The New Café - Page 15

**Jester** · 03-17-2005, 05:52 PM

Yikes....Machi that sucks...but i'm sure the financial aid office at the school will work with u to see to it that u get the $$ u need...

chin up sis....things'll come together

**Jo Dawn** · 03-17-2005, 08:48 PM

*hugs Machi* Things'll get better. I'm pulling for you here.

**Jo Dawn** · 03-27-2005, 10:57 AM

First off, I wanna apologise.

I know that I've been a bit snippy with people lately. You may be able to see it in my posts. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be. I don't want to be.

And, to be honest, I wasn't real comfortable putting alot of this stuff up here for everyone to see. It's exposing, a bit to me... But please. Bear with me.

No one here may care, and that's okay. I don't expect you all to care about my troubles. I just need to let some of it out. You can stop reading, if you want to.

It's just... *sigh* for a long time now, I've been struggling. Internally, externally... emotionally most of all. I'm just... unhappy. And it's become a constant unhappy, with no relief in sight. I just can't get over it. And I realize most of it is my fault. Without going into great detail... I have ruined what is quite possibly the best thing that's ever happened to me.

The one thing that did make me happy, only adds to my sadness now. It's constant and unrelenting.

So... I don't quite know where this leaves me. There are times I literally cannot see anything but the sadnees, the darkness that seems to grow every day. There is only one thing I ever truly wanted. I managed to screw that up, too. I don't think it can be righted. I'm not quite sure that it should be. I should have done things different.

I'm not sure what next, really. All I know is I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this. It's not living. I mean, I'm 25 years old, and bitter and sad enough for anyone. I've done the worst thing possible, maybe. I've lost hope.

I used to have good days... where I was happy. I used to look forward to at least ONE thing a week. NOw, it too brings me pain and sadness. Driving home after what should have been a good time, sobbing my eyes out is not good.

Again, no one may care. And I don't write this in the hopes that anyone WILL. I just... Well, I'm not sure why...

I just wrote it.

*Anarky* · 03-27-2005, 11:31 AM

JD, you know, if you think about it, life isn't exactly what people tend to call fair and easy. Some have it easy, some don't. Those who have an easy life are those who tend to tell everybody that it isn't hard. But we all know better, life is hard. Money, boy/girlfreinds, work... being young(er) these days is not easy.

But you know what, the thing that keeps me going? It is the fact that I have plenty of stuff left to do. Finishing school, getting a job, get my shopping done, care for the dog(s), moderating the Drome. caring for people I like... all those things keep me alive. My advice is the same I gave my coworker "Find something to live for" Find a goal and live for it.

Being entirely happy is, accoring to me, impossible these days, too much stuff going on. But you can try to make the best of it.

And I do care.

**Jo Dawn** · 03-27-2005, 11:46 AM

Trust me... I know that life is unfair. I never had illusions that it was anything but.

I'm not quite sure you understand, though. I can't FIND anything else to really focus on. I just don't care anymore. As for happy... No one is always happy. And if someone says they are, they're lying. I'd take just being happy for five minutes. Ten if I were lucky.

I'm coming to the point of just... giving up. I'm tired of giving and giving, and never getting anything in return. I'm tired of trying and being only disappointed. Every day I'm depressed. It's... It's not fun. There is no joy anymore, really. Maybe I already have given up.

Thank you for caring, though.

*Anarky* · 03-27-2005, 12:04 PM

Well, now comes something that has helped a lot of people, including me when my parents divorced. Get a dog. Seriously, I mean this might sound stupid, but you have no idea what a dog can do for you. I mean, Jamey, Terry, Kimmi and J.J. have done so much for me. They are so emotional, so full of love. Well, but it's not easy having a dog when you're young, because then you don't have time.

And, you know, if you don't see "it" anymore, or stopped caring, then I'd change something in my life. You know, quit your job, get a new one... something.

**Jo Dawn** · 03-27-2005, 12:09 PM

I've wanted a dog for over 10 years. I can't get one. My brother is too allergic. My parents don't want one.

So... not until I move out. I can't move out until I make more money. I can't find a new job to make more money at. So I'm screwed. Trust me, I'm TRYING to change. I've been trying... for a long time.

I have rabbits. But, sadly... I just can't get it in me to really let myself care as much about them, either. I hate this, I really do. I want to scream, I want to shout... but none of it helps. It never does.

I can't write my fiction anymore... I can't find any inspiration. I just... I just...

I'm the most stubborn person I know (besides one, maybe) and I'm sad to realize that I...

....

*damnhooligan* · 03-27-2005, 04:14 PM

JD, I know how it is to go through such a deep depression that even just waking up seems like a Herculean feat. Losing interest in everything, even things that used to excite you to no end. When the motivation and energy to simply live life is absolutely gone. And to be constantly shadowed by what my psychiatrist loved to quack 'an overwhelming sense of impending doom.'

But I think Anarky's got it right. The best way to get out of that rut of depression is to change something. The only way I was able to kickstart my life again, and actually get up every morning without that impending doom hanging over my head, was to start exercising, meditating and eating better. I used to abhor exercise, and was always that kid in gym class who sat reading on the bleachers thanks to some new bi-weekly mystery condition. But they are natural ways to relieve stress and depression, and give me time to clear my head. After just a month of sticking with a steady routine, I'm noticably nicer, less irritable, losing weight (Hell f***in' yeah!) and I've almost completely ditched my walking cane (Double hell f***in' yeah!)

*Cascadia* · 03-30-2005, 08:56 PM

I have a dog that I rescued from the pound. He is older, 8 years old... I am semi-allergic to cats....I can be around them but I cannot get too close to them. I am an equestrian that is allergic to hay....that is correct, I have a hard time handling hay on a daily basis.

This term, 10 weeks long, will be very heavy...19 credits.

Here are my courses:

Environmental Chemistry
Earthquakes in the Pacific Northwest
Map and Image Intrepretation
Contemporary Issues in Geosciences....it is on oil this term
Multicultural Issues in Education
Issues in Education in a Democratic Society

I also sit in a course that I am not registered for....Volcanology.

**Jester** · 03-31-2005, 06:21 PM

(Ryo "dared" me to do it!)
I have a problem...

I'm a fancy boy!!

*Anarky* · 03-31-2005, 06:31 PM

Jester, is that supposed to be a joke? If so, it's not a very funny one...

**Jo Dawn** · 03-31-2005, 06:34 PM

No, wait... We put him up to it... Sorry.

愛 · 03-31-2005, 06:43 PM

I have a problem, too.

I like Japs.

Okay, that's enough of that. Back to the topic.

**Jester** · 03-31-2005, 06:45 PM

wow....

Peanut · 03-31-2005, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anarky

Jester, is that supposed to be a joke? If so, it's not a very funny one...

Seriously. Not just disgusting, but a waste of space.

03-31-2005, 06:47 PM

*falls laughing* This is all too funny!

**Jo Dawn** · 03-31-2005, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peanut

Seriously. Not just disgusting, but a waste of space.

Oh please, like NO ONE else here has done one thing like this? *rolls eyes* I can name a few right off hand, if you like.

*KROW* · 03-31-2005, 06:49 PM

Bah, you're all a bunch of fancy boys, IMO.

Er... except you, Jo. 'Cause, well, you know.

*JameO* · 03-31-2005, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jo Dawn

Oh please, like NO ONE else here has done one thing like this? *rolls eyes* I can name a few right off hand, if you like.

Personally, I don't like your attitude. Just because you are having problems you don't have to take it out on other people.

**Jo Dawn** · 03-31-2005, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JameO

Personally, I don't like your attitude. Just because you are having problems you don't have to take it out on other people.

Excuse me?? First of all... I am not taking ANYthing out on others. I've been in a good mood for a few days now. I'm not having problems anymore.

Secondly, I don't think it's right for you to bring that up.

And thirdly... the way you took offense to that makes me think you may feel a bit GUILTY.

I think that post was rather rude. I don't like your attitude, either.

03-17-2005, 08:48 PM	#282
Jo Dawn Inactive Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Authority On All Things Don Posts: 5,190	hugs Machi Things'll get better. I'm pulling for you here. __________________

03-27-2005, 10:57 AM	#283
Jo Dawn Inactive Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Authority On All Things Don Posts: 5,190	First off, I wanna apologise. I know that I've been a bit snippy with people lately. You may be able to see it in my posts. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be. I don't want to be. And, to be honest, I wasn't real comfortable putting alot of this stuff up here for everyone to see. It's exposing, a bit to me... But please. Bear with me. No one here may care, and that's okay. I don't expect you all to care about my troubles. I just need to let some of it out. You can stop reading, if you want to. It's just... sigh for a long time now, I've been struggling. Internally, externally... emotionally most of all. I'm just... unhappy. And it's become a constant unhappy, with no relief in sight. I just can't get over it. And I realize most of it is my fault. Without going into great detail... I have ruined what is quite possibly the best thing that's ever happened to me. The one thing that did make me happy, only adds to my sadness now. It's constant and unrelenting. So... I don't quite know where this leaves me. There are times I literally cannot see anything but the sadnees, the darkness that seems to grow every day. There is only one thing I ever truly wanted. I managed to screw that up, too. I don't think it can be righted. I'm not quite sure that it should be. I should have done things different. I'm not sure what next, really. All I know is I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this. It's not living. I mean, I'm 25 years old, and bitter and sad enough for anyone. I've done the worst thing possible, maybe. I've lost hope. I used to have good days... where I was happy. I used to look forward to at least ONE thing a week. NOw, it too brings me pain and sadness. Driving home after what should have been a good time, sobbing my eyes out is not good. Again, no one may care. And I don't write this in the hopes that anyone WILL. I just... Well, I'm not sure why... I just wrote it. __________________

03-27-2005, 11:31 AM	#284
Anarky Outlaw Hero Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Tannhauser Gate Posts: 4,867	JD, you know, if you think about it, life isn't exactly what people tend to call fair and easy. Some have it easy, some don't. Those who have an easy life are those who tend to tell everybody that it isn't hard. But we all know better, life is hard. Money, boy/girlfreinds, work... being young(er) these days is not easy. But you know what, the thing that keeps me going? It is the fact that I have plenty of stuff left to do. Finishing school, getting a job, get my shopping done, care for the dog(s), moderating the Drome. caring for people I like... all those things keep me alive. My advice is the same I gave my coworker "Find something to live for" Find a goal and live for it. Being entirely happy is, accoring to me, impossible these days, too much stuff going on. But you can try to make the best of it. And I do care. __________________ Because it's... I dunno... brutal.

03-27-2005, 11:46 AM	#285
Jo Dawn Inactive Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Authority On All Things Don Posts: 5,190	Trust me... I know that life is unfair. I never had illusions that it was anything but. I'm not quite sure you understand, though. I can't FIND anything else to really focus on. I just don't care anymore. As for happy... No one is always happy. And if someone says they are, they're lying. I'd take just being happy for five minutes. Ten if I were lucky. I'm coming to the point of just... giving up. I'm tired of giving and giving, and never getting anything in return. I'm tired of trying and being only disappointed. Every day I'm depressed. It's... It's not fun. There is no joy anymore, really. Maybe I already have given up. Thank you for caring, though. __________________

03-27-2005, 12:04 PM	#286
Anarky Outlaw Hero Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Tannhauser Gate Posts: 4,867	Well, now comes something that has helped a lot of people, including me when my parents divorced. Get a dog. Seriously, I mean this might sound stupid, but you have no idea what a dog can do for you. I mean, Jamey, Terry, Kimmi and J.J. have done so much for me. They are so emotional, so full of love. Well, but it's not easy having a dog when you're young, because then you don't have time. And, you know, if you don't see "it" anymore, or stopped caring, then I'd change something in my life. You know, quit your job, get a new one... something. __________________ Because it's... I dunno... brutal.

03-17-2005, 05:52 PM	#281
Jester Rat-faced Dude-guy Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Arkansas Posts: 26,216	Yikes....Machi that sucks...but i'm sure the financial aid office at the school will work with u to see to it that u get the $$ u need... chin up sis....things'll come together

03-27-2005, 12:09 PM	#287
Jo Dawn Inactive Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Authority On All Things Don Posts: 5,190	I've wanted a dog for over 10 years. I can't get one. My brother is too allergic. My parents don't want one. So... not until I move out. I can't move out until I make more money. I can't find a new job to make more money at. So I'm screwed. Trust me, I'm TRYING to change. I've been trying... for a long time. I have rabbits. But, sadly... I just can't get it in me to really let myself care as much about them, either. I hate this, I really do. I want to scream, I want to shout... but none of it helps. It never does. I can't write my fiction anymore... I can't find any inspiration. I just... I just... I'm the most stubborn person I know (besides one, maybe) and I'm sad to realize that I... .... __________________

03-27-2005, 04:14 PM	#288
damnhooligan Mad Scientist Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Dorksville, USA Posts: 1,745	JD, I know how it is to go through such a deep depression that even just waking up seems like a Herculean feat. Losing interest in everything, even things that used to excite you to no end. When the motivation and energy to simply live life is absolutely gone. And to be constantly shadowed by what my psychiatrist loved to quack 'an overwhelming sense of impending doom.' But I think Anarky's got it right. The best way to get out of that rut of depression is to change something. The only way I was able to kickstart my life again, and actually get up every morning without that impending doom hanging over my head, was to start exercising, meditating and eating better. I used to abhor exercise, and was always that kid in gym class who sat reading on the bleachers thanks to some new bi-weekly mystery condition. But they are natural ways to relieve stress and depression, and give me time to clear my head. After just a month of sticking with a steady routine, I'm noticably nicer, less irritable, losing weight (Hell f*in' yeah!) and I've almost completely ditched my walking cane (Double hell f*in' yeah!) __________________

03-30-2005, 08:56 PM	#289
Cascadia Oregonian in heart & soul Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 3,731	I have a dog that I rescued from the pound. He is older, 8 years old... I am semi-allergic to cats....I can be around them but I cannot get too close to them. I am an equestrian that is allergic to hay....that is correct, I have a hard time handling hay on a daily basis. This term, 10 weeks long, will be very heavy...19 credits. Here are my courses: Environmental Chemistry Earthquakes in the Pacific Northwest Map and Image Intrepretation Contemporary Issues in Geosciences....it is on oil this term Multicultural Issues in Education Issues in Education in a Democratic Society I also sit in a course that I am not registered for....Volcanology. __________________ Formally known as Scientific freak

03-31-2005, 06:21 PM	#290
Jester Rat-faced Dude-guy Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Arkansas Posts: 26,216	(Ryo "dared" me to do it!) I have a problem... I'm a fancy boy!! Last edited by Jester; 09-10-2007 at 09:56 PM.

03-31-2005, 06:31 PM	#291
Anarky Outlaw Hero Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Tannhauser Gate Posts: 4,867	Jester, is that supposed to be a joke? If so, it's not a very funny one...

03-31-2005, 06:34 PM	#292
Jo Dawn Inactive Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Authority On All Things Don Posts: 5,190	No, wait... We put him up to it... Sorry. __________________

03-31-2005, 06:43 PM	#293
愛 Super Moderator Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 7,449	I have a problem, too. I like Japs. Okay, that's enough of that. Back to the topic.

03-31-2005, 06:45 PM	#294
Jester Rat-faced Dude-guy Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Arkansas Posts: 26,216	wow.... __________________ "Clearly, you're Ninja Turtling incorrectly." - Leo656

03-31-2005, 06:47 PM	#296
Ryona Guest Posts: n/a	falls laughing This is all too funny!

03-31-2005, 06:49 PM	#298
KROW Meat-n-Potatoes Man Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: State's Anus, NY Posts: 6,416	Bah, you're all a bunch of fancy boys, IMO. Er... except you, Jo. 'Cause, well, you know. __________________ - Optimus Acid Trip - Cult of a Half-Shell - Raiden's Bitter Tongue - *I don't try to be funny; I fail at it naturally.*