General Tragg
08-03-2012, 09:29 AM
Hello everyone, I had a passion for writing and so I've decided to write my first TMNT fanfic, it's written in the format of a script and my stories will be based on the 1987 TV Series and are usually more comedy than action. This one is about Shredder and Krang developing a serum which accelerate the ageing process in animals. So naturally, they decided to try it on the Turtles!
This is my progress so far, feedback, constructive, would be nice! :)
Senior Mutant Ninja Turtles
The Technodrome, at the Earth’s core.
Krang, Shredder and Bebop and Rocksteady are in a lab room.
KRANG: (Laughing maniacally) At last, the potion which will deal with these pesky Teenage Turtles once and for all!
BEBOP: Aw, why’d you have to use our coca-cola?
ROCKSTEADY: Yeah, it’s a long way to the surface to go and get some...and it’s so expensive. That’s the Democrats for ya.
SHREDDER: Silence you right-wing moron, continue Krang.
KRANG: (Sighs) I’ve added a chemical known as berudium to the cola, a chemical which only exists in Dimension X! It accelerates the ageing process in animals...
ROCKSTEADY: So?
KRANG: So, we can use it on those spunky Teenage Mutant Turtles!
SHREDDER: (Laughs ominously) They’ll be decrepit old windbags, excellent! They wouldn’t be able to beat a paper bag!
KRANG: Precisely. (hands Shredder a bottle of the serum) Take it to the surface and make sure you don’t spill it, like you usually do! You don’t appreciate the time and effort it takes to concoct all these substances!
BEBOP: Can we come too?
ROCKSTEADY: Yeah, we wanna get some more cola!
SHREDDER: Oh very well, just don’t get in my way!
The Turtle’s lair, they are eating lunch.
DONATELLO: Mmm this pizza’s good!
RAPHAEL: Yeah, who’d have thought chocolate buttons and mozzarella would make such a delicious topping!
MICHLANGELO: Yeah, it’s radically righteous!
RAPHAEL: You know, in 2012 that kinda talk is kinda antiquated you know?
MICHELANGELO: Hey man, my words are like my children! Michelangelo without cowabunga is like Pizza without a crust!
LEONARDO: I just wonder what Shredder and Krang’s next move is.
RAPHAEL: Yeah, you’d think the writers would come up with something big to move the story forward. And your grammar’s screwy, it should be, “I wonder what Shredder and Krang’s next move will be.”
LEONARDO: Hey, I’m a teenager, not a teacher!
Just then, the Turtle Com goes off, Donatello answers. It is April O’Neill.
DONATELLO: Hi April, what is it now?
APRIL: Shredder and his punks have been spotted near Pablo’s Pizzas!
DONATELLO: No more exposition needed, we’re on our way!
LEONARDO: Shouldn’t we get a more detailed explanation?
RAPHAEL: Hey, today’s kids want to get straight to the action. Detailed storytelling is out the window!
LEONARDO: Let’s go Turtles!
Outside Pablo’s Pizza...
BEBOP: Uh boss, why are we just standing here?
SHREDDER: Because you worthless warthog, we’re waiting for the Turtles to show up.
ROCKSTEADY: Yeah but that won’t be for a while, how’s about we get some pizza?
SHREDDER: Use your brain instead of your stomach rhinobrain, we can’t let our guard down for a second?
ROCKSTEADY: Ooh ooh, we have a guard, where is he, huh, huh?
SHREDDER: It was just a figure of speech!
BEBOP: Who’s Speech, and where’s his figure. I love collecting toys!
SHREDDER: (to himself) Oh why I have put up with this inane banter for so long?
Just then the Turtles emerge from an alleyway!
BEBOP: The Turtles!
SHREDDER: Take this!
Shredder pulls out a gun and squirts the ageing potion onto them!
LEONARDO: Hey tinface, you never gave us time to say something...
The Turtles skins become wrinkly and saggy, their postures become crooked and they all have white beards.
MICHAELANGELO: Woah man, I feel so old! (coughs)
RAPHAEL: Yeah so do I!
They look down at themselves!
DONATELLO: That potion...Shredder’s accelerated our ageing process...we’ve become...uh...um.
RAPHAEL: Senile.
MICHAELANGELO: Oh man and I had so many things I wanted to do when I was young.
RAPHAEL: I told you too much pizza plays havoc with your figure.
SHREDDER: Hah hah hah, now I have you!
Shredder’s communicator goes off.
KRANG: Have you successfully administered the serum?
SHREDDER: Yes!
KRANG: Well return to me at once!
SHREDDER: But Krang I wanna destroy them, I wanna destroy them now!
KRANG: Stop being so babyish and come back here, the Turtles cannot stop us now. I need to discuss something important with you!
SHREDDER: Oh you never let me finish what I start! Come on Bebop, Rocksteady, we’re going back to the Technodrome! This scene’s getting old anyway, bwa ha ha ha hah!
Shredder and the Punks jump into the module and head underground.
LEONARDO: Cough...come on Turtles...we need to get back...cough...to the lair!
RAPHAEL: Good idea...they’re showing reruns of Little House On The Prairie.
MICHAELANGELO: Bummer man, this stuff really has made us old.
DONATELLO: If I can do something about my rheumatics, I might be able to find an antidote.
Later, at the lair, the Turtles are conversing with April and Master Splinter.
SPLINTER: This is a most devious plot which has been unleashed upon you by my old, adversary.
RAPHAEL: Master, do you have to keep using the word “old”?
MICHAELANGELO: Man, being old is lame, I don’t see why people bother...
Master Splinter glares at him.
MICHAELANGELO: Uh, sorry Sensei.
SPLINTER: Do not spurn age, the fact on the outside you have aged does not matter. The important thing is if the fire inside you burns as strongly as before.
LEONARDO: In other words, do we have the will to stop Shr- (Leonardo coughs violently).
RAPHAEL: If you don’t stop coughing, your sides’ll split.
APRIL: Poor Turtles, I wish I could do something to help.
DONATELLO: Hmm...perhaps you can do something April?
APRIL: Yes?
DONATELLO: Put the kettle on and make us a cup of tea!
APRIL: Again? That will be the fourth cup of tea you fellows have had in the last two hours.
MICHAELANGELO: Hey young lady we old Turtles need to keep up our fluid intake.
Meanwhile, back at the Technodrome...
SHREDDER: Ok Krang, what’s so important you had to drag me away from my ultimate triumph?
KRANG: Blegh, you’ve taken the credit for far too long. I want to destroy them myself!
SHREDDER: But, what will I do?
KRANG: You, tidy up the kitchen.
SHREDDER: But it’s your turn...
KRANG: Silence, ordinarily yes. But these are extraordinary times, the Turtles are helpless, and I want to be one to finish them off. Which you’ve failed to do so many times before. But you can finish off those dishes, NOW!
Shredder grumbles and stomps off.
Some Rock Soldiers step forward.
KRANG: No, no, I don’t need any of your help to finish off this old enemy – and I do mean old. (laughs crazily)
Back at the Turtle’s lair, the Turtles are watching TV. An old black-and-white movie is on.
MICHAELANGELO: Those young whippersnappers and their Youtubes and iPods. They don’t appreciate classic entertainment.
RAPHAEL: And I’d appreciate if you’d shut up. You’ve talked all the way through this film.
MICHAELANGELO: Say, did I tell you about the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville?
LEONARDO: Oh for the love of...
Suddenly, a tremor hits the lair, the Turtles are thrown in all directions.
MICHAELANGELO: Oh, my bones. This reminds of the time I fought Al Capone. It was in 1928, when the five cents coins has pictures of bumblebees on them and if you wanted to buy...
RAPHAEL: Bee quiet already!
DONATELLO: What was that?
LEONARDO: Probably some young hoodlums playing their goth music too loud.
DONATELLO: That’s the problem today, young people don’t live. Why, when we were teenagers we practiced martial arts and helped keep the streets safe from crime. Now, young people are two busy Xstations and Wiiboxes and going square-eyed from sitting in front of a computer all day.
LEONARDO: Enough talking, let’s go and give those young louts a piece of our mind!
RAPHAEL: Are you sure about that?
LEONARDO: Old or not, we’re still the Teenage Mutant Ninja (coughs violently)
RAPHAEL: Has-beens!
The Turtles patrol the sewers.
RAPHAEL: There’s no one here, maybe we’re losing it in our old age?
MICHAELANGELO: Speaking of losing things, I remember the time when I was in Albany, New York. I sat down in the park with my new Transistor Radio when Orson Welles announced the arrival of the Martians. I was so spooked I ran all the way to New Jersey. Then, when I learned it was a play I walked all the way back but it was gone. Maybe the Martians took it?
A voice comes from behind them, it is Krang.
KRANG: I don’t know who took it, but I know I’ll enjoy taking your pathetic old lives! (laughs maniacally)
The Turtles turn around to face Krang.
MICHAELANGELO: Say, this reminds me of the time...
RAPHAEL: NOT NOW MIKEY!
DONATELLO: We’re finished!
LEONARDO: If we must go, let us make an end worth remembering!
DONATELLO: You’ve watched Lord of the Rings too many times.
KRANG: How would you like to hear my plan of world conquest, before I destroy you?
RAPHAEL: Frankly, my Dear Krang, I don’t give a damn!
Raphael throws his scythes, it lands right in front of him.
KRANG: Looks like your muscles have weakened, too bad! This will hardly be any fun at all!
Just then, Master Splinter arrives and strike Krang’s legs with his staff, knocking him down.
This is my progress so far, feedback, constructive, would be nice! :)
Senior Mutant Ninja Turtles
The Technodrome, at the Earth’s core.
Krang, Shredder and Bebop and Rocksteady are in a lab room.
KRANG: (Laughing maniacally) At last, the potion which will deal with these pesky Teenage Turtles once and for all!
BEBOP: Aw, why’d you have to use our coca-cola?
ROCKSTEADY: Yeah, it’s a long way to the surface to go and get some...and it’s so expensive. That’s the Democrats for ya.
SHREDDER: Silence you right-wing moron, continue Krang.
KRANG: (Sighs) I’ve added a chemical known as berudium to the cola, a chemical which only exists in Dimension X! It accelerates the ageing process in animals...
ROCKSTEADY: So?
KRANG: So, we can use it on those spunky Teenage Mutant Turtles!
SHREDDER: (Laughs ominously) They’ll be decrepit old windbags, excellent! They wouldn’t be able to beat a paper bag!
KRANG: Precisely. (hands Shredder a bottle of the serum) Take it to the surface and make sure you don’t spill it, like you usually do! You don’t appreciate the time and effort it takes to concoct all these substances!
BEBOP: Can we come too?
ROCKSTEADY: Yeah, we wanna get some more cola!
SHREDDER: Oh very well, just don’t get in my way!
The Turtle’s lair, they are eating lunch.
DONATELLO: Mmm this pizza’s good!
RAPHAEL: Yeah, who’d have thought chocolate buttons and mozzarella would make such a delicious topping!
MICHLANGELO: Yeah, it’s radically righteous!
RAPHAEL: You know, in 2012 that kinda talk is kinda antiquated you know?
MICHELANGELO: Hey man, my words are like my children! Michelangelo without cowabunga is like Pizza without a crust!
LEONARDO: I just wonder what Shredder and Krang’s next move is.
RAPHAEL: Yeah, you’d think the writers would come up with something big to move the story forward. And your grammar’s screwy, it should be, “I wonder what Shredder and Krang’s next move will be.”
LEONARDO: Hey, I’m a teenager, not a teacher!
Just then, the Turtle Com goes off, Donatello answers. It is April O’Neill.
DONATELLO: Hi April, what is it now?
APRIL: Shredder and his punks have been spotted near Pablo’s Pizzas!
DONATELLO: No more exposition needed, we’re on our way!
LEONARDO: Shouldn’t we get a more detailed explanation?
RAPHAEL: Hey, today’s kids want to get straight to the action. Detailed storytelling is out the window!
LEONARDO: Let’s go Turtles!
Outside Pablo’s Pizza...
BEBOP: Uh boss, why are we just standing here?
SHREDDER: Because you worthless warthog, we’re waiting for the Turtles to show up.
ROCKSTEADY: Yeah but that won’t be for a while, how’s about we get some pizza?
SHREDDER: Use your brain instead of your stomach rhinobrain, we can’t let our guard down for a second?
ROCKSTEADY: Ooh ooh, we have a guard, where is he, huh, huh?
SHREDDER: It was just a figure of speech!
BEBOP: Who’s Speech, and where’s his figure. I love collecting toys!
SHREDDER: (to himself) Oh why I have put up with this inane banter for so long?
Just then the Turtles emerge from an alleyway!
BEBOP: The Turtles!
SHREDDER: Take this!
Shredder pulls out a gun and squirts the ageing potion onto them!
LEONARDO: Hey tinface, you never gave us time to say something...
The Turtles skins become wrinkly and saggy, their postures become crooked and they all have white beards.
MICHAELANGELO: Woah man, I feel so old! (coughs)
RAPHAEL: Yeah so do I!
They look down at themselves!
DONATELLO: That potion...Shredder’s accelerated our ageing process...we’ve become...uh...um.
RAPHAEL: Senile.
MICHAELANGELO: Oh man and I had so many things I wanted to do when I was young.
RAPHAEL: I told you too much pizza plays havoc with your figure.
SHREDDER: Hah hah hah, now I have you!
Shredder’s communicator goes off.
KRANG: Have you successfully administered the serum?
SHREDDER: Yes!
KRANG: Well return to me at once!
SHREDDER: But Krang I wanna destroy them, I wanna destroy them now!
KRANG: Stop being so babyish and come back here, the Turtles cannot stop us now. I need to discuss something important with you!
SHREDDER: Oh you never let me finish what I start! Come on Bebop, Rocksteady, we’re going back to the Technodrome! This scene’s getting old anyway, bwa ha ha ha hah!
Shredder and the Punks jump into the module and head underground.
LEONARDO: Cough...come on Turtles...we need to get back...cough...to the lair!
RAPHAEL: Good idea...they’re showing reruns of Little House On The Prairie.
MICHAELANGELO: Bummer man, this stuff really has made us old.
DONATELLO: If I can do something about my rheumatics, I might be able to find an antidote.
Later, at the lair, the Turtles are conversing with April and Master Splinter.
SPLINTER: This is a most devious plot which has been unleashed upon you by my old, adversary.
RAPHAEL: Master, do you have to keep using the word “old”?
MICHAELANGELO: Man, being old is lame, I don’t see why people bother...
Master Splinter glares at him.
MICHAELANGELO: Uh, sorry Sensei.
SPLINTER: Do not spurn age, the fact on the outside you have aged does not matter. The important thing is if the fire inside you burns as strongly as before.
LEONARDO: In other words, do we have the will to stop Shr- (Leonardo coughs violently).
RAPHAEL: If you don’t stop coughing, your sides’ll split.
APRIL: Poor Turtles, I wish I could do something to help.
DONATELLO: Hmm...perhaps you can do something April?
APRIL: Yes?
DONATELLO: Put the kettle on and make us a cup of tea!
APRIL: Again? That will be the fourth cup of tea you fellows have had in the last two hours.
MICHAELANGELO: Hey young lady we old Turtles need to keep up our fluid intake.
Meanwhile, back at the Technodrome...
SHREDDER: Ok Krang, what’s so important you had to drag me away from my ultimate triumph?
KRANG: Blegh, you’ve taken the credit for far too long. I want to destroy them myself!
SHREDDER: But, what will I do?
KRANG: You, tidy up the kitchen.
SHREDDER: But it’s your turn...
KRANG: Silence, ordinarily yes. But these are extraordinary times, the Turtles are helpless, and I want to be one to finish them off. Which you’ve failed to do so many times before. But you can finish off those dishes, NOW!
Shredder grumbles and stomps off.
Some Rock Soldiers step forward.
KRANG: No, no, I don’t need any of your help to finish off this old enemy – and I do mean old. (laughs crazily)
Back at the Turtle’s lair, the Turtles are watching TV. An old black-and-white movie is on.
MICHAELANGELO: Those young whippersnappers and their Youtubes and iPods. They don’t appreciate classic entertainment.
RAPHAEL: And I’d appreciate if you’d shut up. You’ve talked all the way through this film.
MICHAELANGELO: Say, did I tell you about the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville?
LEONARDO: Oh for the love of...
Suddenly, a tremor hits the lair, the Turtles are thrown in all directions.
MICHAELANGELO: Oh, my bones. This reminds of the time I fought Al Capone. It was in 1928, when the five cents coins has pictures of bumblebees on them and if you wanted to buy...
RAPHAEL: Bee quiet already!
DONATELLO: What was that?
LEONARDO: Probably some young hoodlums playing their goth music too loud.
DONATELLO: That’s the problem today, young people don’t live. Why, when we were teenagers we practiced martial arts and helped keep the streets safe from crime. Now, young people are two busy Xstations and Wiiboxes and going square-eyed from sitting in front of a computer all day.
LEONARDO: Enough talking, let’s go and give those young louts a piece of our mind!
RAPHAEL: Are you sure about that?
LEONARDO: Old or not, we’re still the Teenage Mutant Ninja (coughs violently)
RAPHAEL: Has-beens!
The Turtles patrol the sewers.
RAPHAEL: There’s no one here, maybe we’re losing it in our old age?
MICHAELANGELO: Speaking of losing things, I remember the time when I was in Albany, New York. I sat down in the park with my new Transistor Radio when Orson Welles announced the arrival of the Martians. I was so spooked I ran all the way to New Jersey. Then, when I learned it was a play I walked all the way back but it was gone. Maybe the Martians took it?
A voice comes from behind them, it is Krang.
KRANG: I don’t know who took it, but I know I’ll enjoy taking your pathetic old lives! (laughs maniacally)
The Turtles turn around to face Krang.
MICHAELANGELO: Say, this reminds me of the time...
RAPHAEL: NOT NOW MIKEY!
DONATELLO: We’re finished!
LEONARDO: If we must go, let us make an end worth remembering!
DONATELLO: You’ve watched Lord of the Rings too many times.
KRANG: How would you like to hear my plan of world conquest, before I destroy you?
RAPHAEL: Frankly, my Dear Krang, I don’t give a damn!
Raphael throws his scythes, it lands right in front of him.
KRANG: Looks like your muscles have weakened, too bad! This will hardly be any fun at all!
Just then, Master Splinter arrives and strike Krang’s legs with his staff, knocking him down.