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why not just make it an official legal marriage. Maybe there's the way to appease religious nut job bigots like me, make the marriage more a legal contract then a binding religious sacrament
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Yup, this is the way to go and I'm glad to see you feel this way. How religious something is depends on the people themselves, but legally speaking there shouldn't be a distinction. Of course, then you'll have people complaining about it being called something else, but that's an issue of semantics. First things first.
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Would you criticize a Jew for hating Germans who was a Holocaust survivor?
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Yes, I would. Germans != Nazis.