Favourite Teacher Quotes

[Barkworm]

Nothing beats funny real life quotes and teachers are a pretty good source for those. What were your favourites?
Here's a selection from my school time:

Junior High German Teacher:
- Some of you guys are so prude that they blush when someone just says "f*ck"!
- Yeah, you think army is that great because you get a big rifle. A penis substitution, so to say.
- Pupil: May we eat during the test?
Him: For all I care, you can go sh*t together.

Junior High Maths Teacher:
- Wow, you're not as dumb as you look! You're actually a hell of a lot dumber.

Junior High Chemistry Teacher:
- Stop talking bullsh*t!!!
- Him: I gave you that mark because I can't read your handwriting!
Me: You're not talking about me but about that guy from Sri Lanka, right?
Him: Oh?!

High School French Teacher:
*to Joan*
- You should be burned!!!

High School Teacher for Religious Education (catholic):

- *raises eyebrows and smiles* I used to be a monk (he really was) but celibacy just wasn't my cup of tea (The guy is father of four kids today :lol: ).
- Pupil: Do you think it's bad that people care less and less about religion?
- Him: No.


I miss school...

[Jo269976]

"You're on the bad profile!!!"
OMG that is so annoying in Admin!

[Anarky]

Oh, I have some good ones, since my teacher was really good at saying the wrong things at the wrong time.

The trip to Geneva

So, one day, we went to Geneva for four days. Of course, we students didn't have anything better to do than to get drunk, stoned and generally not doing whatever the two teachers told us. The first two hours were relatively civilized, until someone decided that he needed a smoke in the room where all the boys slept. So, the smokealarm was disabled and then the party began. From out of nowhere, two or three bottles Bacardi appeared and were killed. After about three and a half hours, our room had this odour of smoke and weed which led everyone (and I kid you not) living on one of the three storeys of the youth hostel directly to us. At some point, somebody got a porn-magazine from somewhere, but to this date we don't know who it belonged to and why the hell it was there. Oh, and we were listening to music all the time. Of course, at one point our teacher walks in, not wearing anything aside from a pair of sandals and his underpants.

Teacher: "What are you doing?"
Student: "... uhm ... dunno?"
Teacher: "That's not a good answer"
Student: "I know, but can't you ask again tomorrow, I'm pretty drunk..."
Teacher: "Okay, but this is..."
and then he sees the porn mag.
Teacher: "What is this?"
Student: "Oh, this is a surprise."
Teacher: "Oh, really?"
Student: "Yeah, but you just spoilt it, we were going to give it to you tomorrow at the breakast table."
Teacher: "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... Couldn't you hide that next time?"
And off he went. And at the breakfast table
Teacher: "Now where is my surprise?"

The next night, the girls came to our room. Sooner or later, we were all hammered andsome of the girls just fell asleep. Now, what happened was that one of these girls (ironically she was going to be my girlfriend two years later) fell asleep in my bed. And once again, our teacher showed up.

Teacher: "Couldn't you turn the music down?"
Student: "Okay"
And then the teacher sees that there's too many people in the room.
Teacher: "Can you explain the presence of female people in here?"
Student: "No, they appeared out of nowhere as if they came through a black hole or something."
Teacher: "Like Captain Kirk?"
Student: "Yeah... right."
Teacher: "Why can't you just tell the truth for once?"
And then he takes a walk throught the room, sees me lying in my bed, the girl next to me.
Teacher: "Are you two... uhm... busy?"
Me: "No, she's asleep..."
Teacher: "Should I get you something? Condoms or anything?"
Me: "Aspirin would be nice for tomorrow morning..."
Teacher: "No, get it yourself."

So much from Geneva, there's more to come.

[damnhooligan]

This one's a double whammy.

One day, my high school physics teacher declared, upon pulling out a five-foot tall Van de Graaff generator "Today, we're going to electrocute Mrs. Spellman." He had the entire class line up, hold hands and form a chain that stretched from the generator down a couple of classrooms to my conservative Mormon calculus teacher Mrs. Spellman who was hanging out in the teacher's lounge.

I was one of the people in the middle of the chain, so I couldn't see the shock transfer to her, but I did hear a sharp "OH DAMNIT!" come from the teacher's lounge and a celebratory battlecry of "VICTORY IS MINE!" from the physics lab.

For once, I didn't mind being a pawn in the middle of a faculty rivalry.

[Leonardo_]

I know two verdicts from my english-teacher, which are very insulting:

" Go to the trash can and recicle yourself!"

Once he said to a girl who was a bit burlier: "Would you two please go to the blackboard?"

[Barkworm]

Ouch! Inappropriate. :ohwell:

[Kid Icarus]

English teacher, sophmore year:

"I'm not going to teach you any useful English this year, instead, we're spending the whole year teaching you how to win arguments." And, by the way, we did actually learn a lot of English... actual, real world, what you need to get your way, English.

Another one from the same teacher: "don't ever assume anything, it makes an ass out of you and me."

[That Matt Guy]

"You'll never amount to anything."

[Peanut]

I got this one a lot. "Marry rich...cause you aren't going anywhere."

[Spitfire]

Here's one my friend said his teacher announced to the class.
"If it wasn't for the food I would hate Mexcians."

Now normally it wouldn't be too stupid to blurt that out but when the school you teach at is 80% Mexican/Latino then your a complete moron.