[Ra]

Don't worry Spit - Dreams are hard to understand, and it's hard enough to retell them

My beliefs for the existance of this dream? My "Ratchet and Clank" obsession (I had recently bought number three, where all of this takes place), and my very strange phobia of cane toads, and not to mention a whole number of different things. Also, please bear in mind that this is a very short version and that in between events, things like National Condom Week and me actually meeting Ratchet and Clank happen. I had to cut these events since they were too random.

I awake on a ship, known as the "Starship Phonix", in what I instanly knew was a Training Room. For some reason, there is a robot looking down at me before he pokes me in the eye. I jump up and, by reaction, punch him in the face and brake his nose. Why this robot had a nose, I have no idea why. Either way, I broke it and it fell to the ground sending sparks out whenever possible. Next thing I know, the room disolves to the real inside of the Phonix, where a monkey in green tights is looking at me. For fellow fans, this is obviously Skrunch the monkey. For non-fans...well, google search it. I can't be stuffed to link a picture.

Anyway, Skrunch makes some monkey noises and runs out of the room, but looks back to make one final screech. Thinking he wanted me to follow him, I did so. The next room was filled with my worst fear, Cane Toads. I freeze and am unable to move. Suddenly, there is a blur of yellow and a banana lands amounst the toads. Skrunch screams and runs for the banana, throwing toads whatever way to get at it, and stepping on a good few on the way, which burst to expose a very sickly green interior with equally nausiating internal organs. I mean, there is sick, then REALLY sick. I manage to keep my dinner in before noticing a shadow. I turn around and see a big guy in green tights. For those who don't know, this is Captain Qwark - Greatest Idiot to ever Grace the Galatic Defence Organisation. He gasps and then looks weirdly at me.

"You don't have your regulated Qwark tights on!" I blink.

"Huh?"

"Come here, Miss. This won't hurt a bit." Qwark grabbed my arm and marches off with me to the main deck of the ship. I manage to get out of wearing the tights, but I instead have to go on a mission. Que all of the weird and random stuff that I can't possibly fit into one paragraph. After a while, I agree to the mission, but only so that I could go home. Qwark instantly gives me a fly swatter and a 5 iron golf club as weapons before sending me off to a planet.

I get out of the dropship and fall down. Screaming, I try to remember what to do, but all I could remember was Qwark promoting the right usage of Condoms. Miraculosly, I land safely and without a scave. But to my dismay, I see that the planet's surface crawling with Cane Toads, save the little bit of rock that I was standing on in order for them to keep away from me.

My mission objective? Kill all of the Cane Toads on the planet with a golf club and a fly swatter.

Thank God I woke up then.