Please Help Me Talk to Girls

[CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy]

Originally Posted by snake

I try not to be cynical around her but it's hard since I'm that type of person.

She's pretty hyped for the new pirates of the carribean movie so maybe I can work that out somehow. I think it's gonna suck.

It's okay to be cynical. I'm a pessimist and my wife is an optimist. We work things out; balance each other. Just don't be an ASSHOLE when you're being cynical and know when to keep your cynical thoughts to yourself.

If she's giddy over Pirates of the Caribbean 5 (I'm a bit hyped myself... let's get back to form, maties), ask her what she wants out of the movie instead of pointing out Depp's long list of recent flops and asking how much she wants to bet his streak continues.

[ToTheNines]

Originally Posted by snake

Confidence is my super power. I'm just boring as f*ck because no one else shares my interests in real life.

@Nines, we're good friends but I can't converse or carry a conversation like a normal person. She sticks around but I feel like she'll eventually get sick of me and will stop bothering with me entirely.

[IndigoErth]

Originally Posted by CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy

"What's the one thing you really get excited about and probably annoy other people with?"

Love it, unless someone is the dullest person on Earth, there's no way that isn't instantly relatable.

[CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy]

Originally Posted by IndigoErth

Love it, unless someone is the dullest person on Earth, there's no way that isn't instantly relatable.

It makes even the dullest people interesting, or at least tolerable.

"Actually, Cylons, now that you mention it, I love collecting stamps! Stamps are my jam, man! Love that sh!t!"

I'll at least be entertained and try to make the effort to pay attention.

EVERYBODY hates small talk and normal polite conversation. Cut to the fun stuff; you'll be loved for it.

[FredWolfLeonardo]

My tip is to not chase after a relationship, for the time being, just focus on being good friends. If you two are meant to be in a long relationship, it will happen by itself in time, and as another member here has said, the longest and best relationships are between two people who have known each other for quite some time

You can still be happy single, relationships won't change that, your outlook will. Rather than seeing relationships as the end justifying the means (chasing a relationship in Order to be happy), see them as the means justifying the end (be your best, and leave the end result to fate)

[BubblyShell22]

I agree with FW Leo here. I think staying friends for now is a good idea and just let the chips fall where they may. If she wants more, then you can proceed to the next level. But don't feel bad if she just wants to be friends and isn't looking for a relationship right away. These things happen with time but rushing them will lead to disaster.

[snake]

Originally Posted by ToTheNines

https://queencitybeerleague.files.wo...12/zivppx6.jpg

We're getting there

Spoiler:

You know what sucks, though? She's a huge prude. Like she won't even give a hug if her life depended on it

[CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy]

Originally Posted by snake

We're getting there

Spoiler:

You know what sucks, though? She's a huge prude. Like she won't even give a hug if her life depended on it

If it's meant to be, she'll eventually get over it. Don't push it.

[snake]

Originally Posted by CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy

If it's meant to be, she'll eventually get over it. Don't push it.

Yeah I don't push physical contact, ever. It's pretty rude and generally makes people uncomfortable.

Spoiler:

Y'know, unless she's into that sorta thing

[CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy]

Originally Posted by snake

Yeah I don't push physical contact, ever. It's pretty rude and generally makes people uncomfortable.

Spoiler:

Y'know, unless she's into that sorta thing

Sounds like you really don't need that much advice, old boy... I'm hearing common sense and basic human decency from ya.

[Jephael]

My one bit of advice is this: Don't dwell on what might've been with any particular person. There are millions of "what ifs" you could list in regards to any relationship and in the long run, you're better off just shutting out those thoughts because they just lead to regret, which is a big waste of time and energy!!!

[Powder]

Originally Posted by snake

You know what sucks, though? She's a huge prude. Like she won't even give a hug if her life depended on it

That's a good thing, trust me. Especially in this day & age. Class & self respect are very important, & hard to find. Just take things slowly, it's her pace to set, assuming there's anything abuzz between you.

Before she's a female, she's a human being, same as you. Talk to her like you would anyone else, normal chicks don't necessarily want to be spoken to/dealt with through a gender filter. It can make you seem disingenuous, as if you're just pandering to advance. I mean, there's no harm in being courteous, maybe a little complimentary if you can be casual about it, but you don't want to come off like you're on the chase. You can convey an admiration for her overall steez without being hokey. Mention or ask about little things that change in her appearance from time to time, it shows you're attentive to her looks without coming on too heavy. Can you appreciate sh*t like a new pair of sneakers? Tell her they're rad (using era-appropriate slang, naturally). If she's a friend first, well, you tease your friends, yeah? So don't be entirely Mr. Charm, joke around a little too, just try not to mess with her self-esteem.

Everyone loves to laugh. I've cracked up reading your posts & chatting with you, you're a sharp kid. Put that wit to good use, a strong sense of humor is like a social super power, as long as you know your audience, so to speak. If you're funny, people will remember you, it's an endearing quality. Find out what she dislikes, & make fun of it with her. In my experience, nothing brings people together like shared hatred. Pop culture conversations can take you there in an instant- movies, TV, music, internet, it's where the bulk of our interests rest & gives you tons of material to riff on, good or bad. Try not to paint yourself into a political place, though.

Listening is very important. Always listen. Remember stuff, make mention of one or two things in the future if it's topically relevant. It feels really good to see someone took a part of you with them when they left the room, shows they pay attention, that they care, even if it's a very simple little thing. You guys ever bitch about life, parents, class, etc? It's good to give each other an out for stress, though you've gotta be mindful that it doesn't become a one-way street. I don't know what kind of person she is, but if your only means of winning favor is to let her vent or boost her confidence, that "special treatment" might work against you. If she does the same for you in return, that's different, all relationships romantic or otherwise should have a foundation of equal trust/support, but girls don't wanna date their psychiatrist, you dig? You can find lasting friendship that way, sometimes, & it's great to have that shoulder to lean on, but if your main aim is more than that, tread lightly. Sympathize, relate, but don't make yourself look insecure in the process.

Be memorable, make memories. You had success with her being your company at a school dance, right? Do more stuff like that. What's good on weekends out there? Any all-ages venues in your area? Go see some bands together. Does your town/county have fairs, block parties, festivals? Hit one. Local zoo? Cool ass nature sites to explore? Halloween's coming up, find out if she's doing anything, it's a great "in" to a night that's sure to be enjoyable regardless, but if she's a part of it, even better.

Don't be too present on their social media.

If you need to ask anything just holla.

[snake]

Thanks, Powder. That post gave me a huge confidence boost and probably is one of my favorites on the site.

I'm taking that advice.

[CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy]

Originally Posted by snake

Thanks, Powder. That post gave me a huge confidence boost and probably is one of my favorites on the site.

I'm taking that advice.

Originally Posted by Powder

Spoiler:

That's a good thing, trust me. Especially in this day & age. Class & self respect are very important, & hard to find. Just take things slowly, it's her pace to set, assuming there's anything abuzz between you.

Before she's a female, she's a human being, same as you. Talk to her like you would anyone else, normal chicks don't necessarily want to be spoken to/dealt with through a gender filter. It can make you seem disingenuous, as if you're just pandering to advance. I mean, there's no harm in being courteous, maybe a little complimentary if you can be casual about it, but you don't want to come off like you're on the chase. You can convey an admiration for her overall steez without being hokey. Mention or ask about little things that change in her appearance from time to time, it shows you're attentive to her looks without coming on too heavy. Can you appreciate sh*t like a new pair of sneakers? Tell her they're rad (using era-appropriate slang, naturally). If she's a friend first, well, you tease your friends, yeah? So don't be entirely Mr. Charm, joke around a little too, just try not to mess with her self-esteem.

Everyone loves to laugh. I've cracked up reading your posts & chatting with you, you're a sharp kid. Put that wit to good use, a strong sense of humor is like a social super power, as long as you know your audience, so to speak. If you're funny, people will remember you, it's an endearing quality. Find out what she dislikes, & make fun of it with her. In my experience, nothing brings people together like shared hatred. Pop culture conversations can take you there in an instant- movies, TV, music, internet, it's where the bulk of our interests rest & gives you tons of material to riff on, good or bad. Try not to paint yourself into a political place, though.

Listening is very important. Always listen. Remember stuff, make mention of one or two things in the future if it's topically relevant. It feels really good to see someone took a part of you with them when they left the room, shows they pay attention, that they care, even if it's a very simple little thing. You guys ever bitch about life, parents, class, etc? It's good to give each other an out for stress, though you've gotta be mindful that it doesn't become a one-way street. I don't know what kind of person she is, but if your only means of winning favor is to let her vent or boost her confidence, that "special treatment" might work against you. If she does the same for you in return, that's different, all relationships romantic or otherwise should have a foundation of equal trust/support, but girls don't wanna date their psychiatrist, you dig? You can find lasting friendship that way, sometimes, & it's great to have that shoulder to lean on, but if your main aim is more than that, tread lightly. Sympathize, relate, but don't make yourself look insecure in the process.

Be memorable, make memories. You had success with her being your company at a school dance, right? Do more stuff like that. What's good on weekends out there? Any all-ages venues in your area? Go see some bands together. Does your town/county have fairs, block parties, festivals? Hit one. Local zoo? Cool ass nature sites to explore? Halloween's coming up, find out if she's doing anything, it's a great "in" to a night that's sure to be enjoyable regardless, but if she's a part of it, even better.

Don't be too present on their social media.

If you need to ask anything just holla.

Yeah, Powder just covered pretty much everything right there. You're in good hands.

[Krutch]

Yeah, Powder covered the ground rules. The rest you'll have to tailor to the girl specifically.

I'd also like to throw in to remember to be present. Enjoy the moment. If there's any long pauses or silences, don't let them go to your head; Enjoy those, too. Don't be too caught up in trying to plan ahead or steer the conversation. Girls pick up on that. Being relaxed displays confidence which is key.

To go a little further on the "girls don't want to date their psychiatrists" thing, I'd say if a girl comes to you to vent, quickly sympathize and change direction to something fun. The reason for this is, if a girl finds you amazing at talking through their problems, two things happen. One, she doesn't want to lose that and therefor won't risk any romantic endeavours. And two, you're being associated with negative emotions. Bad day? Oh, I should talk to Snake. Don't associate yourself with being the "good listener", associate with being the "fun, interesting guy" who can take them out of the situation so they can enjoy themselves. If she keeps coming to you for advice, stand your ground: offer some quick words of sympathy and advice, then immediately offer her something to go do with you to take her mind off things.

To bounce back to C42, girls don't like "assholes", but they love challenge and confidence; something most assholes have ample amounts of. Don't sacrifice yourself in the process but don't be afraid to be a little daring and show some backbone. If you're not the type of guy who can dispute a 2 dollar charge on a receipt on a date, or ask to send food back because its not cooked to her liking, how do you think she's going to feel if the time comes for you to protect her?

Lastly, as superficial as it sounds, put some time into your image. Yes, "the good ones won't care about looks" but how is a stranger supposed to know your personality from a glance? Dress nice, take care of your body, and girls will notice. It's not the deal sealer like it is for men, but it gives you a leg up on most of the other guys out there who just throw on whatever's not wrinkled most on their floor. Experiment and try looks out until you find one that suits you.

Hope that helps, man. Best of luck.

[ToTheNines]

Be David Caruso in "Jade".

[AT-Man]

The three most beautiful words in English language: poly drug use.

[raph27]

Great post Powder. I'm actually in a bit of the same boat as snake right now.

My advice is stay away from doing irrational stuff like a lot of kids around this age tend to do. Just talk to her like you'd talk to any other friend and see where things go from there. If you need to use tricks to get her attention something's not right. You seem like a good dude, snake. Best of luck.

[Allio]

Have you ever thought about kidnapping a girl? seemed to work for The Beast

[Commenter 42]

Originally Posted by CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy

Between these two posts, I'd go with PC's advice every damn time.

Embrace the asshole, get ass; be a nice guy, get friend zoned or diapers.

Up to you, but I've never gotten good advice on straight relationships from a lesbian.

Biggest tip; she's already decided if she'll date/hookup/smash or not, so if you're getting any negative signals, step way back. If she wants you, she'll find you.

Women are into intelligent guys, so you should be alright.

Oh, and don't be cheap. Ever.