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View Poll Results: Do vampires poop
Of course they do 1 33.33%
No way 2 66.67%
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Old 06-07-2021, 01:23 AM   #1
Andrew NDB
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Do vampires poop?

I mean, think about it. Would they? I imagine there's a pretty good chance they pee, as that liquid (from the blood they consume) needs to go somewhere. Similarly with all that plasma they consume... surely they'd have to, like, diarrhea it out on the regular? Or is the general idea they just absorb it into their bodies like sunlight?
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Old 06-07-2021, 06:33 AM   #2
CyberCubed
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On Buffy, the vampires seemed to behave like normal humans. They didn't need to eat human food, but Spike was drinking alcohol and eating chicken wings and cookies.
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Old 06-07-2021, 06:43 AM   #3
Shark_Blade
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Edward Cullen poops.
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Old 06-07-2021, 07:51 AM   #4
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No, they don't. Vampires have no bodily functions like living humans do. No heartbeat, no real need to breathe (aside from speaking), and no natural expulsion of waste.They are essentially an more intelligent and less rotten form of a zombie or any other undead.
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Old 06-07-2021, 07:57 AM   #5
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Old 06-07-2021, 02:58 PM   #6
IndigoErth
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So googled the only known mammal that survives only on blood...

Here is the gross mess left by vampire bats:

Spoiler:

Which according to this site, the source of the image, is "red-black color of dried blood, and it’s viscous, sticky, and pungent."

Another site says they crap out the plasma. Which makes sense since blood isn't a typical liquid, not in the sense of what actually goes into the bladder, so the body probably filters out anything else that should not reach the bladder and gets rid of it the other way.

This other site also mentions that "vampire bats start leaking plasma two minutes during feeding."

But thanks, I guess... I learned today that vampire bats crap plasma and so the human-like and formerly human vampires probably would, too. Yuck. Hopefully the human-like blood suckers at least don't just...leak and have more control.
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Old 06-07-2021, 03:41 PM   #7
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Surely some blood leaks out their ass now & again.
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Old 06-07-2021, 04:56 PM   #8
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Undead, though, remember? As in, having no LIVING biological functions. An animate corpse kept "alive" by consuming the "life"(aka blood) of its victims. Edward Cullen be damned, his ilk are not even "real" vampires. Not in the sense of historical myth and legends. Most cultures have had some form of vampire myth, including the Sumerian and Babylonian empires. Phillipines has their pennangallen (a rather grotesque version that can separate head and viscera from the rest of the body to hunt), the Middle East had the lamia, which was a more demonic half leonine female version, and even the Celts had a rather ghoulish type that fed on flesh at night.

Vampires have undergone a tremendous change in lore since Dracula (and even HE had to sleep in his home earth during the day, and had no need for or even ability to digest normal food or drink). They don't digest what they consume, it is simply absorbed into the body to give it a semblance of "life" for a time. Anne Rice and others who have romanticized them in recent decades have largely either ignored that particular aspect, or when they mention it, they gloss over the implications that vampires have no actual digestive system. Even their shapeshifting abilities (ie, bats and wolves, mostly) are merely an outer form, not the biological animal itself. (And in many myths, they can take fully incorporeal forms as well, which begs the question- how does a fog cloud poop?)
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Old 06-07-2021, 05:43 PM   #9
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There's, like, the Vampire Chronicles vampires. If Lestat doesn't have a heartbeat... what is making the blood pump out of his wrist?
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Old 06-08-2021, 06:56 AM   #10
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Anne Rice's vamps are kind of what started the modern romanticism of vampires along with things like Feast of Blood and Carmilla. But even they adhere (mostly) to the old rules of myth, like sunlight being deadly, not having a heartbeat or digestion, and having to sleep during the day in a coffin (which is really just a simpler approach to them having to return to their grave at sunrise). As for the blood pumping thing, that is mostly just a visual trope for the movies. In Dracula, it doesn't pump, or spurt, it just runs. It's been too long since I read the actual books of Anne Rice's vamps, but I don't recall it actually spurting in them, just running everywhere. Or burning if exposed to sunlight. And her vampires are an example of a more demonic origin, in that the first one was "infected" by becoming physically possessed by a blood-absorbing spirit who entered her body while she was being stabbed to death. It fused with her, and made her immortal, at the moment of death, thus trapping her soul in a state of limbo. And due to the overwhelming desire to consume more blood, she then infected her husband, and several others to create the first brood of vampires. In essence, those vampires all share a piece of that possessing spirit. Which is why the first ones were so much more powerful- they had a larger share of the spirit essence.

Most vampire lore from Biblical cultures assume Cain to be the first, based on the punishment in Genesis. It's heavily used as their origin in things like Vampire the Masquerade, and some other modern tales. But the main thread is that they are always created from the dead or the cursed as they are dying. This is one reason why the stake in the heart was so important as a means to destroy them. It prevents them from rising to feed, thus allowing death to catch up and eventually cause the body to decay. Vampirism was always considered the fate of those who were cursed for various reasons, like being the seventh son of a seventh son, having certain deformities, or even red hair!
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Old 06-08-2021, 06:33 PM   #11
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Well. If they do, that would make one of us (looks at bottle of miralax in the kitchen).
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Old 06-08-2021, 08:32 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ABrown View Post
bottle of miralax
Ah, the old clean out stuff they [also] have people us before a colonoscopy... Fun times.
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Old 06-17-2021, 08:07 PM   #13
Hamato Yoshi
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Well , if they eat then logic would say they poop also

If they don't have a heart beat then how come they need to get a pole thru their hearts to kill them ?
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Old 06-17-2021, 08:32 PM   #14
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Jesus, some'a these questions have me starting to think that vampires aren't real. What a bummer.
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Old 06-19-2021, 12:09 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hamato Yoshi View Post
Well , if they eat then logic would say they poop also

If they don't have a heart beat then how come they need to get a pole thru their hearts to kill them ?

Believe it or not, the original purpose of staking them was to keep them from leaving their graves, by basically pinning them to the ground beneath. This presumably would allow death to "catch up with them". Ie, without feeding, they would eventually revert back to an inanimate corpse. Turning them face down or nailing the coffin shut with nails blessed by a priest and placing a crucifix on top also served the same purpose. But outside of those Twilight-esque vampires, they do not "eat", so much as absorb it into their bodies sort of like osmosis.
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Old 06-20-2021, 04:37 AM   #16
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Perhaps the title of this thread would be better left for the vampires to ponder over instead of us.

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Old 06-21-2021, 07:11 AM   #17
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I think Barnabas Collins would have been disgusted. Lestat, on the other hand, would be amused.
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Old 06-21-2021, 07:16 AM   #18
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Maybe vampires poop out little pellets like rabbits?
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