My brother's not working

*LeotheLateBloomer* · 08-06-2019, 05:16 AM

My family and I are trying to get my younger brother to start working but he seems to refuse to. I talked to him about it and it just lead to a big argument. He wanted to finish school first and is content with not making money but our Mother was getting frustrated with giving him money. He finally finished school but he's still not looking for a job because he's once again content. All he does is sit in the house and watch videos on TV. He got a degree in Game Design but I'm not sure if he's looking for a job in his field.

I'm not sure what to tell him. He still asks for money from other people.

*Zulithe* · 08-06-2019, 05:21 AM

Soooo he finished school, got his degree but isn't looking for work? Your parents have to be the ones to put their foot down if he's not at least trying.

It sounds like he has all the groundwork laid, now he's at the stage where he has to start applying and putting in effort to get employed.

You said you are "not sure" if he is looking for a job in his field... well if you don't know all the details, it's hard to know for sure what is going on. Again, if he's living at home your parents have to push him to keep moving forward if he's not doing it on his own. It is part of their jobs as parents to make sure he can become self-sufficient.

I can see this being a problem for some people if the living situation at home with their parents is already fulfilling all of their needs. They aren't thinking about the future the way they should, and only see the here and now where they are already provided for. But that isn't going to be forever. If your parents allow it to go on then there might not be much you can do.

*LeotheLateBloomer* · 08-06-2019, 05:26 AM

My Mom has told him that he has to get a job but he's still not looking. I told her that she needs to stop giving him money but she still does. She even lets him borrow her car since he doesn't have one.

*Zulithe* · 08-06-2019, 05:28 AM

Well who is giving him money? They have to stop, unless the money is to help pursue a job opportunity.

Mom should tell him he has to start paying rent, that should light a fire under his ass.

*newfan* · 08-06-2019, 05:37 AM

Yeah, same view here, stop giving him money, then he might feel more desire to earn some of his own.

Just a general view (not a speculation on your situation) but there needs to be a balance of helping your children though study/starting out in life but then encouraging them to stand on their own two feet if looks like this is not going to happen. I mean at any point we help those we care about if they need it, there is just a difference between someone who will help themselves but find themselves being in need and those who just don't want to help themselves (again not directed at your situation which I know nothing about)

*LeotheLateBloomer* · 08-06-2019, 05:39 AM

Our Mom is giving him $50 a week so he can pay for himself. Our Dad, who doesn't live with us, will give him money whenever he needs more and sometimes call me up to loan him money. Like around $10-20. If I don't give it to him, he lectures me on why my brother needs it even though he too believes he needs to get a job.

*CyberCubed* · 08-06-2019, 05:49 AM

I noticed you haven’t said how old he is. Since you say he has a degree I assume early 20’s? If so maybe he just wants to relax a bit before getting into the workforce permanently. If he’s older than that then he seems like your typical lazy millennial who just wants to live with his parents for awhile and play video games all day.

*LeotheLateBloomer* · 08-06-2019, 06:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyberCubed

I noticed you haven’t said how old he is. Since you say he has a degree I assume early 20’s? If so maybe he just wants to relax a bit before getting into the workforce permanently. If he’s older than that then he seems like your typical lazy millennial who just wants to live with his parents for awhile and play video games all day.

You sure LOVE to know about ages, lol.

But he's definitely the latter.

*Zulithe* · 08-06-2019, 06:03 AM

Well age does make a big difference in this case.

If he were like 21 fresh out of college vs. 27... that's not an insignificant difference when it comes to being full-time employed.

Yeah he definitely needs to start earning his keep.

*LeotheLateBloomer* · 08-06-2019, 06:09 AM

He's 27, so yeah we're trying to get him to work before he hits 30.

*Zulithe* · 08-06-2019, 06:16 AM

He should get a job before 28. 30 is too generous.

~~AquaParade~~ · 08-06-2019, 06:29 AM

Way too old to not be supporting himself. Or at least trying to.

*CyberCubed* · 08-06-2019, 07:02 AM

It’s funny back in “the old days” parents were expected to kick their kids out of the house by the time they were 18, and if they weren’t married with kids and had a house at the age of 22 they were, “behind in life.”

Our generation doesn’t have that luxury, because rent and houses are incredibly expensive and us “millennials” are known to be lazy slackers. I remember people still living with their parents in their 20’s used to be considered “losers with no lives who live in their parents basement” but that’s actually not true anymore. The sheer mass of young people still living with their parents till 30 or even older is common now. It really is a generational thing from our parents generation. Back in the 90’s you would never see this.

Still it is odd for someone in their late 20’s to not be trying to find work. I mean if he were trying and couldn’t get a job that’s a different story. When I was out of work it took me like a year and a half to get a job again because I didn’t want to do any low level cashier type work between jobs, and luckily I didn’t have to.

Of course these days people make money off of YouTube, streaming on twitch, or drawing on paetreon. God I can’t believe how much the world has changed even since the early 2000’s.

~~AquaParade~~ · 08-06-2019, 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyberCubed

It’s funny back in “the old days” parents were expected to kick their kids out of the house by the time they were 18, and if they weren’t married with kids and had a house at the age of 22 they were, “behind in life.”

Our generation doesn’t have that luxury, because rent and houses are incredibly expensive and us “millennials” are known to be lazy slackers. I remember people still living with their parents in their 20’s used to be considered “losers with no lives who live in their parents basement” but that’s actually not true anymore. The sheer mass of young people still living with their parents till 30 or even older is common now. It really is a generational thing from our parents generation. Back in the 90’s you would never see this.

Still it is odd for someone in their late 20’s to not be trying to find work. I mean if he were trying and couldn’t get a job that’s a different story. When I was out of work it took me like a year and a half to get a job again because I didn’t want to do any low level cashier type work between jobs, and luckily I didn’t have to.

Of course these days people make money off of YouTube, streaming on twitch, or drawing on paetreon. God I can’t believe how much the world has changed even since the early 2000’s.

I think you're right, that it has become more difficult for a young person to support themselves. Maybe it's a question of whether it is worth it worth it to move out of your parents house and support yourself, when you can save so much money living at home. Is there an ethical issue to living with your parents? I'm not sure.

I do think a lot of it does have to do with laziness though. I live in the San Francisco East Bay and have been supporting myself, without a college degree, since I was 22. If I can do it...

*newfan* · 08-06-2019, 07:37 AM

Yeah simply living with your parents is not the same thing as living off them with no intention to do anything else. Study is expensive and so is cost of living, saving for rent deposits or mortgage deposits etc.

*LeotheLateBloomer* · 08-06-2019, 07:45 AM

Yeah and I have no hope in either of my parents to try and convince him to get a job because deep down they're too soft with him. They spoil him.

*Shark_Blade* · 08-06-2019, 08:05 AM

Sounds like a good time for some brotherhood bonding time via brawling. A good punch or two oughta knock some sense into him.

Take away the tv and change the WiFi password too, that’d show him. Let him suffer till he see the light.

*CyberCubed* · 08-06-2019, 12:06 PM

We’re talking about a 27 year old man not a 15 year old teenager. I don’t think things work that way.

*CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy* · 08-06-2019, 12:41 PM

Have you tried turning him off and on again?

*FredWolfLeonardo* · 08-06-2019, 01:06 PM

Since he's an adult now, there is really no legal obligation on your parent's part to let him stay.

I don't think there's any other better motivator to go out there and work than having to avoid the streets, but it can be admittedly really hard to kick your own offspring out.

08-06-2019, 05:16 AM	#1
LeotheLateBloomer Foot Elite Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 2,971	My brother's not working My family and I are trying to get my younger brother to start working but he seems to refuse to. I talked to him about it and it just lead to a big argument. He wanted to finish school first and is content with not making money but our Mother was getting frustrated with giving him money. He finally finished school but he's still not looking for a job because he's once again content. All he does is sit in the house and watch videos on TV. He got a degree in Game Design but I'm not sure if he's looking for a job in his field. I'm not sure what to tell him. He still asks for money from other people.

08-06-2019, 05:37 AM	#5
newfan Mad Scientist Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: UK Posts: 2,393	Yeah, same view here, stop giving him money, then he might feel more desire to earn some of his own. Just a general view (not a speculation on your situation) but there needs to be a balance of helping your children though study/starting out in life but then encouraging them to stand on their own two feet if looks like this is not going to happen. I mean at any point we help those we care about if they need it, there is just a difference between someone who will help themselves but find themselves being in need and those who just don't want to help themselves (again not directed at your situation which I know nothing about) Last edited by newfan; 08-06-2019 at 05:52 AM.

08-06-2019, 12:41 PM	#19
CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy Annalist Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 16,435	Have you tried turning him off and on again? __________________ *ALL THEIR DAYS ARE NUMBERED*

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08-06-2019, 05:21 AM	#2
Zulithe Ninjutsu Master Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: NorCal Posts: 5,999	Soooo he finished school, got his degree but isn't looking for work? Your parents have to be the ones to put their foot down if he's not at least trying. It sounds like he has all the groundwork laid, now he's at the stage where he has to start applying and putting in effort to get employed. You said you are "not sure" if he is looking for a job in his field... well if you don't know all the details, it's hard to know for sure what is going on. Again, if he's living at home your parents have to push him to keep moving forward if he's not doing it on his own. It is part of their jobs as parents to make sure he can become self-sufficient. I can see this being a problem for some people if the living situation at home with their parents is already fulfilling all of their needs. They aren't thinking about the future the way they should, and only see the here and now where they are already provided for. But that isn't going to be forever. If your parents allow it to go on then there might not be much you can do.

08-06-2019, 05:26 AM	#3
LeotheLateBloomer Foot Elite Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 2,971	My Mom has told him that he has to get a job but he's still not looking. I told her that she needs to stop giving him money but she still does. She even lets him borrow her car since he doesn't have one.

08-06-2019, 05:28 AM	#4
Zulithe Ninjutsu Master Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: NorCal Posts: 5,999	Well who is giving him money? They have to stop, unless the money is to help pursue a job opportunity. Mom should tell him he has to start paying rent, that should light a fire under his ass.

08-06-2019, 05:39 AM	#6
LeotheLateBloomer Foot Elite Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 2,971	Our Mom is giving him $50 a week so he can pay for himself. Our Dad, who doesn't live with us, will give him money whenever he needs more and sometimes call me up to loan him money. Like around $10-20. If I don't give it to him, he lectures me on why my brother needs it even though he too believes he needs to get a job.

08-06-2019, 05:49 AM	#7
CyberCubed Overlord Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 41,002	I noticed you haven’t said how old he is. Since you say he has a degree I assume early 20’s? If so maybe he just wants to relax a bit before getting into the workforce permanently. If he’s older than that then he seems like your typical lazy millennial who just wants to live with his parents for awhile and play video games all day.

08-06-2019, 06:03 AM	#9
Zulithe Ninjutsu Master Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: NorCal Posts: 5,999	Well age does make a big difference in this case. If he were like 21 fresh out of college vs. 27... that's not an insignificant difference when it comes to being full-time employed. Yeah he definitely needs to start earning his keep.

08-06-2019, 06:09 AM	#10
LeotheLateBloomer Foot Elite Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 2,971	He's 27, so yeah we're trying to get him to work before he hits 30.

08-06-2019, 06:16 AM	#11
Zulithe Ninjutsu Master Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: NorCal Posts: 5,999	He should get a job before 28. 30 is too generous.

08-06-2019, 06:29 AM	#12
~~AquaParade~~ Banned Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 8,450	Way too old to not be supporting himself. Or at least trying to.

08-06-2019, 07:02 AM	#13
CyberCubed Overlord Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 41,002	It’s funny back in “the old days” parents were expected to kick their kids out of the house by the time they were 18, and if they weren’t married with kids and had a house at the age of 22 they were, “behind in life.” Our generation doesn’t have that luxury, because rent and houses are incredibly expensive and us “millennials” are known to be lazy slackers. I remember people still living with their parents in their 20’s used to be considered “losers with no lives who live in their parents basement” but that’s actually not true anymore. The sheer mass of young people still living with their parents till 30 or even older is common now. It really is a generational thing from our parents generation. Back in the 90’s you would never see this. Still it is odd for someone in their late 20’s to not be trying to find work. I mean if he were trying and couldn’t get a job that’s a different story. When I was out of work it took me like a year and a half to get a job again because I didn’t want to do any low level cashier type work between jobs, and luckily I didn’t have to. Of course these days people make money off of YouTube, streaming on twitch, or drawing on paetreon. God I can’t believe how much the world has changed even since the early 2000’s.

08-06-2019, 07:37 AM	#15
newfan Mad Scientist Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: UK Posts: 2,393	Yeah simply living with your parents is not the same thing as living off them with no intention to do anything else. Study is expensive and so is cost of living, saving for rent deposits or mortgage deposits etc.

08-06-2019, 07:45 AM	#16
LeotheLateBloomer Foot Elite Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 2,971	Yeah and I have no hope in either of my parents to try and convince him to get a job because deep down they're too soft with him. They spoil him.

08-06-2019, 08:05 AM	#17
Shark_Blade Emperor Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 7,902	Sounds like a good time for some brotherhood bonding time via brawling. A good punch or two oughta knock some sense into him. Take away the tv and change the WiFi password too, that’d show him. Let him suffer till he see the light.

08-06-2019, 12:06 PM	#18
CyberCubed Overlord Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 41,002	We’re talking about a 27 year old man not a 15 year old teenager. I don’t think things work that way.