Thoughts of a twisted mind 02: Fine

[Anarky]

There is that girl at work, she always smiles. And every morning when I enter the office I meet her since she’s working at the main counter. We always have the same chat.

Me: “Hi”
Her: “Hey, how are you doing?”
Me: “Too early to say… what about you?”
Her: “I’m fine”

That fine. That damned “fine”. She might be smiling but her eyes are filled with infinite sadness and despair. There is no way she is fine. She resists, she is fighting it, she smiles. A mask. Then we go and have lunch. Chinese food, her favourite, I think. She barely touches her glass noodles on rice and drinks almost nothing. I dare to advance:

Me: “Is there something wrong?”
Her: “No no, I’m fine”

And she smiles. I look her in the eyes and see them getting all watery. “Fine” she sobs. She cries. Just for about half a minute. She sobs that she can’t take it, that she wouldn’t need it. She doesn’t say what’s wrong. She doesn’t mention anything else, she just repeats these words for those 30 seconds. Nothing else, that was all she said. We soon went back to work and never spoke about these 30 seconds again.

The next day.

Me: “Hi”
Her: “Hey, how are you doing?”
Me: “Too early to say… what about you?”
Her: “I’m fine”

Yeah… right.

What is wrong? I may never know. Nobody may ever know. She’s fine. That’s all everybody cares about. Being fine, the ultimate goal of our society, it seems. But even worse: Whenever people show a weakness, there’s some idiot picking on it. Some idiot always has to make “funny” remarks about it. Some idiot has to. Why? Nobody knows. This reminds me of two songs by two bands, or at least parts of them:

“I tried to smile, not to surrender, depressed and seeing the truth like never before”

and

“Search for the weak points and aim for them”

Sad, but somehow true. How cruel has society become that people need to hide their feelings from the people that should care about you. Or why else wouldn’t you admit a weakness to people you should be able to trust? What inner strength must it cost to keep on smiling? How many times have she and millions like her been sitting at home, crying? Damn, those people need help, even if it’s only listening to them, only giving a shoulder to cry on. But that’s somehow I really miss about out society, nobody listens anymore, we hear, but nobody listens. Same goes with seeing: we can see but we don’t look at the world anymore. Remember how happy you were when someone last bought you something that you mentioned liking a longer while ago? Or the last time you had a new hairdo and someone told you that it looked good on you? That’s just it, our society has become cold, emotionless, indifferent. Some people don’t even know how to look at things. They just see them, but they don’t look at them. Is it such a hard task? You’ll notice that the world has much more to offer than it seems, when you just look at it, when you observe, when you listen to people.

Even worse, when I’m sitting there with her alone, she always asks me why I am so “different”. Different as in someone who cares for others. She asks me why I spend that much energy on helping people, risking my job numerous times, telling the boss that he is a right idiot and that he’d better shut up now. Why do I do that? Why is it something special when someone actually cares for the people around him?

Anyways, there must be a lot of people who are just like her, feeling “fine” all the time. If this is fine, what is terrible then?

[愛]

Maybe people just don't want to talk about their problems. I don't come here looking for advice. They're my problems, and I'll deal with them.

[zkarlette]

I think Its better to talk about problems and you seem to be a really nice person an friend Anarky so dont change , I think more people should be nicer cause alot of them are as you say cold and dont care for helping other people like if it is a waste of their time or something , and the truth is that it is awful people should care more for helping one an other , and If you think this girl needs help ,you should try for her to open up and talk about it cause sometimes you really need somebody to talk too ,maybe you will not be able to fix the problem but talking about it really helps.

[Brinatello]

My aunt once told me the word 'fine' is an acronym for Feelings In Need of Explanation. I don't think it really is an acronym, but it sure does fit when someone says they're fine and leave it at that, knowing fully well that they are just the opposite. If this girl doesn't want to talk about it at work, then maybe she should go try and talk to someone professionally, like a therapist. I use the word 'fine' all the time and never mean it, but then again, I don't like talking it out to anyone. I've lost the ability to trust people these days and I rarely speak of personal problems anymore. I know that's bad, but I've been hurt too many times when I say to someone what's on my mind. Probably because they speak the truth and I hate hearing the truth.

[Peanut]

Some people just don't want to discuss feelings. I know myself, if people ask me
"what's wrong?" I tell them nothing. I can deal with stuff by myself, although I don't get all emo like people tend to do over pointless sh*t now a days. Sometimes people like to be sad and misunderstood, they like to have people asking them what's wrong all the time. Attention whores.

[Jo Dawn]

*ahem* Well... Interesting topic. Anarky, I think that she asked you why you used energy on caring... because most people don't really 'care'. They just go with whatever will get them ahead the fastest. Don't change. The world needs people who actually 'care'.

And Peanut... not everyone who wants people to ask what's wrong all the time are attention whores. Maybe they're shy, and want someone else to start the conversation. Maybe they have a REAL problem, and only fel comfortable divurging a bit at a time, so each time someone asks, they'll say more about it.

And I agree with Brina. I have a REAL HARD time trusting people. I have since I was younger; school really was so horrible, well... we won't go there. But either way. I have a real hard time trusting people. So those that I DO trust are very dear to my heart.

I was one of those that hated to complain. I could deal with stuff on my own. I didn't need anyone else's help, or their opinions...

And then I grew up. I realized that I do need other's opinions, and I do need advice, besides my own. I may be a pain in the butt, sometimes... but, I need sometimes, just to hear, that it'll be okay. Talking about it does help. So I am eternally thankful to those that care enough to listen and put up with. Those people are special.

[愛]

I can understand when you would want someone to care about maybe your grandfather dying or you found out you had cancer, but not when it's about burning your toast in the morning or it was too cold out.

[Jester]

I think the person Anarchy is talking about is having just a little more than a bad morning Ai. She may actually have some problem that she needs to work through, and if you keep offering her your ear, Anarchy, she may open up, and it'll be good for her. Bravo about being one of the few people who still care. There need to be more of you. :)

[愛]

I wasn't talking about the girl Anarky was referring to. I was talking about people in general. It's getting so bad, I wonder why people even live at all when all they do is rely on other people to help solve their problems. I'm not saying a little help doesn't go a long way, but you have to do something for yourself every once in a while.

If she's not okay, then yeah, try and ask if she wants to talk about it. If she doesn't, leave her alone. If she wants to figure it out for herself, let her do it. That's real mental strength at work there.

[Jester]

Or she could just be sitting on something that'll fester and worcen if she doesn't get it off her chest or deal with it. But Ai's right, if she blatently says, "I'm fine, you can stop asking." then stop.

[Jo Dawn]

Edit by Ai - Whoops, I hit the wrong button. Sorry about that.

[KROW]

I've dealt with this for a long, long time.

"Fine" means so many things. It could be a cover-up for a major problem, a mask for anger, an exasperation, or it could be nothing but what it is. When I ask the question, "What's wrong?" and get that reply, I react according to the tone of the voice. Sometimes I'm genuinely concerned and feel the need to find out what the problem is. Other times I turn on the charm and bring a little humor to the situation, attempting to brighten the mood. But no matter how I deal with it, I'm always trying to fix the problem, if any.

I believe in the words of fictional character Jesse Custer's father who said, "You've got to be one of the good guys. 'Cause there's way too many of the bad."

[Jester]

To re-hash what JD said: It's not weakness to ask for help. in fact it keeps u from dieing on the inside. Showing a little "weakness" by talking out a problem solves the crippling defect of said problem.

[愛]

Yeah, I hit the wrong damn button. Edit instead of quote. Sorry, JD. Anyway.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help. I do it sometimes when it has to do with school work or something that really affects my future, but when it's everyday stuff, I take the time to deal with it myself. I agree with JD, a little weakness can make you feel better, but I believe it's a temporary relief of suffering. I feel truly satisfied when I do it myself.

[Peanut]

I can understand when you would want someone to care about maybe your grandfather dying or you found out you had cancer, but not when it's about burning your toast in the morning or it was too cold out.

Yeah, that's really something that pisses me off, or the people that act depressed because they got dumped or got in a fight with ther bf/gf. I can't stand that sh*t. Some people need to get a spine.

[Jester]

Sometimes it helps people heal faster to "get it off their chest." Friends should be there for each other, even if the reasons seem trivial.

[Jo Dawn]

Ai... the 'back button' is your friend. ;) S'alright... I remember my posts.

*ahem*

My point was... How can you say others are weak for talking it out with friends? Are you saying that I am weak for letting people help me? I am fully capable of 'figuring it out' myself; and I've been doing so for a good many years now. It's just nice to have someone help. Even if it's just LISTENING to you, which is HELP in itself. There is no weakness in asking for help. I used to deal with it by myself, but then I 'grew up' and realized that I DID need others. THAT is mature. I applaud those like Anarchy, who care enough to keep asking. To wonder, to want to know and help. You people are wonderful.

As an addendum, I think it's 'cowardly' of people to shy away from emotions. The people that can face them are really 'strong'... in the fact that they are secure enough to lean on others, while figuring it out for themselves, also.

Jester, you are very right with what you've said. No matter HOW trivial, you're real friends will listen, and care.

I can understand when you would want someone to care about maybe your grandfather dying or you found out you had cancer, but not when it's about burning your toast in the morning or it was too cold out.Yeah, that's really something that pisses me off, or the people that act depressed because they got dumped or got in a fight with ther bf/gf. I can't stand that sh*t. Some people need to get a spine.

And ya know what? That may be the LAST straw for someone. Tell me it's never hurt when someone has dumped you, after you invested precious emotions in them. That's not being spineless, being upset. That's Human Emotion. It doesn't have to be a disaster for someone to be upset about something and wanna talk about it.

I take offense. I get upset, at times, over what may be TRIVIAL to someone. And I am by no means spineless. Do I wanna talk it out with others? Yes. Can I work it out myself? Heck yes. But it helps to have others CARE and listen. It does. And those people that want to help are great people. I ask for help. I'm grown up enough to. Because it does take a mature person to realize and admit when they need help. I am not spineless.

[愛]

That's fine. I just learned to take care of myself, because I never had many friends growing up, probably because I'm such a jerk. Now I'm self-sufficient in terms of problems. Besides, I don't take part in drama anymore, so there's never really any problems outside of my computer that are worth mentioning to other people.

[Peanut]

So, people who don't ask for help about trivial high school drama are not only cowards, but weak and immature. Glad that got cleared up.

[KROW]

Perhaps people who don't have much emotion shouldn't talk ABOUT emotions. Yeah?

[Peanut]

Yeah, because I don't cry when I spill my milk I'm emotionless. :roll:

[KROW]

Well, as long as you clean it up everything will be okay.

[Jo Dawn]

Well, Ai, fine... I never had friends, either. I learned to deal by myself, too... I changed that a bit. I do ask for help now. But... everyone's different, and therefore deals diffrerently. To each his own. However you deal the best for you... is the way you need to deal.

So, people who don't ask for help about trivial high school drama are not only cowards, but weak and immature. Glad that got cleared up.

Hey... I wasn't the one that said, earlier, that people that asked for help WERE 'weak'. I simply said that they weren't.

Apparently, my words, as usual, are only being read how one wants to read them... not in the way I intended them. Big suprise there. :roll:

Yeah, because I don't cry when I spill my milk I'm emotionless.

That's all taking it to the extreme and you know it.

[Ryona]

Lots of people wear "masks"... Some wear them better than others...


For example... One person who seems cheerful and always happy could actually be hurting deeply inside... about what?... Life in general...

We all have our highs and lows... but unfortunatlly... we live in a pretty grotesque world with far too many "lows"......... An unbalanced scale.

[Jo Dawn]

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,--
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be overwise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!





...Exactly, Ryo. ;)

[damnhooligan]

I always find it is easier to smile and nod than to tell acquaintances (and sometimes, good mates) how I'm really feeling, particularly in public. Part of it is because of an irrational fear of rejection or embarassment, and the other part is not wanting to burden someone else with your problems. "What's wrong?" is one of the most open-ended questions I've ever heard in my life. Where would one possibly begin?

I've been struggling with my own "I'm fine" demons for about three years now, because its the greatest avoidance tactic known to man. Talking seriously about your problems, admitting them and reliving them is really often more painful than hiding them. I'm something of a coward in that aspect.

[Brinatello]

Part of the reason people don't want to share their problems is not only embarrassment, but they don't want to lay all the heavy burden on others. At my stage in life, I've done a number of stupid things, many of which was by lack of judgement and not listening to sound advice. That's why I've recently started to open up to a few friends, or the people I can really trust, about personal issues. I have to because they are issues that I need to know if I'm making the right choice or not.

[Demented Utrom]

Some people like to keep to themselves.They get annoyed if somebody invades their personal space they hate it. Saying Fine to other people is telling you go away.Go bother somebody else.

[KROW]

Some people like to keep to themselves.They get annoyed if somebody invades their personal space they hate it. Saying Fine to other people is telling you go away.Go bother somebody else.
That's a bit one-sided. If you read some posts back, you'll find that the word, "fine" means alot more than that to other people.

[Gemma]

If I have a problem and someone asks me if I'm okay I generally tell them that I'm fine or its nothing to worry about. I don't like to tell people my problems and that's not because I feel like their poking their nose in my business, its because I don't want to bother them with my issues. I always think that whatever it is, I can fix it on my own. Sometimes I can, a lot of the time I can't and it works out bad for me. When its really bad then I open up and hope that the friendly ear can help me out.

[Brodie]

If someone is messed up and is telling you they're fine, that means one of a couple things:
A) They don't like you.
B) They like you, but they don't like you enough to tell you what's wrong.
C) They don't trust you.
D) They trust you but they want you to keep trying to pry it out of them.
E) They would rather you not try to hassle them about it and let them open up on their own.

Take a guess, because no one will ever know which one it is. People are so ****-ing random.

I don't tell people what's wrong with me. Why bother? Just to have that chance of being screwed over?

And P.S.: Peanut cries to me when he spills his milk.


FACE!

[Peanut]

God damn it Brodie! You never listen! I said DON'T tell anyone that! GOD!

FACE!

[Brinatello]

*looks wide-eyed to Brodie and Peanut* Did I miss something here, or is everything... fine? ;)