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Old 01-15-2020, 07:21 AM   #1
The Great Saiyaman
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Let's talk about the worst spies and secret agents in TV series and movies.

Ever since the movie "Dr. No" appeared in 1962, the dangerous profession of a secret agent has been glorified over and over. According to James Bond movies and movies of similar ilk and television series like "The Saint", "The Avengers" and the likes, secret agents are fast living, skirt chasing and competent men who cheat death over and over and always end up on top.

So it shouldn't be a surprise that that stereotype was bound to be parodied and gave birth to the anti-James Bonds, the most incompetent secret agents out there. So let's honor them, the bumbling spies from movies TV series and Cartoons.

First up, probably the very first anti-James Bond: Jacques Clouseau.

Clouseau is a bumbling and incompetent police inspector of the French Sûreté, whose investigations are marked with chaos and destruction that he himself largely causes. His clumsy attempts at solving the case frequently lead to misfortune for himself and others. Clouseau is also not particularly intelligent, and will frequently follow a completely idiotic theory of the crime, solving the case only by accident. Many actors, such as Steve Martin have portrayed this character but probably the best known is Peter Sellers.

Now according to James Bond movies, a secret agent ought to be an athlete, physically in tip-top condition, this scene from "The Pink Panther strikes again" shows that Clouseau indeed tries his hardest to live up to that expectation, perhaps a little TOO hard...

According to James Bond movies, a secret Agent should be able to speak foreign languages fluently in order not to arouse suspicion about their real intentions. The next secret agent on the list has made that his work ethic, however, the language course he took was not exactly up to par. From the British sitcom "Allo, Allo", Officer Crabtree.

Crabtree is parachuted in from England to work as a translator for the two British airmen who were hiding in the Café in the small french town of Nouvion. He has been briefed to and has been given a false identity as a French Gendarme, so he can perform his duty virtually unseen. All good and well, but as soon as he opens his mouth, his cover is blown instantly because of him constantly making pronunciation mistakes, leading to hilarious situations where people often don't get what he's trying to say or are unintentionally offended with what he said.

According to actor Arthur Bostrom, the character of Crabtree was based on former Priminister Edward Heath who spoke French fluently but with a terrible English accent.

According to James Bond, a secret agent should be able to make use of all kinds of hidden weapons or smart gadgets, the next guy on the list takes that to heart, so much so that he's named after them: Inspector Gadget.

It's debatable how much of Inspector Gadget's body is still human and how much of it is robotic, he's never seen without his hat and long coat, his arms and legs can expand and he can change his feet into motorized roller skates. Further Gadgets include a build in helicopter that comes out of his hat and a third arm with a magnifying glass (see the picture) However the gadgets are only as good as the one who's using them. Inspector Gadget is hopelessly oblivious to what's happening around him and often finds himself in very dangerous situations without having a single clue to what's going on. The fact that he survives all that danger he unwillingly (and unknowingly) puts himself into is because of his very cunning and competent Niece Penny and her dog Brain, who always manage to save Gadget and solve the cases he's put on. As a result, Gadget always gets the job done but don't ask him how, he wouldn't know it himself.

And to close it off, according to James Bond, a spy should blend in seamlessly with the people he's spying on, not standing out at all. It would appear that the three girls of the series "Totally Spies" had a very different training...

From left to right: Alexandra "Alex", Samantha "Sam" and Clover
These three teenage girls work for an agency called WOOHP which employs them as secret agents to fight terrorism and crazy people with even crazier weapons. The girls are loud, brash and certainly stand out in a crowd with their skin tight day-glo colored catsuits. They are anything BUT secretive in their actions.
"I reject your reality and substitute my own."
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Old 01-15-2020, 10:28 AM   #2
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Cyril Figgus.
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Old 01-15-2020, 11:00 AM   #3
Original TMNT Cartoon Fan
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Allo, Allo

I loved Allo, Allo.
Because of continuity and timeline errors, I've given up writing fanfiction based on the 1987-1996 animated television series. Instead, I'm trying to reboot the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles story, something many other fanfiction writers already do:

Hopefully, stories will later appear at
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