Dealing with death

[Prowler]

Death: the only certainty in life. What we know to be as the end of everything. Some might believe in some sort of after-life but no one has definitely proven its existence or lack thereof yet.

So basically, how do you personally deal with death? I'm sure most of you here have lost a loved one at some point or another in your lives. How hard was it to cope with it? Or are you still coping? Also, what about your eventual mortality? Do you think about it at times? Do you ever think about what you've done in life and realise a large portion of it may be gone already?

When it comes to losses of loved ones... well it's painful and eventually you have to move on. But, after all these years, you'll still think of them occasionally and they show up in your dreams. You definitely will never forget them. Losing a parent, your own children or your spouse/partner are probably the 3 hardest losses out there. I've met a few people who lost their kids and they weren't really the same people after that. Most people sorta accept that they're gonna lose their parents someday, so obviously a parent losing their kid is just gonna be more painful since it's less common. But it happens.

I'm not religious, so to me death is truly the end of everything, and when someone dies, they don't go to Heaven or anywhere else. They just... die.I guess for people who believe in the afterlife will, at least, find some comfort in their loved ones being in Heaven.

As for my eventual death? Well, as morbid as this sounds, I think about it at times. I wonder how long I might have left. As someone who is turning 28 next month, it's kinda.. unsettling to think that, at least, one third of my life is most likely gone already. Or perhaps even half or more than it, who knows. Not everyone makes it into ripe old age. Ofc I'm only thinking about health overall. I'm not factoring in unnatural death causes such as car accidents, plane crashes, etc. Those are just a matter of being at the wrong place at the wrong time, so I'd rather not think about those possibilities. I guess to everyone, people who die in such circumstances are just "the others" and those are the type of things we believe will never happen to us.

"Jesus, what a depressing af thread, man!" you might wonder, but I dunno. Thoughts?

[neatoman]

I guess the best way of dealing with it is to be grateful you got to live in the first place?

[IndigoErth]

Originally Posted by Prowler

As someone who is turning 28 next month, it's kinda.. unsettling to think that, at least, one third of my life is most likely gone already.

Shhh... I try not to think about the fact that 39 is almost half over for me already. I have doubts that I'll get over that next one as easily as I got over 30. This decade has gone way too fast and it's getting a little scary and life is for real starting to feel too short. So I'm not so sure I'm handling the idea of my own motality as well as I used to. (Granted I could get hit by a truck tomorrow - knock on wood that I don't - and age has nothing to do with it.)


As for dealing with death... You just...deal. There really isn't any other choice (besides calling it quits on your own), you just have to. One day at a time. That "time heals all wounds" bit is nonsense. But it does at least dull the sharp edge of it after a while. Tomorrow will be the same, no worse than today, and if you got through today, then you can get through tomorrow, too. And the next.

Coming up on 3 years next month after losing my dad. I think it hurts more that it has somehow been that long already. We all still miss him all the time of course, but we've done okay. Not perfect, but I think he'd be glad to know that we've mostly managed. If we can do three years, then I think we can handle the rest.

And if there did happen to be anything beyond this life, well, I've already got some plans in mind. Maybe it's not at all serious and may never be true, but I guess in a way that also helps.

Because dammit, if there are any Turtles movies after I'm gone, I'm still planning on seeing those and the ghost of me is getting in for free!

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by neatoman

I guess the best way of dealing with it is to be grateful you got to live in the first place?

But if you had never lived you'd not feel anything or know what life is like. You'd not be sentient, so that's kind of a flawed argument, I'd say. I can't imagine not having lived at all, so it might as well just be the default for me.

If you never existed the world never did to you either. And once you cease to exist, so does the world to you.

Originally Posted by IndigoErth

Shhh... I try not to think about the fact that 39 is almost half over for me already. I have doubts that I'll get over that next one as easily as I got over 30. This decade has gone way too fast and it's getting a little scary and life is for real starting to feel too short. So I'm not so sure I'm handling the idea of my own motality as well as I used to. (Granted I could get hit by a truck tomorrow - knock on wood that I don't - and age has nothing to do with it.)


As for dealing with death... You just...deal. There really isn't any other choice (besides calling it quits on your own), you just have to. One day at a time. That "time heals all wounds" bit is nonsense. But it does at least dull the sharp edge of it after a while. Tomorrow will be the same, no worse than today, and if you got through today, then you can get through tomorrow, too. And the next.

Coming up on 3 years next month after losing my dad. I think it hurts more that it has somehow been that long already. We all still miss him all the time of course, but we've done okay. Not perfect, but I think he'd be glad to know that we've mostly managed. If we can do three years, then I think we can handle the rest.

And if there did happen to be anything beyond this life, well, I've already got some plans in mind. Maybe it's not at all serious and may never be true, but I guess in a way that also helps.

Because dammit, if there are any Turtles movies after I'm gone, I'm still planning on seeing those and the ghost of me is getting in for free!

One day at a time isn't a practical way to live. There's always things we got marked in our calendars. Days aren't independent entities by themselves. There's a connection between everything.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

I think what she means is that you can only live for TODAY. Because tomorrow may never come for you. You could die in a car wreck, or from a heart attack, or just some random bizarre incident like having a steel beam fall on you from a cable breaking as you pass a construction site, or getting struck by lightening, or..... So much of what we take for granted in life is based on the notion that we will still be here tomorrow, or next year. The truth is, we never know when our number will be up. So one day at a time is really the ONLY practical way to live, since we don't know if we will even be able to attend that planned meeeting next week, or go see our kid's soccar game, or finish school to get that law degree. It can literally all end in the blink of an eye, and plans go unfinished.

Myself, I tend to think about death a lot. Not just loved ones, but especially my own. In my case, mostly worries about how it will affect others- what will happen to my husband if I am gone, and he is left alone with his health issues to deal with? How will he be able to afford a home, or his meds, and where would he go? It's a fair bet he would not be able to live by himself without financial support and/or a caretaker. I want to believe he'd be okay, but I have doubts. I want to believe we have time to plan for these things, but the truth is we will never truly be able to be sure of anything we plan for.

This topic hit home today, especially since we recently lost one of our beloved pets, and now today our newest fur-baby had to be taken to the vet because she was getting sick, only for us to find out she needs surgery for an intestinal obstruction. So we are worried for her, especially so soon after losing our oldest. It's hard not to fear the worst.

[TheBlueTurtle1]

The worst thing about getting older, is seeing people you care about getting old, like your parents, and other older relatives. Also dealing with the fact that not everyone you know is going to get old with you. It can be more than I can handle at times.

[IndigoErth]

What I mean is my own experience and how I've looked at it in order to deal... (Which was asked for?) Not really something I posted to then be told if it's right or not in someone else's eyes. Everyone deals differently, but that is the perspective that suited me, and immediate family members.

Originally Posted by MsMarvelDuckie

This topic hit home today, especially since we recently lost one of our beloved pets, and now today our newest fur-baby had to be taken to the vet because she was getting sick, only for us to find out she needs surgery for an intestinal obstruction. So we are worried for her, especially so soon after losing our oldest. It's hard not to fear the worst.

Oh, Duckie, that's awful, we've had it happen with one of ours when he was young. (Who is himself also currently at the vet for other issues.) Hope she'll be okay!

[FredWolfLeonardo]

Death doesn't worry me because I don't see it as a bad thing to be actively hidden/avoided and I believe in pre-destination, so there's no point in worrying about something that is already set in stone.

It is a little awkward though at funerals when I'm one of the few people who doesn't cry at all.

[Leo656]

Spoiler:

"PITY THE DEAD" - Bad Religion

"There's a boy in crimson rags with a grimace and a spoon, and a little sullen girl face-up staring at the moon
And there's no one around to hear their lonesome cries
Then they pass away alone into the night...
Why do we pity the dead?
Are you churned by emotion from voices in your head?
Look at all the living and you'll ask yourself why
Oh why do we
Pity the dead?
Pity the dead!
Well, you've seen the disease, suffering and decay,
And you whisper to yourself blissfully "It's okay"
And you still refuse the possibility
That the dead are better off than we...
Why do we pity the dead?
Are you scared of the logic that swirls within your head?
Look at all the living and you'll ask yourself why
Oh why do we
Pity the dead?
Pity the dead!
Tell me what you see, tell me what you know...
Is there anyone who lives a painless life?
If there is, show me so.
The Destitute and Famished, Demonic and the Banished,
Dejected and the Ostracized, the Brainwashed and the Paralyzed,
The Conquered and Objectified, the few who see the other side...
Tell me what you see!
It's a mortal wretched cacophony...
In the end you may find there's no guiding subtle light,
No ancestors or friends, no judge of wrong or right
Just eternal silence and dormancy
And a final everlasting Peace..."

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by Leo656

Spoiler:

"PITY THE DEAD" - Bad Religion

"There's a boy in crimson rags with a grimace and a spoon, and a little sullen girl face-up staring at the moon
And there's no one around to hear their lonesome cries
Then they pass away alone into the night...
Why do we pity the dead?
Are you churned by emotion from voices in your head?
Look at all the living and you'll ask yourself why
Oh why do we
Pity the dead?
Pity the dead!
Well, you've seen the disease, suffering and decay,
And you whisper to yourself blissfully "It's okay"
And you still refuse the possibility
That the dead are better off than we...
Why do we pity the dead?
Are you scared of the logic that swirls within your head?
Look at all the living and you'll ask yourself why
Oh why do we
Pity the dead?
Pity the dead!
Tell me what you see, tell me what you know...
Is there anyone who lives a painless life?
If there is, show me so.
The Destitute and Famished, Demonic and the Banished,
Dejected and the Ostracized, the Brainwashed and the Paralyzed,
The Conquered and Objectified, the few who see the other side...
Tell me what you see!
It's a mortal wretched cacophony...
In the end you may find there's no guiding subtle light,
No ancestors or friends, no judge of wrong or right
Just eternal silence and dormancy
And a final everlasting Peace..."

You always have an answer for everything.

Cool song.

[Leo656]

The only TRUE religion is Bad Religion, mate.

[Prowler]

Tbh I've never really messed with punk rock much. Dunno why. Just never really looked into it. I like some DRI, though.

[Leo656]

Bad Religion is amazing, though. In like 40 years I don't think they've done three bad songs.

Most people start with either the "Stranger Than Fiction" or "The Gray Race" albums since that's where "the hits" are, but you really can't go wrong with any of it. "The Empire Strikes First" is phenomenal.

Homework time, boyo.

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by Leo656

Bad Religion is amazing, though. In like 40 years I don't think they've done three bad songs.

Most people start with either the "Stranger Than Fiction" or "The Gray Race" albums since that's where "the hits" are, but you really can't go wrong with any of it. "The Empire Strikes First" is phenomenal.

Homework time, boyo.

Another band added to the list. And it's funny this came up because I renewed my Spotify Premium subscription earlier today.

[Leo656]

I will say that the "No Substance" album didn't thrill everyone, but there's still some gems on there. They got a little less "punk" and more "experimental" between the late-90s/early-00s until they came roaring back with "Empire". Didn't bother me, but I'm not one of those "Bands can only stay in their lane and play the same style forever" kinda guys. I like it when bands play around with their sound. I mean, you get older, your tastes change; seems silly when people in their 40s try and do things the way they did as teenagers. Feels kind of hollow and desperate.

Anyway, good luck.

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by Leo656

I will say that the "No Substance" album didn't thrill everyone, but there's still some gems on there. They got a little less "punk" and more "experimental" between the late-90s/early-00s until they came roaring back with "Empire". Didn't bother me, but I'm not one of those "Bands can only stay in their lane and play the same style forever" kinda guys. I like it when bands play around with their sound. I mean, you get older, your tastes change; seems silly when people in their 40s try and do things the way they did as teenagers. Feels kind of hollow and desperate.

Anyway, good luck.

All bands change their style a bit because people change with age, as you said, and plus everyone wants to try something different eventually.

[GK Punk]

I used to not have much of an issue dealing with death until my Father died earlier this year. Ever since then sometimes just the mention of death can send me in to pretty severe panic attacks. It’s the oddest thing to me because I’m not used to it at all.

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by GK Punk

I used to not have much of an issue dealing with death until my Father died earlier this year. Ever since then sometimes just the mention of death can send me in to pretty severe panic attacks. It’s the oddest thing to me because I’m not used to it at all.

I'm sorry to hear that.

[Leo656]

Sorry to hear that, man. Hope your Mom's doing okay.

[Papenbrook]

I'm sorry about your loss, GK Punk.