More great news

[Leo656]

Yesterday my landlord went for an eviction notice for me and my father. He's tired of my father's friends dealing drugs out of our place, so he's throwing us out. We have no money, so we can't get another place. My father will likely end up staying with the very friends who are the reason for us getting thrown out. I, on the other hand, am likely going to end up on the street. Again. With no money, no friends, and no family that cares, my options in this matter are extremely limited.

So yeah, within the near future, maybe within the next month or so, I'm going to likely stop posting, since being homeless I won't be able to get online very much. Just figured I'd give you a heads up.

Oh, I also can't promise that once I'm gone I'll ever, in fact, come back, because I'm pretty sure after I'm out on the street I'll end up snapping and finally killing myself. With no money, no family, no friends, and no place to live, I have absolutely zero reason to live at this point in time and I don't believe that will change anytime soon. I'm tired of living just to scrape by. I just turned 21, and I feel like I'm 50. I've had it. I'm done. I've accomplished all I'm ever going to regardless. I've been put through too much in my life in the short time I've lived it. I don't care about anyone or anything and honestly haven't for a long, long time. Everyone says "God has a plan for everyone," and if this was His plan, he can f*cking take it back, because I've had enough. I don't even know if God exists. All I know is that if He does, He better hope I don't make it to Heaven, because if I do, I'm going to spit right in His face for all the sh*t I've been through in my life.

There's nothing anyone can say that can change the way I feel, and whether or not I go through with it in the end depends entirely on me, and a bunch of faceless people on the internet won't change that, no matter how cool they are (and believe me, you are). I just don't have the strength anymore. I'm tired.

I just have nothing left to give.

[ZariusTwo]

OWCH

Sorry if that did'nt help, you have our support

[Storm Wolf]

WoW.....Leo thats kinda sad....but hey at least i can kinda get what your going threw....been there and i'm still to young to get away from my parents....and your right no one can change your mind.....except you that is....I'm pretty sure everyone here on the drome would support you like
ZariusTwo said...just know your not alone ok?

[JameO]

If you got a money problem I suggest selling all those things you own. I am wondering though. You seem to have money to buy toys and internet clothes and all the wrestling things and you have money problems? You have sold your stuff before if you were low on money. Life over luxury huh? Interesting that not too long ago you went on a shopping spree in Toys R Us but if you had a money problem why go in? Just a few questions I had.

[Raven]

leo thats terrible! that sucks.
I really wish I could help you, but i hope things turn out better for ya.

[lhb412]

Well aren't you all high and mighty. Nothin' left to give eh'? Well you know what? There are plenty of people with problems just like yours and got throught it, there are many more who have been through worse scrapes and got through it. You must think you're some special case huh?

If you want to die then you're nothing but a weakling and a coward, someone who'ld rather weasel his way out by running the other way in a battle instead of stayin' for the long haul. You don't have to die, no one has to. You'll survive this.

I don't know what advice to give, no one is gonna give you a map you've got to walk your owm path. Their's help out there, and it's pretty much right in front of you so stop being an ass and go find it for yourself and stop letting forces you can't controll decide your life for you.

Your 21, your a man, those jerks don't have to bring you down anymore, Go and find something to do: work dammit! If you wallow around in self pity waiting to starve to death then you know what?; you die!; and you know what else?; it was you being stupid that did it to yourself. You'll find that if you work real hard, are nice to people, and basically do good; things have a way of getting better.

[Reznorite420]

lhb412: Thanks to you, the sh*t is about to hit the fan...prepare to have yourself a fistula torn by Leo.

[Storm Wolf]

i didn't really see that as mean Rez.....I don't think he's trying to insult Leo...just give him a wake up call....sometimes it works....but i have to admit...it was a bit harsh.

[Leo656]

That's the funny thing about money, is that when I CAN spend it and save it at the same time, nothing bad happens... THEN something bad will happen and I'll have to spend my savings paying a really big bill (like, say, 3000 bucks to the electric company... THANKS DAD YOU C***S*CKER), and then when we're broke is when we get sh*t like THIS happening. Believe me, I only splurge when I can afford to. If we'd gotten an eviction notice in, say, June, it would have sucked, but not AS bad because I was working 60+ hours a week and making good money, so we could afford to move. Right now we have 100 dollars for food and that's IT until next Friday when this week's pay (a whole 22 hours) comes in. So yeah, Old Man Winter can eat me.

If I started selling stuff I wouldn't be able to accumulate the money needed to find a new place FAST enough. No apartments around here are less than 700 a month, and they all want at least one month security and one month rent up front. Not that I want to sell my stuff ANYway, but I would if it would make that much of a difference. I'd still be using the 7-11 dumpster for a toilet at night for a little while.

Now, as for lhb's thoughtful comments, I'll be more than willing to talk about this with you when you grow up and live in the real world and realize that bad things happen no matter how hard you work, how dedicated you are, and how much faith you have. The simple fact of the matter is that I simply have been through MORE bad stuff than most people are forced to endure, through no fault of my own, and in a relatively short lifetime. You have no idea what I've been through in my life, so for you to say stuff like that just makes you look completely naive. Not to mention I probably work ten times harder at my job than most people do, and it amounts to d*ck.

Not all people who think life sucks and want to kill themselves are "stupid" and "weak", kid. Some people just want to get the f*ck outta here. You'll learn that one day. Hopefully it'll be the day you go to work, get fired from your job because your boss has a hangover, come home, find out your house has been robbed, find your girlfriend in bed with your dad, go puke in the bathroom, look down to discover you have a weird growth on your genitals, go to the doctor, get checked out, find out you have a terminal disease, and come home to find that your girlfriend left and made sure to burn the house down on her way out.

Then... MAYBE then... you'll be able to say you've had things worse than me. Prick.

[JameO]

When money is low you can always just save a rainy day fund you know. So if something goes wrong you have something to fall back on. That is all I am saying.

[Storm Wolf]

Not all people who think life sucks and want to kill themselves are "stupid" and "weak", kid. Some people just want to get the f*ck outta here. You'll learn that one day. Hopefully it'll be the day you go to work, get fired from your job because your boss has a hangover, come home, find out your house has been robbed, find your girlfriend in bed with your dad, go puke in the bathroom, look down to discover you have a weird growth on your genitals, go to the doctor, get checked out, find out you have a terminal disease, and come home to find that your girlfriend left and made sure to burn the house down on her way out.

Then... MAYBE then... you'll be able to say you've had things worse than me. Prick.

hmmm....that would be pretty depressing......

like i said dear....chill out there....just know others have had tha same problem...or something similar to it......from what i've heard everyone here likes you....so isn't there someone living close to that could help you out....I know you feel really low right now...but don't deprive the world of your prescence deary....that would be an awful waste!

I don't agree that killing is cowardly.....actually i think it takes guts....if things are really that bad that you can take your own life.....WoW :o I've tried to kill myself a few times way back.....didn't have the balls to do it :|

[malignant]

wow..just wow...

how many suicide postings does this make just THIS month now?..let alone this year on this forum...

it almost scares me to be a TMNT fan..=x

[Reznorite420]

[I've tried to kill myself a few times way back.....didn't have the balls to do it :|Perhaps because the fact that you're a female means you don't have any? :lol:

[Leo656]

Tiger, I don't know if I actually COULD... just that I spend a lot of time wanting to.

And no, sadly, nobody around here can help me out. My closest relatives that I could stay with are in PA, which would require me leaving my job and trying to find a new one and they wouldn't even let me stay there for very long, because we've had this discussion.

Point blank, most of my family are these spoiled rich religious nuts who think nobody has any REAL problems because life was always easy for them. THEIR parents saved money their whole lives to buy their kids' cars and send their kids to college, so they assume that's the way the world always works. Well SOMEtimes parents spend their whole lives smoking crack and not giving a f*ck about their kids. SOMEtimes kids have to dip into their savings at 14 to pay off bill collectors. SOMEtimes, parents steal the entire 12 thousand dollars out of their 15 year old kid's bank account to buy cocaine. SOMETIMES GOD DOESN'T CARE AND LIFE AINT F*CKING PERFECT.... but try telling my family that.

So that's why I'm going to most likely end up sleeping on a sidewalk somewhere for a while. I mean I can't say for certain that I WILL kill myself... I'm not PLANNING to or anything. I just seriously wouldn't be shocked if one day I just end up thinking about how the hell my life came to this point and then I'd end up doing it out of sheer frustration.

[Storm Wolf]

not really scary.....everyone thinks of suicide at one point in thier life.....i think people just feel comfortable expressing themselves here...they feel they have friends and that someone will understand what they are going through.......i don't think it's scary at all....but thats just me........

[The Defibrillator]

I can't even think of anything to say......

lhb412, shut up. Leo doesn't come here to get lectured.

[Kid Icarus]

Check your PM's Leo

[Storm Wolf]

[I've tried to kill myself a few times way back.....didn't have the balls to do it :|Perhaps because the fact that you're a female means you don't have any? :lol:

hmm....Rez...you have a very good point there :P :roll:


I'm not yet 17 Leo and my parents spent all our money on drugs as well so i feel ya on that one.....i have already had to sleep in a car for a while cause our house got repoed and sh!t....my parents still haven't learned either.....my father has been in prison most my life....and my mom sleeps her life away.....*shrugs* but everyday i wake up and put a smile on my face and tell myself life is good.........You know why Leo....welll.....frankly I can't tell you cause even i don't know.....it's just my way.......but many people think i have a wonderful life beacause of the happiness i seem to generate......life isn't always great...but i like to pretend it is....

[Leo656]

((shrugs)) It's nothing I haven't heard before, nor was my reply anything I haven't *said* before. Some people just have no way of understanding other people without having lived what they've been through.

I mean I used to really look down on people that killed themselves too, until I realized that for some people there really is no light at the end of the tunnel for them, and they just don't want to live anymore. I mean, if a 60-year old homeless veteran is tired of living his sh*tty life, and he decides that killing himself is the only thing to do, well, why not? There is obviously no pot of gold at the end of HIS rainbow. Or someone who gets diagnosed with AIDS, decides to go home and blow his brains out rather than live and suffer a long, slow death... that's their choice.

I was always pro-choice about issues like abortion, feeling that a woman's right to have a baby or not was her own decision to make. As I grew older, I simply adapted that philosophy to include suicide as well. Just like a woman shouldn't be forced to carry, birth and raise a child that she may not want and may not be able to care for, a person shouldn't be forced to go on living and suffering just because life dealt them a lousy hand.

[MTN889]

Do not leave leo, we all like you very much.

Im glad that my bright side has come, because recently me and 2 of my brothers are going to a prep school, so were out of money... and out bathroom wall collapsed and we duct taped it, our room window is broken, garage window is broken, 2 Broken TV's (we now have 1 TV), and me and my brothers sleep in the same room which is about the size of a cubical...

But recently, my mom got a job so that might all be fixed and i will live a good life once again!

No drugs have ever been involved in my life... thank god.

[DarthRaphael]

Leo

If your dad sells and does drugs, why do you continue to live with him and support him? Let him live on his own and pay his own frickin debts. Sounds like you would be much better off on your own without your dad to bring you down. I assume since your dad spends all his money on smack that your paying all of the bills with your job. Get the **** out of there and go live on your own. Don't let him continue to ruin your life.

[Voltron]

Leo, if you have your Hell in life you need not fear Hell in death.

It just so happens that my chances of having a house are growing slimmer by the day. But thats because I'm the screw up. So I can kind of relate.

[Leo656]

Basically, cuz Jersey sucks and I can't afford to live on my own on what I make at my job. Dad's disability check covers the rent, I pay for food and all the bills. On my own, though, I simply could not afford to because my job is not a guaranteed steady 40-hour week job. Last week I did not work a single day. And considering how lousy the economy out here is, I'm lucky I even have what I have...

[Voltron]

Basically, cuz Jersey sucks and I can't afford to live on my own on what I make at my job. Dad's disability check covers the rent, I pay for food and all the bills. On my own, though, I simply could not afford to because my job is not a guaranteed steady 40-hour week job. Last week I did not work a single day. And considering how lousy the economy out here is, I'm lucky I even have what I have...

Jersey is the gateway to Hell...

[tOkKa]

-->> :( ..i want you to be ok,Sean.. you've been there for me.. don't expect any less on my part..

[MTN889]

Get away from There Leo... Your dad is going to hell anyway.

Move to new york.
Stay away from your awful person of a father... and might i say its easier to get a job here.
I live in NY thats how i know.

[Kid Icarus]

heres an idea. pry a bad one, but it's something :lol: .

what if you stayed with people in the jersey area untill you get a more stable job? it's a long shot, but it might work *shrug*. If anything jumping from house to house would be better than sleeping in a dumpster.

[JameO]

not really scary.....everyone thinks of suicide at one point in thier life.....i think people just feel comfortable expressing themselves here...they feel they have friends and that someone will understand what they are going through.......i don't think it's scary at all....but thats just me........

Actually I haven't thought of suicide. I live life to fullest and when I am down let off some steem and keep on LIVING. Suicide is just a cowards way out. Solve your problems and get on with it. And leo I hear you say that you had like 15 thousand in your account. Unless you worked minimum wage to make all that then maybe it was their money to begin with? I know what your saying is wrong but still wasn't it their money?

[Leo656]

Depends how you look at it. My father won an accident lawsuit and was awarded a lump sum of money, part of which ($14 thousand) was specefically supposed to be used for me as his dependent, was set aside in a seperate bank account, etc. At around the same time he was awarded government disability due to his heart condition, and we both got monthly checks in the mail (again, mine being equal to about half of his monthly check as his dependent, and would arrive until I turned 18 ). That money was supposed to be for me to buy a car, have SOME money for college, and so on. Instead, once his money was all pissed away he started making me pay all the bills he ran up, and then as I said above, when I was on vacation he went into the savings and practically cleaned it out to buy drugs for him and his girlfriend. That's how that story went. Along with the customary "me kicking his ass" part of it. ("Honor your mother and father"? What a crock of sh*t, there's no one alive I hate more)

That's the reason I'm so bitter, jaded, and fed up: because nothing that's ever happened to me in life has been MY fault, instead I've spent my whole life paying for other people's mistakes. Which is why I don't think or care that God exists, and thus why "keeping the faith" is pointless: if there's a God, he's either completely uninterested at best, or a complete jerkoff at worst. So to hell with keeping the faith. After 21 years of hoping things would suddenly get better I doubt anything's going to change now.

[That Matt Guy]

I don't really know what to say about this. Again, like you say, some faceless internet person isn't going to solve the problem. But, as a person who has had a gun shoved into the side of his head, I can say that I value life so much and it often saddens me to see people so willing to throw theirs away. You've had a rough life, and it shows, but killing yourself is just... I don't know, there is no justified reason for it.

[Leo656]

There's no justified reason for a lot of things that happen, Matt. Things just happen, and there's no rhyme nor reason for a lot of it. And it sucks when the wrong people are made to suffer, but what can one do?

I'm glad other people can still find reasons to be happy, but I never am really and haven't been for a long, long time.

[JameO]

There's no justified reason for a lot of things that happen, Matt. Things just happen, and there's no rhyme nor reason for a lot of it. And it sucks when the wrong people are made to suffer, but what can one do?

I'm glad other people can still find reasons to be happy, but I never am really and haven't been for a long, long time.

One cannot kill themself as I said before. "Suicide is stupid and only a cowards way out" I know he's your father and all but I agree with everyone else. You should have left him alone a long time ago if he is doing this to you.

[Leo656]

I would have if I could have, believe me. I hate him more than anyone I've ever met in my entire life. If I could have left, I would have, but things aren't that simple. It's easy to say "just do it", but when you're juggling a job and a relationship (well, I won't have to worry about the relationship anymore) and trying (and failing) to save money and battling an illness and.... it's just not as easy as people think, is all.

[MTN889]

Oh yeah...

MTN889's Suck Factor:

99/100

[Reznorite420]

MTN: What?

Matt: Refresh my memory; just WHY was a gun pointed at, or rather practically lodged in, you head again?

[Voltron]

MTN: What?

Matt: Refresh my memory; just WHY was a gun pointed at, or rather practically lodged in, you head again?

He said he didn't like to talk about it.

[Kali]

It seems kinda silly to type up a whole message just to say that I have nothing to say about this, but there you have it.

Don't know how much this would mean to you, but *I'd* miss you. I've treaded the thin line between good life/bad life for pretty much forever. Seems that whenever this family tries to get ahead, something else happens. Car breaks, child goes into a coma, computer breaks, child gets diabetes, all built in lighting in the house shorts out, child gets cancer...

I've been trying since 18 to get out of this place, and I know it's not as easy as "just do it". I just keep going, because there ain't no way I'm letting "Them" win.

[lhb412]

Sorry, I'm honestly sorry for being so harsh. Just kinda pushed my button, I'm tired of everyone in this world giving up. From little things to big things it seems people just decide to stop and let whatever it is happen with no resistance. Your original post read just like that. :(

I guess with me sadness turns to anger; I think I got it from my Dad. I don't think I have to elaborate on that, it never occured to me I'd pick up some of his undesirable traits. I've got to stop that.

You seem like an intelligent person and I personally think you can make it and you certaintly seem smart enought to not kill yourself.

It seems like you don't beleive in God, but I do, and I'll definetely keep you in my prayers.

[Leo656]

I appreciate that. I mean, I'm not gonna tell people to stop caring, and I do appreciate those that do. Everyone deals with things differently. I'm just tired of dealing, period. If one more thing goes wrong I seriously don't know WHAT's going to happen. Between me soon to be evicted and my EX-fiancee already dating someone else less than 24 hours after we broke up, I don't know what else I can take.

It just kind of irks me that the only people who actively raise their voices in protest to whether I live or die are people on the internet who I've never even met. My closest friends are internet friends. I have ones who write me letters, send me presents, and I've never even seen them face to face. As much as I appreciate it, it bothers me that no one I know in real life cares that much.

I don't know... I'm really drunk right now.

[Storm Wolf]

hmmm...someone once told me "the sun can't always shine, but it can't always rain either" I have yet to figure out if thats true........


well Leo...at least you have friends even if, like you said, you have never met them face to face.......maybe you have just been hanging with the wrong friends? find people who only want to lift you up and sing your praises Leo (well you know what i mean) anyone who drags you down with them can't be to good for you.

[Blaze DTGG]

ok.. regardless of what people say. there is no easy or simple answer. some of the people here need a nice dose of reality

Leo. I have been here.. I know what it's like to have no money.. nothing. and I made it.. barely.. and I am now slowly scrapeing my life back together.

telling you not to give up would be a waste of time. If you want to die. Do it and stop bitching about it.
you dont want to die.. if you REALLY wanted to kill yourself.. you would already be dead. This is you wanting to only KINDA wanna die.

the rest of what I have to say is no one elses business so I will just hop on over to our AIM chat.. be ready for a nice LONG post.


the rest of you who seem to think that people can just "get out" or "get better"

need to F*CK RIGHT off... you cant always JUST do anything. try living in the real world sometime.

[Voltron]

[Edit: Arguments removed. --Krang]

:lol: i mean... :cry:

Let's lighten up a smidge, hmm? It seems we are all having rough times. Why not just take this moment to sit back and have a nice chuckle. Hell, I volunteer to be vented on. Go ahead. Give me your worst, I live for it.

And to Blaze, my dearest and sincerest apologies.

[Leo656]

Hey... I like Voltron... guy's been through plenty of his own sh*t... I find him to be a very sharp and misunderstood individual...

[Voltron]

Hey... I like Voltron... guy's been through plenty of his own sh*t... I find him to be a very sharp and misunderstood individual...

Nahh, she had every right to lash out. I am a jack ass 90% of the time.

[Blaze DTGG]

notice I lashed out with humor.. If I was really mad at you.. it wouldnt have been funny at all.

and apologies accepted.. you don't know me.. but i tend to dislike being acused of being a drama queen.

i just dont word emotions to well

[Leo656]

And I'm one 100% of the time, doesn't make us any less misunderstood at times.

[EZweasel]

Depends how you look at it. My father won an accident lawsuit and was awarded a lump sum of money, part of which ($14 thousand) was specefically supposed to be used for me as his dependent, was set aside in a seperate bank account, etc. At around the same time he was awarded government disability due to his heart condition, and we both got monthly checks in the mail (again, mine being equal to about half of his monthly check as his dependent, and would arrive until I turned 18 ). That money was supposed to be for me to buy a car, have SOME money for college, and so on. Instead, once his money was all pissed away he started making me pay all the bills he ran up, and then as I said above, when I was on vacation he went into the savings and practically cleaned it out to buy drugs for him and his girlfriend. That's how that story went. Along with the customary "me kicking his ass" part of it. ("Honor your mother and father"? What a crock of sh*t, there's no one alive I hate more)

That's the reason I'm so bitter, jaded, and fed up: because nothing that's ever happened to me in life has been MY fault, instead I've spent my whole life paying for other people's mistakes. Which is why I don't think or care that God exists, and thus why "keeping the faith" is pointless: if there's a God, he's either completely uninterested at best, or a complete jerkoff at worst. So to hell with keeping the faith. After 21 years of hoping things would suddenly get better I doubt anything's going to change now.

Jesus gave his life for all of our mistakes...and about the obey your mother and father thing. Those comandments where laid out for actual followers of God...I dont believe its speaking toward humanity as a whole.The ten comandments is only for a God-believing family imo....

[tOkKa]

-->> .. So what now ,Sean.. you got me f7cklin' worried sick now man..
??


\

[Dinogrrl]

Leo, are there any shelters in your area you could approach? I don't know what the Jersey area is like for these services. Salvation Army and other charity groups can give food and money help with rent sometimes. I know, my Mum got help from them several times to keep a roof over our heads. I dunno if there are pride issues tied up in approaching charities - I know it took my mum five years to tell me she'd gone to the Salvos, she was so ashamed of it. If there are any groups like that in your area, please go talk to them, maybe they can find you a room in a share house so you can afford rent and not have to keep shacking up with your father. I don't know man, I obviously have no real answers or help, but I can't stand seeing people screwed over by shithouse parents.

[azure turtle]

Omigah... I'm so sorry, Leo. I won't say anything that hasn't already been said... But I will echo Kali's sentiments. I will miss you terribly if you decide to leave this world. :cry: I know I'm just another faceless person on the net, but I do care. Be safe...