The New Café - Page 12

**Machias Banshee** · 02-20-2005, 01:39 PM

Its always stickied at the top of the page...

Its ok..

Maybe you need to get into something to get your mind off of him. Have you considered Music or art? Those always can be applied to theatre and such. Even writing can help you get through rough times.
I've been keeping a journal all during this semester, and I have to say that it has Helped me tremendously with getting emotions and such off my chest. Even just writing ten minutes a day can really help you. I would definitely recommend it to you.

As for the guy.. college age guys can pretty jerky. As for you not being good enough for him, I highly doubt that. Its more often that I see the guys giving the girls a rough time and then dropping them like they were trash. Dont let him make you feel bad. Its hard, but you can get past him...

*Jade Green* · 02-20-2005, 01:39 PM

I've been burned pretty badly too. There was a man that I thought I loved and he dumped me in the worse way possible. Via AIM. He even had the audasity to call me a Lesbian.

I'll admit it now, I am a very tempermental person. If you rub me the wrong way, I'm likely to explode at you. I had always thought that, should I break up with that guy that I would cry or I'd try to kill him. Surprisingly, neither happened. I just had a cold feeling run up my spine and I suddenly felt... nothing.

The ex boyfriend, a guy by the name of Mike, worked in a coffee shop at the college where I was working on a play. On the drive up there, I began thinking about it and I convinced myself that not only is he a coward for not speaking to me face-to-face, but he was an idiot because he knew that what he had called me was untrue and would only incure my wrath and that of my friends.

Before Rehersal, I confronted him about it and I told him that this was his choice. He had lost me for good not only as a lover but as a friend. I also called him a coward, saying that I at least would have ahd the courage to say it to his face. After that, I walked out of there feeling a hell of a lot better.

Lesson learned.

No matter how much you love someone, it doesn't make that love mutual; and even if they DO love you, sometimes there are other things getting in the way. I hate to say it as much as I'm sure you don't want to read it but sometimes it's best to just walk away.

*Kid Icarus* · 02-20-2005, 02:13 PM

The hurt never really goes away, but it does get better. You'll still feel pains when you go by one of your guy's spots, or see something that reminds you of him.

That dude who said "it's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all." is a freak of nature.

**ThirdMarioBro** · 02-20-2005, 08:52 PM

Well, here's one for you.

I have this deep thing for a girl. I've had one on her since I was 8 years old. I would've acted by now, but there's one major problem. Hell, she's hot, she's sweet, she's caring, she's smart, she's a gamer, has jugs the size of Kansas......and she's my best friend's sister. Yeah, so there ya go. It's been on my mind a lot lately, and I've never known what to really do. I'm pretty sure she has an idea that I like her, but I can't read her feelings, and if I say anything and she dosen't feel the same way, it would be awkward as hell. My whole family is friends with these people. My best friend is in this family, and he's been practically like a brother to me my whole life. I don't want to risk screwing anything up, but I don't want to miss an opportuinity I might regret. It's all confusing. Any thoughts?

*kyabetsu* · 02-20-2005, 09:02 PM

Hey Shadow.

yeah, *BIG HUGS.*

i've been there babe. 3 Years and engaged. We went ring shopping together. then, the night of his birthday when i'd planned this huge, elaborate birthday party... he pulled me aside into a dorm room and broke it all off with me. 3 years. wedding. foosh. gone. ...then he said he was hungry and that i should pull myself together and get ready b/c we were all still going out.

...and yeah. i'd been having a bad time of things. So really? I can even now understand why he decided to walk... but that night Everyone was very nice to me. I'd made 3 cakes and everyone liked them... had reserved a classroom with stadium seating... found all these rare tapes of X-men stuffs... the cartoon? back way before they did the first movie. we did dinner and ran a private showing of the cartoons.

he sat with the other girl that he swore he didn't dump me for during the entire evening. ...2 days later he admitted he lied about that.

So yeah.

if he's telling you you're upsetting him like that? it's over. And to keep from loosing him as a friend? you've both gotta take some time off from talking. YOU need to find your feet without constantly looking for him. and HE needs time to KNOW that you're not still HOPING for something --and to know you're not upset anymore-- and that he can quit feeling guilty.

it sounds like your self-esteem's pretty damn low though... and understandibly. If you have friends in the area, plan a gaming night. or a movie night. or a baking night. or ANYTHING, but make it a SWORN date to keep once a week. the more talking you can do DURING it, the better. Making SURE you get out with people who've got no romantic connection to you, but care about you deeply is very important.

i isolated myself b/c i was CERTAIN i was a bother, burden, and drain on everyone i liked. and that's just not the way it is.

Keep taking care of yourself! You're worth it! Eating well, keeping a steady sleep cycle, --grooming..., excercise... all of that makes you feel better. The last thing you want right now is to FEEL so worthless you TREAT yourself that way. You don't need to let things slip into a depression. Remember that YOU are important AND smart AND dependable AND a good person.

i let myself go... and then used the fact that i couldn't sleep or that i gained weight as "evidence" that my ex was right to dump me.

Just because you and HE didn't get along doesn't make YOU any less important.

Take it easy. Don't force things. Pamper yourself-- but take CARE of yourself. Don't let yourself sit around and mope. Join a church group, a community center group, an anime club through a local community college...or just make friday nights "GIRLY NIGHT" with your friends, even if they're boys.

the key is to remember that YOU ARE WORTHWHILE. Even if you don't believe that now? Give it time. PRETEND you believe it. In time, you'll see that you don't have to pretend anymore. b/c you're RIGHT.

...and if you find yourself just withdrawing further and further?... do NOT be afraid to go to a therapist, a priest, or some other kind of counsellor. We love you here, but we're not THERE in PERSON... and we're not professionals either.

if you'd like to talk more, send me a pm. we can talk as much as you'd like.

[edit]
=============
TMB: ... (you posted while i was typing.

)

dude. dont' make a huge fuss. play it cool. be straight with her. make it clear there's no pressure. that you're not creepy or desperate and that if she's not interested there's no bad feelings.

if YOU don't make a big deal about asking her out, say for a movie? or for dinner? or for roller skating? or to play a really cool game that you just got that's 2 player ((in your living room, not your bedroom... no weirdo vibes.)) then SHE won't make a big deal out of her response.

She won't feel like she's gotta LOVE you to be willing to spend time alone with you. She won't feel like she'll BREAK you if she doesn't have romantic feelings for you. And she'll be just as honest and mature about it as you are. ((unless she's still in high school--then god only knows how 'maturely' she'll respond.))

but rule of thumb? being blunt and honest may take the MYSTERY and coy little flirting games out of things... but it makes it a HELL of a lot easier. and if you can't TALK TO HER honestly??? what the hell kind of relationship do you think you're gonna have with her?

so yeah.
treat her like you wanna be treated. Maturely, calmly, no head-games, no pressure.

Good luck! *salutes TMB*

**Machias Banshee** · 02-20-2005, 09:23 PM

*nods* Kya speaks Very wisely...

I tried to tell a guy (who I was very close friends with) that I had a crush on him. I spoke to him at the last dance of the school year (we were only freshmen). He told me it wouldnt change our friendship, but the next day (and the rest of high school), he completely ignored me. I was devestated. I didnt take care of myself. All my friends were His friends as well, so I couldnt talk to them about it.

It wasnt until Senior year that I said screw him and went on with my life. Don't make the mistake I did... Take good care of yourself. And you can Always come here and talk to us...

*Voltron* · 02-20-2005, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThirdMarioBro

Well, here's one for you.

I have this deep thing for a girl. I've had one on her since I was 8 years old. I would've acted by now, but there's one major problem. Hell, she's hot, she's sweet, she's caring, she's smart, she's a gamer, has jugs the size of Kansas......and she's my best friend's sister. Yeah, so there ya go. It's been on my mind a lot lately, and I've never known what to really do. I'm pretty sure she has an idea that I like her, but I can't read her feelings, and if I say anything and she dosen't feel the same way, it would be awkward as hell. My whole family is friends with these people. My best friend is in this family, and he's been practically like a brother to me my whole life. I don't want to risk screwing anything up, but I don't want to miss an opportuinity I might regret. It's all confusing. Any thoughts?

Yeah, you only live once and fortune favors the bold. If she doesn't go for it then move on, there are other fish in the sea.

Now if I could only take my own advice.

*JameO* · 02-20-2005, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThirdMarioBro

has jugs the size of

GO FOR IT!

Anyways, if she has been on your mind recently, and you have felt an atraction since you were kids growing up together, you need to act on this. As Kya said, start off slow, ask her out to a movie or something and maybe afterwards talk about how you feel. It seems like getting it off your chest allows her to know where your standing and allows you to communicate better with her and not keeping something that is very important. So as a I said before, GO FOR IT!

**Machias Banshee** · 02-20-2005, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Voltron

Yeah, you only live once and fortune favors the bold. If she doesn't go for it then move on, there are other fish in the sea.

Now if I could only take my own advice.

Same here...

I've helped so many people with their relationships, but myself... I never THOUGHT of relationships until I entered high school. And both times I tried, the guys treated me like ****. I dunno... I just have a feeling I"m not meant to have a guy of my own...

TMB... All the power to you! I hope, whatever you do, you are successful and happy in the end. Its not everyday that something that special comes to be..

*Voltron* · 02-20-2005, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JameO

GO FOR IT!

Anyways, if she has been on your mind recently, and you have felt an atraction since you were kids growing up together, you need to act on this. As Kya said, start off slow, ask her out to a movie or something and maybe afterwards talk about how you feel. It seems like getting it off your chest allows her to know where your standing and allows you to communicate better with her and not keeping something that is very important. So as a I said before, GO FOR IT!

And TMB, remember, if asking her out like a gentlemen doesn't work, there's always chloroform...

**GK Punk** · 02-20-2005, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gwgtrunks

The hurt never really goes away, but it does get better. You'll still feel pains when you go by one of your guy's spots, or see something that reminds you of him.

That dude who said "it's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all." is a freak of nature.

I couldn't disagree more.

The hurt will go away, it just takes time. Especially once you find someone else. My ex left me, I Thought I'd never feel better, but now I am with someone whom I love very much and nothing about the ex bothers me anymore. At all. I can even hang out with my ex as friends and it's fine.

The point is, there is someone out there for you shadow. and once you find him, it'll just feel like all your past relationships were just practice for the real one.

I hope that makes sense

**ThirdMarioBro** · 02-20-2005, 10:31 PM

Thanks guys. That gave me a lot to think about

Shadow · 02-21-2005, 10:58 AM

Your words are helpful. I've unfortuantly done some really stupid things...I hit a very low low point.

My family is making me go to an evaluation---they can actually have me admitted if they want to. So if I disapear, its because I'm getting my head worked on.

Its not that I want to do stupid things. Its that I just feel so low, I am looking for anything that will snap me into reality. Snap me into the fun loving cool wonderful girl/woman people believe me to be.

I want to be good, I want to be happy, but I am so far down in my whole---and I kinda like the whole cuz it is safe, and dark, and framilar, and cozy...or something... That I don't even have the strangth to pull myself out. Sometimes, I don't want to be pulled out.

I called a therapist that my doctor recomended. I'm on a waiting list. She must be good, but I only feel worse, and I'm really not strong enough to wait.

I've never been this low. And sometimes, I just wish he (the ex) would know how I feel, and be there to help me. But he isnt strong enough either. I'm too much work.

I used to sit and listen to him cry and cry, and be all depressed. I would be there for him each and every time---often before we started dating. I just wish he could have been strong enough to catch me.

I'm done with school. jobless. trying so hard to find and keep good decient friends. Its hard when my life feels like it is in limbo and the people I loved and cared about have left.

Well, anyway. You've given me things to think about. Its so nice to know people I've never met feel enough to encourage me to do the right thing. Things I know, things I wish i was strong enough to do.

I need to find strength. I don't know where I will find it.

3mariobro... you should go for it. she's known you her whole life... it might be a really good relationship...because you both already know everything about the other person. just my thoughts.

**Jo Dawn** · 02-21-2005, 12:34 PM

*deep breath*

Wow, Shadow. You have said some things that are like deja vu for me in your last post.

There were lots of times I felt soo low. Unbelieveably low. And when you are that low, it's scary to think about getting back up again. Because you know how it feels to fall so far.

Quote:

I used to sit and listen to him cry and cry, and be all depressed. I would be there for him each and every time---often before we started dating. I just wish he could have been strong enough to catch me.

Jesus... that could be me speaking...

I also know all about wanting to be the person that people think you are, or that you used to be. And... well... I can go on, because there are many similarities... but...

Just know that I understand. Listen... PM me... or email me or IM me if you want to talk. I'll send you a PM with my names, okay? If you wanna talk, fine. If not, then that's fine too. Just know that I understand. I care. And we're here for you. *hugs*

*raphael_is_cool* · 02-21-2005, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gwgtrunks

That dude who said "it's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all." is a freak of nature.

I don't think so. It's kinda like saying 'why live? you're only going to die'. Be thankful for that time you had

*kyabetsu* · 02-21-2005, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadow

My family is making me go to an evaluation---they can actually have me admitted if they want to. So if I disapear, its because I'm getting my head worked on.

Its not that I want to do stupid things. Its that I just feel so low, I am looking for anything that will snap me into reality. Snap me into the fun loving cool wonderful girl/woman people believe me to be.

I want to be good, I want to be happy, but I am so far down in my whole---and I kinda like the whole cuz it is safe, and dark, and framilar, and cozy...or something... That I don't even have the strangth to pull myself out. Sometimes, I don't want to be pulled out.

as scary as it is to give up your right to leave some place like the psych ward, at least your family is watching out for you. I know that both times i hit my wall, i had to admit myself solo. ... and it scared the piss out of me.

But you're right... when you've gone so far down that you can't go any further, there's a comfort there. nothing else bad can happen. you're safe. But if you don't grab those passing moments of bravery by the horns and let others HELP YOU, your safe place will disappear.

So yes. Help your family help you. All of you are in my thoughts, and i'll be rooting for you. There's no shame in getting help, and i wish you the best of luck learning to let yourself be happy again.

*Anarky* · 02-23-2005, 03:16 PM

Grrr... my mother is getting more and more annoying these days. She's on holidays, so she actually has time to think about stuff. First, she starts off with a "you shoudl go to bed" and "shouldn't you be wearing that other, warmer sweater?" No, dammit, I'm almost 20 and it's none of her concern if I freeze or don't get enough sleep.

That'd be all right, but today (well, about 10 minutes ago) she had one of her typical "let's check on my oldest son's educational successes"-attacks.So she came up to me, asking "So, you had your finals, right?" - "right" - "what subject?" - "Law and company rights plus practical skills" - "What was your mark?" - "4.0 (NOTE: that is not too bad, considering the amount of time I spent learning an the mood I was in on test date)" - "And that goes with?" - "Nothing" - "But you had other finals?" - "Yes" - "What subjects?" - "French part one, Nature science and ecology and maths" - "What did you score there?" - "4.5, 4.4, 2.3" - "And this is for your final report?" - "No, it's, as the name says, for my finals, my diploma" - "and what's for your final report then?" - "I don't know yet" - "Why?" - "Because the semester just started" - "What did you have in the Law... test?" - "a 4.0" - "You messed up!" - "No, I didn't" - "What were you going for" - "An average mark" - "You could have been better" - "whatever, it's my tests, it's my finals, it's my diploma, I do whatever I want with it" - "That is your future" - "It's only a piece of paper, I have enough other pieces of paper that could make me an english teacher almost everywhere on this planet" - "you must pass your finals" - "Yes, I intend to do so" - "you must" - "It's only a piece of paper" - "...hehehe" - "What? At least say something clever." - "You just told me a load of ****" - "No, I didn't, I can show you my entire pile of paper, certifying that I could be an English teacher" - "What did you work the last 4 years for" - "How should I know, you know I hate School" - "You screwed up" - "No, I didn't"

and that's the part where I left. Too pissed to go on. Why the heck does she even bother? I mean, she always does that when she's bored or something. She always knows everything better. "I already have my diploma" Of course she does, she's way older than I am. "You must show them" No, I don't I don't even have to care. I don't have to "have to" anything.

Why can't she just leave me alone? She's just pissing me off when she's bored. And she never gets what I say.

*Mecha Cow* · 02-23-2005, 04:14 PM

Oh, I've been there. Again and again. x_X

Not sure what to tell you. I guess the only thing you can do is deal with it and try to ignore her. I know that doesn't help much, but I just wanted to let you know you're not the only one.

*Anarchistguy* · 02-23-2005, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anarky

Grrr... my mother is getting more and more annoying these days. She's on holidays, so she actually has time to think about stuff. First, she starts off with a "you shoudl go to bed" and "shouldn't you be wearing that other, warmer sweater?" No, dammit, I'm almost 20 and it's none of her concern if I freeze or don't get enough sleep.

That'd be all right, but today (well, about 10 minutes ago) she had one of her typical "let's check on my oldest son's educational successes"-attacks.So she came up to me, asking "So, you had your finals, right?" - "right" - "what subject?" - "Law and company rights plus practical skills" - "What was your mark?" - "4.0 (NOTE: that is not too bad, considering the amount of time I spent learning an the mood I was in on test date)" - "And that goes with?" - "Nothing" - "But you had other finals?" - "Yes" - "What subjects?" - "French part one, Nature science and ecology and maths" - "What did you score there?" - "4.5, 4.4, 2.3" - "And this is for your final report?" - "No, it's, as the name says, for my finals, my diploma" - "and what's for your final report then?" - "I don't know yet" - "Why?" - "Because the semester just started" - "What did you have in the Law... test?" - "a 4.0" - "You messed up!" - "No, I didn't" - "What were you going for" - "An average mark" - "You could have been better" - "whatever, it's my tests, it's my finals, it's my diploma, I do whatever I want with it" - "That is your future" - "It's only a piece of paper, I have enough other pieces of paper that could make me an english teacher almost everywhere on this planet" - "you must pass your finals" - "Yes, I intend to do so" - "you must" - "It's only a piece of paper" - "...hehehe" - "What? At least say something clever." - "You just told me a load of ****" - "No, I didn't, I can show you my entire pile of paper, certifying that I could be an English teacher" - "What did you work the last 4 years for" - "How should I know, you know I hate School" - "You screwed up" - "No, I didn't"

and that's the part where I left. Too pissed to go on. Why the heck does she even bother? I mean, she always does that when she's bored or something. She always knows everything better. "I already have my diploma" Of course she does, she's way older than I am. "You must show them" No, I don't I don't even have to care. I don't have to "have to" anything.

Why can't she just leave me alone? She's just pissing me off when she's bored. And she never gets what I say.

Parents are all the same, aren't they? Some of them (Note, I said SOME, not ALL of them) think we're doing this for them. WE ARE NOT. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN FUTURE, DAMMIT. Or if you "screw up", they'll think they badly raised you and they'll look bad and some are just too damn proud and god damn arrogant (I'm not trying to insult your mother). Just ignore what she said and follow YOUR OWN PATH. YOU are responsible for what you do and NO ONE ELSE.

Brinatello · 02-23-2005, 09:59 PM

I hear you, Anarky. My mom acts the same way with asking many questions and nagging us to no end. I usually ignore it because it irritates me so much. I'll tell you what, though. Despite all that nagging, you know you love her and she loves you. I always think about what my life will be like after she passes away. She won't be around to nag me anymore and tell me what I need to do. At this point, it's easy to say that I'm annoyed by her. But, when she's gone, I'm going to look back, remember those times, and discover it wasn't so bad after all.

02-20-2005, 08:52 PM	#224
ThirdMarioBro Tea Time! Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 8,905	Well, here's one for you. I have this deep thing for a girl. I've had one on her since I was 8 years old. I would've acted by now, but there's one major problem. Hell, she's hot, she's sweet, she's caring, she's smart, she's a gamer, has jugs the size of Kansas......and she's my best friend's sister. Yeah, so there ya go. It's been on my mind a lot lately, and I've never known what to really do. I'm pretty sure she has an idea that I like her, but I can't read her feelings, and if I say anything and she dosen't feel the same way, it would be awkward as hell. My whole family is friends with these people. My best friend is in this family, and he's been practically like a brother to me my whole life. I don't want to risk screwing anything up, but I don't want to miss an opportuinity I might regret. It's all confusing. Any thoughts? __________________

02-20-2005, 09:02 PM	#225
kyabetsu Foot Elite Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: under my hat Posts: 4,393	Hey Shadow. yeah, BIG HUGS. i've been there babe. 3 Years and engaged. We went ring shopping together. then, the night of his birthday when i'd planned this huge, elaborate birthday party... he pulled me aside into a dorm room and broke it all off with me. 3 years. wedding. foosh. gone. ...then he said he was hungry and that i should pull myself together and get ready b/c we were all still going out. ...and yeah. i'd been having a bad time of things. So really? I can even now understand why he decided to walk... but that night Everyone was very nice to me. I'd made 3 cakes and everyone liked them... had reserved a classroom with stadium seating... found all these rare tapes of X-men stuffs... the cartoon? back way before they did the first movie. we did dinner and ran a private showing of the cartoons. he sat with the other girl that he swore he didn't dump me for during the entire evening. ...2 days later he admitted he lied about that. So yeah. if he's telling you you're upsetting him like that? it's over. And to keep from loosing him as a friend? you've both gotta take some time off from talking. YOU need to find your feet without constantly looking for him. and HE needs time to KNOW that you're not still HOPING for something --and to know you're not upset anymore-- and that he can quit feeling guilty. it sounds like your self-esteem's pretty damn low though... and understandibly. If you have friends in the area, plan a gaming night. or a movie night. or a baking night. or ANYTHING, but make it a SWORN date to keep once a week. the more talking you can do DURING it, the better. Making SURE you get out with people who've got no romantic connection to you, but care about you deeply is very important. i isolated myself b/c i was CERTAIN i was a bother, burden, and drain on everyone i liked. and that's just not the way it is. Keep taking care of yourself! You're worth it! Eating well, keeping a steady sleep cycle, --grooming..., excercise... all of that makes you feel better. The last thing you want right now is to FEEL so worthless you TREAT yourself that way. You don't need to let things slip into a depression. Remember that YOU are important AND smart AND dependable AND a good person. i let myself go... and then used the fact that i couldn't sleep or that i gained weight as "evidence" that my ex was right to dump me. Just because you and HE didn't get along doesn't make YOU any less important. Take it easy. Don't force things. Pamper yourself-- but take CARE of yourself. Don't let yourself sit around and mope. Join a church group, a community center group, an anime club through a local community college...or just make friday nights "GIRLY NIGHT" with your friends, even if they're boys. the key is to remember that YOU ARE WORTHWHILE. Even if you don't believe that now? Give it time. PRETEND you believe it. In time, you'll see that you don't have to pretend anymore. b/c you're RIGHT. ...and if you find yourself just withdrawing further and further?... do NOT be afraid to go to a therapist, a priest, or some other kind of counsellor. We love you here, but we're not THERE in PERSON... and we're not professionals either. if you'd like to talk more, send me a pm. we can talk as much as you'd like. [edit] ============= TMB: ... (you posted while i was typing. ) dude. dont' make a huge fuss. play it cool. be straight with her. make it clear there's no pressure. that you're not creepy or desperate and that if she's not interested there's no bad feelings. if YOU don't make a big deal about asking her out, say for a movie? or for dinner? or for roller skating? or to play a really cool game that you just got that's 2 player ((in your living room, not your bedroom... no weirdo vibes.)) then SHE won't make a big deal out of her response. She won't feel like she's gotta LOVE you to be willing to spend time alone with you. She won't feel like she'll BREAK you if she doesn't have romantic feelings for you. And she'll be just as honest and mature about it as you are. ((unless she's still in high school--then god only knows how 'maturely' she'll respond.)) but rule of thumb? being blunt and honest may take the MYSTERY and coy little flirting games out of things... but it makes it a HELL of a lot easier. and if you can't TALK TO HER honestly??? what the hell kind of relationship do you think you're gonna have with her? so yeah. treat her like you wanna be treated. Maturely, calmly, no head-games, no pressure. Good luck! salutes TMB Last edited by kyabetsu; 02-20-2005 at 09:13 PM.

02-20-2005, 10:31 PM	#232
ThirdMarioBro Tea Time! Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 8,905	Thanks guys. That gave me a lot to think about __________________

02-21-2005, 10:58 AM	#233
Shadow Hench Mutant Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 489	thanks all of you Your words are helpful. I've unfortuantly done some really stupid things...I hit a very low low point. My family is making me go to an evaluation---they can actually have me admitted if they want to. So if I disapear, its because I'm getting my head worked on. Its not that I want to do stupid things. Its that I just feel so low, I am looking for anything that will snap me into reality. Snap me into the fun loving cool wonderful girl/woman people believe me to be. I want to be good, I want to be happy, but I am so far down in my whole---and I kinda like the whole cuz it is safe, and dark, and framilar, and cozy...or something... That I don't even have the strangth to pull myself out. Sometimes, I don't want to be pulled out. I called a therapist that my doctor recomended. I'm on a waiting list. She must be good, but I only feel worse, and I'm really not strong enough to wait. I've never been this low. And sometimes, I just wish he (the ex) would know how I feel, and be there to help me. But he isnt strong enough either. I'm too much work. I used to sit and listen to him cry and cry, and be all depressed. I would be there for him each and every time---often before we started dating. I just wish he could have been strong enough to catch me. I'm done with school. jobless. trying so hard to find and keep good decient friends. Its hard when my life feels like it is in limbo and the people I loved and cared about have left. Well, anyway. You've given me things to think about. Its so nice to know people I've never met feel enough to encourage me to do the right thing. Things I know, things I wish i was strong enough to do. I need to find strength. I don't know where I will find it. 3mariobro... you should go for it. she's known you her whole life... it might be a really good relationship...because you both already know everything about the other person. just my thoughts.

02-23-2005, 03:16 PM	#237
Anarky Outlaw Hero Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Tannhauser Gate Posts: 4,867	Grrr... my mother is getting more and more annoying these days. She's on holidays, so she actually has time to think about stuff. First, she starts off with a "you shoudl go to bed" and "shouldn't you be wearing that other, warmer sweater?" No, dammit, I'm almost 20 and it's none of her concern if I freeze or don't get enough sleep. That'd be all right, but today (well, about 10 minutes ago) she had one of her typical "let's check on my oldest son's educational successes"-attacks.So she came up to me, asking "So, you had your finals, right?" - "right" - "what subject?" - "Law and company rights plus practical skills" - "What was your mark?" - "4.0 (NOTE: that is not too bad, considering the amount of time I spent learning an the mood I was in on test date)" - "And that goes with?" - "Nothing" - "But you had other finals?" - "Yes" - "What subjects?" - "French part one, Nature science and ecology and maths" - "What did you score there?" - "4.5, 4.4, 2.3" - "And this is for your final report?" - "No, it's, as the name says, for my finals, my diploma" - "and what's for your final report then?" - "I don't know yet" - "Why?" - "Because the semester just started" - "What did you have in the Law... test?" - "a 4.0" - "You messed up!" - "No, I didn't" - "What were you going for" - "An average mark" - "You could have been better" - "whatever, it's my tests, it's my finals, it's my diploma, I do whatever I want with it" - "That is your future" - "It's only a piece of paper, I have enough other pieces of paper that could make me an english teacher almost everywhere on this planet" - "you must pass your finals" - "Yes, I intend to do so" - "you must" - "It's only a piece of paper" - "...hehehe" - "What? At least say something clever." - "You just told me a load of **" - "No, I didn't, I can show you my entire pile of paper, certifying that I could be an English teacher" - "What did you work the last 4 years for" - "How should I know, you know I hate School" - "You screwed up" - "No, I didn't" and that's the part where I left. Too pissed to go on. Why the heck does she even bother? I mean, she always does that when she's bored or something. She always knows everything better. "I already have my diploma" Of course she does, she's way older than I am. "You must show them" No, I don't I don't even have to care. I don't have to "have to" anything. Why can't she just leave me alone? She's just pissing me off when she's bored. And she never gets what I say. __________________ Because it's... I dunno... brutal.**

02-20-2005, 01:39 PM	#221
Machias Banshee Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 17,163	Its always stickied at the top of the page... Its ok.. Maybe you need to get into something to get your mind off of him. Have you considered Music or art? Those always can be applied to theatre and such. Even writing can help you get through rough times. I've been keeping a journal all during this semester, and I have to say that it has Helped me tremendously with getting emotions and such off my chest. Even just writing ten minutes a day can really help you. I would definitely recommend it to you. As for the guy.. college age guys can pretty jerky. As for you not being good enough for him, I highly doubt that. Its more often that I see the guys giving the girls a rough time and then dropping them like they were trash. Dont let him make you feel bad. Its hard, but you can get past him...

02-20-2005, 01:39 PM	#222
Jade Green ReyeJaye Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 3,873	I've been burned pretty badly too. There was a man that I thought I loved and he dumped me in the worse way possible. Via AIM. He even had the audasity to call me a Lesbian. I'll admit it now, I am a very tempermental person. If you rub me the wrong way, I'm likely to explode at you. I had always thought that, should I break up with that guy that I would cry or I'd try to kill him. Surprisingly, neither happened. I just had a cold feeling run up my spine and I suddenly felt... nothing. The ex boyfriend, a guy by the name of Mike, worked in a coffee shop at the college where I was working on a play. On the drive up there, I began thinking about it and I convinced myself that not only is he a coward for not speaking to me face-to-face, but he was an idiot because he knew that what he had called me was untrue and would only incure my wrath and that of my friends. Before Rehersal, I confronted him about it and I told him that this was his choice. He had lost me for good not only as a lover but as a friend. I also called him a coward, saying that I at least would have ahd the courage to say it to his face. After that, I walked out of there feeling a hell of a lot better. Lesson learned. No matter how much you love someone, it doesn't make that love mutual; and even if they DO love you, sometimes there are other things getting in the way. I hate to say it as much as I'm sure you don't want to read it but sometimes it's best to just walk away.

02-20-2005, 02:13 PM	#223
Kid Icarus Foot Elite Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Angel Land Posts: 4,150	The hurt never really goes away, but it does get better. You'll still feel pains when you go by one of your guy's spots, or see something that reminds you of him. That dude who said "it's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all." is a freak of nature.

02-20-2005, 09:23 PM	#226
Machias Banshee Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 17,163	nods Kya speaks Very wisely... I tried to tell a guy (who I was very close friends with) that I had a crush on him. I spoke to him at the last dance of the school year (we were only freshmen). He told me it wouldnt change our friendship, but the next day (and the rest of high school), he completely ignored me. I was devestated. I didnt take care of myself. All my friends were His friends as well, so I couldnt talk to them about it. It wasnt until Senior year that I said screw him and went on with my life. Don't make the mistake I did... Take good care of yourself. And you can Always come here and talk to us...

02-23-2005, 04:14 PM	#238
Mecha Cow Gorgeous and modest too Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 3,699	Oh, I've been there. Again and again. x_X Not sure what to tell you. I guess the only thing you can do is deal with it and try to ignore her. I know that doesn't help much, but I just wanted to let you know you're not the only one. __________________

02-23-2005, 09:59 PM	#240
Brinatello Hench Mutant Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Escondido, CA Posts: 446	I hear you, Anarky. My mom acts the same way with asking many questions and nagging us to no end. I usually ignore it because it irritates me so much. I'll tell you what, though. Despite all that nagging, you know you love her and she loves you. I always think about what my life will be like after she passes away. She won't be around to nag me anymore and tell me what I need to do. At this point, it's easy to say that I'm annoyed by her. But, when she's gone, I'm going to look back, remember those times, and discover it wasn't so bad after all.