Writer's Corner

[CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy]

Amid all the fanfic in here, I'll just pop on to say I've finished the first round of editing on my original sci-fi novel and am waiting on confirmation from my final desired beta writer before sending out my novel for formal review. Finished the first draft of the novel back around Thanksgiving, 500+ pages.

[Krutch]

Congrats, man! Thats a huge accomplishment you only get with some serious determination and discipline. You should be proud

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Geez Cylons you are making us look bad lol!

[Ceres]

Aside of working with Utrommaniac and PrincessUtrom on our little webcomic thingy i work on two stories actually.

One is centered around after Season 10 of the original TMNT cartoon and heavily focused on the whereabouts of Shredder and Krang.

The other one are more small stories with different characters and a few TMNT IDW bits, mostly Utrom related but not entirely I also work on a mirage verse with Leatherhead, Dr.Xeinos, Glurin and Donatello which is pretty good in work so far.

Hope i can finish all that and that i will find readers aside from my above mentioned two friends. *nods*

[CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy]

Originally Posted by MsMarvelDuckie

Geez Cylons you are making us look bad lol!

Originally Posted by Krutch

Congrats, man! Thats a huge accomplishment you only get with some serious determination and discipline. You should be proud

Thanks, guys.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

You're welcome man. I would love to read it when it's finished. I know how much of an achievement it is to complete a full novel. I have several in the works myself as you know. I really should get back on my Darksong trilogy.....)

[Krutch]

Has anyone ever used The Black List?

I paid to have my slasher script critiqued. Apparently it usually takes about 2 weeks before someone even downloads it and begins to critique it but mine was downloaded twice within 4 hours of posting it so I'm hoping that means the premise is sellable.

The Ones That Got Away
Slasher, Thriller
The sole survivor of a camp ground massacre, a young woman joins a support group of other Survivor Girls only to find themselves once again fighting for their lives when a killer from their past comes back to finish the job.

I hate writing loglines but that's what I settled with.

Anyone else have an experience with that site?

[Krutch]

Well, we got our first review back for The Ones That Got Away and the results were... pretty much what we were expecting. I'll put any ego aside and paste it below to anyone interested in what a Black List review looks like

=====


Strengths
Overall, this feels like a throwback to the mid-90s Kevin Williamson's films including the opening which throws the reader into a camp ground massacre. In a good, old-fashioned slasher sequence; the victims are slaughtered at the mercy of a masked killer with a machete forcing Rachel to step up in order to live. As a sole survivor, she suddenly finds herself in a sensitive situation which is why Heather's support group becomes a sense of comfort for her. Together, they share the unique bond of being the only survivors of brutal killings which makes for an interesting conceit. While the execution is not there yet; the layering in of Liam Leyfield as a red herring creates an added dimension to the story. There are some strong, campy death scenes that should appease fans of the slasher genre. Even though the script could feel more updated; the tone does remain consistent and steady throughout the three acts.

Weaknesses
The narrative needs to do a better job creating some plot misdirects otherwise the reader might start to suspect Rachel early on as being the killer. The one device that seems somewhat convincing is the old tape footage at the end since this is really the only time she is in the room with the others while the killer is there too. Otherwise, some of the plotting could be too leading. Additionally, while her underlying motivation might be well-intended by the end; it does not feel justified yet on the page. Instead, her turn feels manufactured even with her speech. While the twist can be applauded creatively, this still needs to organically payoff especially since she is the protagonist which could feel like a cheat. Moreover, continue to flush out the characters so that they feel more dimensional. For example, both Kara and Jake are too cliche, serving a single purpose. The Detectives also need to feel more contemporary and proactive. They tend to be one step behind while ultimately failing to fulfill an authentic authority role in the narrative. They should be digging up more intel to help divert the reader in a more convincing way. Finally, some of the dialogue feels too expositional in trying to get out information.

Prospects
THE ONES THAT GOT AWAY plays around with an interesting conceit that still incorporates many of the old school slasher tropes. While the campy tone might appease die hard fans of the genre; the script could use some further development before likely warranting serious consideration. Even with the high-concept premise, the script is still execution dependent to truly catch the eye of a producer or financier. With that said, the script manages to stay relatively contained which should keep the budget low that will make the overall project more attractive. The script also recognizes its demo.

=====

That's basically it. We know slasher scripts are, despite their popularity, still seen as the worst form of genre writing and we weren't expecting high praise, so, this feels about right. I agree with about 75 percent of what was said but disagree on how they insisted the tone was "campy" and that Kara wasn't a deep enough character(Jake, on the other hand, was definitely the case.) I'm assuming this goes back to the whole stigma of writing a slasher movie in the first place.

Personally, I love how the first praise mentioned how was it felt like mid-90s Kevin Williamson fare seeing as that was exactly what we were aiming for. We eve had it set in the 90s in an earlier draft to hammer that home but went against it for the draft we submitted.

Anyways, thought I'd share that. Thanks for listening to me prattle on

[Krutch]

Got back our second review... This one scored a bit better

Strengths
This script is grounded in a violent and frequently left of center take on its thriller/horror elements. Early on, a masked killer goes on a spree killing a bunch of people but Rachel overcomes him and slams a machete on the man to stop him. It's visceral. Later on, Rachel and the other surviving women set a trap to catch the killer. Then when the killer shows up, they realize the cameras they have set up aren't "live." It's a really solid twist. These kinds of beats give the piece some verve. Rachel is also an engaging character. Her final twist is uneven but she is enjoyable overall. Early on, she's hesitant to join Heather's group despite her trauma. Later, she tells Jake they can't be together even though he's been knifed. She says it would be an imitation. Overall, she's a believable and sharp survivor. The script can also be quite funny. At one point, Jake talks about becoming a high-functioning stoner. Later, Hannah talks to Kat and encourages the woman with a story about her decapitating a sociopath. These beats give the piece some personality.

Weaknesses
As engaging as Rachel is, the final twist of her being the killer is somewhat uneven. On the one hand, it's a genuine surprise and it is exciting. However, her psychology feels by the numbers. She gives extensive monologues about how others deserve to die and detailing her warped ideology. She feels a little cliched in her execution as a killer. The horror/elements are also generally strong but there are the occasional elements that feel a little rote for the genre. At one point, Hannah tells Tony she saw the killer and he (at least initially) doesn't believe her. At one point, Kat says that they stand united and divided they fall. After Paige dies, it's clear that the Survivor Girls are dying one by one. These beats are a little expected for a horror movie. There are also a certain amount of typographical errors. These tend to be off-putting for industry professionals and should be avoided.

Prospects
Horror movies are often broadly popular within a younger demographic. Not only that, this script would be inexpensive to produce and could be made independently. With a sharper take on its final twist, this really could have solid prospects.

[CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy]

Well now I want to read your script, dangnabbit.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Ooh, me too!

Okay so I've almost reached the "surprise" twist in the final battle, where Leo Raph and Don (together with Leatherhead) have stormed the Technodrome to rescue Mikey and their clan's new kunoichi (aka Mikey's girlfriend). After fighting their way through several waves of Foot soldiers and various other threats, they finally reach the portal room to face off against the sinister pair we all know and love (to hate!). Except Mikey is still MIA. And they won't be pleased with what happens when they finally reunite with him and Orlene. Let's just say there will be some unforseen consequences to his deal with Krang....

Now for the downside. I'm a bit stuck on how the scene between him and his brothers will play out. On one hand it is going to get REALLY ugly REALLY fast. On the other- the heroine has NO part in the proceedings (except as a "bystander") until the very end. She simply CAN'T interfere or even speak or move at all. (This is what happens when you get taken out of the battle almost as soon as it begins.) What vexes me is how to get things to fit smoothly. Mikey comes in after she is sidelined, so he knows nothing about what happened. LH is too busy dealing with other problems to help, and Raph and Leo BOTH have no luck at all where their brother is concerned. Don doesn't fare much better, since he was the main reason Mikey went to such lengths to begin with. There is a lot of bad blood brewing and Leo and Don are at the root of it all, for different reasons.

[Krutch]

Originally Posted by CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy

Well now I want to read your script, dangnabbit.

Originally Posted by MsMarvelDuckie

Ooh, me too!

I don't mind sharing if you're interested in actually reading it PM me for a copy.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Krutch, I must say, that after reading that script, I really like what you guys have done here. Some fun tropes used, and a neat twist that was both interesting and felt natural for the story. Kudos, and I really hope you can get it made!

On another note:
After weeks spent hammering out the details, I FINALLY managed to post the newest chapter of LIS! Unfortunately, it proved to be so long I had to break it into two chapters, and the second is almost finished, but still needs to be brought to a head. So the "surprise" will have to remain just that for a bit longer. However, I've tightened up the battle(s) to flow better as the boys and Leatherhead make their way through the Technodrome, and we get to see a little more of Leo's perspective on things. Leatherhead acts as a bit of a sounding board for the brothers' opinions, so there is some dramatic tension amid the running battle, too.

I'm really excited for the second part, which has Shredder giving Leonardo an ultimatum- he must accept an "honorable" duel to the death, or lose BOTH his brother and kunoichi! What happens next will shake them all to the core.....

[Krutch]

Originally Posted by MsMarvelDuckie

Krutch, I must say, that after reading that script, I really like what you guys have done here. Some fun tropes used, and a neat twist that was both interesting and felt natural for the story. Kudos, and I really hope you can get it made!

Thanks! Again, super appreciate the feedback. Made some adjustments based on it and we found an agent who's shipping it around while we work on other projects. So, fingers crossed on that.

In the meantime, my friend did me a solid and made two poster mock ups for the pitch package. We really wanted to capture that 90s slasher feel.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Wow that's great! I'm really glad to hear that and I hope someone picks it up quickly. This NEEDS to happen!

[Allio]

So after all the fanfiction writing I have been doing, I've finally started getting around to working on my own original book.

Wishing Star

Basically it's a Novella series where it's Fairy Tales meets Battle Royale

the main character is this young woman, she has a "light at the end of the tunne" experience and she is given a little "Pinocchio" doll by the Blue Fairy

We find out that the Pinocchio doll is unstable as the wishing star inside of it didn't merge with it correctly, as the wish to give life was fulfilled.

Fairy Tale characters are coming into our world because of the Grimmnoir (bad pun, I know) and coming here in order to destroy this Pinocchio character and take the wishing star itself to make their own wishes (the first book is about The Beast from Beauty and the Beast)

So while trying to find out her past and her connection to this young puppet, the main lead has to protect her from the darkness and let nothing snuff out her light.

The woman and puppet has a mother/daughter relationship through the seiries

the main theme going on is: Acceptance

[Krutch]

Very cool idea, Allio Lots of originality brought forth. Good luck with it!

(And never, ever apologize for bad puns.)

[Allio]

Yeah, I have a lot.

Just this morning I came up with a story idea that pits together Cyberpunk and Fairytales; a type of future meets past.

I think I want to call it "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing" as a joke/reference to "Ghost in the Shell" (I was watching Gits when the idea came to me.)

Then I think I might want to do a battleroyale, but the twist being that the competitors are ghosts, and those "killed" are brought back to life for better or worst

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Finally got the new chapter almost wrapped. Donatello does something unexpected but oddly logical, and there will be drama, tension, humor, and heavy emotion all in one scene. This is going to be the climax readers have waited for!

[DisKosh]

Firstly, I'd like to congratulate Cylons! Best wishes and I hope the feedback's positive!

I don't really write fanfiction, I always hear people belittling fanfic writers saying that it's easy but I disagree. I really struggle with writing stories set in someone else's universe, I find it easier to create my own.

Having said that I have written a few fanfictions for Hunchback of Notre Dame (novel), Frankenstein (also novel) and Babylon 5 plus a poem based on The Little Match Girl.

As for original fiction, I have waaaay too many ideas. I started a novel and it became a series, I've got ideas for several spin offs and several separate ideas. It's a hard time trying to keep focus.

On top of this, I always come up with an ongoing story that I tell myself before I sleep. I don't write this one down as it's personal, but features at least one character who is vulnerable and at least one person who befriends/mentors them. I find the vulnerable character (who I will tell, you is often constructed from dead bodies, inspired by Frankenstein's Creature) becomes the vessel for all the negative emotions I experience during the day and the story as a whole constructs a safe space in which I can express them and get guidance through my characters.