Do you believe society overrates relationships and sex in general?

[newfan]

The drome was busy last night it seems Morning all.

Some people have had 'the love of their life' Usually the happiest relationship they had, the one who meant the most.

As for finding 'the one', I think there are a few potential 'ones' out there, not just one person in the world who would be your soul mate.
I wonder if society likes us to believe that we'll all have blissful marriage which lasts for years, and for some a long happy marriage is the case but sooo many people spend years in a miserable relationship because they can't be alone, we are all different but I couldn't do that. If you are going to be with someone in your home for years to come, it matters that (even though you'll fall out and it won't all be roses) you are overall happy to be there with them.

As for dying:
Andrew, first off, the Captain Kirk: remember Kirk saying 'I've always known, I'll die alone' ? then he goes and dies with Pickard next to him.

I hope I do not die in my bed at night until my children have left me, a fear of mine is dying and them having to find me and then try and contact someone for help.

[Andrew NDB]

It's too complicated to adequately debate. The cultures where this is the norm, the alternative is generally death or an "honor killing." And then you have the ones where a 50+ year old man is promised to a young girl.

As a general practice? Assuming all parties are of sound mind? Let's say sound parents meeting with sound parents. I dunno... not terrible? On paper? As young adults we could probably do a lot worse than being handed a significant other that is heavily vetted by both our own assumedly caring and considerate parents and the other's. Seems that might save a ton of uncertainty and headache unless the parents are dumb dumbs or are just looking to secure some financial thing across families.

[Andrew NDB]

Originally Posted by newfan

As for dying:
Andrew, first off, the Captain Kirk: remember Kirk saying 'I've always known, I'll die alone' ? then he goes and dies with Pickard next to him.

But who was Picard to him, really, at that point? When he said that line he was with Bones and Spock. At Yosemite. Having a great time.

[newfan]

Originally Posted by Andrew NDB

But who was Picard to him, really, at that point? When he said that line he was with Bones and Spock. At Yosemite. Having a great time.

Yeah in sense, we was alone then.

[Sumac]

Originally Posted by Andrew NDB

My own parents were together for 40 years until my dad died. Which -- I think -- is exactly the point Plastron was trying to make in this instance.

I didn't read it like that, but I hope so.

[Spike Spiegel]

I don't think the financial/sexual value that marriage and monogamy supposedly had in the "good old days" exists anymore in a cultural sense. It's easier than ever to cheat on a partner, and certain behaviors that used to be shamed are now widely accepted. However, I don't think people just suddenly become more debaucherous or anything. They just didn't have Tinder, Grindr, or OKCupid in the '50s. To say nothing of the relative ubiquity of porn.

This extensive STI report from the CDC, especially as it relates to millennials in my age bracket, highlights some personal reasons why I feel people should be more choosy about their partners, even if all they want is NSA fun.

I think American society overrates sex and relationships in terms of how they are reflected in popular media or someone's online presence. Partners and relationship status are shown off like commodities or accessories. It's really rather narcissistic when you get down to brass tacks, and narcissists aren't exactly well known for their ability to relate to others in a reciprocating manner.

On the flip side, you have the old Judeo-Christian puritanism to fall back on when you feel the moral need to police or shame other people's behavior. It's like there's no middle ground.

[plastroncafe]

I really do believe that a lot of the problems we have with sex in America could be eradicated if everyone will working on the same page in terms of sexual education.

It's only been recently that comprehensive sex education has involved topics of consent, which should really be the Cornerstone of any sexuality education program.

Whether or not someone has sex is a personal decision which can be influenced by their local dating pool, their health risk assessment, or by their worldview and religious devotion.

As a culture we pay way too much emphasis on female virginity, something I'm glad is falling to the Wayside.
But there's also way too much toxic crap out there for guys to deal with too. Like the whole notion that every guy wants sex all the time no exception. I've seen dude joke about that time and time again, and it just makes it that much harder for guys who are victims of sexual assault to get the justice they deserve.

In short there could be a middle ground, but someone has to start doing the work to build one.
And it's sad and frustrating as hell that doing just that would be met with such resistance.

Also I don't know that it's strictly Fair to compare the Jewish view of sex with the Christian view of sex. And I base that entirely on my own experience with both religions. I'm a science educator on the side and I took a class at Planned Parenthood on how to teach comprehensive sex education, and a good third of my class were made of people from various synagogues around the city. They wanted to learn the facts about sex and STI transmission so that they could go back to their temples and had accurate information to teach the kids.

That is very different from the Catholicism I was raised with, in the Evangelical movement that keeps putting the kibosh on comprehensive sex ed in schools.

[Bry]

No.

Some folks legitimately have little or no interest, and that's fine. That's a valid choice. Some people will always judge that choice, but if you're truly happy and confident about what you want, it's easier to rise above that pressure.

It's the "incel" crowd of bitter, angry single folks who concern me. And the problem is that so many in our society are lacking in real confidence, respect (self and for others), empathy and social skills, and are incapable or unwilling to learn. Nobody finds that attractive, and those attitudes are poison to any relationship.

Very simply, you're not gonna be happy and confident in a relationship if you're not happy and confident outside of one. A good relationship should add to your life, but it can't make up for or fix deficiencies that are already there. Too many people don't get this, and set themselves up for disappointment and misery.

Originally Posted by plastroncafe

Guys can I be real for a moment here.
Because you don't like what I'm saying, doesn't mean I'm triggered.

Ahh, typical. They don't like your opinion, so they anonymously and passive-aggressively shame you for it, and yet they'll consider you the "triggered snowflake" somehow.

Some of these "anti-SJW" folks are just so damned soft.

[ProphetofGanja]

Trying to catch up on this thread this morning, but is it just me or are there some deleted posts?

[Sumac]

Originally Posted by Bry

Ahh, typical. They don't like your opinion, so they anonymously and passive-aggressively shame you for it, and yet they'll consider you the "triggered snowflake" somehow.

Some of these "anti-SJW" folks are just so damned soft.

What are you talking about?

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by Bry

No.

Some folks legitimately have little or no interest, and that's fine. That's a valid choice. Some people will always judge that choice, but if you're truly happy and confident about what you want, it's easier to rise above that pressure.

It's the "incel" crowd of bitter, angry single folks who concern me. And the problem is that so many in our society are lacking in real confidence, respect (self and for others), empathy and social skills, and are incapable or unwilling to learn. Nobody finds that attractive, and those attitudes are poison to any relationship.

Very simply, you're not gonna be happy and confident in a relationship if you're not happy and confident outside of one. A good relationship should add to your life, but it can't make up for or fix deficiencies that are already there. Too many people don't get this, and set themselves up for disappointment and misery.

Yes, obviously getting a bf/gf isn't the magical solution to fix your issues. If a person has issues she needs to address them first and avoid burdening others with them.

A lot of people are shut ins these days because society changed a lot due to technological advances and also rapid urbanisation. Rapid urbanisation made tons of people move from rural areas to urban ones, where no one really knows each other and relationships are more cold and distant, leading to more isolation and asocial behaviour. Also, technological advances only furthered this issue. In the 80s you had to actually leave your home to go watch a movie, get a video game or a book you don't own or have tried yet. There was no internet for domestic use like there is today. Today you can just spend most of your free time at home in front of your phone or computer. And we also began socialising more through texting and e-mails, etc. aka not so directly.

[Katie]

Incels are so gross. Not the actual people, but the attitude. Sex is not a right. Sex is not a primary level need like food and water. If you can’t get sex it’s not anyone’s fault but your own. Not Chad. Not Roasty Femoid. Yours.

Sex is fine. Its something nice to do. It does not cure all ills in life or make you any different than you were before. It’s just a thing. If you don’t talk about it, no one can tell you’ve done it or not. *shrug*

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by Katie

Incels are so gross. Not the actual people, but the attitude. Sex is not a right. Sex is not a primary level need like food and water. If you can’t get sex it’s not anyone’s fault but your own. Not Chad. Not Roasty Femoid. Yours.

Sex is fine. Its something nice to do. It does not cure all ills in life or make you any different than you were before. It’s just a thing. If you don’t talk about it, no one can tell you’ve done it or not. *shrug*

Ofc sex is not a right. It's not like you need it to live like food or medical care. No one should be obliged to have sex with someone.

What is an incel exactly, btw? Basically a shut in?

Yeah, yo'd think it'd be more obvious, but no, not really. I've seen really awkward looking guys with gfs before. And I've also talked to average and even decent looking guys who are close to 30 and still haven't done anything remotely sexual or intimate with a woman. Guess you truly can never judge a book by its cover, eh?

[Papenbrook]

Originally Posted by Prowler

Do you believe society overrates relationships and sex in general?

Of course.

Capitalism, corporatism, the concept of "supply-and-demand" - all of them work together to help influence a society's most prominent desires. That includes friendship, relationship, sex, intimacy, love, etc.

It's quite sad.

[FredWolfLeonardo]

Originally Posted by Papenbrook

Of course.

Capitalism, corporatism, the concept of "supply-and-demand" - all of them work together to help influence a society's most prominent desires. That includes friendship, relationship, sex, intimacy, love, etc.

It's quite sad.

You know Pappy,

You are actually quite insightful at times

[plastroncafe]

Originally Posted by Prowler

What is an incel exactly, btw? Basically a shut in?

Incel is short for involuntary celibate.
It's basically a bunch of guys who are upset that women aren't vending machines that you put attention into and get sex out of.

[Storm Eagle]

Originally Posted by Prowler

Obviously, having someone you love and vice-versa by your side is a big bonus to your life, but is it really a need for 99% of people on Earth to find their "significant other" one day and live happily forever like the media and society seem to believe? If someone is single still at age 35 or 40 people sem to feel bad for that person, as if being single is a bad thing per se.

I was single all throughout my 20s and even then, I've had people take pity on me for being single. They even appeared to think that they were better than me and look down on me just because I was, and they weren't. So I've often thought the same thing myself, about society overrating relationships and sex. I believe you have a point.

Originally Posted by Prowler

As for sex, I dunno when most people tend to lose their virginity usually, but I'm assuming around 15-17? In HS there's a lot of pressure to kiss and have sex. I don't think society should pressure people that much to have sex so early. If you're not ready at 17 then it's perfectly fine. Maybe it's because I'm getting closer to 30, but teenagers seem so young and immature to me. I remember being in HS and facepalming at the ignorance of many regarding sex. You won't believe how many of my classmates believed in the double bagging myth, for example.

I was never sexually active throughout my tenure of high school, and now that I look back at it, I'm glad I wasn't. There were two girls with whom I attended high school that started the same time I did, and they didn't come back after our sophomore year. They both had gotten pregnant and I believe they may have dropped out of school. There was also a guy in my grade with whom I shared homeroom when we were juniors, and I remember him mentioning having a daughter. I know that he and one of those girls are doing quite fine now, and the other girl must be as well, but I imagine that being a teenage parent can be a bitch, and I'm glad I didn't have to go through that. It's too bad that most teenagers don't realize that being a virgin during that time can be a good thing.

[Spike Spiegel]

Originally Posted by Storm Eagle

I was never sexually active throughout my tenure of high school, and now that I look back at it, I'm glad I wasn't. There were two girls with whom I attended high school that started the same time I did, and they didn't come back after our sophomore year. They both had gotten pregnant and I believe they may have dropped out of school. There was also a guy in my grade with whom I shared homeroom when we were juniors, and I remember him mentioning having a daughter. I know that he and one of those girls are doing quite fine now, and the other girl must be as well, but I imagine that being a teenage parent can be a bitch, and I'm glad I didn't have to go through that. It's too bad that most teenagers don't realize that being a virgin during that time can be a good thing.

I experienced something similar, but in college. One of my female dorm mates had an on-again, off again relationship with an incredibly toxic guy (he'd ignore her for long stretches of time after they had sex, and they'd even gotten physically violent with each other). She was extremely intelligent and had a lot of big dreams, but this guy (and sex in general) was her Achilles heel. She even came onto me, but I was too inexperienced to realize it at the time.

Between my junior and senior years, this guy knocked her up and left her with a kid. When I knew her, she was an honor student who had already traveled the globe and wanted to be a writer. I came across her on Facebook recently, and now she lives back in her hometown and works at a Burger King after dropping out of school

[IndigoErth]

Do you believe society overrates relationships and sex in general?

Eh, maybe not necessarily those things themselves, but it DEFINITELY overrates any believed "right" it (society, etc) thinks it/they have to judge someone's life.

[Refractive Reflections]

Do I believe society overrates romantic relationships? Yes, where society classifies someone as unusual or abnormal if they remain single for an extended period of time.

Do I believe society overrates sexual gratification? Absolutely. The short-sighted ephemeral physical experiences for a taking a risk, that could last for a lifetime of consequences is noticeably prevalent with unexpected pregnancies, STD infections, etc. that changes the entire life trajectory of the individuals involved.

Originally Posted by Prowler

But lots of relationships aren't good at all. Look at divorce rates. Also, a lot of people have more than one bf/gf in their lives. So a lot of relationships definitely fail.

Obviously, having someone you love and vice-versa by your side is a big bonus to your life, but is it really a need for 99% of people on Earth to find their "significant other" one day and live happily forever like the media and society seem to believe? If someone is single still at age 35 or 40 people sem to feel bad for that person, as if being single is a bad thing per se.

There's a saying that you will break-up with everyone you've ever dated, until you get married or die yourself. It is nice to have a significant other or spouse, but it really depends on what you are expecting from that relationship, and finding the significant other, who will voluntarily reciprocate what you are looking for, is where the struggle comes in.

Humans are naturally selfish beings, so being in a marriage or long-term relationship, will require a degree of self-sacrifice for the relationship and/or children. ...And being in a society that appears to be increasingly self-absorbed and self-centered, is it no wonder that marriages/relationships are failing?

I find it hilarious how society and pop culture portrays marriage as a "happily ever after", and I'm not talking about child story fairy tales that we've grown up with, but the culture of adults in their 20s and 30s who still paint that fantasy in today's culture (i.e. the reality television show, The Bachelor/Bachelorette) when, one would assume, they have experienced the complications of romantic relationships. If these individuals on The Bachelor/Bachelorette were seriously looking for "true love" as the show wants us to believe, they should have stress-intense/mundane experiences as "dates", to experience each other's personalities during times of non-ideal conditions (as it is in real life), instead of having these overt, exotic romantic destinations that does not test the endurance of the relationship at all.

It seems when society talks about finding the "one", it seems like they want the other to complete them, or do things for them, to be catering to whatever romantic whim they want. I would say whenever this topic comes up, pay attention to how a person describes in finding the "perfect lover" and how they describe that relationship to be. It will reveal a lot about their expectations, and their willing level of sacrifice.