Leo656
07-11-2003, 03:57 AM
It's recently occured to me that there are very few toys on the marketplace today which give children any real insight into real life and real-world issues. All the super-hero and fantasy toys are all well and good, but are we really teaching the children anything when they (or their parents) purchase these toys? I think there is a serious draught in the marketplace, and I do believe I can help, with the aid of Mattel's long-running, incredibly-popular but recently-sagging Barbie line.
Interest in Barbie is not what it was even fifteen years ago when the line battled fiercely with Masters of the Universe for the title of Top Mattel Product. I believe this may be directly related to the dilemma I mentioned previously. Barbie is often marketed alongside her dream man Ken, her perfect Dream House, and her perfect Dream Car. How many young girls or teens can relate to Barbie? How many girls in their teens see Barbie as an attainable goal, a symbol of what they themselves will soon be? How many young girls see their parents in Barbie and Ken? Not many, I wager.
This is the problem I hope to rectify, with my idea for the brand new, "Real-Life Barbie" line...
STREETWALKER BARBIE
Streetwalker Barbie comes decked out in tacky miniskirt, fishnets, six-inch stiletto heels and ill-fitting tube top. Accessories include a pack of cigarettes, oversized mismatched earrings, bangle bracelets, and a "do-it-yourself" makeup kit. Her dream date is none other than "Pimp Daddy Ken", complete with gold chains, fur collar, and a large hat with a giant feather sticking out of it.
EATING DISORDER BARBIE
So many young women have been torturing their bodies for years in an attempt to reach the impossible standards set by Barbie... well now, Barbie is no better than any of them. Eating Disorder Barbie is rail thin, her hair limp and lifeless, her skin almost an orange tone from weeks spent eating nothing but carrots. Press down on her stomach, and witness her Real Vomiting Action (tm). Accessories include a box of Tic-Tacs and a toilet bowl. No version of Ken accompanies Barbie, because no man wants a woman so disgustingly manourished and unhealthy. Truly, little girls everywhere can learn from this one.
TRAILER TRASH BARBIE AND FIRST-COUSIN KEN
Yes, it really IS legal in some states. Trailer Trash Barbie comes barefoot, wearing cutoff Daisy Duke shorts and a flannel shirt tied at the midriff. Her long blonde hair sports a snazzy pigtailed 'do, and her creamy complexion now has Real Freckles (tm). First-Cousin Ken comes complete with a shotgun and a six-pack of Cheap Brew (tm). Gone is the Dream House, instead there is a fully-furnished Double-Wide Dream Trailer. And since these two kissin' cousins can't afford a dream car, instead they drive around in their Dream '84 Ford Pickup, complete with broken ladder and empty paint cans.
DRUNK DRIVING BARBIE
This Barbie is, essentially, the same as any standard Barbie, but with a whole new (and deadly serious) message. Drunk Driving Barbie comes packaged with a brand-new Dream Car, one with a smash-in front end, ejector seat, and break-away windshield. When Barbie loses control of her vehicle in a drunken haze and crashes into a stationary object or even another vehicle, the ejector seat sends Barbie flying right through the windshield. This is where Barbie's accessories come in, removeable glass cut stickers and a neck brace, in addition to a six-pack of Cheap Brew (tm), the accessory which started all her trouble in the first place. Officer Ken is there to make a report, with his Speeding and Reckless Driving Tickets and Breathalyzer Accessory (always set to read well over the legal limit). The message of this tragic Barbie is clear: Drinking and driving NEVER mix.
DRUG ABUSE BARBIE
Like so many young, beautiful, seemingly perfect starlets like Britney Spears or Charlize Theron, Barbie has experimented with drugs. But experimenting can lead down a deadly path, as this battery-operated Deluxe Barbie proves. Drug Abuse Barbie has built-in track marks made for the accompanying Syringe accessory. Failure to inject Barbie with her "medicine" will cause her to convulse at random for indeterminate periods of time, simulating withdrawal. Press down on her stomach for Real Vomiting Action (tm) borrowed from one of our other dolls. Accessories include marijuana cigarettes, a vial of White Powder, and a rolled-up dollar bill.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE BARBIE
The last, most tragic doll in the first wave of Real Life Barbie. Domestic Violence Barbie comes with removable bruise stickers and a box of frozen fish sticks, making her a perfect match for "Where's My Dinner, Bitch?" Ken. Ken comes with Real Wife-Beating Action (tm) triggered by pressing a switch on his back, causing his hand to move in a slapping motion. Deluxe Editions of Domestic Violence Barbie, packaged as "Can't Take Anymore" Barbie, will come with a gun to simulate how many abusive marriages end.
So what do you think?
Interest in Barbie is not what it was even fifteen years ago when the line battled fiercely with Masters of the Universe for the title of Top Mattel Product. I believe this may be directly related to the dilemma I mentioned previously. Barbie is often marketed alongside her dream man Ken, her perfect Dream House, and her perfect Dream Car. How many young girls or teens can relate to Barbie? How many girls in their teens see Barbie as an attainable goal, a symbol of what they themselves will soon be? How many young girls see their parents in Barbie and Ken? Not many, I wager.
This is the problem I hope to rectify, with my idea for the brand new, "Real-Life Barbie" line...
STREETWALKER BARBIE
Streetwalker Barbie comes decked out in tacky miniskirt, fishnets, six-inch stiletto heels and ill-fitting tube top. Accessories include a pack of cigarettes, oversized mismatched earrings, bangle bracelets, and a "do-it-yourself" makeup kit. Her dream date is none other than "Pimp Daddy Ken", complete with gold chains, fur collar, and a large hat with a giant feather sticking out of it.
EATING DISORDER BARBIE
So many young women have been torturing their bodies for years in an attempt to reach the impossible standards set by Barbie... well now, Barbie is no better than any of them. Eating Disorder Barbie is rail thin, her hair limp and lifeless, her skin almost an orange tone from weeks spent eating nothing but carrots. Press down on her stomach, and witness her Real Vomiting Action (tm). Accessories include a box of Tic-Tacs and a toilet bowl. No version of Ken accompanies Barbie, because no man wants a woman so disgustingly manourished and unhealthy. Truly, little girls everywhere can learn from this one.
TRAILER TRASH BARBIE AND FIRST-COUSIN KEN
Yes, it really IS legal in some states. Trailer Trash Barbie comes barefoot, wearing cutoff Daisy Duke shorts and a flannel shirt tied at the midriff. Her long blonde hair sports a snazzy pigtailed 'do, and her creamy complexion now has Real Freckles (tm). First-Cousin Ken comes complete with a shotgun and a six-pack of Cheap Brew (tm). Gone is the Dream House, instead there is a fully-furnished Double-Wide Dream Trailer. And since these two kissin' cousins can't afford a dream car, instead they drive around in their Dream '84 Ford Pickup, complete with broken ladder and empty paint cans.
DRUNK DRIVING BARBIE
This Barbie is, essentially, the same as any standard Barbie, but with a whole new (and deadly serious) message. Drunk Driving Barbie comes packaged with a brand-new Dream Car, one with a smash-in front end, ejector seat, and break-away windshield. When Barbie loses control of her vehicle in a drunken haze and crashes into a stationary object or even another vehicle, the ejector seat sends Barbie flying right through the windshield. This is where Barbie's accessories come in, removeable glass cut stickers and a neck brace, in addition to a six-pack of Cheap Brew (tm), the accessory which started all her trouble in the first place. Officer Ken is there to make a report, with his Speeding and Reckless Driving Tickets and Breathalyzer Accessory (always set to read well over the legal limit). The message of this tragic Barbie is clear: Drinking and driving NEVER mix.
DRUG ABUSE BARBIE
Like so many young, beautiful, seemingly perfect starlets like Britney Spears or Charlize Theron, Barbie has experimented with drugs. But experimenting can lead down a deadly path, as this battery-operated Deluxe Barbie proves. Drug Abuse Barbie has built-in track marks made for the accompanying Syringe accessory. Failure to inject Barbie with her "medicine" will cause her to convulse at random for indeterminate periods of time, simulating withdrawal. Press down on her stomach for Real Vomiting Action (tm) borrowed from one of our other dolls. Accessories include marijuana cigarettes, a vial of White Powder, and a rolled-up dollar bill.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE BARBIE
The last, most tragic doll in the first wave of Real Life Barbie. Domestic Violence Barbie comes with removable bruise stickers and a box of frozen fish sticks, making her a perfect match for "Where's My Dinner, Bitch?" Ken. Ken comes with Real Wife-Beating Action (tm) triggered by pressing a switch on his back, causing his hand to move in a slapping motion. Deluxe Editions of Domestic Violence Barbie, packaged as "Can't Take Anymore" Barbie, will come with a gun to simulate how many abusive marriages end.
So what do you think?