Voltron
03-12-2003, 08:09 PM
Please do not read this story if you are
1-Pregnant or Nursing
2-Have heart trouble
3-are, once were, or have any affiliation with girl scouts
4-If you don't like gore
5-If you can't take a joke
You've been warned
The Wrath of Raph
By: Voltron
He sat on the roof of a nice suburban house. A nice development, a nice neighborhood, a big problem. He peered from his perch through a window across the street. An eerie glow peered back. In this light shadows stood, swayed back and forth, like trees in a gentle breeze.
Raphael had spent months tracking them down, finding their bases, and spying on them. They were evil, minions of darkness. These were warriors with talents few could resist. These demons, these prepubescent sirens, these…girl scouts.
His hand was clenched tightly around his sai. He knew he would have to make his move at some point. His stomach churned, they battle beckoned. He had never fought an entire troop of scouts before, but he had to start somewhere. Word on the street said this gang ran most of the cookie business in the greater Manhattan area. Raphael inched forward to get a better look.
“Now girls, I know we’ve sold a lot of low quality cookies at high prices, but we still don’t have enough money to go on our camping trip,” said the leader. Groans were her response. “Now now, ladies,” she said with a smile, “nothing worth having comes without sacrifice.” A little girl not but 7 years old raised her hand. “Yes, Anna?”
“rrrrrrrrrrrrrr, Couldn’t we spend the money on a new voice box for me? It sounds like I rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr am a frickin’ robot,” said the obese and vile little darling as she held a microphone to her throat.
“We already discussed this and we decided that if you ask one more time you’d get a time out. Tracey! Take her to the whipping pen! 100 lashes for each pound this porker weighs!” the leader clapped and a hulking feminazi rose from a chair and grabbed Anna by her hair. Anna screamed in terror and clawed at the floor and walls as she disappeared.
Raph almost lost his lunch when he saw the muscle bound freak woman. He jumped off the roof and made a gentle landing onto the lawn and slowly crept towards the enemy’s liar. As he neared the street a car suddenly came around the curved street and stopped right in front of the scout house. A clown stepped out and gave himself a “once over” in his side view mirrors. He began to advance on the walk when suddenly he felt a tap from behind.
“Ok, girls we have a special treat as we promised!” said the scout leader; “It’s Zippo the clown!” She opened the door and observed the odd looking clown before her. “Who the hell ever heard of a green clown dressed like a green stupid ass ugly turtle?” she said with an ugly grimace upon her face.
“Step down, Bitchzilla! This whole operations going under.”
“Insolent beast! You shall learn respect!” she shrieked as she took a swing at Raph. He grabbed her fist right before the punch connected and replied with a spinning trip kick. As she fell Raph picked her up by the ankles and proceeded to use her as a bat. Beating off the witch’s minions as they ran to her aid.
“Sacrifice your lives so that I may live!” the leader commanded, but was knocked out as Raph missed a target and put her face clear through a wall. A scout flew through the air with a flying kick and hit him square in the chest. His gasp of pain soon turned into a cry to the battle gods.
Raph punched her right on the nose so hard that her eyeballs popped out of her skull. Right as this happened he heard another one coming up from behind. He did a blind rear kick and knocked the little gremlin through the front window. He spun around hard to get a look at what else was left. Seven others waited for their chance and two decided to take it right then. He grabbed them both by their long French braids and tied them together.
“I hate the French!” Raph thought to himself. “But I sure do love Mike for teaching me this one.” He grasped the trunks of their bodies and began to twirl them around in a blur. He darted into the remaining five girls and beat down all but one of them.
The last one was a gymnast who was very talented. She dodged every one of Raph’s attacks. He only got more enraged when she slapped him and rubbed out her cigarette on his chest. He got so furious in fact, that he uppercut her so hard she flew through the ceiling and clear through the roof.
He was just about to pat himself on the back when he was suddenly body slammed onto a knee that wasn’t his. His vision blurred from the blow, he could not recognize his assailant. But from the feel of the manly, meaty hands he had a sneaking suspicion that it was the She-Man.
He was tossed like a rag doll across one room and into the next. He was face flat on the floor.
“You may be strong enough to defeat those lesser scouts, but I am gonna be a lot less fun to deal with,” said the She-Man.
“What the hell are you, lady…..um….man….ummm She-Man?”
“A bio-engineered super scout who was designed for the soul purpose of muscling the elderly into buying cookies and whipping fatties.”
“You’re sick in the head,” Raph said. As he quietly picked up a box of opened cookies from a display one of the girls broke earlier. He hid them as he was lifted off the ground by his mask and spun around to face the 8’ 3” 400 lb. Goliaette.
“I hate leprechauns….” She said as she drew her fist back for what would have been the final punch. But as she released it Raphael ripped open the box and chucked the shuriken cookies at the demon bitch. The cookies were so jam packed with steroids and cocaine that the gigantress fell to the floor. Her body began to morph and skew. Her head swelled and her voice became high, as though she was breathing helium. Her muscles began to inflate and then she exploded. Raph heard sirens off in the distance and decided to make a quick get away.
“Have you ever seen anything like it, Joe?” One cop said as the other came in the broken front door. Girls were being lead out in cuffs and some on stretchers.
“It looks like someone through a giant cat in a microwave,” the other cop responded as he began to gag.
“Newbie, wait till you see your first ‘castratacide’; then you’ll know the true meaning of uncontrollable vomiting.” The cops put up some police tape and exited the house.
“Truly someone delivered these girls to us. Avoided a horrible shoot out, and he beat the crap out of the leader. Contractor says he can have her head out of the wall by Thursday.”
“There’s no Thursday where she’s goin, but there’s plenty of walls.”
“Hell?” asked the one cop.
“One way, non stop,” replied the other.
The End.
1-Pregnant or Nursing
2-Have heart trouble
3-are, once were, or have any affiliation with girl scouts
4-If you don't like gore
5-If you can't take a joke
You've been warned
The Wrath of Raph
By: Voltron
He sat on the roof of a nice suburban house. A nice development, a nice neighborhood, a big problem. He peered from his perch through a window across the street. An eerie glow peered back. In this light shadows stood, swayed back and forth, like trees in a gentle breeze.
Raphael had spent months tracking them down, finding their bases, and spying on them. They were evil, minions of darkness. These were warriors with talents few could resist. These demons, these prepubescent sirens, these…girl scouts.
His hand was clenched tightly around his sai. He knew he would have to make his move at some point. His stomach churned, they battle beckoned. He had never fought an entire troop of scouts before, but he had to start somewhere. Word on the street said this gang ran most of the cookie business in the greater Manhattan area. Raphael inched forward to get a better look.
“Now girls, I know we’ve sold a lot of low quality cookies at high prices, but we still don’t have enough money to go on our camping trip,” said the leader. Groans were her response. “Now now, ladies,” she said with a smile, “nothing worth having comes without sacrifice.” A little girl not but 7 years old raised her hand. “Yes, Anna?”
“rrrrrrrrrrrrrr, Couldn’t we spend the money on a new voice box for me? It sounds like I rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr am a frickin’ robot,” said the obese and vile little darling as she held a microphone to her throat.
“We already discussed this and we decided that if you ask one more time you’d get a time out. Tracey! Take her to the whipping pen! 100 lashes for each pound this porker weighs!” the leader clapped and a hulking feminazi rose from a chair and grabbed Anna by her hair. Anna screamed in terror and clawed at the floor and walls as she disappeared.
Raph almost lost his lunch when he saw the muscle bound freak woman. He jumped off the roof and made a gentle landing onto the lawn and slowly crept towards the enemy’s liar. As he neared the street a car suddenly came around the curved street and stopped right in front of the scout house. A clown stepped out and gave himself a “once over” in his side view mirrors. He began to advance on the walk when suddenly he felt a tap from behind.
“Ok, girls we have a special treat as we promised!” said the scout leader; “It’s Zippo the clown!” She opened the door and observed the odd looking clown before her. “Who the hell ever heard of a green clown dressed like a green stupid ass ugly turtle?” she said with an ugly grimace upon her face.
“Step down, Bitchzilla! This whole operations going under.”
“Insolent beast! You shall learn respect!” she shrieked as she took a swing at Raph. He grabbed her fist right before the punch connected and replied with a spinning trip kick. As she fell Raph picked her up by the ankles and proceeded to use her as a bat. Beating off the witch’s minions as they ran to her aid.
“Sacrifice your lives so that I may live!” the leader commanded, but was knocked out as Raph missed a target and put her face clear through a wall. A scout flew through the air with a flying kick and hit him square in the chest. His gasp of pain soon turned into a cry to the battle gods.
Raph punched her right on the nose so hard that her eyeballs popped out of her skull. Right as this happened he heard another one coming up from behind. He did a blind rear kick and knocked the little gremlin through the front window. He spun around hard to get a look at what else was left. Seven others waited for their chance and two decided to take it right then. He grabbed them both by their long French braids and tied them together.
“I hate the French!” Raph thought to himself. “But I sure do love Mike for teaching me this one.” He grasped the trunks of their bodies and began to twirl them around in a blur. He darted into the remaining five girls and beat down all but one of them.
The last one was a gymnast who was very talented. She dodged every one of Raph’s attacks. He only got more enraged when she slapped him and rubbed out her cigarette on his chest. He got so furious in fact, that he uppercut her so hard she flew through the ceiling and clear through the roof.
He was just about to pat himself on the back when he was suddenly body slammed onto a knee that wasn’t his. His vision blurred from the blow, he could not recognize his assailant. But from the feel of the manly, meaty hands he had a sneaking suspicion that it was the She-Man.
He was tossed like a rag doll across one room and into the next. He was face flat on the floor.
“You may be strong enough to defeat those lesser scouts, but I am gonna be a lot less fun to deal with,” said the She-Man.
“What the hell are you, lady…..um….man….ummm She-Man?”
“A bio-engineered super scout who was designed for the soul purpose of muscling the elderly into buying cookies and whipping fatties.”
“You’re sick in the head,” Raph said. As he quietly picked up a box of opened cookies from a display one of the girls broke earlier. He hid them as he was lifted off the ground by his mask and spun around to face the 8’ 3” 400 lb. Goliaette.
“I hate leprechauns….” She said as she drew her fist back for what would have been the final punch. But as she released it Raphael ripped open the box and chucked the shuriken cookies at the demon bitch. The cookies were so jam packed with steroids and cocaine that the gigantress fell to the floor. Her body began to morph and skew. Her head swelled and her voice became high, as though she was breathing helium. Her muscles began to inflate and then she exploded. Raph heard sirens off in the distance and decided to make a quick get away.
“Have you ever seen anything like it, Joe?” One cop said as the other came in the broken front door. Girls were being lead out in cuffs and some on stretchers.
“It looks like someone through a giant cat in a microwave,” the other cop responded as he began to gag.
“Newbie, wait till you see your first ‘castratacide’; then you’ll know the true meaning of uncontrollable vomiting.” The cops put up some police tape and exited the house.
“Truly someone delivered these girls to us. Avoided a horrible shoot out, and he beat the crap out of the leader. Contractor says he can have her head out of the wall by Thursday.”
“There’s no Thursday where she’s goin, but there’s plenty of walls.”
“Hell?” asked the one cop.
“One way, non stop,” replied the other.
The End.