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Old 01-17-2013, 07:34 PM   #21
Coola Yagami
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Originally Posted by JLS View Post
LOL, I don't mind some of the implied humor because the OT did do that a few times. I know you are referring to the "Donatello's Degree" episode where Irma says that she's not "that type of girl" when Donatello tells her to wait for a group of guys to pick her up.


There were other examples of this implied adult humor too:

"Leonardo the Renaissance Turtle": Lex arrests Leonardo and April for jaywalking and the Lex robot asks if they have any "final words" she says "Yes, but they're not appropriate for television."

"Plan Six from Outer Space": Michelangelo becomes frustrated that they can't find pepperoni throughout the entire city for his pizza. Raphael comments, "Who knew there would be such a sausage shortage??" He breaks the 4th wall and says, "...And don't ask me to repeat that again."

"Menace Maestro Please": The Turtles attack Bebop & Rocksteady at a costume closet and both Bebop and Rocksteady fall into a box with either half of a donkey costume. Leonardo remarks, "Oh...so that's what they have in common."

So I don't mind the suggestive, implied humor because the OT had that, it's just that we as kids didn't pick it up on our radar. As long as the fanfic doesn't have blantant and explicit adult humor then its fine for me at least.
Kinda felt that one WAS too blatant and explicit adult humor. Especially starting the episode right away with that. Too long and drawn out. If you wanna make that kind of joke throw it in as a random throw-away Raphael line, like 'and here I thought women just cared about size' or something... don't make an entire scene about it.
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Old 01-18-2013, 05:19 AM   #22
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The only reason the scene is as long as it is is to compliment a much later scene later in the story, it's not just for a bit of comedy, it's a genuine plot point that has a resolution.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BubblyShell22 View Post
Congrats, Zarius. I just reviewed the last two chapters. Are you going to put the other scripts into novel form as well? That would be cool.
Yes, in time I definatly will. They might be a tad shorter (because the other scripts will try to be 25 minutes long).
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Old 01-18-2013, 06:01 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by JLS View Post
LOL, I don't mind some of the implied humor because the OT did do that a few times. I know you are referring to the "Donatello's Degree" episode where Irma says that she's not "that type of girl" when Donatello tells her to wait for a group of guys to pick her up.


There were other examples of this implied adult humor too:

"Leonardo the Renaissance Turtle": Lex arrests Leonardo and April for jaywalking and the Lex robot asks if they have any "final words" she says "Yes, but they're not appropriate for television."

"Plan Six from Outer Space": Michelangelo becomes frustrated that they can't find pepperoni throughout the entire city for his pizza. Raphael comments, "Who knew there would be such a sausage shortage??" He breaks the 4th wall and says, "...And don't ask me to repeat that again."

"Menace Maestro Please": The Turtles attack Bebop & Rocksteady at a costume closet and both Bebop and Rocksteady fall into a box with either half of a donkey costume. Leonardo remarks, "Oh...so that's what they have in common."

So I don't mind the suggestive, implied humor because the OT had that, it's just that we as kids didn't pick it up on our radar. As long as the fanfic doesn't have blantant and explicit adult humor then its fine for me at least.
Also, didn't Irma have many such lines?
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Because the crossovers doing nothing else than messing up the timeline and other stuff of the 1987-1996 series, I've given up writing fanfiction about it. Instead, I'm trying to reboot the TMNT as many other fanfiction writers do:

Hopefully, stories will later appear at

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/968367/O...NT-Cartoon-Fan
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Old 01-18-2013, 09:01 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by ZariusTwo View Post
The only reason the scene is as long as it is is to compliment a much later scene later in the story, it's not just for a bit of comedy, it's a genuine plot point that has a resolution.



Yes, in time I definatly will. They might be a tad shorter (because the other scripts will try to be 25 minutes long).
Awesome. I can't wait to read those.
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Old 01-18-2013, 01:58 PM   #25
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Script is back up.
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Old 01-19-2013, 12:21 PM   #26
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"SO LONG, NO THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH" AFTERWORD


I thought I'd take the time in this thread, now that this first episode is done, to share a little story about it's development.

The idea to do something based off the 1987 TMNT cartoon first occured to me in 2008, I had just downloaded the original series and was marathoning it, and in addition to that I had seen the buzz generated by Tony Day's "Turtle Turncoat", gradually the general urge to continue the cartoon's story came over me, as there was clearly a desire to respresent it from others. I knew the 25th anniversary of the franchise was coming up in 2009 so I figured (way before Turtles Forever was announced), "hey, let's put together a four issue comic book miniseries that takes the Turtles on an epic journey that incorporates a lot of the old cartoon set-peices we all enjoyed as kids"

The original story was to be called "Turteloids Without Frontiers", and it was a vastly different adventure than the one we've come around to. Here's what was originally intended

* As you can tell from the title, the Turteloids, particulary Kerma, were going to be the major fixtures of it, and Kerma was the one who summoned the Turtles to Texas to begin with following the kidnapping of McGruder, who Kerma had been taken in by.

*Theo Christ, a regular shady land developer in the final product, was originally going to be a Turteloid posing as a human mafia kingpin operating in New York, and was the driving force behind a crime wave the Turtles were doing their best to keep under control.

*Michelangelo would have stayed in New York with April to keep tabs on Theo's operations while the remaining three went to Texas in response to Kerma's message. Michelangelo and April were to find out the truth about Theo's men in a battle at a warehouse.

*Krang's interweathoral nexus, used in the published script to develop the sinkhole and prepare it to house his otherworldly fish, was to have much greater power than displayed and been merly tested out on texas, Krang's grander plan was to use it to raise the level of the oceons surrounding New York and submerge the city

*In addition to using special strength-enhancing harnasses that enabled regular horses to pull The Technodrome across Texas, The Technodrome would have ultimately rode into New York on a whale near the story's conclusion

*Krang's scheme was to use a mystical "flesh blending" crystal the Turteloids had stumbled upon while mining off-world to merge all manner of species into impenetrable living sheilds, and he already had transformed much of Shell-Ri-La's population into such sheids, with the helpelss aliens covering most of the interior and exterior walls of The Technodrome. Donatello would have freed them at the story's conclusion and destroyed the crystal, although he nearly dies in the attempt.

*You would have finally seen Irma with her hair down and glasses off

There are a few other plot points that was intended for the story, but I have chosen to omit them. Why? Because they will be showing up over the course of these ten episodes. One shouldnt put any idea you're keen on using to waste.

After some wrangling, I convinced Technodrome member and talented illustrator Raven to be my artist and I set to work on four scripts. I got up to two issues and Raven sent me some beutiful pics that he really should share with you guys sometime, I beleive one such picture, that of The Technodrome being pulled along the plains of Texas by horses, was posted up on the forum. The guy also drew up one of the best looking Aprils I've ever seen.


Real life complications and other commitments soon meant that Raven's services could no longer be afforded, and I was left without an artist again...at the time, I felt like the comic book project was perhaps a little too taxing, so I opted to change the format to that of a novella. Eventually, I got another artist, Oldmanwinters. He seemed up to the challenge and we ran with the novella concept, he came up with some wonderful pictures, some of which he later put up on Deviantart, which made me feel particulary proud for inspiring such work from him.

Alas, at this point I became very seriously ill. A depression I had not recovered from since 2007 began to play havoc on my mind, and I suffered a great deal of creative burnout. In a state of madness and a complete lack of real confidence I had deleted most of my existing fanfics from FF.net (incuding a fairly popular Jackie Chan Adventures story called "Fly Me To The Moon" which I was quite fond of), and before long my mental state was in dire need of careful observation and proper treatment. I was hospitalized in the summer of 2010 and stayed under psychiatric care for several weeks, I ultimately recovered from the worst traits of my spill n a span of about a month, but my love of writing had been temporarily shattered and I felt like I could never hope to recover the story I had spent the last few years honing and perfecting. Worse, a computer crash wiped out the entire manuscript for TWF, leaving me with only scrapings of the original plot.

In time, and with some encouragement from Winters and the generally consistent positive vibe of the forum, I decided to take a definitive crack at the whip and get these scripts written up. Out went the Turteloid plot and many other elements, although certain elements from the original story (the McGruders, a minimal use of the interweathroal nexus, and preacher Casey Jones kicking ass) were maintained. The result is a shorter, more compact, but I feel overwhelmingly satisfiable yarn that I'm pleased to say has entertained a good few people on the 'drome and even got a divisive view or two as well.

I'd like to thank everyone who's been supporting my writing of late, Bubblyshell and Blossombooks for their kind words, as well as Raven and Oldmanwinters for taking time out of their agendas to help move things in a forward direction. It took a long time to get here, but the road paved to hell with good intentions is looking a lot more heavnly from my end of things

Thankyou all.

Last edited by ZariusTwo; 01-19-2013 at 12:41 PM.
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Old 01-19-2013, 12:32 PM   #27
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I recall that one

http://forums.thetechnodrome.com/showthread.php?t=30700

But had no clue it was the same person behind it. Can't wait for your next story, and your next, and your next, and your next, and your next, and your next, and your next, and your next, and your next................

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Because the crossovers doing nothing else than messing up the timeline and other stuff of the 1987-1996 series, I've given up writing fanfiction about it. Instead, I'm trying to reboot the TMNT as many other fanfiction writers do:

Hopefully, stories will later appear at

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/968367/O...NT-Cartoon-Fan
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Old 01-19-2013, 01:20 PM   #28
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Wow. It's nice to hear more about your concept and how it drastically changed. I'm sorry you had to go through depression like that, but I'm glad you've recovered and have now discovered your spark once again. I can't wait to see more work from you in the future and to see these scripts up on FF once again. I think that'll be really cool to see. In the meantime I'm patient and will wait for them once you decide to get them up.

And thank you as well for taking the time to read my work and to give it honest feedback. That means a lot to me.
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Old 01-19-2013, 03:21 PM   #29
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I'm sorry to hear ZariusTwo that your journey was so difficult and especially with your experience with depression, but it's good to hear you are doing better. I only got a chance to quickly go through your fan script/novella (because of the usual normal "adult/grownup" busyness), but I want to take the time to really read and enjoy it and give a decent detailed review. So it'll definitely be on my list to read over again...
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Old 01-19-2013, 03:33 PM   #30
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Thankyou JLS and Bubbly, I felt the last three years were worth spilling on here because it gives people a little insight into the creative process and hopefully, if anyone is feeling low on self-esteem or depressed, they can look at this thread and discover they're not alone, and that whatever their condition, they can bounce back from it

Looking forward to your future reviews and detailed thoughts. I'm always looking to improve and I'll gladly take on any points raised about the work.
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Old 01-19-2013, 04:03 PM   #31
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Believe me, Zarius, I've been there. I haven't been diagnosed with depression or anything like that, but I have had self-esteem issues many times. There are times where I just feel really low, and that's why I'm so glad that the Turtles are around again. The 2K3 series really helped me through some of those tough times, and the Nick series will probably do the same thing if I get like that again. I also think that doing fan fiction is a way for me to cope and feel better.

I felt like crap after I got rejected for the tutoring job I wanted. I had worked so hard to get it, and finding out that they didn't want me was a huge blow to me. But now things don't look so bad for me even though I still don't have a job at the moment. I look back and feel that it would have been worse if I hadn't tried at all or taken the second chance they were willing to give me. At least I gave it my all and did my best.
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Old 01-19-2013, 04:28 PM   #32
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That's a very touching story Bubbly, I'm bummed you didnt get the job as you've been a great teacher and a great guiding hand for people's work on here, pointing out errors and encouraging us to continue. It's a shame your positive prescense on the 'net can't translate to a paycheqe at the moment, but keep your spirits up and stay emersed in your world and soon or later the real one will come calling with a need for you.
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Old 01-19-2013, 04:38 PM   #33
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Good work always deserves recognition and support and I'm glad you're overcoming your demons. Fanfic has definitely proved theraputic for me and im glad im not alone in that. I'm still relatively new on here so I didn't know about all your endeavours but it's really interesting to read about how everything evolved. I think it's great that you shared your journey and I'm sure it will inspire others. Keep up the great work!
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Old 01-20-2013, 08:38 AM   #34
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That's a very touching story Bubbly, I'm bummed you didnt get the job as you've been a great teacher and a great guiding hand for people's work on here, pointing out errors and encouraging us to continue. It's a shame your positive prescense on the 'net can't translate to a paycheqe at the moment, but keep your spirits up and stay emersed in your world and soon or later the real one will come calling with a need for you.
Thanks for the encouraging words, Zarius. I feel that way too. Something will come for me sooner or later. I can always try for the job again next fall if I'm able to do so. I really do want to work at home as it'll be easier for me to do since I'm unable to drive due to my visual impairment. But for now, I'll just concentrate on working on my fan fics and watching Turtles to help me through things. That's the best thing I can do.
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Old 01-22-2013, 06:30 AM   #35
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Why don't you name the chapters?
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Because the crossovers doing nothing else than messing up the timeline and other stuff of the 1987-1996 series, I've given up writing fanfiction about it. Instead, I'm trying to reboot the TMNT as many other fanfiction writers do:

Hopefully, stories will later appear at

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/968367/O...NT-Cartoon-Fan
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:07 AM   #36
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I can't be arsed.

Script Update: Almost finished the second episode, but it'll be another 40-50 minute story (I seem to be pretty hopeless at keeping it contained to just 25 minutes, I keep going over that in terms of pacing and structure)
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Old 01-22-2013, 08:41 AM   #37
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I can't be arsed.

Script Update: Almost finished the second episode, but it'll be another 40-50 minute story (I seem to be pretty hopeless at keeping it contained to just 25 minutes, I keep going over that in terms of pacing and structure)
Why do you care for time when you don't need?

Will all stories be set after season 10?
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Because the crossovers doing nothing else than messing up the timeline and other stuff of the 1987-1996 series, I've given up writing fanfiction about it. Instead, I'm trying to reboot the TMNT as many other fanfiction writers do:

Hopefully, stories will later appear at

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/968367/O...NT-Cartoon-Fan
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Old 01-22-2013, 08:49 AM   #38
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Sounds like you're making good progress, Zarius. Can't wait to read it in novel format.
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:59 AM   #39
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Why do you care for time when you don't need?
Just a personal challenge more than anything. I'd like to make a working career out of this one day and for that, you have to keep to a certain limit ina regular comic or a tv show

Quote:
Will all stories be set after season 10?
Yes. I'm eager to progress the story, and writing around existing seasons isnt challenging to me.
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:06 AM   #40
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Just a personal challenge more than anything. I'd like to make a working career out of this one day and for that, you have to keep to a certain limit ina regular comic or a tv show



Yes. I'm eager to progress the story, and writing around existing seasons isnt challenging to me.
Are they sequels, so I will have to read them in order?
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Because the crossovers doing nothing else than messing up the timeline and other stuff of the 1987-1996 series, I've given up writing fanfiction about it. Instead, I'm trying to reboot the TMNT as many other fanfiction writers do:

Hopefully, stories will later appear at

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/968367/O...NT-Cartoon-Fan
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