--Prowling over the tundra, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a reflective halberd, cometh Brian Pillman! And he gives a mighty bellow:
"I'm going to bruise you until you spontaneously degenerate, and throw you out the window!"
--Running amidst the desert, clutching an oversized scalpel, cometh Simba, Who Will One Day Be King! And he gives a vengeful roar:
"In the name of malice, I hereby void your warranty, and send you back to God!!!"
--Prowling along the freeway, wielding a studded crowbar, cometh Scott Hall! And he gives a low grunt:
"I'm going to smash you into the stuff of nightmares!!"
--Rampaging over the desert, wielding a piece of chainlink fence, cometh Jason Voorhees! And he gives a gutteral howl:
"I'm going to turn you into part of my balanced breakfast!!!"
--Prowling on the terrain, carrying a vorpal blade, cometh Freddy Kreuger! And he gives a mighty bellow:
"Brace yourself, oh human speck of dust! I swear that on this night, you shall dine in hell!"
--Yea, verily: Who is that, sprinting on the steppes! It is Leatherface, hands clutching a bladed baseball bat! He howls apocalyptically:
"I'm going to redefine your concept of 'playing hardball with the big boys'!!"
--Lo! Who is that, skulking out of the tarmac! It is Pinhead, Lord Of The Cenobytes, hands clutching a thorned whip! And with an ominous bellow, his voice cometh:
"I'm going to **** you until you are hot and bothered, and grin like a ****ing maniac!!"
--Who is that, prowling over the tarmac! It is The Man They Call Sting, hands clutching a bladed baseball bat! And with an ominous grunt, his voice cometh:
"Brace yourself, oh human speck of dust! I feel like chicken tonight!!!"
--Lo! Who is that, rampaging over the desert! It is "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, hands clutching two hardened pitas! And with an ominous roar, his voice cometh:
"I'm going to clobber you into the fourth dimension!!"
--Stalking over the plains, swinging gilded boxing gloves, cometh Triple H! And he gives an ominous grunt:
"I'm going to contort you until Western Civilization implodes!!!"
--Zang! Who is that, skulking amidst the fields! It is Diamond Dallas Page, hands clutching a studded crowbar! And with a bloodthirsty roar, his voice cometh:
"I'm going to flog you for such a long time, you will drink poison and piss honey!!!"
--Prowling on the plains, attacking with a reflective halberd, cometh Raven! And he gives a cruel roar:
"This one's for you, mom! I tear into the enemy until there is no more hope!!!"
--Zang! Who is that, striding out of the terrain! It is Brock Lesnar, hands clutching a studded crowbar! He cries homicidally:
"I'm going to hump you into the stuff of nightmares, and plunge you into financial ruin!!!"
--Zang! Who is that, running out of the icy wasteland! It is The Undertaker, hands clutching an oversized scalpel! And with a bloodthirsty bellow, his voice cometh:
"I'm going to hump you until you acquire caulrophobia, and hijack your momma's airplane!"
