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Old 11-28-2017, 12:38 AM   #61
TurtleWA
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Originally Posted by Prowler View Post
Who is the most recommended type of therapist for someone who is not sure what if it's wrong with them to see first? A psychologist or a psychiatrist?
From what Iíve heard psychiatrists are more like medical doctors, they can prescribe meds. And could spend much of the time with patients on medication management. Psychologists focus extensively on psychotherapy and treating emotional/mental suffering in clients. But not all quality therapist are Clinical Psychologists or Psychiatrists. Some are Licensed Mental Health Counselors and/or Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Depends or location I think. Then there are those that specialize in addiction and are called CDP, Chemical Dependency Professional.
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Old 11-28-2017, 04:23 AM   #62
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It was never meant to be.
Once you accept that, it makes things easier. It never really gets better, but it at least gets a bit easier.
If I don't date another girl for the rest of the year, that means I'd have dated 21 girls this year, the longest relationship (also the most boring) being almost 2 months. Couple that with my ex's pregnancy that I'm still unsure how to feel about... it's just been a bad year. I hate dating so damn much. It's repetitve and I lose interest by the end of the week. I hate feeling like I've wasted someone else's time as much as I hate wasting my own.

Just... bad year, homie. I feel so damn old all the time.
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Old 11-28-2017, 07:29 AM   #63
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If I don't date another girl for the rest of the year, that means I'd have dated 21 girls this year, the longest relationship (also the most boring) being almost 2 months. Couple that with my ex's pregnancy that I'm still unsure how to feel about... it's just been a bad year. I hate dating so damn much. It's repetitve and I lose interest by the end of the week. I hate feeling like I've wasted someone else's time as much as I hate wasting my own.

Just... bad year, homie. I feel so damn old all the time.
That's why I don't keep relationships - an idea that I might become bored of it (especially with my issues) scares me, not because it will hurt myself, but because, that it will hurt and waste time of someone else.
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Old 11-28-2017, 07:46 AM   #64
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Originally Posted by Krutch View Post
If I don't date another girl for the rest of the year, that means I'd have dated 21 girls this year, the longest relationship (also the most boring) being almost 2 months. Couple that with my ex's pregnancy that I'm still unsure how to feel about... it's just been a bad year. I hate dating so damn much. It's repetitve and I lose interest by the end of the week. I hate feeling like I've wasted someone else's time as much as I hate wasting my own.
While I agree that dating is the literal worst, a relationship not working out does not mean it was a waste of time. One of my favorite pieces of dating advice is that, All relationships end, until one doesn't.

If I might suggest a different frame of the situation:
Dating is trying a relationship on for size to see if it fits. If it doesn't fit it's no one's fault. Some people just don't fit. it doesn't speak ill of you or the other person. It's not a measurement of character.

Rejection hurts, and it will always hurt.
But as time goes on is that hurt will sting less and nowhere near last as long.
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A lot just get older and older and angrier and angrier, all the while waiting for the world to bend to their whim, never, ever really being satisfied with any of the "victories" achieved at large and wondering why no one outside of whatever construct bubble they've placed themself [sic] (look, I did it!) in wants to mess with them.
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Old 11-28-2017, 07:49 AM   #65
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But as time goes on is that hurt will sting less and nowhere near last as long.
Possibly making person's feelings numb.
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Old 11-28-2017, 08:02 AM   #66
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If that's how you choose to frame it, then sure.

I don't look at it that way.
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So your wants and needs as a fan should outweigh everyone else's?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew NDB View Post
A lot just get older and older and angrier and angrier, all the while waiting for the world to bend to their whim, never, ever really being satisfied with any of the "victories" achieved at large and wondering why no one outside of whatever construct bubble they've placed themself [sic] (look, I did it!) in wants to mess with them.
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Old 11-28-2017, 08:21 AM   #67
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Originally Posted by plastroncafe View Post
If that's how you choose to frame it, then sure.

I don't look at it that way.
It is something that might happen with person who was abandoned one time too many, irregardless of how you choose to frame it.
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Old 11-28-2017, 08:34 AM   #68
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My suggestion there would be to find a therapist before embarking on any kind of a dating/romantic relationship with another person.

You've got to be whole, and have a genuine affection for yourself, before you can be an equal partner in a relationship.

But then I am of the school of thought that believes that everyone, regardless of their neuro status, can benefit from talk therapy.

Given they find the right provider.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spike Spiegel View Post
So your wants and needs as a fan should outweigh everyone else's?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew NDB View Post
A lot just get older and older and angrier and angrier, all the while waiting for the world to bend to their whim, never, ever really being satisfied with any of the "victories" achieved at large and wondering why no one outside of whatever construct bubble they've placed themself [sic] (look, I did it!) in wants to mess with them.
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Old 11-28-2017, 08:49 AM   #69
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Originally Posted by Krutch View Post
If I don't date another girl for the rest of the year, that means I'd have dated 21 girls this year, the longest relationship (also the most boring) being almost 2 months. Couple that with my ex's pregnancy that I'm still unsure how to feel about... it's just been a bad year. I hate dating so damn much. It's repetitve and I lose interest by the end of the week. I hate feeling like I've wasted someone else's time as much as I hate wasting my own.

Just... bad year, homie. I feel so damn old all the time.
I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been going well for you. Relationships are tricky and I'm sure you've tried to do the whole "be happy by yourself before being happy with another" mantra ... but I know that wanting a relationship and being with someone is one of the most powerful things out there.

You'll eventually find the one that makes things work for you. My ex of two years and I split up in 2009 and and wasting so much time longing for her and trying just to find someone to make me feel less void was something I wish I could go back and prevent from happening. Though in 2011 I decided to start being more active to help lose some of my depression weight, I couldn't let what had happened go. Eventually I found another ... and then that didn't work and in little to no time, I found another yet again.

Things will work and get better and I certainly hope they do for you soon.
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Old 11-28-2017, 09:10 AM   #70
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Lets see..... i was never really a happy person..due to being picked on in school a bit.

But I think it really started hitting home when my dog of 16 years was put down. then I was really feeling alone. only a few months after that, with no time to really recover, parents went through a divorce, still living with each other during most of that time. that lasted a few years iirc. I wound up staying up till 3AM in the hopes that they wouldn't wake me up with arguing when they slept, throwing off my wellness quite a bit.

Add to that, I don't make enough to move out, at least reliably, so I'm still living at home. and when the divorce stuff FINALLY stopped, my favorite grandfather died only two months later before I had time to recover from THAT.

So, to sum it all off......I'm still stuck at home. I'm approaching 40. I've only been on three dates due to social anxiety and not much confidence that anyone would ever be interested. and quite frankly if it wasn't for a few earthly distractions like radio intervening, not quite sure what shape I'd still be in now.

I will say walking does help a bit. but here in my area there are ALOT of damn hills, so that's not too much of an option most of the time.

So yeah. depression, anxiety AND OCD is a no fun tripple whammy.
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Old 11-28-2017, 01:12 PM   #71
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Only times I've ever really felt depressed were when I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years (this happened twice) in 2010 and 2015. Both times I felt like I wasn't good enough and just sucked at living. There would be days when I would go through the motions and not want to interact with anyone, but knowing I had to and pretending I was fine. I'd be ok then break down into tears, when alone. It was a lot worse the first time, but still terrible the second time around. Eventually I sort of found solace in friends, family, self improvement and strangely enough, anger.
I figured hey, I can't be depressed if I'm angry, and then I just sort of used that anger to fuel certain projects, work and things that I did. I don't know how healthy that is but it's worked so far.
And my current girlfriend deals with depression and a lot of it comes down to really irrational fears and self depreciating. Sometimes she just needs to vent and hear that I care about her and don't secretly plan to murder her in her sleep er whatever (Something she has told me), and it comes and goes. I wish I could do more but I understand it's something that I'll have to deal with as long as we're together, because it's something she has dealt with for at least 15 years.
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Old 11-28-2017, 02:33 PM   #72
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If I don't date another girl for the rest of the year, that means I'd have dated 21 girls this year,
Wait, you've dated 21 different girls in a single year? I thought you meant 21 dates with the same girl.

Is it generally common to date over 20 people in a single year?
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Old 11-28-2017, 05:21 PM   #73
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Wait, you've dated 21 different girls in a single year? I thought you meant 21 dates with the same girl.

Is it generally common to date over 20 people in a single year?
I don't think so.
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Old 11-28-2017, 05:23 PM   #74
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Here's a theme song for depression:

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Old 11-29-2017, 12:33 PM   #75
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^ I agree ... a crappy cover of a Leonard Cohen song is pretty depressing.
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Old 12-04-2017, 03:33 PM   #76
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Thanks, guys.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CyberCubed View Post
Wait, you've dated 21 different girls in a single year? I thought you meant 21 dates with the same girl.

Is it generally common to date over 20 people in a single year?
It's a bit out of character for me, truthfully. I dated one girl for almost 12 years, then after that was a couple years of no dating but just random hookups. Last year I dated I think 2 or 3 girls.

This year I missed having that sense of an actual relationship so I tried to put myself out there to see what happens. And it's been just so boring, cheap, and unfulfilling.

I'm gonna throw in the towel for a bit because that... that was exhausting.
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Old 12-09-2017, 05:45 AM   #77
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Do a barrel roll!
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Old 12-09-2017, 01:28 PM   #78
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That's why I don't keep relationships - an idea that I might become bored of it (especially with my issues) scares me, not because it will hurt myself, but because, that it will hurt and waste time of someone else.
I don't even bother to try with them.

The only three dates I had the nerve to muster up where in highshcool. Two with the same girl. One with another girl. The last one I thought went MUCH better than the first two. But that didn't even get a second date.

After that, all other attempts to see if anyone might want to spend a night out somewhere didn't go too well and I eventually just stopped trying.

Then my psoriasis grew worse, and any confidence went out the window. add to that the social anxiety and the thought that no one would be interested in me, and boom. dateless for years.

I guess I'm fine with it, but it DOES get me depressed whenever I see people announce engagements on FB, and then see babies grow into 5 year olds in the blink of an eye and i'm still in the same spot.

I feel like it would have been MUCH easier to find someone if the nerd craze had hit when I was 20 rather than 35. Now all the people into it are about 10 years too young to chat up. sigh.
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