

I appreciate you two chiming in.

I'm just so curious as to whether I'm the only invited guest who feels weird about this.
Sometimes it's hard to self-analyze and I wonder if I just am acting with a chip on my shoulder, but part of me feels perturbed that they need to control where I sleep at night, when I'm already in the position of buying a suit, traveling, staying there two nights so I can be part of the rehearsel.

Is it too much to want to stay in my own hotel room at night?

Genuinely can't tell whether I'm being an ass-hat or not.

[ToTheNines]

Weddings ****ing suck. My girlfriend's sister felt it was necessary to get married right on Bourbon street in New Orleans. Everyone in the wedding had to stay two nights at "Chateau Lamoyne". Bleh. Trip ended up costing us nearly $1000 we sorely need right now.

So no, I don't think you're being an ass-hat. But they're also not doing anything that's really out of the ordinary, as far as weddings go.

[DisKosh]

No, I don't think there should an issue (especially when one reason is health). The only downside is if you have to drive back to the hotel you won't be able to drink much but that that's no one else's business.

I suggest doing that as it makes you feel most comfortable and I hope you have a good time.

[TurtleWA]

I think your totally right in your thoughts and what your feeling. However with all the stories I've heard from others that are in weddings none of those feelings or thoughts matter.
It really is unfortunate for bridesmaids as well who have to spend money on dresses that they only use once. Or if rooms are changed last minute and planned expenses go up. Or if weather turns bad during travel. I mean there's always stories of how weddings sorta suck for the wedding party. But it's about the two getting married and others are rarely prioritized. I guess if involved in someones wedding you just bite your tongue a lot and bend over backwards to please.
It's difficult to deal with bridezilla and/or groomzilla. It sounds messed up but it's almost like being an employee or servant rather than best friend invited to take part in sharing the special day.

[IndigoErth]

Yeah, I agree, I think anyone is within their own right to choose their own preferred accommodations. Esp if this is last minute and you are/were still yet to know all the details.

I'd probably be doing the same thing, to be honest, esp so late in the game. If it's a matter of the friend wanting to get as much money back as possible, well I guess friend should have thought this out more more ahead of time instead of assume everyone is cool with this idea.

[BubblyShell22]

I say do what you feel is best if you're not comfortable with the arrangements. And if your friend doesn't like it, too bad.

[Powder]

People always inconvenience others with their wedding BS & think it's okay because it's in the name of love. Screw that. If you've been honest about your intentions & they're still being little bitches about it then obviously they care more about your money than they do your well-being. Do what's most comfortable for you, end of story.

[CyberCubed]

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding since I was like 12 or something, when I went to one of my uncle's weddings.

[sdp]

If you ask me you're being a bit of a baby for even making this topic about it, it's only two days for god's sake; then again your friend is also being a little bit shady and seems to be bullying his friends to fit what he has planned with their money so I wouldn't really fault you for staying in a hotel.

The real question is: How much do you value your friendship? Sometimes you just have to suck it up and take it, to not harm the relationship you have with your friends. If you don't care that it may tarnish the friendship then go ahead and do what suits you best. Best of luck either way.

[plastroncafe]

Originally Posted by AquaParade

I appreciate you two chiming in.

I'm just so curious as to whether I'm the only invited guest who feels weird about this.
Sometimes it's hard to self-analyze and I wonder if I just am acting with a chip on my shoulder, but part of me feels perturbed that they need to control where I sleep at night, when I'm already in the position of buying a suit, traveling, staying there two nights so I can be part of the rehearsel.

Is it too much to want to stay in my own hotel room at night?

Genuinely can't tell whether I'm being an ass-hat or not.

I don't think you're being an ass hat for having preferences, so long as you're not requiring the people who invited you to the wedding to coordinate those preferences.

[Powder]

Originally Posted by sdp

If you ask me you're being a bit of a baby for even making this topic about it, it's only two days for god's sake; then again your friend is also being a little bit shady and seems to be bullying his friends to fit what he has planned with their money so I wouldn't really fault you for staying in a hotel.

The real question is: How much do you value your friendship? Sometimes you just have to suck it up and take it, to not harm the relationship you have with your friends. If you don't care that it may tarnish the friendship then go ahead and do what suits you best. Best of luck either way.

As somebody who also has life-hindering GI issues, I fully stand by OP should they choose to act in their own best interests. I shouldn't make assumptions, but going by your jerk-tone I'm gonna guess you don't have a clue what it's like being impeded by your gut, & by extension, other people who would need the place your gut's impeding you at. Like the physical upset isn't bad enough you become a burden to those around you. Insult to injury. It sucks for everybody, but most especially the one who's ill, for lack of a better word. If the groom isn't sympathetic to those conditions, he can suck it. Why should dude have to suck it up for his friend? That wouldn't be too great a friend in the first place if you ask me...

[ProactiveMan]

I don't think it's unreasonable to decline the accommodation if you don't think it's suitable. I wouldn't make a big stink about it, but if I were in your friend's shoes I'd understand.

Getting married overseas was popular here for a while. I know a few people who planned weddings in Bali and in one case, Europe. I can see the appeal, but that's a lot to ask from your friends and family.

[sdp]

I didn't mean to be in jerk-tone OP, but yeah, that's my take.

[Katie]

Originally Posted by TurtleWA

I think your totally right in your thoughts and what your feeling. However with all the stories I've heard from others that are in weddings none of those feelings or thoughts matter.
It really is unfortunate for bridesmaids as well who have to spend money on dresses that they only use once. Or if rooms are changed last minute and planned expenses go up. Or if weather turns bad during travel. I mean there's always stories of how weddings sorta suck for the wedding party. But it's about the two getting married and others are rarely prioritized. I guess if involved in someones wedding you just bite your tongue a lot and bend over backwards to please.
It's difficult to deal with bridezilla and/or groomzilla. It sounds messed up but it's almost like being an employee or servant rather than best friend invited to take part in sharing the special day.

Pretty much my experience with weddings. Thank GOD the majority of my friends are married now cause weddings do suck for those that are in the party in my experience. The worst one for me was my brother's wedding. He married a real diva. That (expletive) dress cost me $500 and I'll never wear it again. EVERY bride is always like: "these dresses are so great you're going to get so much wear on them after my wedding". Bull sh!t.

As far as accommodations, my experience is that you are at the will of the couple involved. I had one of those cabin deals with one couple I knew. I didn't sleep a wink because my roomate snored like a chainsaw. I tried to sleep one night in my car and offended everyone. So, I've learned to decline being in the party, or put up with stuff and focus on being happy for a temporarily insane and stressed out friend.

[AquaParade]

Thanks. I appreciate everyone who has contributed to the discussion, as it helps clear my mind.

Yeah, Powder, It's nice to feel understood when it comes to GI issues, so I appreciate that. SDP, no worries, I think your opinion has value as well.

I think those of you who summed it up as "Yeah, it sucks, but it's par for the course when it comes to weddings" pretty much nailed it. Guess I'll just go through with it.

I usually find that worrying/being anxious about an upcoming situation, is actually worse than the event itself.

[BubblyShell22]

No problem, Aqua. You asked us for help and we gave it to you in the best way we could. Hope things work out for you.