Turtle Turncoat

[Tony Day]

cheers adam. corrections done. Thanx fhe comments also. You too RaphandMike87

www.trydowave.com

[Tony Day]

Page 14 of Turncoat pt 4 is up

Night night...

www.trydowave.com

[MikeandRaph87]

Originally Posted by oldmanwinters

Art on the last two pages looks great, Tony!

Dialogue seems to work well enough. Just try to remember that whenever a character's name is used in a direct address that it needs to be either followed, preceded, or enclosed by commas.
http://www.cliffsnotes.com/study_gui...Id-251323.html

That practice improves the clarity and readability of a sentence.



Dasha is female.

I know,dude,but there was not neuter term like "soul siblings".

[Tony Day]

Hi. Page 15 of Turncoat pt 4 has been posted.

Night

www.trydowave.com

[oldmanwinters]

Originally Posted by Tony Day

Hi. Page 15 of Turncoat pt 4 has been posted.

Night

www.trydowave.com

Oh, that crafty Raphael!

Good to see Casey & April getting back in the storyline.

[Tony Day]

Adam.. a question about this comma business... For some reason it doesn’t look right to me in some sentences...
For example...

"Hey, April" looks fine to me... but

"You still underestimate me, Leo" doesn’t look right. Is it correct or is it me?

Please guide me through this grammatical minefield

Tony
(product of a 1980s British comprehensive education system)

www.trydowave.com

[oldmanwinters]

Originally Posted by Tony Day

Adam.. a question about this comma business... For some reason it doesn’t look right to me in some sentences...
For example...

"Hey, April" looks fine to me... but

"You still underestimate me, Leo" doesn’t look right. Is it correct or is it me?

Please guide me through this grammatical minefield

Tony
(product of a 1980s British comprehensive education system)

www.trydowave.com

It's cool, Tony. Nobody likes to muddy their writing with too many commas!

While they aren't necessarily interesting pieces of dialogue (taken independent of context), both are grammatically correct save for the lack of appropriate punctuation.

For the second one, I would change the word order for emphasis. Maybe something like:
"Leo, you still underestimate me!"
"Leo, you've always underestimated!"
"Leo, you've never given me the respect I deserve!"

Basically, any time a subject is being address you separate that name with a comma from the rest of the sentence. If you're just using a pronoun (1st person "I", 2nd person "you", 3rd person "he, she, it") in a sentence but not addressing the subject by name, then there's no comma.

Thus:
"Hey, April!" needs a comma because she's being addressed by name. However, "April is here." doesn't need one because she's not being addressed directly but her presence is merely being announced. If you were to write "Hey, April is here!" the comma would only be to offset the "hey!" from the rest of the sentence, but April's name wouldn't necessitate the comma because she isn't actually being addressed.

EDIT: In the actual comic page, Raph's dialogue should have both a comma and a question mark.
"You still underestimate me. Don't you, Leo?
I think it works best to make that two sentences so that you don't have to use a second comma in an awkward place.

[kzekedaurus]

Just finished reading it up to the current page. I love it!

[Tony Day]

I'll try to remember all this. I'm saving all my pages in psd aswell as eps so i can make alterations. Gonna change the raph dialogue now infact. Please keep correcting me whenever you have the time Adam. I appreciate it.

Thanx also kzekedaurus for the comments.

laterz

Tony

www.trydowave.com

[Tony Day]

Hi yall... Page 16 of turncoat 4 is up....

laterz
Tony

www.trydowave.com

[oldmanwinters]

Originally Posted by Tony Day

Hi yall... Page 16 of turncoat 4 is up....

laterz
Tony

www.trydowave.com

Solid page, Tony!

Though I think Leonardo's line of dialogue to Raph might work better with a question mark after "underestimate":
"Underestimate?
No..."

[Tony Day]

Correction done for page 16...

Page 17 posted.

www.trydowave.com

[oldmanwinters]

Originally Posted by Tony Day

Correction done for page 16...

Page 17 posted.

www.trydowave.com

The hits just keep on comin'!

BTW, Leo's "brothers" probably needs an apostrophe "Brother's" unless you mean to say that all three of Raph's brothers are older than him.

[Refractive Reflections]

I just clicked on this "Turtle Turncoat" link out of curiousity and....WOW!
Thanks so much Tony Day for your web comic on TMNT!

I especially enjoy how you based the comic on the 80s cartoon version, but you have added a type grownup/darker/adult tone to the comic which is EVEN MORE appealing since it joins the reader in maturity. A deep thanks to you Tony Day for focusing on the 80s cartoon and making it darker/mature since they are SO many fanworks that don't even bother touching this feat with a 20 foot stick. (Yes there is Archie comics, but that still comes off as "cartoonish" though.) And for doing so and sticking with this for 12 YEARS!!! Your work deserves A TON more recognition! Typically if TMNT fans focus on gritty/dark TMNT work they use Mirage or 2K3 Turtles sources.

Your artwork and plots are AMAZING! There aren't enough compliments for your work! I found the references to the video game companies "Capcom" and "Konami", April's more cleavage revealing jump suit, and lines from the arcade with Mikey saying "Duh, who turned the lights out?" and "They aren't getting any prettier."...hilarious. (I have only finished part three.) I also noticed how you referred to the span of the OT series, with Leonardo remarking to the humans that they fought off the Technodrome for "10 years". Nice!

The only thing that is a bit off is Raphael's character is his extreme hot-headed behavior that the slightest criticism makes him go off in fighting, but Raphael has always had range of depictions from being a laid-back wisecrack in the OT to blinding rage during fights in Mirage. But its your comic, I'm not trying to be critical or anything.

For me at least, I think that since the 80s cartoon never had a proper ending, it never gave the series a sense of closure about the characters that we, as kids, all fell in love with. It created a natural curiosity of numerous "what if?" or "what do you think would happen?" questions. Thank you for answering some of these questions.

[Tony Day]

Page 18 of TTTFB is up.

correct done Adam for page 17. Thanx again.

Originally Posted by JLS

I just clicked on this "Turtle Turncoat" link out of curiousity and....WOW!
Thanks so much Tony Day for your web comic on TMNT!

I especially enjoy how you based the comic on the 80s cartoon version, but you have added a type grownup/darker/adult tone to the comic which is EVEN MORE appealing since it joins the reader in maturity. A deep thanks to you Tony Day for focusing on the 80s cartoon and making it darker/mature since they are SO many fanworks that don't even bother touching this feat with a 20 foot stick. (Yes there is Archie comics, but that still comes off as "cartoonish" though.) And for doing so and sticking with this for 12 YEARS!!! Your work deserves A TON more recognition! Typically if TMNT fans focus on gritty/dark TMNT work they use Mirage or 2K3 Turtles sources.

Your artwork and plots are AMAZING! There aren't enough compliments for your work! I found the references to the video game companies "Capcom" and "Konami", April's more cleavage revealing jump suit, and lines from the arcade with Mikey saying "Duh, who turned the lights out?" and "They aren't getting any prettier."...hilarious. (I have only finished part three.) I also noticed how you referred to the span of the OT series, with Leonardo remarking to the humans that they fought off the Technodrome for "10 years". Nice!

The only thing that is a bit off is Raphael's character is his extreme hot-headed behavior that the slightest criticism makes him go off in fighting, but Raphael has always had range of depictions from being a laid-back wisecrack in the OT to blinding rage during fights in Mirage. But its your comic, I'm not trying to be critical or anything.

For me at least, I think that since the 80s cartoon never had a proper ending, it never gave the series a sense of closure about the characters that we, as kids, all fell in love with. It created a natural curiosity of numerous "what if?" or "what do you think would happen?" questions. Thank you for answering some of these questions.

Thanx alot man for this response. I'm glad you like the comic and I am pleased that you found all the references to the old toon as well as the game. Raph is a hard one to crack. The character was always angry but to make him actually fight his brothers to the death was hard to make believable and I’m not sure I've succeeded. Time will tell... It doesn’t help that I’m finishing the script on my lonesome.
As for the old toon. I never saw the last few series let alone the final episode. Even though I own them all on DVD I can’t watch them. They deterioated in quality so much and when Shredder left (along with half the voice actors) and was replaced by some terribe villan, (forgot his name. Rexx or something). I gave up Rest assured. Turtle Turncoat will have closure

Thanx again.
Tony
www.trydowave.com

[Refractive Reflections]

Originally Posted by Tony Day

Thanx alot man for this response. I'm glad you like the comic and I am pleased that you found all the references to the old toon as well as the game. Raph is a hard one to crack. The character was always angry but to make him actually fight his brothers to the death was hard to make believable and I’m not sure I've succeeded. Time will tell... It doesn’t help that I’m finishing the script on my lonesome.
As for the old toon. I never saw the last few series let alone the final episode. Even though I own them all on DVD I can’t watch them. They deterioated in quality so much and when Shredder left (along with half the voice actors) and was replaced by some terribe villan, (forgot his name. Rexx or something). I gave up Rest assured. Turtle Turncoat will have closure

Thanx again.
Tony
www.trydowave.com

As for the OT ending, the last two seasons they fight this alien warlord Dregg. The Red Sky Episodes (seasons 8-10) were favorably action packed, but the character development/interaction really fell off the wayside and I lost interest in it (especially when I noticed Dregg was going to be the main villain in season 9). I was only flipping through to see the first few and last minutes of each episode, just because I was wondering how it was gonna end.
As for the series finale, it was underwhelming with the final battle with Dregg was rushed at the end; April's literally hanging (pun intended, in the TurtleVan) the last time we see her; and the actual last minute of the episode ends with Splinter calling the Turtles his equals. I know the staff probably didn't fully know it was going to be THE end, but it just felt so...abrupt. Anyways, enough of that disappointment.

Speaking of mature toned fanworks of the OT, I'm actually 1/4 of the way (70,000 words) writing my own fanfiction story but it'll will take many months before its completed and I feel comfortable enough to post it online.

As for Raphael's attitude in this webcomic, in my mind, I could easily see Donatello (since he's the most levelheaded) and/or Mikey (since he's probably the one that most detests the negative energy among his brothers), but not Leo (since I think he's more focused on Raph's betrayal and needing to be disciplined) eventually spewing his disgust over Raph's attitude since Raph pushed their passive long-temper to THAT extreme. In the process, it would utterly shock Raphael (and Leo) seeing such a display of emotion from Don/Mikey and saying Raph's worse than a drama queen and adding, "Sheesh Raph, you think that we don't give a damn about you but whenever we try to speak to you, you tell us to leave you alone! Then when we give you your space, you act like we don't give a damn!" And for the finishing touch to churn things up, "What the **** are we to do then?!?"
LOL , moving on...

Your hard work REALLY shines through here, I can't say it enough of how much your work is like a breath of fresh air! Hey with this many compliments and tens of thousands of views on this thread, its definitely saying something...you are gifted! (I've seen a few other so called "professional" comicbook artists and they fail in comparison to your great work.)

[ZariusTwo]

Lord Rexx is an awesome name. Use it sometime Tony.

[Tony Day]

Page 19 of turncoat pt 4 has been posted.

Don’t think I got enough pages to introduce a new character but thanks for the suggestion Zarius

Laterz all

www.trydowave.com

[Tony Day]

Page 20 posted

See ya later...

Tony

www.trydowave.com

[Red-eyed Jaguar]

Wow, here I look at the Comic and I'm simply amazed and speechless by it!
I love your drawing style, it is very good.
So, I have yet to look and read through all Pages, will keep me busy
for a while, I'll post my full Opinion about it later.
Keep up the wonderful work! =3