Do you believe society overrates relationships and sex in general?

[plastroncafe]

Guys can I be real for a moment here.
Because you don't like what I'm saying, doesn't mean I'm triggered.

I've post-traumatic stress disorder from a sexual assault.
I can guarantee you none of you will ever be able to actually trigger me.

If a mod would be so kind as to remove this tag, I would appreciate it.

... Wait, isn't double bagging it wearing a bag over your head just in case the one you put over your partner's falls off?

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by plastroncafe

Because I am a woman?
You opined for a time in history when people stayed married, and it was taboo for them to separate. There's a reason for that. People stayed married because they had to.

Staying married because you have no other option isn't a choice, it's coercion.

...but not every marriage was bad back then either. It's not like every husband beat his wife or cheated on her with hookers. I never criticised people who file in for divorce when their partner abuses them or cheats on them and nor I'm not saying legalising divorce was ever a bad idea to legalise. But knowing human beings, many probably use that option as a solution for something that could have had other solution. Simple.

Divorce itself is a valid option and it's fine that you're not socially shamed for it anymore, but what does it say about our society when it starts becoming more and more prevalent? Societal changes and also economic crisis(bad finances seem like a fine way to destroy a solid marriage)are most likely the root of the issue. And it's best society addresses that, since divorces can be very damaging to kids, for example.

You're a woman? Well I'm a man and not everything is about "the bros" to me. Or is that a false equivalency?

Originally Posted by Andrew NDB

For dudes I don't know if "pressure" is the right word at 15-17, though I totally get that from the ladies' side as I heard a lot of those stories in high school ("I didn't think he'd stay with me if I didn't," etc.... this was not a dilemma that any dude I ever knew back then ever faced, but that was just the culture of high school then). At 15 it was more this everpresent Christmas present sitting in the corner wrapped in chains and a padlock I couldn't wait to open, with the right one. Then it happened and then it's no longer this stressful or mystery thing to wonder about, so that was a relief.

What the heck is the "double bagging myth"? It can't be what I think it is.

Well by the time I got to 10th grade, admitting you had never had a gf or kissed a girl even was something you wouldn't want to do unless you wanted to be teased often by your male classmates. As was admitting to being a virgin after 17. I remember this one time a couple of guys from my HS talking about a friend of theirs who was a virgin at 19 still and they felt really bad for the guy and considered it a bit late to still be a virgin.

Using two condoms. A lot of people I met back then believed it was safer to have sex with two condoms on at the same time, when in fact the friction of two condoms against each other increases the risk of the condoms tearing.

Originally Posted by plastroncafe

Guys can I be real for a moment here.
Because you don't like what I'm saying, doesn't mean I'm triggered.

I've post-traumatic stress disorder from a sexual assault.
I can guarantee you none of you will ever be able to actually trigger me.

If a mod would be so kind as to remove this tag, I would appreciate it.

Dunno who made it or makes most thread tags, but just in case you're wondering it wasn't me.

[Sumac]

Definitely.
Society constantly pressures people into relationships and family life, starting from school idiots boasting about their loss of virginity and to the relatives who constantly quip how you should marry and how they want grandkids.

Can't say about Western society, though, I think, in this case it is legacy of religion wiping its feet for 2 thousand years on the humanity brain.

But in Russia it is legacy of the fact that just 150 years ago most of Russia population were slaves and lived in a very old-school ways, like having arranged marriages, 10+ kids (to compensate for the insane high rate of infant mortality) and so on.

Even though times have changed, a lot of people still believe that families should have lots of kids, that if you are not married at 20+ - you are some weirdo and so on. Which doesn't make sense, but a lot of things about society does not.

Originally Posted by plastroncafe

All relationships end if you wait long enough.

Depends on the people.
I know some couples who were together for more than 60 years.

[Andrew NDB]

Originally Posted by Sumac

Depends on the people.
I know some couples who were together for more than 60 years.

My own parents were together for 40 years until my dad died. Which -- I think -- is exactly the point Plastron was trying to make in this instance.

[Prowler]

One thing that I don't understand is the concept of "dying alone"... I mean, if I die one day at 45 on my way home from work by suddenly collapsing on the street of a heart attack... what difference does it make whether I have a wife and kids waiting for me at home or not? "Dying alone" only seems to apply to people dying of a terminal illness such as cancer and having no one holding their hand while they're in a hospital bed waiting to die. But if your partner dies before you... you'll die alone too. Especially if you never had kids or have any other relatives to support you.

[Andrew NDB]

Originally Posted by Prowler

One thing that I don't understand is the concept of "dying alone"... I mean, if I die one day at 45 on my way home from work by suddenly collapsing on the street of a heart attack... what difference does it make whether I have a wife and kids waiting for me at home or not? "Dying alone" only seems to apply to people dying of a terminal illness such as cancer and having no one holding their hand while they're in a hospital bed waiting to die. But if your partner dies before you... you'll die alone too. Especially if you never had kids or have any other relatives to support you.

I think it'd be a bit embarrassing, really. I'm with the cats. I'd rather go off somewhere and die quietly, away from prying eyes.

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by Andrew NDB

http://www.startrek.com/uploads/asse...e43016d62c.jpg

I think it'd be a bit embarrassing, really. I'm with the cats. I'd rather go off somewhere and die quietly, away from prying eyes.

Well, no one wants to be seen in a vulnerable state like that so that's understandable.

When I die I hope it's quick and painless.

[Andrew NDB]

Originally Posted by Prowler

Well, no one wants to be seen in a vulnerable state like that so that's understandable.

When I die I hope it's quick and painless.

In the sleep seems best. Some dream can just segue into nothing, as they do anyway. Though, man, I don't like at all the idea of someone waking up next to my dead body.

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by Andrew NDB

In the sleep seems best. Some dream can just segue into nothing, as they do anyway. Though, man, I don't like at all the idea of someone waking up next to my dead body.

Yeah dying during sleep seems fine, but waking up next to a dead body seems scary. Wouldn't wish that on anyone

[Andrew NDB]

Originally Posted by Prowler

Yeah dying during sleep seems fine, but waking up next to a dead body seems scary. Wouldn't wish that on anyone

Originally Posted by sdp

I never thought about that, yikes.

I mean, maybe I'd be able to be more OK with it if it was more of a hospice situation. Truly a situation where, "He could go any day now." At least the other person would be mentally braced for it. If it was truly sudden... egads.

Worse yet, if you're truly alone? Imagine you die in your sleep and no one finds your body for a month. Two. Three. Yeesh... horrific to ponder.

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by sdp

I do think you can find "the love of your life", I've done it and people who are much older than me can say otherwise but I guess we won't know until we take a look at what I think 30 years later but as for now they've been the best 6 years of my life getting to know this person and going through the good and the bad. Some people are just Jaded and there are plenty of examples of couples that really worked well together.

I do think many people get married for the wrong reasons though or get married before really getting to know the other person which causes problems. You are better off alone than being in a bad relationship and I'd rather be alone than having someone who I don't connect 100% with.

Love of your life... well that happens to a lot of people, I'm sure, but not to everyone. A common saying is "there's someone out there for everyone", but I'm not sure I truly believe that. Also, "the one" seems flawed as well. I mean, with what now, 7 billion people on Earth, 4 billion or so of them being women, there is only one on this Earth that's the right one for me? Those are not very encouraging odds, are they? And what if said woman lives in a far away place I'll never go to or spend enough time in to get to even know her such as South Korea or Argentina, for example?

There's a lot of people out there that can very well be "the one" for you. I'm sure if many married people today had not met their spouse they most likely would have met someone and be just as happy with them. But ofc they'll never know that.

I think we need to accept people for their flaws as well. The media paints relationships and sex in a very unrealistic manner. Also, looks deteriorate with age and you wont' be as sex driven when you're 50 as you are when you are 20. So even if your wife is hot, it's not like you're gonna be smashing her everyday for decades, and she certainly won't be 25-30 forever

[Andrew NDB]

Originally Posted by Prowler

Love of your life... well that happens to a lot of people, I'm sure, but not to everyone. A common saying is "there's someone out there for everyone", but I'm not sure I truly believe that. Also, "the one" seems flawed as well. I mean, with what now, 7 billion people on Earth, 4 billion or so of them being women, there is only one on this Earth that's the right one for me? Those are not very encouraging odds, are they? And what if said woman lives in a far away place I'll never go to or spend enough time in to get to even know her such as South Korea or Argentina, for example?

There's a lot of people out there that can very well be "the one" for you. I'm sure if many married people today had not met their spouse they most likely would have met someone and be just as happy with them. But ofc they'll never know that.

I think we need to accept people for their flaws as well. The media paints relationships and sex in a very unrealistic manner. Also, looks deteriorate with age and you wont' be as sex driven when you're 50 as you are when you are 20. So even if your wife is hot, it's not like you're gonna be smashing her everyday for decades, and she certainly won't be 25-30 forever

Yeah, the "I've found my soulmate!" stuff gets thrown around so much it's sickening. If you're single and spend 2 months almost anywhere in the world, unless you're unusually antisocial you can probably find someone who is reasonably compatible with you. It's all about mutual alignment of tastes and attraction, though not even necessarily that. Opposites can attract. But it can happen anywhere.

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by Andrew NDB

Yeah, the "I've found my soulmate!" stuff gets thrown around so much it's sickening. If you're single and spend 2 months almost anywhere in the world, unless you're unusually antisocial you can probably find someone who is reasonably compatible with you. It's all about mutual alignment of tastes and attraction, though not even necessarily that. Opposites can attract. But it can happen anywhere.

A bit unrelated, but when I was younger I found relationships between people of different races a bit... odd, to put it nicely. I was racist in that regard. And whenever someone would ask me if I'd marry, let's say, a black or an asian woman, I'd say "hell no" as if it was something very gross and as if I was bringing shame to my family. But then I met and talked to more people of different backgrounds and realised I could have a lot in common with them as well. Although I do wonder about the obstacles couples of very different cultures run into compared to couples where both parties are of the same cultural background.

[Prowler]

Well, sdp, it's not really possible to have everything in common with someone. And I don't know if I'd want a woman that was basically me with gonads.

I mean if you can be friends with people who don't like every single thing you do and vice-versa, then you can accept a bf/gf having some different opinions and tastes than yours as well.

When I was younger I was always ver excited to meet people who were into heavy metal, anime I liked, Nintendo and/or history; but I quickly realised that someone liking many of the same things as you do doesn't mean you'll connect. It definitely helps, but I've met people who share some of my interests and yet their personalities just don't mix well with my own.

[plastroncafe]

I don't believe in soulmates, but I do believe in the love of one's life. I think for everyone there's going to be one relationship by which all others get compared to, for whatever reason.

I know it's that way with me at least. You find that one person who feels like home, and then it's hard to imagine home feeling like anything else... Until eventually something else feels like home, but there's still that basis of comparison.

But the notion of there being only one person for anyone? That I don't buy.

[Prowler]

A lot of people never get married or settle down and never get a relationship like that either. But I don't believe we should make them feel bad for it. It just didn't happen for them, or they're just better off alone.

[Andrew NDB]

Originally Posted by plastroncafe

I don't believe in soulmates, but I do believe in the love of one's life. I think for everyone there's going to be one relationship by which all others get compared to, for whatever reason.

Yes. I do believe that.

But the notion of there being only one person for anyone? That I don't buy.

Of course not. That's ridiculous.

[FredWolfLeonardo]

What do you all think of arranged marriages?

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by FredWolfLeonardo

What do you all think of arranged marriages?

While I'm sure plenty of them work out fine, I'd never want to have one myself. It's just an alien concept to me. I could never imagine my parents picking my future wife for me.

[plastroncafe]

It's not a cultural practice of mine, but there have been times when I've thought the practice might make things a hell of a lot easier. Much the same way as straight girl thinks that being a lesbian would make her romantic life easier.

I'm assuming of course that this is a mutually agreed-upon arranged marriage situation with no coercion at all.