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Old 06-24-2014, 05:29 AM   #101
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Man. So much anxiety over a dumb number. I guarantee that you pretty much feel exactly as you feel now.

If you are a perpetual live at home with the parents, 30 isn't likely to change that.

If you aren't motivated to be a grown up in you 20's, 30 won't change that.

If you think that having to get married and have babies is a mandate of being in your 30's, get over it. All you are doing is making yourself reek of desparation.

I like what was said earlier. Growing older and growing up are two separate things.


On that note, all you 30 somethings out there....if you are still living at home and can't support yourself, I'm disappointed in you.
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Old 06-24-2014, 10:21 AM   #102
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On that note, all you 30 somethings out there....if you are still living at home and can't support yourself, I'm disappointed in you.
That's actually more common now than you think. Some people even did move out in their 20's but had to move back in with their parents in their 30's because of financial issues.

This isn't the 90's, its a lot harder to live on your own unless both you and your boyfriend/girlfriend both have good jobs to pay the bills.
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Old 06-24-2014, 12:24 PM   #103
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Uh, Cubed, she was joking. Didn't you see her smiley face?

In any case, I'm glad I live at home because my parents need me more than ever. I'm afraid if I move out, they'll end up killing each other because they just can't get along at all, but I know it'll have to happen eventually.
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Old 06-24-2014, 12:31 PM   #104
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It's good if it was a joke, sometimes text doesn't translate well. Still, it's a refrain I hear a lot, and some people actually DO mean it. Mostly people in my family who have lots of money and expect it'll come as easy to everyone else as it did to them.

We had a place and then lost it when work completely dried up at the old job. A LOT of people I went to school with are back "at home". One of my best friends was out for over ten years, moved to a different state, went to college, had several well-paying jobs, everything going great... then at 30 had to move back in with his parents and take a job at a movie theater when things suddenly went south. Or my poor sister, who at 37 had to move into her car with a 13 year old and a 5 year old after my father died and she couldn't financially support herself because the kids' father was a deadbeat who couldn't hold a job or give her any money. That was in no way her fault. Especially when she went to try and get homeless assistance from the state government and they told her that living in her car with the kids would be "good enough, in a couple of months you should be able to get another place." Eventually, a friend let her stay for a few months, and they were able to get another place, but the kids' father recently passed away and they're all back to only scraping by and will almost certainly be homeless again at some point. She does everything she can, but frankly, nobody wants to hire a single mother with two kids because employers know all the baggage that comes with that. She's lost a ton of jobs just because her kids were sick and had to go to the doctor. It's not her fault she's struggling, and a ton of people are in the exact same boat.

Bottom line: Things aren't getting any better for lots of people, only worse. Great for people who can "make it", but I've learned not to judge people. Standards have changed completely from even ten years ago. People who are doing well should just be happy that they are, and not cast judgment on people who are struggling. Nobody WANTS to live that way, after all. That said, I am happy for people who can get by. It's rough out there.
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Old 06-24-2014, 12:56 PM   #105
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It's a stigma from the 80's and 90's, that if you're over 18 and still living with your parents you were considered a loser.

Obviously this is no longer true. A lot of people in their mid to late 20's are still with their parents. Its not that they chose to be, its that they just can't get a good enough job to live on their own.

It really goes to show you how much society has changed.
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Old 06-24-2014, 04:59 PM   #106
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I think I've said it on here somewhere before, but my husband, son & I moved in with my folks after my youngest sister almost financially ruined them and we pay most of their bills in lieu of rent. It helps them out and if we need a babysitter we have 2 trusted sitters close by. We "rent" out the upstairs and share common areas downstairs, many days I don't even see my parents all day (unless I go looking....) so we all do a good job of respecting each other's space. It's also nice to know that we have great landlords, lol. After we moved in my mother was downsized out of her job and a few years later so was my dad, so if we hadn't been here, I don't know what they would've done. I feel like it's kind of my duty as the oldest child to make sure they're taken care of, but that's never really a thing that was put on me, kind of just a self-assigned duty I felt is a part of honoring my parents.
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Old 06-24-2014, 05:38 PM   #107
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I hear you, I was already kind of in a spot from a long time ago, because I never got to move out from my Dad's place after high school because a combination of his health issues and addiction issues really took a toll on his health. All his other kids abandoned him, so even though we barely got along, I felt like I couldn't just leave him to his whims and his "friends". He would've been dead in a year. But the years in between before he finally had to go into a home, and then finally with my sister, took a big toll on both of us, financially. It might've been a mistake, I don't know, it definitely wiped out my savings and set me back by many years, but... he's my Dad. None of his other kids even came to his funeral, and one posted on FB that he was glad he was dead (pure class). I still struggle with it, because if I had just left when I turned 18, my whole life might've been different for the better, but... I mean, what was I supposed to do?
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Old 06-24-2014, 05:48 PM   #108
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I still struggle with it, because if I had just left when I turned 18, my whole life might've been different for the better, but... I mean, what was I supposed to do?
Yeah, I hate getting punished for doing the right thing.... seems like the old saying "Doing good is it's own reward" is not quite right- "Doing good is it's own reward, cause life and people around you will screw you over and laugh in your face or just plain ignore you if you're doing the right thing..." But hey, I guess I'm a masochist, I just insist on doing it. Or is it insanity since I keep doing the same thing, expecting different results?
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Old 06-24-2014, 07:08 PM   #109
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F*cking seriously talking about My Little Pony in here? Jesus Christ, Internet. Stop trying to kill me.
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Old 07-07-2014, 07:11 PM   #110
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I agree with its just a number. Im 31 with a wife and about to have my second daughter (i know, no boys lol but luckily my daughter watches the cartoons with me). But tmnt, drawing, comics, and other pop culture stuff will always keep me feeling like a kid at heart. So no worries its not that bad.
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Old 07-07-2014, 08:09 PM   #111
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29

Still 29, I will be totally bummed on my next Birthday!
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Old 07-07-2014, 10:31 PM   #112
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I wish there was some way to be immortalized at 28.

It's kind of funny that in real life people mistake me for being much younger than I am. Some people think I'm only like 20-21 years old as if I'm some young kid. I look about 10 years younger than I actually am.

I remember my boss asked me how old I was once and I told him I'm going to hit 30 in a few years and he was shocked...he thought I was like 22. I must be aging well!
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Old 07-08-2014, 05:30 AM   #113
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I still do not understand your aversion to 30.

Is it that you are afraid of having to grow up? Or a fear of aging? A fear of death?

By most accounts your 30s are better than you 20s because most people become financially stable, you kind of come into your own.

Sounds pretty good to me.
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Old 07-08-2014, 05:46 AM   #114
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Nothing lasts forever and there's a time for everything. I wouldn't want to be in my 20s forever, let alone being immortal.
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Old 07-08-2014, 07:08 AM   #115
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Yeah, same here. Growing old is something that just happens, and if you dread it, then it won't be good for you. Like I said, I'm in my 30's now, and I'm not upset about it at all. Wasn't upset that I turned 30 because I didn't feel the need to. It's just a way of life. Now, I might dread 50, but 30 is still young. And I relate on looking younger. Most people think I'm in my 20's because I look that way, but I'm not of course. Looking younger can have an advantage though in the long run. At least that's what people tell me.
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Old 07-08-2014, 03:12 PM   #116
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I still do not understand your aversion to 30.

Is it that you are afraid of having to grow up? Or a fear of aging? A fear of death?

By most accounts your 30s are better than you 20s because most people become financially stable, you kind of come into your own.
When you are 30:

1. You are expected to settle down and have a family. If you have kids too late you won't be able to see them grow up as you would when you were younger. This is the decade you're expected to get married, have kids, and your life is set.

When you're in your 20's you can still do whatever you want. Whatever boyfriend/girlfriend you have at the time is not permanent, having kids can still be put off for a few years, etc.

2. Your career has to be final. Again, when you're in your 20's you can have a number of jobs and not be truly sure what you want to do yet. If you don't have a high paying job by the time you hit 30 then you're pretty much screwed to have a mediocre income for the rest of your life unless you win the lottery.

3. Less time for yourself. For those of us who spent the majority of our years watching TV, cartoons, videogames, comics, etc....this all has to be cut down. I am never giving up my childhood fandoms. I plan on playing videogames and watching cartoons until I die.

4. Health issues. When you hit your 30's this is when you have to start looking after yourself. In your 20's you didn't have to worry too much about what you ate, you could drink, do whatever, it didn't matter too much. But once you hit your 30's if you don't take care of yourself you're screwed.


There's probably some other stuff I'm not thinking of too.
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Old 07-08-2014, 03:32 PM   #117
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I'm enjoying being 30, I've finally embraced who I am. By the time you reach 30 most people have the self possession to be themselves and I wouldn't trade that for a lifetime of being in my 20's.
I've treated it as a time to do everything I wanted to but held back from before. Now I just think sod it, if I don't do it now I never will.
30 isn't all doom and gloom cubed. Bring on 31!
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Old 07-08-2014, 03:35 PM   #118
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Okay, let me respond to these points:

1. Not really. I'm 31 and am not married and don't have kids, and I don't plan to do either. It's not something you have to do as not everyone gets married or has kids. It's a decision that everyone has a choice in whether they want to do it or not. I'm not going to get married because my BF is on disability and if we marry, he'll lose money, so I don't want to do that to him at all. He understands that and that's it. If people want to judge me, they can. I don't care what anyone thinks of me or my choices, and neither should you.

2. Again, I don't have a job right now because of the economy, and I'm honestly not going to worry about it as it's beyond my control. It doesn't mean I don't want to ever work because I do, but right now, it's just not possible. Besides, my mom's been having health issues, and I just feel like I need to be there for her right now rather than worry about getting a job at the moment. Once things get sorted out, I'll focus back on getting the job I want to get. But not everyone is going to get that job right out of college as it's just not possible. As long as you have a job, why should you worry about whether it's final or not?

3. What do you mean by less time? Don't you still have spare time even after work? If so, then I don't see what the problem is. Sure, it's like that for people who have kids, but if you don't, I can't see why time for yourself is a factor here as you can make time for yourself after you work.

4. Yes, your health changes as you grow older, but that's just the way life is. Just go with the flow and if you're worried about it, just get your checkups as you should. I'm a relatively healthy person, so I don't really have to worry about getting sick all of the time. The only problem I really have is my sinus headaches, and that's due to weather anyway, so I can't really do much about it.

Seems to me you're worrying over nothing. Forget about marriage and kids and stop acting like you have to do this or that. The only thing I feel I have to do is get a job and eventually move out of my parents' house, and that's it. Screw the rest of it. I think you just need to calm down and take a good look at your life now. Do you have a job? If so, then I don't see the big deal. Do you really want to get married and have kids? If not, then I wouldn't worry about it. I don't care about what other people think of me or what I choose to do. At the end of the day, Cubed, the point of being an adult is that you get to choose your destiny on your own, and that's what you need to do instead of worrying about what others want for you. That's all I can say right now.
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Old 07-09-2014, 08:48 PM   #119
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Originally Posted by CyberCubed View Post
When you are 30:

1. You are expected to settle down and have a family. If you have kids too late you won't be able to see them grow up as you would when you were younger. This is the decade you're expected to get married, have kids, and your life is set.

When you're in your 20's you can still do whatever you want. Whatever boyfriend/girlfriend you have at the time is not permanent, having kids can still be put off for a few years, etc.

2. Your career has to be final. Again, when you're in your 20's you can have a number of jobs and not be truly sure what you want to do yet. If you don't have a high paying job by the time you hit 30 then you're pretty much screwed to have a mediocre income for the rest of your life unless you win the lottery.

3. Less time for yourself. For those of us who spent the majority of our years watching TV, cartoons, videogames, comics, etc....this all has to be cut down. I am never giving up my childhood fandoms. I plan on playing videogames and watching cartoons until I die.

4. Health issues. When you hit your 30's this is when you have to start looking after yourself. In your 20's you didn't have to worry too much about what you ate, you could drink, do whatever, it didn't matter too much. But once you hit your 30's if you don't take care of yourself you're screwed.


There's probably some other stuff I'm not thinking of too.
All these points are pretty laughable to anyone who has lived 2 minutes in the real world.

#1) in the United States the average age for the first child has been getting older because people are waiting longer. Do you realize 40 years ago all this stuff would have been expected out of highschool? No laws saying you even have to get married. Who cares?

#2) People can and do change careers through their entire lives. Staying in one job or "locking it in" in you 30's is boring and will cause more financial weakness than testing different things.

#3) only you control what time is yours or not. Age has nothing to do with it. If you choose a job or lifestyle that lessens your "alone time" that's your choice. People of all ages can make this choice.

#4) Jesus. Decisions you make in your 20's do affect your health. Fat ass couch surfers can also get up and decide to get fit in their 40's and beyond and completely turn their health issues around.


Its pretty obvious that you live a very sheltered life and don't have a lot of real world experience.
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Old 07-11-2014, 05:42 PM   #120
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It's just a number. That myth that with age comes experience and wisdom isn't actually true for many people. The years fly in quicker than we realise and, to be honest, there's not really that much time to mature in the grand scheme of things. In between life issues, general interests etc, most people don't spend a ton of time pondering existential questions so it's not like we all become Yoda-like characters as we age.

Very happy to see many open-minded people posting. I am 32 and have moved back in with my mum, mainly due to financial problems. I don't view it as 'living with my parents' as essentially I am independent but just staying with a parent for company (I don't like living alone, which is another factor). I just view it as living with a good friend.

It's easy to say all that stuff i.e. "by 30 you should be married, have kids etc" but life doesn't always work out that way. I'm a lot like Cubed though in that I am pretty baby-faced so nobody really thinks of me as someone who really should have moved on with life by now, as they don't think I'm older than early twenties anyway.
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