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Old 08-27-2012, 02:28 PM   #1
ZariusTwo
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TMNT Movie Script

WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?




Poster courtesy of the talented and supportful Blossombrooks

After reading the TANT script, I decided to pretty much begin writing a feature-length TMNT movie script of my own.

This is strictly for fun, but if someone WANTS to do something with it, it'll be here for thier use.

I will be using this thread to share snippets from the script, details about the plot, and even supplying you with some of the songs from the "soundtrack" I'm putting together for it. I've also written two original songs (there just lyrics though, no music) for the movie.

Give me your thoughts on the snippets I'll provide over the next few weeks

Keep in mind that, as an experiment, and just for the sake of debate, I will be taking SLIGHT liberties, TMNT has always been about reinvention, so I won't be 100% faithful to the comics


THE PREMISE



"Magic Monday" is the day a city-renowned building meets it's final curtain call....but what will cause it's downfall? What has been at the center of so many recent demolition jobs, ones that involve no explosives? Journalist April O'Neil is determined to uncover the truth, but as she peers into the rabbit hole, she, her good friend Irma Langestien, and April's boyfriend Casey Jones are swept into an altogether more sinister, warped version of wonderland. Saved from near-death by four strange creatures highly skilled in an ancient art of combat yet heavily influenced by the modern world and the odd hormone or two, April and Casey embark on a wondrous journey, discovering a secret lair beneath the streets, bonding with new friends, and uncovering another wild and eccentric world that must stay hidden. To most of contemporary civilisation, they are shadows, to others, they are guardian angels, to others like the ruthless Saki and his underlings, they are a target. For April and Casey, they're just too weird for words.

They are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.


Read the Novelization here


SCRIPT SAMPLES

SAMPLE ONE

Spoiler:
CROOK ONE:
What is that thing?

BEBOP:
Dunno…looks like something from Power Rangers

(The Turtle snaps back at them)

TURTLE:
Hey! I’m not THAT old


SAMPLE TWO

Spoiler:
(April comes to her half-senses, slightly unnerved, a combination of anxiety and enthusiasm)

APRIL
…Giant…my god, Casey, there were…giant Turtles, well, ok , they were about the same size as you and me, but they were all over the place. Casey they saved me.

CASEY:
Something seemed to scare those bums off. Wonder if it was a bunch of homeless war vets, you get them a lot in these places…

APRIL:
I’m not joking Casey, there were GIANT TURTLES IN THE PARK

CASEY:
…Have to admit, it’s less forced a meme than Alligators in the Sewer…


SAMPLE THREE

Spoiler:

(We take a peek inside a THE CENTER OF A HIVE OF SEWER TUNNELS, and QUICKLY ZOOM IN, we go DOWN A RIVER OF PURE SEWAGE AND TURN RIGHT TOWARDS A BARRICADED ENTRANCEWAY, we seep through the wooden barricade and enter a COMPACT, BUT LIVELY MAKESHIFT HOMESTEAD. THERE IS A SKATEBOARD RAMP, A MOULDY, SPRING-RIDDEN COUCH, AND A WORN-OUT SHEET OF CARPET FLOORING.. This is the home of the four highly-skilled Turtles who came to the aid of April

Here we see the Turtles engaged in different activities. Michelangelo is riding his skateboard across the length and bridth of the lair, not just the ramp. Donatello is quietly seated at the couch, staring at an I-PAD TABLET)

Two of the Turtles, Leonardo and Raphael, are engaged in a training session, pitted against each other in battle. Leonardo DEFLECTS SEVERAL ERRATIC ATTACKS BY RAPH, armed with his Sais, with his two kitana blades. He frequently critiques Raph for his perceived slowness)


LEONARDO:
Faster Raphael!

(Raphael does his best to oblige Leonardo, throwing his feet forwards, wildly throwing his sais in the multiple directions aimed at Leonardo’s body, hoping to prod it and score a “hit”, and thus bring the conflict to an end, but Leonardo continues to put up a fight, countering the erratic combative skills of Raph. AGAIN he criticises him for dragging in battle)

LEONARDO:
FASTER

RAPHAEL:
You’re getting most of me!

LEONARDO:
I want all …or Nothing.

(Raph lets out a scream of rage and desperation and pours his aggresion into a final strike, but opens himself up for a hit, Leonardo twists his body around, and, in a tornado-like way, deflects one of Raph’s sais with one kitana, and delicately “stabs” Raph in the stomach with the second. Raph throws his sais down, forfeiting the battle)

LEONARDO:
Game. Set.

RAPHAEL:
…Match?

LEONARDO:
…You weren’t one

RAPHAEL:
I don’t need to prove anything to you, I can hold it together in proper combat, just turn me loose up top and you’ll see what kind of damage I can do.

LEONARDO:
We’re not out to “cause damage”. We’re here to…

RAPHAEL:
…Here to what? What ARE we doing Leo? While we’re here playing “tag”, people are getting hurt up there. Everytime I walk the streets I see muggings, assault, and worse…hell look at what we prevented last night

LEONARDO:
That was meant to be a meditative retreat and it escalated into something else. We are not heroes, we are students

RAPHAEL:
Wake up already Leo….SCHOOL. IS. OUT.

(A sharp voice rings out)

VOICE:
RAPHAEL! COME HERE AT ONCE

(Leonardo folds his arms and shakes his head)

LEONARDO:
…Never say that when the TEACHER is present

(Raphael gives Leonardo a disproving stare and heads towards a tunnel entranceway, heading towards the source of the voice. Leonardo looks over to the couch, and then to Michelangelo, who is trying out all sorts of freestyle moves on his skateboard)

LEONARDO:
Donatello? You and Mike are up next.

(Donatello remains fixated on the I-Pad)

LEONARDO:
DONATELLO?

DONATELLO:
In a sec Leo.

(He is constantly refreshing the CHANNEL 6 BLOGSPOT HOMEPAGE, waiting for an update from April. Michelangelo pulls up his skateboard, leaps off of it and crashes down onto the couch, putting his feet up atop the sofa while hanging upside down. Donatello ignores the bravado on display and remains transfixed…finally, a NEW UPDATE APPEARS. Donatello becomes ecstatic)

DONATELLO:
THIS IS IT! THIS IS IT GUYS

MICHELANGELO:
…Donny boy, finally looking up girls are we?

DONATELLO:
Not just any girl Mike

(Michelangelo takes a peek at the I-Pad and instantly gets giggidy at the sight of April’s new tout)

MICHELANGELO:
SWEET DUDE!

LEONARDO:
I knew we shouldn’t have picked up that I-Pad….maintenance crews down here should have them on some kind of chain-link…

MICHELANGELO:
What are you waiting for dude? Switch the video on

(Donatello clicks “play” on the tout. April can be seen talking from what appears to be a DERELICT ALLEYWAY)

APRIL:
Hey Five O’Clock Shadows, this is April O’Neil with the promised exclusive you’ve been waiting for. Months away from “Magic Monday”, Channel 6 can exclusively reveal the secrets of it’s inevitable success. What causes the destruction of these proud historical relics without explosives? Suffice to say…

(she produces the robot and parades it up close to the camera)

APRIL:
…It’s because of THESE Perly whites

(Michelangelo seems more interested in April than what she has in her hand, but Donatello reacts differently to the LOGO on the right of the robot, which appears to resemble an IMPRINT OF THE HUMAN EYE)

DONATELLO:
…Hold everything. HOLD. EVERYTHING.

(He pauses the video, which annoys Michelangelo. Donatello gets up, taking the I-tablet with him)

DONATELLO:
I gotta go check something

(Michelangelo despairs at the lack of the I-Pad)

MICHELANGELO:
The least you can do is leave her with me

(Donatello races off through another tunnel leading out of the main chamber. Leonardo sighs and pulls his blades out)

LEONARDO:
Guess I’ve got double duty today. Ok Mike, you’re up. You and me. Come on.

(Michelangelo puts his hands on his face)

MICHELANGELO:
I do not wanna talk about fight club.

THE SOUNDTRACK
1. "I Try So Hard" by Tribal Ink

2. "Life Again" by Decypher Down
3. "World On Fire" by Sarah McLachlan
4. "We Are Shadows" by David Blyth (Original song)
5. "Towards The Day" by David Blyth (Original Song)
6. "These Days Are Ours" by Emma Hewitt
7. "Secrets From The Underground" by The Offspring
8. When You're Young By 3 Doors Down (Leo's theme)
9. Something New by Girls Aloud (April's theme)

PROMOTIONAL ARTWORK



Art by Blossombrooks[/center]




Last edited by ZariusTwo; 03-29-2013 at 10:01 AM.
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Old 09-02-2012, 08:20 AM   #2
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Updated with a new script sample

SAMPLE FOUR


Spoiler:
SHREDDER:
You are alone

LEONARDO
Maybe…but My brothers, my mentor, guide me in spirit

SHREDDER:
I was, until a few days ago…a rational man. I did not believe in the supernatural, I did not believe that the great warriors of the past, ny ancestors, were driven by anything other than their own superstition and self-confidence…but your kind? You are like the great reptilian delusion come to life. A bane sent from the Otherworld. It must fall to me to cleanse this planet of it before it overwhelms us all.

LEONARDO:
We do not come to tip the balance of power, merely to sustain it’s harmonious flux. Your “voiceless” intend to make this city scream until you are heard, to restore balance, we have had to silence it

SHREDDER:
And now you are here…to silence me

LEONARDO:
I do not kill in cold blood. You can surrender peacefully, avoid conflict, end this pointless war

SHREDDER:
History will be written by the victor . You are the demon’s head. If I remove it, the remainder of the body will wither and die.

LEONARDO:
If that is your choice, let us settle this with honour

(Leonardo bows his head in respect to his opponent. Shredder does not return the courtesy)

SHREDDER:
LOOK at me

(Leonardo obliges, he raises his head, he looks into Shredder’s cold, merciless, unemotional eyes, he looks for something, anything, to justify holding back)

SHREDDER:
What do you see?

LEONARDO:
If evil had a form, a face, it would be yours.

SHREDDER:
A judgement. From one who is so used to be judged himself by the ignorant world he foolishly protects.

LEONARDO:
I have seen the world, and while it can be grey, even black, I need only look at those noble souls I have seen in action this last week, I need only look at the country in and outside of the city. The truth is this land, this world, is altogether very GREEN.

SHREDDER:
Then I will ensure you join your lush green country…six feet beneath it

(With nothing left to say, the two give in to their conflictive impulses and CHARGE towards one another, their swords CLASH, THE BATTLE IS JOINED).

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Old 09-05-2012, 03:49 AM   #3
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All right, not trying to be too nitpicky here.... Bit all your references to the IPad app they have? I think you mean IPad tablet. An app is an application. At first I thought you were just using the term awkwardly, but when you started saying things like hand me that app... Yeah, I think Inigo Montoya said of best: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means"

Beyond that, it looks okay enough, I guess, but something seems a little... Off about the dialogue. I wish I could be more specific, nothing sucks more than vague criticism, but a lot of of just doesnt seem very... Natural, I guess. I find it sometimes helps to by a friend or two to read the parts like you're rehearsing a play. If there's something wrong with it, one of you will notice. Course, I could be wrong anyway, I've done very little in the way of screenplay writing (Stan few scenes of a Mega Man X movie, and a pilot for a proposed Teen Titans revamp. Neither were seen by anyone worth mentioning), so I may very well.be talking out my ass.

But it looks promising, keep at it.
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Old 09-05-2012, 04:48 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Azrael Macool View Post
All right, not trying to be too nitpicky here.... Bit all your references to the IPad app they have? I think you mean IPad tablet. An app is an application. At first I thought you were just using the term awkwardly, but when you started saying things like hand me that app... Yeah, I think Inigo Montoya said of best: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means" .
I'm not a savy person in that area, thanks for the corrections there.

I guess the dialouge could be a little more...loose and fluent, at least on the human side. I'll look up some examples just to get a better feel. A lot of comics I've read have this sort of dialouge (including TMNT books)

Thanks for the interest, always appreciate help.

Last edited by ZariusTwo; 09-05-2012 at 04:56 AM.
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Old 09-05-2012, 11:09 AM   #5
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Another thing hat helps me and my friend, who both write on occasion, is for us to edit each others work. It's not only good for spelling and grammar, its great for continuity and clarity. Sometimes something that makes sense to you won't to someone else. That may help, just in general. Of course, my sister writes probably more than both of us, and doesn't use an editor, so again, different strokes, different folks, etc.
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Old 09-06-2012, 04:00 AM   #6
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Beleive me, there's going to be things in this that will only make sense to me and that's half the fun of sharing it.
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Old 09-13-2012, 03:17 PM   #7
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Added plot synopsis

Added new samples

SAMPLE FIVE

Spoiler:
INT: APRIL’S HOME
(SCROLLING TEXT READS “FIVE HOURS LATER”)

(April returns home to find the place RANSACKED, TABLES HAVE BEEN TURNED OVER, DRAWERS AND CABINETS ARE OPENED, Casey is in the living area, sitting on the rim of a TITLED-OVER SOFA. April is NOT pleased)


APRIL:
…What the hell is this?

CASEY:
April, they had authority


APRIL:
…Why didn’t you stop them?

CASEY:
I’m in enough ****, you think assaulting a federal officer is gonna clean up the dirt?

APRIL:
So you let them turn my Home INTO ****?…Wait…federal?

(a figure appears in the hallway, it is the mystery man who was talking with April a few hours earlier)

MYSTERY MAN:
I guess that’s my cue

APRIL:
You’re the asshole who was on the phone right?

MYSTERY MAN:
I do apologize for the mess Miss O’Neil, we were taking precautions

APRIL:
Precautions? Listen you horses ass,,,

CASEY:
April, calm down, they didn’t find anything.

MYSTERY MAN:
Not yet.

(another “man in black” joins him)

MYSTERY MAN:
Check her car

OTHER MAN:
Yes sir.



MYSTERY MAN:
Give him the keys. Now. Or Mr Jones comes with us.

(April reluctantly hands over her keys to the man, he walks out of the front door)

APRIL:
Sir?

MYSTERY MAN:
Agent Bishop. F.B.I

APRIL:
“Frightened Bastards Incorporated” to the average truth seeker

AGENT BISHOP:
And just what is the truth to you Miss O’Neil? The trigger to a much-needed revolution? Or a promising start to a life of mass media privileges? People like you are all the same, you use truth as a catapult, to launch yourselves into the stratosphere with no consideration for what goes on to keep the concerns of this city, the fears of this country, at rest and allow life as we all know it to go by just a little more peacefully

APRIL:
Your Big Brother attitude doesn’t scare me

AGENT BISHOP:
I was told specifically not to scare you Miss O’Neil, and I think I’ll keep to that promise.

(looks at Casey)

AGENT BISHOP:
…You I WILL scare.

CASEY:
Hey, I’ve been co-operating, but hey, you want to talk tough, I’ll show you tough

AGENT BISHOP:
Casey Jones. 28. High School drop-out. Went off the grid for four months before resurfacing in Detroit engaged in vigilante operations

CASEY:
Hey, some guys were messing up my aunt’s neighbourhood, the cops were doing nothi…

(Bishop cuts him off)

AGENT BISHOP:
…NOT Finished.

(continues)

AGENT BISHOP:
…Police in the area didn’t approve but they took a strong shine to you ‘cause you gave them a few weeks off dealing with the scum it was THEIR job to take out, so despite their better judgement they booked you for a mere two week stretch in jail in exchange for an immediate cease-and-desist upon release. Desist you did, but you couldn’t quite quit the knack to make a difference, you got more than desperate for release, you got drunk ,started bar brawls with as many unsavoury souls as you could meet thinking noone was watching, but I ASSURE you Mr. Jones, you were watched.

You Impressed a girl around the same time...Her name was Gabrielle. A few drinks later, you two were flying, got serious, but for you and your attitudes, a month was an eternity too long. You ended things with her, but left your mark in more ways than one. She comes back a month later scarred with that mark, the scar’s gotten pretty big since then…in a few more months, it’s clawing it’s way out of that body, and it’ll be wondering just what kind of man etched it’s form into flesh?

(Bishop turns to April)

BISHOP:
…Your next exclusive is to tell the enlightening story of how a punk like this was able to walk the straight and narrow long enough to see his legacy come into the light…failure to keep your eyes solely on HIM and NOTHING ELSE will lead your man directly into the darkness on the charges I brought up earlier as well as a hell lot more. .

(Bishop’s fellow agent walks back into the front door and hands Bishop the robot)

BISHOP:
Thanks Berger.

(Bishop makes his exit, Berger following him)

BISHOP:
Have a nice life Miss O’Neil

(They leave. April is distraught, she is trying to keep her cool, but the events of the day, coupled with the tiring hours she spent driving back home, begin to take their tolls. Casey tries to settle her down)

CASEY:
April..I…

APRIL:
…I had it. I had it all. The perfect story. The perfect moment…,my god Casey…what did I do?

CASEY:
It’s ok, you can let it out

APRIL:
LET IT OUT? Casey, I…just wanted people to know how a few dumb buildings were coming down, I didn’t expect THIS. ANY of this. And now he’s going to do stuff to YOU if I press further with…with

(April finally looses it, she grabs the nearest thing she can find, a lamp, raises it above her head, and savagely drops it to the floor. Rattled, she starts to get teary-eyed. Casey walks over and embraces her. April breaks down. The phone suddenly starts ringing)

APRIL:
Who is that?

CASEY:
Nobody. Nothing. It’s just you and me right now. Ok? Don’t let the world into your life just yet. C’mon.



SAMPLE SIX


Spoiler:


THE TURTLES LAIR

(We journey into another part of the Turtles’ lair, into a DARKENED TUNNEL, ALIGHT WITH SCENTED CANDLES, Leonardo can be seen seated on a TORN VELVET CARPET, locked in a MEDATATIVE POSE, HIS EYES CLOSED. A CALM, ANCIENT, AND EMPOWERING VOICE, SPEAKS TO HIM FROM THE SHADOWS, it is the Turtles teacher, their MASTER)

MASTER (VOICE):
Speak your mind Leonardo. What do you possess this day? Knowledge…or concern

LEONARDO:
Concern master

MASTER (VOICE):
It is always concern, you are letting it cloud your learning.

LEONARDO:
My brothers grow curiouser by each passing month Master, curious about the world, about how humans thrive up there, they are developing traits shared by humans, traits that you have not taught us.

MASTER (VOICE):
There is more to the mighty current than just the simple stream

LEONARDO:
…I am afraid my brothers will be swept from the stream and head down the mightiest of waterfalls. I cannot embrace my more crucial lessons until I am confident all will join me in learning them

MASTER (VOICE):
Perhaps it is you that needs to join THEM

LEONARDO:
…I…I cannot Master. I feel we belong in the dark. We are shadows.

MASTER (VOICE):
All shadows have some shape, all shadows have the same colour. All shadows move in silence, but some shadows can be clearly seen, some even wish to be. There will come a time where all of my sons will give shape to theirs

LEONARDO:
But when is the right time?

MASTER (VOICE):
The time has come for time itself to wait as patiently as you have

I should point out that these samples arent neccersarily in chronological order.

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Old 09-14-2012, 03:16 PM   #8
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Added some promotional artwork (something incredibly simple, I'm not Picaso where this is concerned)
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Old 09-18-2012, 08:14 AM   #9
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Rats, had to do some proof-reading on this, my dyslexia got the better of me at some points

Update time

New bit of promotional artwork and another script sample.

SAMPLE SEVEN

Spoiler:
SUBURBAN NEIGHBOURHOOD
NIGHT

(Back at the suburban neighbourhood that is frequented by Michelangelo, Mrs Ester is providing young Zack with some candy treats)

MRS. ESTER:
Here you go Zack. Should be enough for all your friends here

ZACK:
Thanks ma’am

MRS ESTER:
It’d be nice if I could meet this friend of yours, getting back my valuables shouldn’t go without a proper thank you.

ZACK:
I’ll let him know how grateful you are.

MRS ESTER:
…You sure it’s wise to hang out with someone who’s such a mystery?

ZACK:
If you ever met him, I think you’d understand why he prefers his privacy. All I know is he’s always come through for us as a friend

MRS ESTER:
Well if he’s got your approval, he’s earned mine. You run along now, summer vacation’s over, you’ve got school to think about.

ZACK:
Thanks for the treats, see ya

(He runs off, heading in the direction of Klunk’s Avenue, where his friends are being entertained by Michelangelo, who is telling them a story)

MICHELANGELO:
…And then, with the gateway to their home dimension rapidly closing, Kirby turned to the gallant Donny and told him to go in ahead of him. Donny complied, but as he returned home, there was only enough room left for a small piece of paper to be sent through, a note that said very little, but whose message meant a big It read “Don, life at best is bittersweet…Kirby”

(One of the kids, a girl, dries her eyes)

GIRL:
That was beautiful.

(another kid, male, isn’t impressed)

BOY:
Gay.



MICHELANGELO:
Oh c’mon, it was totally “band of brothers”

BOY:
You talked about flaky Vikings and rainbow bridges man

MICHELANGELO:
It’s a FANTASY

BOY:
That’s why I can’t take to it. Not anything I can relate to.

MICHELANGELO:
In reality, a lot of stories have the same bittersweet endings, fantasy’s just a better way of coping with something you might not be able to handle if push comes to shove.

BOY:
I can handle anything.

MICHELANGELO:
You screamed like a girl when you met me for the first time.

BOY:
That’s what they did in E.T. Didn’t stop the kid rising to the occasion and saving the day later did it? That’s me

MICHELANGELO:
…What’s an E.T?

BOY:
Extreme Twit where you’re concerned

(the kids laugh, Michelangelo gets ups and towers over the boy)

MICHELANGELO:
So…you’ve got a real high opinion of yourself. A bit of a critic aint’cha? Well here’s how I best deal with criticism

(Michelangelo starts playfully wrestling with the kid, grabbing him in a headlock and giving him a loogie)

BOY:
Hey, cut it out…

(he starts to laugh, so does Mike and the others, Zack shows up with the treats)

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Old 09-19-2012, 11:11 AM   #10
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Two illustrations inspired by scenes in my fanfilm script

First, one from Casey Jone's introduction



And Leonardo from the Turtles battle in the park



Leonardo and Splinter have a conversation while Don works away in his lab


Last edited by ZariusTwo; 09-20-2012 at 05:44 AM.
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Old 10-18-2012, 01:48 PM   #11
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Update time!

Whew, 70 Pages in with more to come, but things are finally coming together, as I finally got to the scene April meets the Turtles face to face. This is where the story kicks into higher gear, as next comes our first meeting with Splinter, Casey fends off home invaders, and one of Shredder's "pet" projects visits a kindly old woman, prompting Mikey into action! It's all yet to come in this script.

For now, enjoy another sample, taken from April and Irma's first meeting with Donatello and Raphael, when the four are interupted by two armed thugs, what kind of fireworks will ignite?

Spoiler:
IRMA:
April let’s get out of here…

APRIL:
Not without my story

1ST MAN:
Can it broad.

(he turns to his friend)

1ST MAN (instructing him to go after Raph)
Take him

2ND MAN:
He’s armed man.

1st MAN:
You heard his pal, there scared of this getting out of hand, he won’t dice ya, take him. I’ll get what I want from the chicks

(his friend plucks up the courage to do as instructed, he slaps himself in the face a few times to zone himself up, he shakes his head, lets out a yell, and charges Raph. Just as he approaches him, Raph KICKS HIM VICIOUSLY IN THE STOMACH, and RAMS HIS RIGHT ELBOW DOWN ON HIS BACK, he steps over the shattered man and heads towards his partner, but he grabs Irma)

APRIL:
Hey! Let her go!

( he slowly but surely begins to back out of the alley with Irma)

1ST MAN:
You’re not a good enough general for this war pal, now it’s gonna escalate.

RAPHAEL:
Go ahead. Test my speed, I may just surprise ya

1ST MAN:
One step further and her neck slides clean off

(Raph stalls. Unsure of what to do, the man sneers, he thinks he has the upper hand.

SUDDENLY, Donatello DASHES UP TO RAPH, LEAPS ONTO RAPH’S SHOULDERS, AND JUMPS OFF, CLENCHING A FIST IN MID-AIR AND COMING DOWN ON TOP OF THE THUG.

Irma is released from the man’s grip as his and Donatello’s bodies collide and fall down onto the hardened concrete. Donatello’s hat falls off as Irma rushes to April’s side. As Donatello pins the thug to the ground and holds him long enough for Raphael to take over, Irma observes the activity and is keen to comment)

IRMA:
Pfft, and you said they were Turtles

(Donatello turns around, his face completely exposed. Sure enough, April’s suspicions are confirmed. They ARE Turtles.

Irma stares upon it and begins to SCREAM IN PANIC. April quickly covers Irma’s mouth with her right hand.

The thug begins to stir, Raph HEADBUTTS HIM, knocking him out. Raph takes one of his sais and hovers it over the thug’s left eye. Donatello reacts to this in an alarmed fashion)

DONATELLO:
What are you doing?

RAPHAEL:
I reckon this guy could do with seeing a lot less of the world he’s in…might even open up his senses

DONATELLO:
He’s not a threat anymore, leave it be. Stay calm, center yourself, this is not what our sensei taught us.

(Raph sighs, and puts his sais away, stashing them in his jacket pocket)

RAPHAEL:
Yeah, yeah, I know the drill, just wishful thinking

(He addresses April and Irma, the latter still being held back from screaming by her friend)

RAPHAEL:
What do we do with these two?

DONATELLO:
Depends on what they want to do…your call Miss O’Neil. If you choose to run, we won’t try to stop you.

RAPHAEL;
Yeah but we’re compromised…

DONATELLO (putting his foot down)
..We WON’T stop you

APRIL:
I’m not going anywhere. You’re…you’re…so unreal, but…I was right…see Irma? I was ABSOLUTELY right

IRMA (Muffled)
Ok, ok, you’re right, Lemme go, I’m cool…I’m cool

APRIL:
…Promise?

IRMA:
Promise

(April releases her grip, Irma, still a little shaken, stays close to her friend as Donatello walks over)

DONATELLO:
Didn’t mean to startle you ma’am

IRMA:
…Didn’t mean to cry out for help because the martians were clearly invading Mister.

DONATELLO:
Please, just call me Donatello

IRMA:
I think I’ll stick with maritan
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Old 10-18-2012, 03:46 PM   #12
BubblyShell22
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Wow. This is an awesome script, Zarius. I really like it, especially Leo's and Splinter's conversation. It was just so spot on and something they'd discuss. Nicely done on this so far. I'll be eagerly awaiting more.
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Old 10-18-2012, 04:25 PM   #13
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Thanks for your poitive comments Bubbly, I appreciate it. It's been a bit since I worked on this so it's nice to know someone's paying attention to it.
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Old 10-19-2012, 07:22 AM   #14
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No problem, Zarius. I'm always happy to lend my support and review when I feel something is good.
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Old 10-19-2012, 12:27 PM   #15
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I love the Irma comment at the end there! Made me smile. This is good, there's a really nice genuine interplay between the characters.
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Old 10-19-2012, 04:35 PM   #16
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Thanks for the kind words. I'm cramming a lot of characters into this, from all aspects of the franchise, I'm quite keen to make them all have a part to play here.
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Old 10-21-2012, 04:17 PM   #17
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Another sample, while it's taken from a much deeper portion of the story, it doesnt spoil much. Donatello meets a certain scientist we ALL should know by now..

Spoiler:
MAXWELL:
Ah, and here’s the man behind the magic…Donatello, Doctor Baxter Stockman. Baxter, Donatello

(Baxter does not make eye contact with Donatello, instead turning to Max)

BAXTER STOCKMAN:
Max, I thought we agreed you weren’t to touch me

MAXWELL:
…I got excited Baxter

BAXTER:
…Sir

MAXWELL:
I’m your BOSS Baxter

(Baxter, stern as a stone, repeats himself)

BAXTER:
…SIR.

(He motions to grab Maxwell by his shirt collar. Maxwell puts both hands up)

MAXWELL:
Sir. Sir ok? Now, if you’d care to say hello to…

BAXTER:
…No.

MAXWELL:
No?

BAXTER STOCKMAN:
I don’t do interims.

MAXWELL:
There not interims. There intruders. But they're NICE intruders.

BAXTER:
Procedure is NOT kind to intruders. Why arent you dealing with them?

(Donatello taps Baxter on the shoulder)

DONATELLO:
..Erm, sir?

(Baxter freezes. His face becomes increasingly stoney. He closes his eyes briefly and tries to compose himself)

MAXWELL:
…****.

BAXTER:
…He touched me.

DONATELLO:
…Yeah. I did. That happened.

BAXTER:
…He’s an intruder and he touched me.

MAXWELL:
Baxter I think you should just….

(Baxter gets further into Maxwell’s face)

BAXTER:
You let an intrusive and unpredictable element touch a senior member of your personnel, putting our security, specifically MINE, at risk. Are you going to stand for that?

MAXWELL:
Baxter, just please turn around and…

BAXTER:
…And what? And WHAT Maxwell? Stare in awe at this latest bungling on your watch? Fine, just WATCH me turn around and deal with...

(He freezes when he sees Donatello up close)

BAXTER STOCKMAN:
…Oh crap.

DONATELLO:
…Hi. I come in peace. Don’t worry

MAXWELL:
Baxter, meet Donatello.

(he extends his hand. Baxter shakes it)

BAXTER:
A pleasure to meet you.

DONATELLO:
Likewise.

BAXTER:
You’re a Turtle. A big…green, scaly, mutant…Turtle. I really am not pleased. I’m terrified.

MAXWELL:
..And, unfortunately, very honest.

BAXTER :
But very formal.

DONATELLO:
I’m sure the fear’ll pass

BAXTER:
Don’t bet on it.

(Maxwell claps both hands loudly, trying to break the tension)

MAXWELL:
Right…now that we’ve…cleared the air, let’s get to talking shall we?

BAXTER:
You’re letting him walk. Now you’re letting him talk. To me.

MAXWELL:
Yes Baxter, you’re the most qualified to answer his questions

BAXTER:
..You’re letting a giant, mutant scaly Turtle ask questions about this establishment?

MAXWELL:
Yes.

BAXTER;
…Right. Right. Of course. Fine. Who am I to judge? Come with me freak

DONATELLO:
Pardon?

BAXTER:
…GEEK. Come with me GEEK. I was talking to him.

(points to Maxwell)

DONATELLO:
But he’s your boss

BAXTER;
And?

Last edited by ZariusTwo; 10-22-2012 at 08:22 AM.
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Old 10-22-2012, 07:38 AM   #18
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Wow. This was great. You have one mistake though. There should be they're as in they are. Other than that, good job. Can't wait to see more.
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Old 10-22-2012, 08:20 AM   #19
ZariusTwo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BubblyShell22 View Post
Wow. This was great. You have one mistake though. There should be they're as in they are. Other than that, good job. Can't wait to see more.
Ah right, thanks for the correction. I've fixed it up now.

Glad you enjoyed that. Baxter's been a lot of fun to write.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:50 PM   #20
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No problem. Always glad to help out a fellow writer.
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