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Originally Posted by shuriken
Well It really all depends how bad the break was. It seems that even though it hurt, it wasn't really that messy. If you're able to e her friend without harboring any bad feelings or bringing up past memories constantly then by all means. I wasn't able to do that 4 times out of 5.
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If by "messy" you mean angry, then I guess it wasn't messy at all. I still think very highly of her and she said that our relationship was a good experience and that she still enjoys my company. She even said I was the best boyfriend she had. But, that we didn't have enough in common to keep it going for life (I liked our differences and thought they complimented each other, but I guess she didn't).
She also told me to stop being hard on myself when I took it as some kind of failure on my part. Which I still kind of do, really. "Good relationship, but I want to end it" is hard for my "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" mentality to process.
She said herself that she wants to be friends, and I already agreed to that. But, it's just going to be hard getting used to not thinking of her as my girlfriend. We'd been through a lot together, and there's going to be a lot I miss about being a couple with her.
I'm just kind of scared of losing that closeness with her and not being special to her anymore. And, I'm worried about how weird and awkward it will feel hanging out as friends the first few times, or seeing her with another guy (especially if it's who I think it is), or if something brings up memories of us as a couple. That's kind of why I want advice on how to deal with those feelings, especially from people who are good friends with their exes.
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Originally Posted by shuriken
Out of 5 girlfriends that I've had I'm only on speaking terms with 1 because one of them hates me, another moved away and we just lost track of each other and the other two it was so messy I had to get away from them to avoid doing something stupid. Everyone and every relationship is different.
My advice to you is keep your head up. Rewire yourself to being single for a while and don't jump into anything. Cry, vent and talk about it only as much as you need to. Breaking up with someone you care about really sucks and its like relearning who you are without this person.
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That sounds rough. Sorry man.
Yeah, that seems to be the consensus I'm hearing from friends, people here, and even the girl who broke up with me. So, I let all my friends know that I'd rather not talk about the break up for awhile unless I bring it up. And, just want to talk about other things and have fun, etc. Until I get used to being my own person again.
Last night, I watched funny movies at a friend's house. It felt good.
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Originally Posted by shuriken
Also how old are you dude? I find the older I get, the easier it is dealing with break ups. Then again the first cut is the deepest right.
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I'm 32, but very inexperienced. I didn't really start dating until my late 20s, and I only had one relationship before her. That relationship only lasted a couple of months though, and was turning sour anyway. It wasn't anything like this.
So, yes this is my first time dealing with the break up of a long relationship that I was still happy with, and I realize that's a factor.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shuriken
Anyway hope this helps. Got out of a messy relationship myself this past July and while I'm ok, it took a while to readjust myself.
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Well, thanks. You hang in there, too.
@Amaranthus: LOL. Well, I'm glad she didn't do that.
