Am I the only one who has never used any social media site?

[pennydreadful]

C'mon, guys and girls - let's be nice, yeah? Fact of the matter is, no two people react to things in the exact same way. Case in point - me and my nemesister. We were both raised exactly the same way - I am a (relatively) functional adult, and she is a dysfunctional mess who (among other things) refuses to buy toilet paper because she finds it "embarrassing".

Guess I should've gotten her a copy of this:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/a4/Everyone_Poops.jpg

Seriously though - I have depression and anxiety, but I don't rag on someone else who has it and who handles it differently than I do. Some people break down, some soldier through not saying a word. There's not a right way or a wrong way to deal with things - you just do the best you can at the time with the skills you have.

And based on conversations I've had with Net off the boards and the fact that I know him a lot better than any of the folks chiming in here, it would be legitimately difficult for him to live out of home at this stage.

People posting on this board don't share 100% of their personal details - so don't assume that you have the full measure of a person just based on what they post here. It's really nobody's place to judge someone else unless they're fully aware of what's going on.

[Leo656]

she is a dysfunctional mess who (among other things) refuses to buy toilet paper because she finds it "embarrassing".

So does she send people on errands, or just use the catbox?

Sometimes, if they're bored, the cat WILL bury it for you. I hear.

[Netkeeper]

Allow me to butt in for a moment?

I don't think either of you are wrong about how those things are dealt with. I've had really bad problems myself regarding mental illness, as I've straight up hallucinated before. When I was experiencing that, I never spoke a word to anyone at all about it. I only started opening up about it after the fact.

But if something has me very upset, I do often seek people to talk to about it. And I don't always have access to the people I really want to talk to about it, so I vent on the internet. It's just what I've done for a long time, I can't really explain why. I try not to, because it gets people pissed off, but when I have no choice, I do.

But even then I don't talk about everything that goes on. I've got issues. My brain is messed up in several ways. Some of them, I know the names of, and others, I have no diagnosis yet.

EDIT: Oh you posted this while I was typing.
And based on conversations I've had with Net off the boards and the fact that I know him a lot better than any of the folks chiming in here, it would be legitimately difficult for him to live out of home at this stage.

[Davetello]

^^ Those are the two key points I was making. First, we don't know the full story of someone's problems, or their circumstances. Second, and probably more importantly, everyone deals with things in their own way. Objectively speaking, person A could have more serious problems than person B, but they might be doing better than person B because they're able to cope to a greater extent. It's all relative.

I do know what Peanut means though, in a sense, because some people do call themselves depressed when they're nothing of the sort. They don't suffer from mental health issues, they're just a little peeved off about something. That makes light of a very serious issue imo.

[Netkeeper]

I do know what Peanut means though, in a sense, because some people do call themselves depressed when they're nothing of the sort. They don't suffer from mental health issues, they're just a little peeved off about something. That makes light of a very serious issue imo.
I think part of that is due to a lack of public understanding concerning what depression really is. People that claim it, I don't assume they do it to make light of the problem -- it's that they don't know just how awful depression really is.

[Davetello]

I think part of that is due to a lack of public understanding concerning what depression really is. People that claim it, I don't assume they do it to make light of the problem -- it's that they don't know just how awful depression really is.

That's an acceptable point. Some people actually think being a little annoyed or peeved off is what depression is. Because they don't know the full extent of how destructive genuine depression is, they assume they must be depressed - because they have no reference point, nothing to compare it to.

I remember the footballer Cristiano Ronaldo claiming he was 'depressed' because he didn't feel he earned enough money and didn't feel appreciated by the fans of his club. This is a guy who earns obscene money (obviously wealthy people get depressed too, but he claimed his wage was part of the reason why he was 'depressed'), and not feeling appreciated by the people who pay your wages is hardly a reason to claim depression. But he's a total attention-seeker anyway. It's that sort of person I have zero time for when they say they're depressed. In this case they know they're not genuinely depressed. They offer flimsy reasoning and it tends to be a lie.

[CyberCubed]

Reading through this thread has made me glad that I've never gone through depression. I guess I must be "immune" to certain emotions because I've never gotten them. Sure, I've felt sad about certain things (like when my grandparents passed), but that's to be expected.

Never knew so many people here suffer from such similar disorders/illness. Someone once said I'm like a robot or computer A.I. who doesn't get human emotion, maybe its true.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

You'd better keep your eye on me - I'm trouble, mister. :twink:

Yes and no. You're less aware of queer history because 1) you're straight, and so may not have been exposed to it, let alone gone looking for it, and 2) there's a heavy and consistent pattern of erasure of non-straight people's histories and contributions. There's not as much exposure or recognition for people whose sexuality isn't heteronormative in nature. And tying in with what you've said, there has been a history of systematic and bloody persecution towards gay, lesbian, bi and trans people- which loops back into why that kind of history is suppressed and covered up, or just flat-out ignored.

But there are still a lot of famous gay/lesbian/bi people prior to the 1950s - Oscar Wilde, Alexander the Great, Michelangelo (the artist, not the Turtle), Leonardo Da Vinci, Walt Whitman, Gertrude Stein, Sappho, I mean literally thousands of people. There's been consistent contribution to society politically, artistically, socially by non-heterosexual people all throughout history and if you look for it, you'd be surprised by how much there is.

Lots of reasons; just a handful I can think of off the top of my head- social pressure and expectations, some people don't come to terms with their sexuality until it's too late and they're already married with kids, some people don't want to deal with the stress of being openly non-heterosexual (which, I can assure you, is no picnic), some people are non-monogamous, some people are heteroromantic bisexuals... there are lots of reasons.


Bless you! Totally this^


It's something not a huge number of people are comfortable acknowledging yet, simple as that. Schools barely like to acknowledge the slavery era up through the end of segregation, they love to skim right over that as fast as possible; they're hardly comfortable enough yet to try explaining why you can more or less still beat people to death for being gay in some parts of 21st century America. How you gonna 'splain that to kids, man?

A huge number of schools don't even have regular sex ed to begin with anyways, and a tragic number of the ones that do have it preach abstinence, which is a realistic scenario in Archie comics and nowhere else.

Amazing, I know, but the schools don't teach you everything. Or much of anything, sometimes.


Goddess, I love you guys. Seriously. I utterly agree with you on all points, and it's scary how often that happens. You and Penny are two of my favorite folks here for this reason. Don't care what anyone else may say, but you're good people, Leo.


Lots of people were still fairly open about it though without being explicit. I don't think Rock Hudson was fooling anybody. A lot of it depended on where you lived and how bigoted the people around you were in general. And there's always been a good number of entertainers who were unspokenly out anyway.

If history has taught us anything about being gay, it definitely helps if you can sing or dance.


Too true! Wasn't Gene Kelly also? Wow, Hudson- you were really kind of going back for that one, eh? But then, Hollywood was never as discriminating for it as the rest of the country.


Tch, yeah- schools are just a processing factory for setting up the neural pathways for conformity, IMO. Anything useful you do learn is more by accident than intent. Team spirit, uniforms, codes of conduct- it's all about training the next batch of worker bees. Free thinking is discouraged. Codes of behavior are heavily enforced. A bell rings, you go here, sit for X amount of time until the bell rings and then you go somewhere else and you do that for the whole day until they say you can leave. You need to ask for a hallpass to take a piss, for chrissake. It's like some sort of industrialized nightmare. It's a system that sets people up to not question authority, from day one- to passively accept what they're told as absolute fact, to follow orders, to not question the world around them or see things differently.

You're in the hands of people who specifically dictate what you will learn, what your criteria for success are, who decide what is relevant and what is not, and who decide what it is that you're supposed to get out something.

And I mean, come on- has anybody here EVER used pi in real life?

They teach plenty about the primary suffers of the Holocaust- the Jewish people- but they gloss very heavily over the persecution and purging of homosexuals by the Nazi party. Probably because homosexuals are everybody's punching bag but TPTB don't want to acknowledge that their own pattern of systematic oppression and bloody violence could have anything in common with a regime run by one of the most well-known dictators in modern history.

Fact of the matter is, it's difficult for the idea of queer history to be incorporated into state-run education when we live in a society where people still have this ridiculous idea that if the word "gay" is uttered within earshot of anybody under 18 - let alone having queer relationships in mainstream media or queer history in our educational systems- it's going to corrupt their next little batch of breeders and worker bees.

Which is just so totally absurd to me, because if growing up in a society where heterosexuality, married relationships, monogamy and gender conformity are everywhere didn't manage to make me straight, married, monogamous or gender conforming... I don't see how the reverse could possibly hold true.


Now, wait a minute! I use pi! Oh, wait, you weren't talking about the kind you eat, were you....
Agreed, most schooling these days is pretty much useless. I've worked with high-school kids who can't even make change, because it's not even taught anymore, apparently. It's sad, and even more so when one considers that the computers TELL you how much change a person should get- but these dolts can't even figure out how to do that.


http://www.nmit.edu.au/blogs/digs/wp-content/uploads/sites/21/2013/08/pinkfloyd.jpg


Heh, I love this image- so accurate, in a scary way.


Wow. Cubed, I want to be clear that I was a teenage girl and never kissed another teenage girl, so don't sit there and say all teenage girls have kissed one girl in their lifetime because I haven't and I won't because I'm straight as an arrow.

I have a cousin who's a lesbian, and my aunt was afraid to tell my mom because of what she thought my mom would think, but my mom didn't care and she's a devout Catholic like all of her family is. Even my grandparents don't judge her, and that's awesome. Only one in my mom's family who doesn't know is one of my uncles because he's very prejudiced about that stuff, so they won't tell him.


Yeah, I have a cousin who only told me, my mom, and her own mom. And the odd thing is, we all thought it was her younger brother who would be the gay one. Surprise! And she was in a couple of relationships with guys before that, but when she discovered she was lesbian, I was cool with it, because I've had so many friends who were (one even adopted my daughter) and told her as long as she was happy, that was what mattered. My hubby has one like that, too. Pretty sure MOST families have at least one hiding somewhere, if not out in the open.


I think if general education gave kids more assignments involving essay-writing and open discussion, rather than reading a chapter and answering 5 questions at the end, or endless rote memorization of numbers, they'd actually be learning. I learned a lot in high school; so much, actually, that I became acutely aware that the years before it were kind of a waste of time. Not only did they re-teach a lot of the same information, they did it in a way where it actually stuck. The grade school ways of "memorize this, then pass a multiple-choice test about it" simply didn't, and doesn't work. In classes that were primarily based on discussion and essays, like history, language arts, etc., people tended to comprehend the material better. They had to; they had to actually produce an answer, not just guess and hope they did good enough to skate by.


Sadly, that's the problem with education. Too many people think it equates to "memorize this, take a test, and then read the next chapter and repeat."


There's also a problem with US public school not actually giving you any valuable life skills. It teaches you to take tests. I don't know jack about living on my own, which is part of the reason why I don't.


In my state, they have Math of Money and Home Ec. classes for that, but one still needs real-life experience for a lot of those things. I never took Home Ec, but I was raised to fend for myself from an early age, and also to be "responsible" and contribute to the household from the time I was able to hold a dish to wash it.


Technically speaking it's not really the school's job to give you life skills, though that would be nice. That sort of thing is really under the purview of your parents/guardians.

I'd be totally in support of classes like Home Economics covering things like, "How to file taxes" right along side "how to reattach a button," but then I'm also one of those crazy left-wing moonbats who thinks all schools should teach comprehensive sex ed too.

Don't be condescending, please. Lots of people barely know how to deal with taxes or things like budgeting- myself included. I just wing it most of the time, and try to keep an eye on my bank account without stressing over it or being obsessive about it. I get by.

That said, I agree that stuff like that SHOULD be mandatory.

[Jester]

Reading through this thread has made me glad that I've never gone through depression. I guess I must be "immune" to certain emotions because I've never gotten them. Sure, I've felt sad about certain things (like when my grandparents passed), but that's to be expected.

Never knew so many people here suffer from such similar disorders/illness. Someone once said I'm like a robot or computer A.I. who doesn't get human emotion, maybe its true.
I will now read your posts as...
http://www.cookingideas.es/imagenes/2014/03/sheldon1.jpg
They will make SOOOOO much more sense.

[ssjup81]

I have a family member in their 60's who never left home because it was easier to live with the parents. Well mom and dad passed on and said family member literally cannot function. Relies on siblings to take care of bills and complains about not having money to buy trinkets and go do fun stuff.

I have no sympathy. I'm a niece of this person. One of the sibs already stopped supporting and as I am well off I was pegged as the next line of support. They are family....but a burden. All because being a kid at home was easier than going out on your own to figure out how to live.

It's pathetic.

And incidentally this person complaining and begging for money is why I don't go on Facebok and the like anymore.I can only see someone staying at home if there's av medical issue or condition with said person that would make it difficult for said person to move or he/she is helping out the family in some way, like a caretaker.

Ironically, in Japan it's normal to live at home until you're married, unless you move out of the city or town for a work or school issue. It's also not too uncommon for some to continue living at home after marriage. Multigenerational homes aren't that uncommon. Of course to me, being from the U.S. it's strange hearing a guy in his 40s actually say he lives at home or a woman. Most of my unmarried adult students still live with their parents.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

I've said before I thought he WAS Sheldon! But no one believed me....

[pennydreadful]

So does she send people on errands, or just use the catbox?

Sometimes, if they're bored, the cat WILL bury it for you. I hear.

No, she like, lives without it. As disgusting as that mental image is. Picture an insane methhead who craps in cans and keeps them in the shed, and you'll get an idea of why I don't stay in contact her her.

And no, I'm not being sarcastic.

On the topic of sex ed in schools, I think it varies depending on the school and state. I will say that the sex ed at my schools were crap (I went to two different schools for my high school segment) and basically focused on showing everyone pictures of genitalia with STDs, and telling us that if we banged anyone before marriage, we wouldn't have anything special to offer our partners.

There was no discussion of non-heterosexual sex, no discussion of things you can do other than PIV, no discussion of what options are available if you have unprotected sex. I could go into further detail on areas where the educational component was lacking, but it's one of those hot-button issues that'd likely just turn into argument fodder - it's been a long day and I ain't really in the mood so we'll leave that one out.

[ssjup81]

On the topic of sex ed in schools, I think it varies depending on the school and state. I will say that the sex ed at my schools were crap (I went to two different schools for my high school segment) and basically focused on showing everyone pictures of genitalia with STDs, and telling us that if we banged anyone before marriage, we wouldn't have anything special to offer our partners.We didn't have any form of Sex Ed in high school. We had "Family Life Education" which started in 4th grade elementary school to 8th grade of middle school. They put aside part of the semester to talk about how our bodies will change, separating the boys from the girls.

It was pointless. For middle school we were taught in 7th and 8th grade that sex will get you pregnant or you'll get AIDS and die, but given the time (early to mid 90s) I can understand why they were trying to use the scare tactic. In 8th grade they showed us videos of what the body and genitalia looked like with different STDs, which was traumatizing and gross. Of course it didn't deter everyone (a girl in my 8th grade class became pregnant) but it scared me. ><

[Netkeeper]

I was also taught dick all about sex aside from "it's best if you don't have it". I had to ask my dad.

[pennydreadful]

The last highschool I went to, they didn't even bother doing sex ed until right before everyone was about to graduate - like, as one of those "fill in time since classes are all finished and we have a fortnight left to kill still". Kind of too late by that point!

[Jester]

Only thing I remember about my high school sex ed class was the teacher told us all he liked having his toes sucked.

[Katie]

Nah. My relative had a good job and did move out for six months. But it was "too haaaaaard" and because of normal bills couldn't spend money freely on collection pieces and trips and playing.

And the parents coddled. And eventually died leaving an adult child with no real life skills to be taken care of by older sibs who will probably not outlive this relative. Then it's on me and my cousins.

This is why I firmly believe that when parents allow adult children to Peter Pan it is the worst child abuse of all. Those adult children cannot function and the parents will not outlive these kids.

And for the record I'm not talking about boomerangers who work and actively try to get out or care taking children who live with a parent to take care of them. I'm talking straight up adult children who still expect mommy and daddy to cook and clean up after them while they lay around and play on the Internet all day and spend all their money on toys and garbage like that.

[Leo656]

No, she like, lives without it. As disgusting as that mental image is. Picture an insane methhead who craps in cans and keeps them in the shed, and you'll get an idea of why I don't stay in contact her her.


Holy tits, that's foul. Ooof.

MsMarvelDuckie: Thanks, you're alright with me too. 8)

My high school sex ed class was alright, we had it in middle school too, but back then it was mostly about diseases, nocturnal emissions and "you're just plain too young so don't do it". High school was more comprehensive, but even then, a lot of the material was about labeling body parts more than anything. They definitely covered same-sex relations, I remember that, but not too vividly, so it was probably vague. I kind of remember that part of sex ed being more or less "it's natural for some people to go through these feelings," but almost dismissing it as a passing phase. And I remember they covered anal, because I actually got a 105 on my final exam in that class by using one of their facts about anal sex to answer an Extra Credit question. :lol: I'unno, some parts were pretty in-depth and some were skimmed over. I definitely learned more from books. And porn. We had sex ed Freshman year, and by that point I'd already seen astronomical amounts of porn, so for me, it was part review and part "Oh, so that's what that's called." :lol:

[Netkeeper]

The last highschool I went to, they didn't even bother doing sex ed until right before everyone was about to graduate - like, as one of those "fill in time since classes are all finished and we have a fortnight left to kill still". Kind of too late by that point!
Well to be fair, that'd be when the kids would be over 18 for the most part. I know that's how my dad approached the subject -- he told me a tiny bit when I first asked him, but didn't say much until I was of legal age. Then he was incredibly open about it and answered any question I had. I guess from that perspective, it's more of a "they're not of legal age to have sex anyway" kind of deal.

I know that won't be any good for a lot of high schoolers but since I didn't start fooling around until I was 17 anyway, didn't affect me much.

[Prowler]

I didn't get taught much about sex in school either. We just talked about it in science class.

I quickly found out how people have sex and conceive by accidentally finding porn on cable tv when I was a little kid, anyway.

[CyberCubed]

Everything I learned about sex came from around the age of 13 when I stumbled upon online porn for the first time. Probably not the best of instructors.

[Prowler]

Everything I learned about sex came from around the age of 13 when I stumbled upon online porn for the first time. Probably not the best of instructors.
I remember watching porn for the first time and being like "oh so that's how it is. Makes sense, I guess."

Also, my first experience with hentai wasn't very pleasant...

[plastroncafe]

It makes me so sad that so many people's first exposure to sex ed is from porn.

[CyberCubed]

It makes me so sad that so many people's first exposure to sex ed is from porn.

Considering we're in the age of the internet, its not too surprising. Even as a teen I knew not to have sex without a condom.

But porn was education. I literally learned about every sex position from the internet. Before that I never knew, "Hey...you could do that?" until I saw it online.

Of course, its not like I'm actually going to try every single thing I saw on the internet either. God knows I will never have a threesome.

[Prowler]

As long as you can separate fantasy(porn) from reality, you'll be fine. I was never naive to the point of believing that sex in real life was just like in porn. :lol:

As for STD's, pregnancy, etc. there's lots of legit information out there on the internet. Not ot mention you can get free condoms at health clinics. So it's not like your average person will be at a huge risk for contracting an STD or become pregnant/impregnate someone just form first being exposed to sex ed through porn. At least not so much in developed nations.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Oh, Sweet Mother, Cubed- you're a riot, LOL!!! Thanks for the laugh. My school district actually taught sex ed from fourth grade, but then we also had a mandatory swimming class, too. I remember that they put everyone in a room and showed videos about reproduction, STD's, and pregnancy, answered questions, and even talked about sexual abuse and things like that. Then they took the girls aside for discussion on the topics of periods, birth control, and the like, and the boys got- I dunno. Never found out what they got to talk abut.

Surprisingly, we ended up with very few teen pregnancies in high school, and most of them were from "those girls", you know the ones that you see in middle school and just KNOW are going to be sluts, and sure enough, they end up that way. One of our classmates from our graduating class was a cheerleader and the most "popular" girl in school, and ended up becoming a stripper. Go figure. No kids AFAIK, but it wasn't too surprising. We actually had a decent sex ed program, compared to most. They DID say abstinence was the best course, but thankfully, they actually did teach us a lot.

As for porn, I remember when I used to spend the night at a friend's house in middle school, and her parents had cable with all the movie channels (which of course showed "adult" movies after a certain time of night) and we stayed up late a few times watching it- just for laughs. We already KNEW about it, but seeing it on cable was just hilarious, for some reason. I've never really seen the point of watching other people having sex in a movie. Usually it just looks weird and awkward, and it does nothing for me. I once rented the porn movie "Pirates" (a parody of the PotC movies, with some Voyages of Sinbad/Jason and Argonauts flavor mixed in) and watched it with my hubby. We ended up fast-forwarding through all the sex scenes, and just watching the actual story parts. We laughed our butts off!!

[Netkeeper]

But porn was education. I literally learned about every sex position from the internet. Before that I never knew, "Hey...you could do that?" until I saw it online.

Of course, its not like I'm actually going to try every single thing I saw on the internet either. God knows I will never have a threesome.
I just...

I...

I hope you never try to have sex, ever. I'd feel bad for your partner.

[plastroncafe]

Hooray! Slut shaming!

Everyone fill in the appropriate squares on your BINGO cards!

[pennydreadful]

Well to be fair, that'd be when the kids would be over 18 for the most part. I know that's how my dad approached the subject -- he told me a tiny bit when I first asked him, but didn't say much until I was of legal age. Then he was incredibly open about it and answered any question I had. I guess from that perspective, it's more of a "they're not of legal age to have sex anyway" kind of deal.

I know that won't be any good for a lot of high schoolers but since I didn't start fooling around until I was 17 anyway, didn't affect me much.

I get what you mean, but I mean, a lot of people do have sex before 18. And given that my high school did have pregnant students, it probably would've been appropriate. Teens are hormonal little beasties; they're going to be screwing around, whether it's legal or not. :lol:

I certainly think it'd be useful to have open dialogues about not giving into being pressured into sex - I think that's something that a lot of teenage girls deal with.

It makes me so sad that so many people's first exposure to sex ed is from porn.

Word - unless you're watching decent stuff like The Crashpad, I don't think it teaches you anything about giving a woman pleasure. And I'll say this up-front -- it's been my experience that guys in their 20s are AWFUL in bed, because they think everything's like the porn movies that they've watched. It's ridiculous.

[Whatswiththeheadbands?]

But porn was education. I literally learned about every sex position from the internet. Before that I never knew, "Hey...you could do that?" until I saw it online.

Of course, its not like I'm actually going to try every single thing I saw on the internet either. God knows I will never have a threesome.

I...

I got nothing, sorry

[plastroncafe]

Word - unless you're watching decent stuff like The Crashpad, I don't think it teaches you anything about giving a woman pleasure. And I'll say this up-front -- it's been my experience that guys in their 20s are AWFUL in bed, because they think everything's like the porn movies that they've watched. It's ridiculous.

I would like to comment more about The Male Gaze as it pertains to the adult film industry...and well the regular film industry, and culture in general, but I don't know that this is really the best forum for it.

So instead I'll just be over here jotting down The Crashpad for later.
When, perhaps, I'm in my bunk.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Hey, sometimes you just have to call em like you see em. Would you REALLY consider teen promiscuity as a GOOD thing? Especially when it leads to teen pregnancy so often??!! Seriously. If they had paid attention in the sex ed classes a few years EARLIER, they wouldn't have ended up in that predicament. It's just plain irresponsible. Not only are they ruining their futures (most end up as drop-outs, and in fact several of the ones in our high school were actually KICKED out) but they also cause hardship for those who have to help support them and their unplanned kids, they often end up on welfare or other government assistance because they couldn't take a few simple precautions (or just, y'know, NOT have sex too early), and the kids often get the worst of it all, because the mother can't support them properly, and have no idea how to raise and care for a child when they basically still are one themselves! So- yeah. Shaming irresponsible and reckless behavior. Because that's being a terrible human being. I feel SOO guilty now. NOT.

[plastroncafe]

I'm not saying that teen promiscuity is a good thing, I'm saying slut shaming is a bad thing. I notice in both of your rants the lack of personal responsibility being foisted upon the boys in the promiscuous relationships. How is it that these girls became pregnant all on their own? Where's the outrage at the boys for not paying attention in Sex Ed?

You mention having watched porn, and enjoying it...even if you were just making fun of it at the time. Right after you went and shamed the popular cheerleader for being a stripper. As if there's something wrong with being a stripper.

It's interesting how you can enjoyably partake in adult entertainment and then do your best to shame the people who create it.

[pennydreadful]

I would like to comment more about The Male Gaze as it pertains to the adult film industry...and well the regular film industry, and culture in general, but I don't know that this is really the best forum for it.

So instead I'll just be over here jotting down The Crashpad for later.
When, perhaps, I'm in my bunk.

LOL, feel free to PM me about it if you feel like discussing further! And the CP series is very non-problematic. :)

I think the teen pregnancy thing just goes back to proper sex ed.

As far as having multiple sexual partners... like the saying goes, "A sl*t is anyone who's had more sex than me." Nobody can agree on exactly how many people a woman must sleep with in order to be considered a sl*t, but apparently it's a character flaw. I've never understood why, personally - our bodies are here to be enjoyed.

The double standard between what's acceptable for men and what's acceptable for women bothers me. Society still has a lot of weird and arbitrary attitudes towards sex.

[pennydreadful]

Does anybody here know anyone that's ever worked in the adult industry? Cuz it's not that uncommon - I mean, you'd be surprised. Plenty of them are normal, nice people.

Just wondering.

[Prowler]

Does anybody here know anyone that's ever worked in the adult industry? Cuz it's not that uncommon - I mean, you'd be surprised. Plenty of them are normal, nice people.

Just wondering.
Not that I know of, but I seriously doubt. We don't have a big adult industry here.

And before anyone asks: no. I'd never be capable of doing that job.

[plastroncafe]

I've known a few strippers, and a dominatrix or three in my day.
Lovely people all around.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

The reason I didn't mention the boys is that in those cases, the girls were KNOWN to be promiscuous. It was only a matter of time, honestly. All it takes is ONE guy- but those girls were literally playing pregnancy roulette! I have NO sympathy for such behavior, it was ALL on them for acting that way. They could have taken precautions, since they KNEW they were going to be playing around frequently. It's not hard to figure out. You mess around a lot, sooner or later, you're going to get screwed. (Pun intended.) And without knowing the specifics outside of gossip and the obvious results, I couldn't even say whether the guys involved took their own precautions or not. We've all heard stories of condoms breaking or leaking, so who's to say they didn't? The sad part is that those girls were doing KNOWING it could happen.

As a stark contrast, I myself remained completely celibate until I began my relationship with the man whom I married- I was (I freely admit this) a virgin until the age of 20. An ADULT. And have ONLY ever been with one man. Once got as far as some "heavy petting"(aka third base) with one guy previous to that, but that was it. And didn't have my first (and ONLY) child until 30. We always practiced safe sex, as neither of us was ready for/wanted kids. Ours was accidental but by that time we were both responsible adults capable of making reasoned decisions in the matter, and knowing our options. We were also MARRIED.

As for the stripper- I just thought it was somewhat ironic in that she ended up in such a career choice, given that she was one of the ones who apparently got around the most. It was actually kind of sad, really. As if that was the only thing she felt she had to offer the world. When I heard about it, my first thought was- "Why does this not surprise me?" She was one who basically "opened up" for just about any guy who wanted it. And then she ends up in adult entertainment. There's a message there, I'm sure. Still don't really feel much sympathy for the bad choices as a teen, though.

I also didn't say anything to "shame" the adult entertainment industry itself. I have nothing against it, TBO. It simply does nothing for me except to give me a laugh on occasion. To each their own, but I learned long ago that I'm not "turned on" by it- but I DO NOT criticize those who are. I just don't see much point in it.

[Netkeeper]

Does anybody here know anyone that's ever worked in the adult industry? Cuz it's not that uncommon - I mean, you'd be surprised. Plenty of them are normal, nice people.

Just wondering.
I have one friend that is a sex worker and I have a close friend that works in adult toy manufacture.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Does anybody here know anyone that's ever worked in the adult industry? Cuz it's not that uncommon - I mean, you'd be surprised. Plenty of them are normal, nice people.

Just wondering.


Well, as I mentioned above, one of the girls I went to high school with became one. But as I said, it was hardly a surprise, in her case. Blonde, perky, overly-bubbly "popular" and promiscuous cheerleader becomes a stripper. Um- yeah, not really much of a stretch, there.

[pennydreadful]

Even for one of Cubeds' threads, I think this has gotta be a new record for derailment. :tlol:

[CyberCubed]

What I don't get is why so many young girls in their 20's actually want to get into the sex industry. Assuming nobody is forcing them, why are there millions of girls in their 20's on these online porn sites?

[Netkeeper]

What I don't get is why so many young girls in their 20's actually want to get into the sex industry. Assuming nobody is forcing them, why are there millions of girls in their 20's on these online porn sites?
Because sex work is probably pretty damn fun.

[Candy Kappa]

Funny. A guy who have a lot of sex is a stud, while a woman is a slut.

Wait, that's not funny at all.

[plastroncafe]

Why do people get into any industry: because there's money to be made.

There's no one kind of person who gets into the sex industry, just like there's no one kind of person who reads comic books.
Or there's no one kind of person who likes baking cupcakes.

Oh to live in such a binary world...

[MsMarvelDuckie]

I doubt it's as much fun as people make it out to be. It would be just like any other job after a while, I'd guess. A chore that pays the bills. Probably would be a bit tedious, IMO. Who wants to spend all their time having sex? (And pretending to enjoy it even if it's awful....)

[Davetello]

Being a soccer player or a porn star seem like the ultimate jobs to me. Unfortunately I'm only talented enough to be one of them - but my soccer skills are improving :lol::)

[CyberCubed]

W
There's no one kind of person who gets into the sex industry, just like there's no one kind of person who reads comic books.
Or there's no one kind of person who likes baking cupcakes.

Oh to live in such a binary world...

I doubt all these 20 year old girls are making THAT much money. They're most likely doing it on the side while they go to College at the same time, then they graduate College and grow out of it.

Ever heard of LTD's? It stands for, "lesbians till graduation." Its a bunch of girls in their 20's who fool around with lesbian sex and threesomes just so it can be filmed and put on the internet. These girls aren't "real lesbians," they're just doing it for the internet and for some cash.

[plastroncafe]

Being a soccer player or a porn star seem like the ultimate jobs to me. Unfortunately I'm only talented enough to be one of them - but my soccer skills are improving :lol::)


...

Okay, no no. High five, man.
You've earned that.

http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/64/33/39bee4f33728e1f54402d858540d373c-weekend-update-high-five.gif

I doubt all these 20 year old girls are making THAT much money. They're most likely doing it on the side while they go to College at the same time, then they graduate College and grow out of it.

Ever heard of LTD's? It stands for, "lesbians till graduation." Its a bunch of girls in their 20's who fool around with lesbian sex and threesomes just so it can be filmed and put on the internet. These girls aren't "real lesbians," they're just doing it for the internet and for some cash.

Okay 1) It's LUG. Lesbian Until Graduation
2) Please don't mansplain to me what a LUG is when you, yourself have no idea.
Seriously, the amount of contact embarrassment you unleash onto this board should be illegal.

[Davetello]

I doubt all these 20 year old girls are making THAT much money. They're most likely doing it on the side while they go to College at the same time, then they graduate College and grow out of it.

Ever heard of LTD's? It stands for, "lesbians till graduation." Its a bunch of girls in their 20's who fool around with lesbian sex and threesomes just so it can be filmed and put on the internet. These girls aren't "real lesbians," they're just doing it for the internet and for some cash.

Putting on my serious hat again (in contrast to my previous post), many women who work in the porn business are extremely messed up and emotionally vulnerable. Many also have substance abuse issues.

I mean I'm obviously a hypocrite because I watch these girls, but I'm not comfortable with the way some of them are exploited. On the other hand, they tend to make more money than the male actors.

[Davetello]

...

Okay, no no. High five, man.
You've earned that.

http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/64/33/39bee4f33728e1f54402d858540d373c-weekend-update-high-five.gif





There's no need to be sarcastic or dismissive. I have had a stressful night and was simply cracking a joke to relieve some tension.

[plastroncafe]

There's no need to be sarcastic or dismissive. I have had a stressful night and was simply cracking a joke to relieve some tension.

Dude I am rarely that sincere.
I quite literally laughed out loud when I read your post.
Seriously, well done.

[Davetello]

Dude I am rarely that sincere.
I quite literally laughed out loud when I read your post.
Seriously, well done.

Well thanks. It's often very difficult to ascertain how genuine or not you are being, I find.

[Prowler]

I doubt all these 20 year old girls are making THAT much money. They're most likely doing it on the side while they go to College at the same time, then they graduate College and grow out of it.

Ever heard of LTD's? It stands for, "lesbians till graduation." Its a bunch of girls in their 20's who fool around with lesbian sex and threesomes just so it can be filmed and put on the internet. These girls aren't "real lesbians," they're just doing it for the internet and for some cash.
Believe it or not, but women make A LOT of money in porn. In fact, it's an industry where women make a lot more money than men. After all, most porn caters to straight men, so obviously the women are the stars of the industry. Some people even use this as an argument to counter the notion that porn is demeaning to women. That is debatable, though...

[MrPliggins]

Nah. My relative had a good job and did move out for six months. But it was "too haaaaaard" and because of normal bills couldn't spend money freely on collection pieces and trips and playing.

And the parents coddled. And eventually died leaving an adult child with no real life skills to be taken care of by older sibs who will probably not outlive this relative. Then it's on me and my cousins.

This is why I firmly believe that when parents allow adult children to Peter Pan it is the worst child abuse of all. Those adult children cannot function and the parents will not outlive these kids.


I know about 3 people my age (early to mid 30s) who are the exact same way. Helicopter parenting is one of the worst things a parent can do to a child. You have to let the child fail, and learn to do basic things for themselves. Helicopter parents mean well in their minds, but they ultimately fail as parents when they helicopter right into their child's 30s and beyond.

[plastroncafe]

There's a lot to debate when it comes to porn or even just sex work in general, and all too often that debate tends to ignore the actual sex workers themselves. Instead of talking to them and including them in the discussion, people tend to frame them as either helpless and in need of external protection, or as wanton harlots in need of fixing.

[Prowler]

There's a lot to debate when it comes to porn or even just sex work in general, and all too often that debate tends to ignore the actual sex workers themselves. Instead of talking to them and including them in the discussion, people tend to frame them as either helpless and in need of external protection, or as wanton harlots in need of fixing.
Pornstars will get some weird looks at worst. Prostitutes however... society puts them on the same league as rapists and murderers.

[CyberCubed]

Guys, this is not some underground society. If they're on real or big porn sites the girls are not being forced against their will. These websites are real companies and can be sued like anything else.

The thing is there's literally millions of these 20 year old girls. Once the old ones get too old they get cycled out and replaced with a fresh bash. For example the 20 year old girl you saw on a porn site back in 2003 isn't the same 20 year old girl you're seeing on that site now in 2014 for example.

I'll never understand it. I guess "girls gone wild" really does have a meaning. All these girls are for feminism yet they jump at the chance to do porn.

[Davetello]

There's a lot to debate when it comes to porn or even just sex work in general, and all too often that debate tends to ignore the actual sex workers themselves. Instead of talking to them and including them in the discussion, people tend to frame them as either helpless and in need of external protection, or as wanton harlots in need of fixing.

Yeah, the truth is all cases are different and some are more exploited than others. Some have more agency whereas others are bound by structural forces.

My view is that people should be free to do what they like. I think it was John Stuart Mill who argued that everyone should be free to do whatever they like, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else intentionally or unintentionally. Sounds simple but really is true.

[Davetello]

Guys, this is not some underground society. If they're on real or big porn sites the girls are not being forced against their will. These websites are real companies and can be sued like anything else.

The thing is there's literally millions of these 20 year old girls. Once the old ones get too old they get cycled out and replaced with a fresh bash. For example the 20 year old girl you saw on a porn site back in 2003 isn't the same 20 year old girl you're seeing on that site now in 2014 for example.

I'll never understand it. I guess "girls gone wild" really does have a meaning. All these girls are for feminism yet they jump at the chance to do porn.

There's a huge market for mature women as well, though. I personally prefer older women to younger, and so do many men.

[CyberCubed]

There's a huge market for mature women as well, though. I personally prefer older women to younger, and so do many men.

Well yeah, but I'm closer in age to the younger 20 year old girls so...

Maybe when I hit my 30's my tastes will change.

[pennydreadful]

Putting on my serious hat again (in contrast to my previous post), many women who work in the porn business are extremely messed up and emotionally vulnerable. Many also have substance abuse issues.

I mean I'm obviously a hypocrite because I watch these girls, but I'm not comfortable with the way some of them are exploited. On the other hand, they tend to make more money than the male actors.

You'd be surprised - women in the mainstream/non-amateur industry tend to get churned up and spat out very quickly. But there's not a hard and fast rule for every person who goes into the adult industry either. There are actually a lot of really good, interesting docos on the industry - if you ever feel like it, I'd recommend checking out a UK miniseries called The Dark Side of Porn; they had one episode called Porn Shutdown which was about the AIDS scare that shut down the industry a while back. It was really informative in terms of being honest about the shelf life that women in mainstream movies aimed towards straight men have.

There is positive porn out there made by consenting adults who aren't being victimized; you just have to hunt for it. There's certainly nothing wrong with enjoying it as long as you have an awareness of what you're watching. Like I mentioned before, The Crash Pad series is feminist queer porn and has a lot of positive, consenting sex between both queer women and trans people.

[plastroncafe]

Yeah, the truth is all cases are different and some are more exploited than others. Some have more agency whereas others are bound by structural forces.

My view is that people should be free to do what they like. I think it was John Stuart Mill who argued that everyone should be free to do whatever they like, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else intentionally or unintentionally. Sounds simple but really is true.

There's a great line from the HBO show "Deadwood" that I quite like. Wild Bill Hickok is being shamed against gambling by his handler, and his response is:

Why won't you let me go to hell the way I want to.

That's kind of how I feel about a lot of these things. It's not my place to judge the consensual actions of adults.

This is why I think it's of the utmost importance that people actually working in the sex work industry be able to be their own advocates. We can say that the industry works one way, or that it works another, but unless we're actually partaking of it...we have no real idea.

[Davetello]

Well yeah, but I'm closer in age to the younger 20 year old girls so...

Maybe when I hit my 30's my tastes will change.

Well when I was twenty I liked women in their forties and fifties. It's that taboo side of things, it's a turn on.

You'd be surprised - women in the mainstream/non-amateur industry tend to get churned up and spat out very quickly. But there's not a hard and fast rule for every person who goes into the adult industry either. There are actually a lot of really good, interesting docos on the industry - if you ever feel like it, I'd recommend checking out a UK miniseries called The Dark Side of Porn; they had one episode called Porn Shutdown which was about the AIDS scare that shut down the industry a while back. It was really informative in terms of being honest about the shelf life that women in mainstream movies aimed towards straight men have.

There is positive porn out there made by consenting adults who aren't being victimized; you just have to hunt for it. There's certainly nothing wrong with enjoying it as long as you have an awareness of what you're watching. Like I mentioned before, The Crash Pad series is feminist queer porn and has a lot of positive, consenting sex between both queer women and trans people.



Thanks penny. I will certainly take a look into things. I have seen porn documentaries before but they were mainly from the perspective of the men involved.

In a sense you could argue that the women in porn are generally more protected from STDs than the regular woman, because they're tested very often. I think the AIDS crisis you refer to had been the first time actors had tested positive in years.

There's a great line from the HBO show "Deadwood" that I quite like. Wild Bill Hickok is being shamed against gambling by his handler, and his response is:

Why won't you let me go to hell the way I want to.

That's kind of how I feel about a lot of these things. It's not my place to judge the consensual actions of adults.

This is why I think it's of the utmost importance that people actually working in the sex work industry be able to be their own advocates. We can say that the industry works one way, or that it works another, but unless we're actually partaking of it...we have no real idea.

Ah, Deadwood. I've only seen the first season thus far but it really is a great show. Hickok is killed off early, I remember him saying that line. If he wanted to self-destruct, that should be up to him.

And yeah, everyone should be free to make their own decisions and live their lives their own way, as long as it doesn't impinge on anyone else's safety or quality of life. But they must also be held accountable for their mistakes. Life has consequences.

[BubblyShell22]

I completely disagree. It sounds like your parents weren't being parents at all.

And this is why school should teach those things. Because so many parents don't teach their kids jack ****, either because they're too lazy, they think like you and go "oh they'll learn it on their own because thats life lolol", or because the parents in question are neglectful/abusive.

We don't HAVE to learn anything on our own. Again, allow me to repeat myself: We don't HAVE to learn anything on our own!!

No, my parents were being parents. They can't teach us everything in life because if they have to help us with everything, we'll never learn. Same goes with teachers, too. Sure, they can help a student learn, but in the end, the student has to master it themselves and learn to adapt. That's what life's about. My parents are the best and have never neglected or abused my siblings or me. So don't sit there and belittle them when you have no idea who they are. Sounds like you really need to grow up. Yeah, I live with my parents at the moment, but when I do move out, I'm going to learn things on my own and only ask for their help if I absolutely need it. That's the way you learn, Net.



Ok? But some things are better learned on your own.

Life lessons. Growing. All that good stuff. Not being a coddled baby that can barely leave the house without detailed instructions and constant help.

And don't go around talking ish about other people's parents. F*ck off with that.

Thanks for sticking up for me and my parents, Stryker. I appreciate that.



Life doesn't ever come with an instruction book. Adapt or die.

The single greatest gift my parents ever gave me was kicking me out of the nest. At first it was uncomfortable and I didn't know everything...but I figured it out. It's just what growing up is.

Continuing to live at home as an adult without even trying because it's hard is super lazy and smacks of Peter Pan syndrome.

What do you do when mommy and daddy die?

Yep gotta agree with you, Katie. I know times are tough out there and far be it from me to deny that, but I'm not living at home because I WANT to (not that there's anything wrong with my parents because there isn't), it's just the way it is right now. My BF's in the same boat and his situation is even worse because he's on disability due to being visually impaired, so he can't work anyway. Sometimes, life just throws you those curveballs, but eventually, you'll have to leave the nest and learn on your own. I'm not scared about living on my own because I think it'll be a great learning experience. But as of now, I'm glad to be living with my parents with everything that's been going on with Mom's health and I'm just happy to be there for her because my brother can't be there and my sister won't even bother, so it's good that at least one of their kids is there for them.

I only worry about how they'll fair when I'm gone because, let's face, I keep them on track, and if I'm not there, I worry about how that will go. I'm the youngest, so it's going to be hard for them when I leave, but I know they'll get through it because they're strong people and always have been. I just always want to be there for them and help them out when I can, which I have no problem doing.

Net, it really sounds like you live a very sheltered life and if you don't get it through your head that life's not like this, then you won't be able to function at all.

And, Katie, that cousin of yours sounds ridiculous. Wow. I don't blame you for not going on Facebook for that.

[Dirty Blond]

Funny. A guy who have a lot of sex is a stud, while a woman is a slut.

Wait, that's not funny at all.

That's because it's easy for a woman to find sex. For a guy, it's a much greater challenge.

Does anybody here know anyone that's ever worked in the adult industry? Cuz it's not that uncommon - I mean, you'd be surprised. Plenty of them are normal, nice people.

Just wondering.

I was in a couple scenes for Brazzers in 2012, but that was the extent of my "career."

[Netkeeper]

lmao, it's that time again -- time for Bubbly to totally warp my words.

Do you not know what it means to teach someone? It means "guide them through not ****ing up, then let them do it, and if they have any more questions, they'll ask you". Like literally part of it is letting the person do it themselves. Have you never been properly taught how to do anything in your lives? Or does everybody I've ever learned anything from possess superhuman teaching skills?

That's because it's easy for a woman to find sex. For a guy, it's a much greater challenge.
lmfao, you're even funnier.

[Candy Kappa]

That's because it's easy for a woman to find sex. For a guy, it's a much greater challenge.

That makes absolutely no sense.

"Oh, this thing is easier for you, therefore you are a bad person and must be shamed into submission" cause, logic...

[Dirty Blond]

That makes absolutely no sense.

"Oh, this thing is easier for you, therefore you are a bad person and must be shamed into submission" cause, logic...

I'm not justifying it, I'm just saying that's where it comes from.

[Netkeeper]

Do you really think it's easier for women to find sex

Do you really

[pennydreadful]

That makes absolutely no sense.

"Oh, this thing is easier for you, therefore you are a bad person and must be shamed into submission" cause, logic...

Yeah, women are somehow to blame for dudes' willingness to prong anything that moves, cuz... reasons. :trolleye:

Curse those devilish vixens and their wicked vagina magic. :tlol:

[Davetello]

At the risk of being totally fvcking destroyed - he's probably right.

Most men will sleep with any woman. Lots of women are far pickier, because they have more options. Like Blond though, I'm not justifying "slut shaming". Sex is a good thing, not something to be ashamed of.

[Candy Kappa]

Well, considering how men acts... I'm not surprised women are pickier is seen as pickier.

[Netkeeper]

Yeah, women are somehow to blame for dudes' willingness to prong anything that moves
http://i.imgur.com/CN7Quuo.png
Correction -- dudes are only willing to **** anything that moves and happens to be female. No gays allowed, remember! That's "gaaaaay".

See, if we were all gay, we wouldn't be having this problem.

At the risk of being totally fvcking destroyed - he's probably right.

Most men will sleep with any woman. Lots of women are far pickier, because they have more options. Like Blond though, I'm not justifying "slut shaming". Sex is a good thing, not something to be ashamed of.
No, he's probably wrong.

There are lots of men going around looking for women, but you don't think women don't go around looking for men as well? They're not pickier because of some made-believe perception of there being more options. Excuse me, but male/female ratio of the world's population is close to 50/50 [however, people that do not fall under either category must also always be accounted for so these numbers are never precise] so [straight] men and women both have around the same number of options. Bisexual and pansexual people have the most options, in truth!

Women are "pickier" because they honestly have the intelligence to go screening potential partners for abusive or harmful qualities. Sorry, that's just how it is. I've been friends with enough single women to know that's how it goes. They're cautious because a lot of women have been hurt by men, and it's not something they're wanting to repeat.

[pennydreadful]

But then if a woman does have sex... she's a sl*t. Women are damned if they do, damned if they don't. Women are either pr*ckteases, asking for it, friendzoning, etc... or they're sl*ts who only put out for *ssholes and ignore Teh Nice Guys. Regardless, if you're born with a vagina, be prepared to be constantly characterized negatively based on how much dick you do or don't take in your lifetime.

I don't get it. Humans are way too uptight about their squishy bits. *shakes head*

[plastroncafe]

He's not probably right.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say he's wrong.

Men do not want sex more than women.
Women do not want sex more than men.

If women appear picky it's because the penalties for her sexual expression are harsher than the ones men.

If a woman abstains from sex she's praised, but if a man abstains from sex there's something wrong with him.

All of these are crap notions that can't die fast enough.

http://i.imgur.com/CN7Quuo.png
Bisexual and pansexual people have the most options, in truth!


Oh if only this were true.
It might appear as though we bisexuals have the most options, but in reality...not so much.
Neither the Gay nor the Straight community tend to handle bisexuals all that well. We're either faking it, or we're sluts who can't be trusted not to cheat.

[Davetello]

Hey, I'm not complaining. I'm just saying.

Like I say, live and let live. I don't have a problem with women sleeping around.

[Netkeeper]

Oh if only this were true.
It might appear as though we bisexuals have the most options, but in reality...not so much.
Neither the Gay nor the Straight community tend to handle bisexuals all that well. We're either faking it, or we're sluts who can't be trusted not to cheat.
Yeah, nobody is very nice to bisexuals or pansexuals and it's awful. In numbers, though, they theoretically have the most options. Just proof that the numbers don't mean anything.

[Davetello]

There have been more tangents in this thread than in a university maths course.

[CyberCubed]

Do you really think it's easier for women to find sex

Do you really

It is easier. Any girl who seriously wants to have sex or a one night stand can go to any College Campus or online dating site and most men will agree to it. If you're a guy and do the same thing most girls will look the other way immediately.

I imagine the only girls who do get trouble are ones that are not good looking or fat chicks.

[pennydreadful]

It's also worth pointing out that while bisexual people are seen as having more options, they're vilified for their sexual preference. They aren't seen as properly belonging in the queer community by a lot of people - bi men are apparently just in denial about being gay, and bi women are just straight women who are experimenting; either way, they should "just choose a side". Most lesbians refuse to date bi women because they think they're dirty/diseased, or they're paranoid that a bi woman will leave them for a man. Even Megan Fox said that though she's bi, she'd never want to sleep with a bi woman because they're dirty (citation: http://yourfaveisproblematic.tumblr.com/post/46652215069/megan-fox)

Bi women also face huge rates of sexual assault and domestic violence (particularly from straight men) - again, because of their sexual preference. A bisexual woman is three times more likely to be raped than a straight woman or a lesbian woman (citation: http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/bisexual-women-almost-twice-as-likely-to-be-abused) because they're seen as being sl*ts who are up for anything with anyone, so hey, dem bitches should just put out and shut up right? They're bi, they like to experiment, they're up for anything, right? #heavy sarcasm#

There have been more tangents in this thread than in a university maths course.

I'm quite enjoying it actually - it's been dead here for a while, it's nice that there's some lively discussion happening. :)

[Netkeeper]

It is easier. Any girl who seriously wants to have sex or a one night stand can go to any College Campus or online dating site and most men will agree to it. If you're a guy and do the same thing most girls will look the other way immediately.

I imagine the only girls who do get trouble are ones that are not good looking or fat chicks.
http://i.imgur.com/op7SbDI.jpg
And there it is. The reply I was waiting for. Glad CyberCubed always delivers.

[plastroncafe]

Gosh...maybe guys aren't so picky after all.

[Davetello]

I used to think I was bisexual, 'cos I do think some guys are good looking or great to talk to etc. But then I realised I wasn't because the thought of being intimate with those guys isn't something I like, so I'm obviously just a guy who can recognise if another man is good looking or has a great personality.

Something I find surreal is that a lot of straight men seem to think gay guys will always fancy them. As if gay men are into every single guy.

[Netkeeper]

Gosh...maybe guys aren't so picky after all.
SHHH! Don't you know it's HARD being a man, Plastron?! Geez!

[CyberCubed]

Everything I said is true. Its just that most girls *don't* put themselves out there because of the fear of being raped or winding up with the wrong guy. That's probably why they do online porn because its more "safe" as its in a controlled enviornment and you sign contracts.

I used to think I was bisexual, 'cos I do think some guys are good looking or great to talk to etc. But then I realised I wasn't because the thought of being intimate with those guys isn't something I like, so I'm obviously just a guy who can recognise if another man is good looking or has a great personality.

You can find people good looking and not being sexually attracted to them. I think any guy can find another guy good looking but not be gay.

[Davetello]

You can find people good looking and not being sexually attracted to them. I think any guy can find another guy good looking but not be gay.

I know that now but back then I was young and naive. As you say the litmus test is whether you wanna get down and dirty with another guy - and that just doesn't do it for me, no matter how attractive I think they are, mentally or physically.

Like, I think Yoann Gourcuff is incredibly hot but I certainly don't fantasise about him, sexually.

[CyberCubed]

It's also worth pointing out that while bisexual people are seen as having more options, they're vilified for their sexual preference. They aren't seen as properly belonging in the queer community by a lot of people - bi men are apparently just in denial about being gay, and bi women are just straight women who are experimenting; either way, they should "just choose a side". Most lesbians refuse to date bi women because they think they're dirty/diseased, or they're paranoid that a bi woman will leave them for a man. Even Megan Fox said that though she's bi, she'd never want to sleep with a bi woman because they're dirty (citation: http://yourfaveisproblematic.tumblr.com/post/46652215069/megan-fox)

Bi women also face huge rates of sexual assault and domestic violence (particularly from straight men) - again, because of their sexual preference. A bisexual woman is three times more likely to be raped than a straight woman or a lesbian woman (citation: http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/bisexual-women-almost-twice-as-likely-to-be-abused) because they're seen as being sl*ts who are up for anything with anyone, so hey, dem bitches should just put out and shut up right? They're bi, they like to experiment, they're up for anything, right? #heavy sarcasm#


How do they find these statistics anyway? They go up and survey a bunch of people and ask them if they've ever been raped? What.

[Davetello]

How do they find these statistics anyway? They go up and survey a bunch of people and ask them if they've ever been raped? What.

:lol:

Please never change.

[Leo656]

This place is bananas. Love you guys.

[pennydreadful]

Something I find surreal is that a lot of straight men seem to think gay guys will always fancy them. As if gay men are into every single guy.

Yeah, kind of ironic how they start panicking about what they'll do if someone they're not interested in made a sexual advance towards them.

How do they find these statistics anyway? They go up and survey a bunch of people and ask them if they've ever been raped? What.

https://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mat9b7zB6R1qkurq6o1_r1_500.gif

[Davetello]

Yeah, kind of ironic how they start panicking about what they'll do if someone they're not interested in made a sexual advance towards them.




Ha. Had never even thought of the irony before :lol:

[CyberCubed]

I feel this topic is now legendary. My threads are always the best.

[Leo656]

I feel this topic is now legendary. My threads are always the drizzling sh*ts.

There ya go buddy. :tcool:

[plastroncafe]

Well edited.

[pennydreadful]

I was just going to make a King of Fools reference.

http://i.imgur.com/oqcvF06.png?1

[Davetello]

I feel this topic is now legendary. My threads are always the best.

While we're sucking ourselves off, I've had a few topics which have taken off as well :)

[Leo656]

While we're sucking ourselves off...

Lucky. I can't, I have a bad neck.

[Davetello]

Lucky. I can't, I have a bad neck.

Ha......................

[pennydreadful]

We're having a very Bill Hicks moment right now. :lol:

IdYWWxixRbc

[Davetello]

LMFAO. Hicks was a genius. What year is that from?

[pennydreadful]

'92 I think, from the Relentless tour.

[Davetello]

'92 I think, from the Relentless tour.

Amazing how aged clips from 1992 look now :lol:

[Leo656]

Isn't that the guy who stole his best stuff from Denis Leary? 8)

[pennydreadful]

Oooooh, shots have been fired.

http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/b6/2f/gremlins,gremlins2,hulkhogan,thehulkster,wrestling ,wwe-b62f4f346d2ffadf8a8b6b1ef015a304_h.jpg?ts=93246

http://media.giphy.com/media/12Ck5i3juRA9d6/giphy.gif

[Leo656]

You're so one of my favorite people. Have a Great summer! Don't ever change! Generic Yearbook Quote!

[DarkFell]

Now THIS is an educational thread. :kgrin: Even Hulk would approve of this.

[Leo656]

http://www.wwe24seven.com/images/46/hollywood-hulk-hogan.jpg

[DarkFell]

Holy sh*t. I was right. Who would have thunk.
High fives all the way around.

[Netkeeper]

It's my favourite time on the Drome! Time for the Penny and Leo show! :lol:

[Leo656]

"Technodrome After Dark: We're F*cking Despicable."

[Davetello]

You're some of the strangest people I have ever encountered. In a good way, of course :)

[MsMarvelDuckie]

It's a Technodrome After Party! When all the REAL freaks come out to play....

[Davetello]

Indeed Victoria - you don't mind if I call you that, do you?

Anyway, unlike you North Americans, I have to go to bed now as it's 4 am and I have to be awake early. Sweet dreams everyone ;)

[pennydreadful]

Go catch some zzzs, Dave - you're not gonna be missing any intelligent conversation, just the gradual descent into thread-derailing madness. :P

You're so one of my favorite people. Have a Great summer! Don't ever change! Generic Yearbook Quote!

It's my favourite time on the Drome! Time for the Penny and Leo show! :lol:

http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/78/78454f505b21e7994ffa7cba39a06dc7ea604fb6a9c4597f28 4e894409c78f51.jpg

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Indeed Victoria - you don't mind if I call you that, do you?

Anyway, unlike you North Americans, I have to go to bed now as it's 4 am and I have to be awake early. Sweet dreams everyone ;)


Shhh- you'll give away my secret!! LOL.


Gradual descent??!! More like snowboarding down into the tenth level of derailing Hell! But that's okay, we like it there!

[pennydreadful]

I actually think it'd be fun to know peoples' real names here. It's like finding out Batmans' secret identity.

http://xirdalium.net/wp-content/uploads/batman_unmasked.png

[Peanut]

Jesus this thread is giving me flash backs to 2003.

[CyberCubed]

It does bring back memories when I was a teenager on message boards a decade ago. Anyone remember when we were all teens posting on online forums? Now we're all "old people" in our late 20's and early 30's.

I honestly miss being a teenager coming home from High School doing nothing but ranting on message boards. If you guys think I'm bad now, man you should have seen me back in 2002-2005 when I used to post regularly over at IGN.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

I can only imagine.....

[BubblyShell22]

lmao, it's that time again -- time for Bubbly to totally warp my words.

Do you not know what it means to teach someone? It means "guide them through not ****ing up, then let them do it, and if they have any more questions, they'll ask you". Like literally part of it is letting the person do it themselves. Have you never been properly taught how to do anything in your lives? Or does everybody I've ever learned anything from possess superhuman teaching skills?


No, I'm not warping your words. You accused my parents of being abusive and neglectful when they weren't. The way you were going on about it, you're acting like parents have to teach you everything in your life instead of letting you learn on your own, and that's not what parents are for. Yes, they're there to guide you, but if you don't listen to them, then that's on you and whatever mistakes you make. They aren't there to walk you through everything in life. As I said, my sister and brother moved out and learned on their own what to do. My parents did give them advice, but they pretty much did things on their own from the start, and that's what learning's all about.

It's just like with school. My parents didn't sit in a classroom with me and help me through it. I did it myself because that's what you have to do and it's the same with life. Sometimes you have to learn on your own, and there's only so much your parents can teach you. For what it's worth, maybe if you want to learn something, watch your parents do it and go from there. That's what I do, and it helps. I'm not saying you shouldn't ask your parents for help if you really need it, but a lot of things can be learned on their own with the Internet and all.

That's my two cents. I was offended by your slight at my parents, and I think you are a shallow person to do something like that. All parents parent differently, and at least my parents taught me good skills and showed me that if I did wrong, I'd get in trouble for it instead of coddling me and pretending that what I did was someone else's fault as so many parents do these days.

And as for sex ed, I learned it all in school and that was all I needed really.

[Netkeeper]

Yeah, you were warping my words, actually. You were, and still are, trying to say that wanting parents to teach their children things is saying "o parent gotta hold kiddies hand all da time" which is NOT what teaching is. It may be easy for me to say because I never intend on having children, but I feel part of a parent's responsibility is to educate their children. If you don't agree, fine.

Like, you seem to be lacking understanding of a fundamental part of teaching people things: the part where you don't hold their hand throughout the entire thing because they'll never get it. Wanting parents to educate their children doesn't mean the parents sit there while the kid is in school. You're purposely exaggerating what I say and I'm not tolerating it.

I also never said teaching children had anything to do with coddling and placing the blame on someone else. No ****ing idea where you got that from.

Legitimately glad you were taught sex ed, though [not sarcasm]. More people need to be taught that in school.

[plastroncafe]

It does bring back memories when I was a teenager on message boards a decade ago. Anyone remember when we were all teens posting on online forums? Now we're all "old people" in our late 20's and early 30's.

I honestly miss being a teenager coming home from High School doing nothing but ranting on message boards. If you guys think I'm bad now, man you should have seen me back in 2002-2005 when I used to post regularly over at IGN.

This explains so much.
Also...you keep using "we" when you really shouldn't be.

[CyberCubed]

Well everyone is a lot different when they're a teenager on forums than a decade later. For example I was browsing through the archives of this forum reading old posts from 2003-2004 and I saw many users that are still here like Peanut, Leo656, Roseangelo, etc. and their old posts are a hell of a lot different than they are now. Which makes sense, everyone was a decade younger back then and their lives were a lot different than they are now.

I imagine if we're all still here another decade from now, we'll all be a lot different than we are today

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Except you, cubed. I don't expect you to EVER change. (That would be a shock the world might not survive, lol!)

[Leo656]

I probably called more people "c*nt" back then. I've really gotten soft.

[Peanut]

Well everyone is a lot different when they're a teenager on forums than a decade later. For example I was browsing through the archives of this forum reading old posts from 2003-2004 and I saw many users that are still here like Peanut, Leo656, Roseangelo, etc. and their old posts are a hell of a lot different than they are now. Which makes sense, everyone was a decade younger back then and their lives were a lot different than they are now.

I imagine if we're all still here another decade from now, we'll all be a lot different than we are today

Oh, make no mistake. The Internet has turned me into an insufferable piece of **** on forums. I was 15 years old when I joined the Technodrome. It was the day I got my very own computer for personal use. I was young and impressionable and the Internet sort of ruined me in the years to come. It's hard to believe I started visiting this place at that age. I'm 29 now.

[BubblyShell22]

Yeah, you were warping my words, actually. You were, and still are, trying to say that wanting parents to teach their children things is saying "o parent gotta hold kiddies hand all da time" which is NOT what teaching is. It may be easy for me to say because I never intend on having children, but I feel part of a parent's responsibility is to educate their children. If you don't agree, fine.

Like, you seem to be lacking understanding of a fundamental part of teaching people things: the part where you don't hold their hand throughout the entire thing because they'll never get it. Wanting parents to educate their children doesn't mean the parents sit there while the kid is in school. You're purposely exaggerating what I say and I'm not tolerating it.

I also never said teaching children had anything to do with coddling and placing the blame on someone else. No ****ing idea where you got that from.

Legitimately glad you were taught sex ed, though [not sarcasm]. More people need to be taught that in school.

I guess I just have a different interpretation of what teaching is and how some things have to be learned on their own. Whatever. I'm not exaggerating anything. I'm making a point that sometimes you have to learn on your own and that your parents are not always going to be there. Their purpose in life is to guide you until a certain age and then let you go off on your own to figure stuff out, not to teach you every little thing in life. That's what I'm trying to get at. Parents do educate their kids up until they go to school and even then they help with homework and things like that up until high school and then college. After that, the kid graduates, gets a job, and learns on their own. My parents never taught me how to make a resume or to apply for a job. I had to learn that on my own, and I did.

That's what I mean about growing up. Parents can teach so much, but at the end of the day once you're eighteen, you're technically on your own, and your parent's have no responsibility for you whatsoever.

[Netkeeper]

Okay, you're right and wrong, then.

I agree that parents don't have to uphold that responsibility after you've reached adulthood. However, I do feel that if the child still wants help, they should be able to ask for it. I don't agree with any parent that dumps their kid off their doorstep and says "you're an adult, do it yourself". That's called being an asshole.

Some people can do fine learning these things on their own. Others won't. That's life.

[BubblyShell22]

As I said, there's nothing wrong with asking for help if you need it, but at the same time, you still should be able to do most things on your own without help. It's called being independent. And I have no problem with parents who feel that they don't need to help their kids up to a certain age. If they continue to do that, then the kid gets nowhere in life, so I'm okay with that to a certain point. Parents can give advice if the kid asks for it, but it depends on if said kid listens to the parent or if they decide not to and do things on their own. If you make a mistake, that's okay. You learn from it. You shouldn't ask your parents to bail you out of every mess.

My sister did that, and it got so irritating that she was out on her own but still felt the need to call and ask for help for every little thing instead of learning it on her own. My brother was the first to move out of the house, and he rarely called my parents and still rarely calls them for help because he can do it on his own and wants to show that he can. That's the type of person I want to be. I want to be able to show my parents that I can live on my own without their help for every little thing. To me, that shows a great strength of character.

[plastroncafe]

I thought I wanted to be independent, but the older I get the more I realize independence or at very least the modern American concept of the word, is a lie. And sometimes it's a dangerous lie.

There is no shame in asking for help, and a real adult knows their own limitations, and doesn't force themselves beyond them for the sake of pride.

We can quibble all day about semantics, or where to place the goal posts, but the truth of the matter is that no one does everything on their own. No one can do everything on their own. And no one should do everything on their own.

[Leo656]

I kind of see it from a lot of different angles but I'm dealing with kind of a unique situation. Long story short, I'm trying to get a second job, and I can't, because there's a misprint on my birth certificate. Because of that, my records don't "technically" match, thus, I can't get a driver's license, photo ID, state ID, voter registration card, or anything else you need to A. Get a reputable job, or B. function as an independent adult.

I've called every agency in the state trying to get it fixed - mostly when the "main" job gets spotty and I need to look for supplemental income - and they all say the same thing: "Your parents really needed to fix this, now that they're dead there really is no way to fix it that I can see." I mean, they list *possible* ways to fix it, but every single one of them comes with the caveat, "You still MAY, in all likelihood, end up spending one to three thousand dollars in legal fees, possibly more, and not have anything to show for it. Your parents really needed to fix this before it ever got this far."

And it always comes back to, "So WHY didn't your parents ever get this fixed?" and I get sick and tired of answering, "Because Crack." They also talk a lot of garbage about 9/11, and how they've had to "tighten things up" since then as far as amending records, but I honestly don't see what the f*ck any of that has to do with me.

So I empathize, because I'm personally in a pretty life-crushing situation that I apparently can't fix on my own because my parents were supposed to do it, and they can't, and without them, I can't even prove I'm Me, so I'm screwed. I'm gonna start calling lawyers and see if I can make headway that way, but either way it's a huge bullsh*t hassle and time and money I don't have to spend. All because my parents didn't give a sh*t.

So yeah, I'm all for self-reliance, but I'm also of the mind of, parents need to set their kids up to succeed to SOME degree. My entire life would be different if not for this one thing.

[Netkeeper]

It's not just circumstances that make some people unable to be as independent as others, also. Some people are just nauturally independent and don't need much help, and they've always been that way. That's great, is really is.

But there are plenty of others in life that are bad at being independent, as well. Not just because of circumstance, but because of personality. With me, personally, it's not that black-and-white! I LIKE being by myself and teaching myself things, but my brain is just not wired for doing that, so two parts of my personality end up butting heads a lot. And my circumstances don't help at all either.

[Katie]

Serious question. What will you do when your parents die? If you are unable to live on your own for whatever reason... But you at obviously functional enough to get on the Internet and such. So you have the skills to plan. What is your plan? Or do you just hope a relative will be there to scoop you up?

And Leo I'm super curious what the error is on your birth certificate. Why not get a license etc that matches your birth certificate until you get it fixed and can make changes as appropriate.

Also, legal aide societies sometime have lawyers that will do paperwork and stuff for free if your income is below a certain criteria.

[Netkeeper]

Serious question. What will you do when your parents die? If you are unable to live on your own for whatever reason... But you at obviously functional enough to get on the Internet and such. So you have the skills to plan. What is your plan? Or do you just hope a relative will be there to scoop you up?
Heh, I'd be ****ed. The only person in this state that I know at all aside from my parents is my grandmother, who lives on her own and doesn't like people living with her. I don't really have a "plan" but if something did happen to them, I'd probably ask her for help until my best friend can come get me, because he's already agreed to do that anyway sometime next year. I know I can't live with them forever and I'm making plans to get myself out of here, but it will not be an easy process for me. [Not saying that it's an easy process for anybody, but I have just about everything working against me.]

[CyberCubed]

Can't you file for disability or something? You can get the state for giving you free money if you prove you can't work or have a disability in doing so.

I mean you're only 23, you're still young enough that you can get yourself together by the time you're 30 and move on.

[Netkeeper]

Can't you file for disability or something? You can get the state for giving you free money if you prove you can't work or have a disability in doing so.

I mean you're only 23, you're still young enough that you can get yourself together by the time you're 30 and move on.
I'm trying, actually, but neither me nor my mother have any idea what the **** we're doing. I haven't seen any sort of therapist my whole life, so all we have is a flimsy half-assed "uh the school psychologist said I have a disability with the learnings" claim, and even then, me and her are debating whether or not my IEP will actually help with getting me disability [I think it will because it's the only form of paper record I have, my mom thinks it won't because I graduated high school and that works against me getting disability; to be fair, she's the only one that's ever read the thing.] Also we have no idea where my IEP actually is, if we still have a copy of it.

[Katie]

It's actually not that hard to apply. They have pretty comprehensive instructions online. ( Google: applying for social security disability) ssa.gov

They usually make you have a doctors examination (which is free btw) as part of their decision process.

My relative did it with no trouble and she gets SSI.

[Netkeeper]

When I did some googling, I read that I'd need medical records, of which I have none [that are relevant]. That's not true?

[Katie]

The application asks for any doctors that you may go to and you permission to have your records released. If there is no doctor they set up a free appointment with a doctor or psychiatrist for you.

[DarkFell]

I thought I wanted to be independent, but the older I get the more I realize independence or at very least the modern American concept of the word, is a lie. And sometimes it's a dangerous lie.

There is no shame in asking for help, and a real adult knows their own limitations, and doesn't force themselves beyond them for the sake of pride.

We can quibble all day about semantics, or where to place the goal posts, but the truth of the matter is that no one does everything on their own. No one can do everything on their own. And no one should do everything on their own.
The post above is so much need to hear win.

[Netkeeper]

The application asks for any doctors that you may go to and you permission to have your records released. If there is no doctor they set up a free appointment with a doctor or psychiatrist for you.
I think this is the biggest relief I've ever heard. Thank you so much.

[Leo656]

And Leo I'm super curious what the error is on your birth certificate. Why not get a license etc that matches your birth certificate until you get it fixed and can make changes as appropriate.

Also, legal aide societies sometime have lawyers that will do paperwork and stuff for free if your income is below a certain criteria.

It's complicated. Firstly, the error itself has a lot to do with the fact I was born in a Catholic hospital. My parents were not legally married, so the hospital would not list my biological father as the Father on my Birth certificate. The best they would consent to, is simply putting the last name my mother was using to get her medical bills paid, the last name from her previous marriage, where it says Father (it doesn't even have a first/last name, where it says "Father" it just says "Stanley"). My parents insisted that I have my father's last name, so the hospital consented to include it on the birth certificate, BUT they added "Stanley" after it as a second last name.
Because they're f*cking retards. That crucial, seemingly minor clerical error on the part of the hospital staff is what started the entire problem.

In consulting with all the varying state agencies, it's become apparent that since they screwed up on the birth certificate in SEVERAL places, I can't simply get everything else changed to match that, because the Source document itself is in error, and it would only be making things worse. Especially because, I've been working my entire adult life and have already collected a decent amount in social security. So the Birth Certificate absolutely has to be amended to match my SS and everything else. And THAT, is a long, costly, complicated process, that is much MORE difficult when your parents are dead. It's basically a case of, "You can't do A without B, but you can't get B without A, so... you're kind of screwed." The last thing you ever want to hear a government official or legal aide representative who ostensibly deals with cases like yours every day say to you is, "You're kind of screwed", but oh, man, they do. Like, I can hear them getting frustrated over the phone over it; most of these conversations take place over the phone because none of them even agree on where I'd have to go to speak to someone in person, and every time I've ever gone, it's been four or more hours of, "This isn't ours to handle, you need to go across town to Here and tell them what you told me."

The last time I was on the phone with the dept. of vital statistics, the last thing the guy said to me was, "Do me a favor, when this is straightened out, call me and let me know how they did it, because honestly, I'd really like to know. I'm not making light of your situation, but... I'm dead serious, I just don't know how they can fix this and I'd really like to know. Good luck." I almost smashed a hole in the wall. I didn't spend five hours on the phone for "Good Luck".

What's worse, is it COULD have been a very easy fix, had someone been a little more diligent back when I was born. Two minor but important things prevent it from being a quick-fix. Firstly, my baptismal records show that within three weeks of being born, that erroneous second last name was already dropped. Now, as I understand it, this only happens in cases where paperwork is involved: a marriage, a divorce, a legal name change, are the only cases where a last name is changed in any way from what's listed on the certificate. Unfortunately, my parents spun a yarn to get them to drop the "Stanley" part, declaring "We were married in Maryland," because they knew there had been a fire at the hall of records in Maryland, and sure enough, when NJ called to look for the marriage license, there wasn't one, so due to the "extenuating circumstances" they simply fixed my last name without there being any paperwork involved. This was illegal on the part of the clerk and would not be permitted today, because everything requires a paper trail. Since there is no "official" document announcing that the second last name was dropped, there's a huge problem, despite the fact that every other document I've had since birth has the correct name on it. Again, this is the part where I start hearing gov't workers say, "I've never seen anything like this." So nice to be a guinea pig for human misery. :lol:

Secondly, and pretty much MORE frustrating, is that if they had put a hyphen between my real last name and "Stanley", they could simply drop the Stanley part and that would be that. THAT was crushing, when the person at vital statistics got all excited, like, "I can get this fixed for you no problem... wait, they hyphenated it, right?" Since they didn't hyphenate it, my True last name reads like a second middle name. She actually mumbled "f*cking morons" over that one; I don't blame her. One little bit of ink, and it could be altogether different. SO frustrating.

So anyways, that's MOST of the story. There's more to it but this is already a novel. Since I've been dealing with it more often lately, I have a lot more direction than I did, but the only things I still know for certain are, the one and only way to solve the problem is to have the certificate amended, it's going to cost a small fortune (literally, "whatever they want, it's the government, but at least anywhere from one to three thousand dollars" said the person at vital statistics), and even if the process started literally Today, it takes three months at the least and could take up to a year. There's a lot of steps involved, including but not limited to petitioning a judge. In the end, it will be up to the judge's discretion whether or not the form gets amended; I could go through all the steps, pay all the money, and he could just as easily not care and dismiss it, and then I have to do it all over again and petition a different judge. I mean, it's unlikely if I got far enough to have the judge hear the case that he'd just dismiss it, but he COULD, and I don't like that.

So, right now I'm trying to find a way to get some kind of legal representation to help, even though it will inevitably cost even more that way, I just can't wait another year on this garbage. Whenever I apply for any kind of aid, I'm always just barely in the category where I make too much to qualify, but we're looking into it. I made a little less this year so I might skate by, but I doubt it. Some of my friends have lawyers that might do me a favor. I'm not an attractive case because it's so complicated and I don't have the means to pay the fees immediately. It's a mess.

But since I've been hired and then rejected by several jobs the last few weeks because of this paperwork bullsh*t, I'm putting the job hunt on hold (as I'm technically "unemployable", thus why I've only ever worked for shady companies that skirted the law in various ways), and putting all my energy into getting as much work as I can at the job I have while reaching out to get the paperwork fixed. I'm actually fortunate I've ever had a job anywhere because of this.

My father and I argued hard about all this up until the end of his life. His insistent reply to the end was, "We never thought it would matter." :roll: Anyways, we're working on it. I bet you're sorry you asked. :)

[Katie]

Nah I was just curious.

Would legally changing your name work? Like ladies do when they get married? Got new ID and social sec cards when that happened.

Also, if it's just forms, ask a paralegal if they can help fill em out. They can't give legal advice but the will fill forms out and for way cheaper than a lawyer charges.

[Leo656]

That's the thing, changing it from one to the other would require one of the names being "legally" correct in the first place. They all agree that getting the certificate amended is the simplest solution, anything else is just going to complicate things further.

As for the forms, that's another problem. Every dept. swears it's another dept.'s problem and there's different forms for everything. I once spent all day in New Brunswick, finally got a stack of forms as thick as a phone book, filled 'em out, brought them back, and Long Story Short, none of it was correct in the first place, so all that got done was I missed two days of work for no reason.

That's why I just want to find a lawyer to handle it. They'll be able to do the legwork and get the actual Right Answer and start having things done, since all I ever get is, "I'm not sure, you may have to call the Bureau of IGotNoClueWhatI'mTalkingAbout and tell them what you told me." I don't care anymore, I'll find some way to pay it off. To a person in my position, there really is zero difference between one thousand and ten thousand dollars, it may as well be a million either way, so I'll just have to figure it out. That's what lawyers get paid for. As I said, some of my friends are friends with a few lawyers, I just have to find out if any of them work in this field of law and work it out from there.

Long story short, if any of you have kids with someone, Get F'n Married so your kids don't have to go through this sh*t. My Mom had some hippy-dippy free-love bullsh*t reasons why she didn't want to get married to my Dad, and This is all that came of it. :ohwell: I mean, I'm sure if she'd known it'd be different, but still, the lack of foresight is tragic.

[Jester]

Sue the hospital!

Not 100% not serious about that, as that also requires a lawyer, but man, if the hospital didn't have such wacky procedure this would have never been an issue.

[Leo656]

To be fair, had my parents not been trying to pull scams, it wouldn't have happened either. Plenty of blame to go around. Including mine, I guess. I noticed it too late and thus it's partly my fault it didn't get fixed sooner. I mean, I was a kid, I probably wouldn't have known it was a problem either, but I don't know.

I'm not entirely surprised this happened because my Mother was something of a con artist, in that she had bills and credit cards in up to four different names (her birth/maiden name, her name from her first marriage, my father's last name, and the first marriage hyphenated with my Dad's last name). If she hadn't died she'd probably be in so much trouble by now.

Part of why I'm such a straight arrow is that my parents were shady as f*ck and it didn't work out well at all for anyone, least of all me. It really bothers me to no end that I'm still paying for their mistakes every day, but whatever, gotta keep moving forward.

[Jester]

Were there lots of phone number changes too? My aunt does that to avoid creditor calls.

[Leo656]

More like they just didn't feel like paying the phone bill so we only ever had a phone for like half a year at a time. :lol: See also: Cable, hot water. Occasionally electricity.

[Peanut]

Seems weird that you're in your 30's and this is seemingly just becoming a problem. Aren't you married? Don't you need ID to get a marriage license? You've never driven a car, or had to get health care, had a job, filed taxes...anything? Ever? How have you even existed or done anything up to this point without legal ID and why is it suddenly an issue if it hasn't been for everything else? How did you even file for social security if you can't prove you're you?

My birth certificate actually has my middle name spelled incorrectly, but I've never had any issues. Actually, I just spell my name with the misspelling, so it's not a big deal. People are often confused, though.

[Leo656]

I've had plenty of jobs, but that's in a roundabout way only contributed to the problem. They've all been places that didn't require so much paperwork. Since I was able to hold onto those jobs for many years at a time and never really had to look for work, it hadn't been an issue in any way other than not being able to drive. It's only become a more serious problem since I've more recently decided to look for more work. Most of the better jobs require all your paperwork be in order. I've never had any problems with social security or income tax. Again, there's a million pieces of paper floating around with my "proper" name on it, so for the most part, everything is Legit. It's just that The Big One has some mistakes on it and unfortunately, that one counts for more all by itself than all the other documents combined.

Like, I was born Sept. 24 and baptized on Halloween, and my baptismal papers already have my correct name, so it's like, they had to have gotten the second name dropped off immediately after I was born, it's just that the hospital screwed up and my parents didn't realize how big a problem the birth certificate would eventually be. I'm not sure how young you are when you get your social security number or whatever, but I remember getting my card when I was like, six, so I've always been registered with SS under my correct name. I'unno, it's a mess. More complicated than it should be.

I think things like this may also work quite differently depending on where you live, either state-by-state or elsewhere. NJ state gov't is notoriously awful, at absolutely anything. I think you live in Canada, if I recall? I'd be shocked if things weren't easier to deal with there, that'd just be par for the course.

I do often refer to my "wife" a lot but that's mostly force of habit, we've never gotten it done on paper. Most of my family is like that, everyone just kind of lives together and eventually has kids (not us), but few of them actually go through with the ceremony. I'm fine with doing it one day but I think the situation I'm in might need to be resolved first, I have to check into that. Since we've mostly lived together for most of the last 15 years except for a few very brief spells we both just refer to each other as "husband" and "wife". Kind of an old-fashioned thing I guess. I kind of think "girlfriend/boyfriend" sounds weird in your thirties if you've been with each other that long and nobody's going anywhere, I'unno. It used to be that in NJ if you lived together for seven years you were common-law married, but I don't know if that's still the law.

Ironically, my parents were legally common-law married, but unfortunately, there's no certification inherent to that. If there was, or they'd gotten married proper, that one certificate could change everything. This is why I'm really neurotic about saving all my "important" documents, in the event they should ever be required. Like, I might be able to get this one job I'm looking at if I can at least produce my high school photo ID. Most people don't keep crap like that, but I rarely get rid of anything, so I'm pretty sure I have it. My parents were awful and sloppy about keeping important papers and being organized, so I'm kind of anal about stuff like that.

[Wingnut]

Never had a problem to your extent Leo, thank goodness, but obtaining my original birth certificate from Florida seemed like an act of Congress.

All because of shoddy paperwork at the hospital.

[Leo656]

Oh, I hear you. That's actually where the problem started, I needed to obtain a copy of my birth certificate and we couldn't find it, so we contacted the place where they keep the records, and it all just kind of snowballed from there. My Dad and I couldn't get a copy of the certificate after like two years of attempts.

Then he found it in the bottom of his dresser drawer. If he hadn't, who knows what would have gone down. It'd be even worse, I'm pretty certain of that.

[pennydreadful]

Wow, that really sucks, Leo. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with so much crap to get this fixed - I really don't know what else to say that isn't just going to sound lame.

I think you're doing the best you can with it - like you said, whether it's one grand or fifty grand at this stage, ya gotta do what ya gotta do to get it done.

Net, the only thing you can do sometimes is just to take one thing at a time. I know part of it has got to be really hard given the way the healthcare system is set up over there. It's easy to get overwhelmed by the big picture (I know I sure do); sometimes the best way to tackle stuff is just to break it down into bite-sized pieces.

[BubblyShell22]

It sucks that you're going through that, Leo, but I give you credit for doing your best to handle it. Just keep your chin up and do the best you can.

[Leo656]

That's all anybody can do, isn't it? :) Just keep on keepin' on. They say everyone has their cross to bear, and I guess this is kind of what they mean.

At the least, it's encouraging in a way to know that the ONLY thing preventing me from getting these jobs I'm looking for is some BS paperwork. Ostensibly, once it's finally done, I should have no problem at all. It'll be way later than it should have been, but it really seems sometimes that things don't happen until they're meant to. Like, I didn't actually get into the wrestling business until after I'd given up on it, then I just randomly met someone not long after and that's where it started. Or personal training, I wanted to do that since high school, but none of the local community colleges offered any courses on it, and I couldn't afford a four-year school, so I just worked my other jobs and kind of gave up on being a personal trainer, and then a few months later one of the local schools started offering the course, so I went. Ten years later than I'd planned to, but still, I got to do it. Life's funny like that. I don't know about spirituality or much to do with that, but sometimes life sure does seem like things happen in a specific way for a specific reason that doesn't make any sense until way later on. So maybe this temporary setback is for some reason too.

Meanwhile it's not like I'm sitting at home, I still have the regular gig I just was hoping to make more, especially for the holidays. This one job I was hired for would have doubled my income and I'd only be working a few hours a day. Would have been sweet. But they aren't going anywhere. And there's this other place that might accept a student ID. I'unno, it'll pop.

To get a little more back on topic, I did initially find out about these jobs from some of my buddies on Facebook, so there ya go, it's not entirely useless. :)

[CyberCubed]

I love how this thread has turned into a group therapy session where people help each other with their life problems. This forum is a better psychiatrist than a real one.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

It's just like TMNT, baby- it's all about brother(or sister)hood!!

[BubblyShell22]

Yep, it's all about support.

And I don't think Facebook is totally useless either. I think it's a good way to keep in touch with people if you want to. It just depends on how you use it and what you use it for. My mom uses it for talking to former co-workers and family members and playing games, and I'm hoping to use it to get the tutoring job I want which seems more straightforward than that other stupid site that just keeps screwing me over. Only thing is, I have to have a picture of myself to do it, and I'm not sure how to go about that, so I'm going to ask my BF to help with that.

[Netkeeper]

I love how this thread has turned into a group therapy session where people help each other with their life problems. This forum is a better psychiatrist than a real one.
I was with you at the first sentence.

Then at the second sentence, my palm met my face.

[The Stryker]

I love how this thread has turned into a group therapy session where people help each other with their life problems. This forum is a better psychiatrist than a real one.

Well. That explains a lot.

[BubblyShell22]

Well, Cybercubed is a little off his rocker at times, so there you go. Only he would think of something like that to say.