The Technodrome Forums

Go Back   The Technodrome Forums > General Forums > General Discussion > Everything Else

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-15-2015, 07:09 PM   #1
Tetsu Deinonychus
The Iron Dinosaur
 
Tetsu Deinonychus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Studio Snowlion HQ
Posts: 3,010
Break up advice.

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said our relationship was good but that we were too different to keep it up together. But, it seems like it's because she just wants to be with this other guy instead.

How do you get past having your girlfriend of two years possibly leaving you for somebody else, a friend of hers that she had a fling with before you (and so many female friends have had bad experiences dating) and once assured you you had no reason to be jealous of, when she still says she cares and wants to be friends, and you don't want to be angry at her because aside from this you still think highly of her as a person, but, you feel really really hurt?

Last edited by Tetsu Deinonychus; 11-15-2015 at 09:48 PM.
Tetsu Deinonychus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2015, 07:27 PM   #2
plastroncafe
PerfectlyTunedFightEngine
 
plastroncafe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Upsidedown
Posts: 7,551
Being dumped is the worst, and I'm really sorry you're going through that right now. Rejection just sucks.

My advice is this:

You're under no obligation to be her friend, not now or not ever again.

For right now you should concentrate on not feeling like crap. So do things that you enjoy doing. If you feel up to hanging out with friends, do that. If you feel like eating a pint of Hagen Das while mainlining "Brooklyn 99" on Hulu...do that.

Just keep in mind through it all that this will pass.
__________________
------------------------------------------------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spike Spiegel View Post
So your wants and needs as a fan should outweigh everyone else's?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegita-San View Post
just ignore what you don't like rather than obsessing over it and move on with your life.
plastroncafe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2015, 07:32 PM   #3
Tetsu Deinonychus
The Iron Dinosaur
 
Tetsu Deinonychus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Studio Snowlion HQ
Posts: 3,010
Quote:
Originally Posted by plastroncafe View Post
Being dumped is the worst, and I'm really sorry you're going through that right now. Rejection just sucks.

My advice is this:

You're under no obligation to be her friend, not now or not ever again.

For right now you should concentrate on not feeling like crap. So do things that you enjoy doing. If you feel up to hanging out with friends, do that. If you feel like eating a pint of Hagen Das while mainlining "Brooklyn 99" on Hulu...do that.

Just keep in mind through it all that this will pass.
Thing is I do still want to be her friend, but yeah I'm trying to focus on feeling better and that's kinda the reason I'm here.

Edit: And, it's possible said guy might not be the reason she dumped me. I'm just worried if he is it will make things way more awkward. I was listening to a friend of mine who's a little paranoid about him (one of his exes) who's very protective of me.

Last edited by Tetsu Deinonychus; 11-15-2015 at 07:50 PM.
Tetsu Deinonychus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2015, 07:47 PM   #4
plastroncafe
PerfectlyTunedFightEngine
 
plastroncafe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Upsidedown
Posts: 7,551
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tetsu Deinonychus Power-5 View Post
Thing is I do still want to be her friend, but yeah I'm trying to focus on feeling better and that's kinda the reason I'm here.
There's nothing saying you can't be her friend...I'd just really advise against trying it right now. Friends are equals, and right now she's at a power advantage over you.

If she's really a friend worth keeping she'll understand that you're hurting and give you the space you'll need to get over the rejection.
__________________
------------------------------------------------------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spike Spiegel View Post
So your wants and needs as a fan should outweigh everyone else's?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegita-San View Post
just ignore what you don't like rather than obsessing over it and move on with your life.
plastroncafe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2015, 07:48 PM   #5
PangolinFeets
Mad Scientist
 
PangolinFeets's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 1,317
Speaking as an ex-girlfriend who is still good friends with her ex-boyfriend from 8 years ago, its all time. You need time apart. You need to be with good friends that can help you take your mind off things for a while.
And, after a lot of time with good friends, you need to remember how to enjoy being alone (which is the hardest part). Whether that's reading, music, comics, drawing, writing, etc. Find something that you enjoy doing alone that you do just to make you happy and it will make your life all the better.

Once you remember how to live without that person, it makes it a lot easier to be friends again.
PangolinFeets is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2015, 07:57 PM   #6
CyberCubed
Overlord
 
CyberCubed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 33,774
Just sever all ties. You'll all be better off. You'll be surprised how quickly you forget about someone when you each go your separate ways.
CyberCubed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2015, 08:05 PM   #7
Coola Yagami
Emperor
 
Coola Yagami's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 7,854
I agree on the alone time. Take the time out to just be you and try to busy yourself with whatever life was like before you were with you.
__________________
https://markblogofepicrandomness.blogspot.com Check out my blog on random stuff from TMNT to Batman comics to whatever else hits my mind.
Coola Yagami is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2015, 08:15 PM   #8
Tetsu Deinonychus
The Iron Dinosaur
 
Tetsu Deinonychus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Studio Snowlion HQ
Posts: 3,010
Quote:
Originally Posted by plastroncafe
There's nothing saying you can't be her friend...I'd just really advise against trying it right now. Friends are equals, and right now she's at a power advantage over you.

If she's really a friend worth keeping she'll understand that you're hurting and give you the space you'll need to get over the rejection.
She pretty much gave me the same advice herself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PangolinFeets
Speaking as an ex-girlfriend who is still good friends with her ex-boyfriend from 8 years ago, its all time. You need time apart. You need to be with good friends that can help you take your mind off things for a while.
And, after a lot of time with good friends, you need to remember how to enjoy being alone (which is the hardest part). Whether that's reading, music, comics, drawing, writing, etc. Find something that you enjoy doing alone that you do just to make you happy and it will make your life all the better.

Once you remember how to live without that person, it makes it a lot easier to be friends again.
I guess. I'm just worried about losing touch completely. I do still want her in my life even if it's no longer as a lover. She's the one who helped me through my mother passing away.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coola Yagami
I agree on the alone time. Take the time out to just be you and try to busy yourself with whatever life was like before you were with you.
I'm trying. I'm even back on the 'drome to tap into some nostalgia. Just don't have much going on right now.
Tetsu Deinonychus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2015, 09:17 PM   #9
Coola Yagami
Emperor
 
Coola Yagami's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 7,854
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tetsu Deinonychus Power-5 View Post

I'm trying. I'm even back on the 'drome to tap into some nostalgia. Just don't have much going on right now.
It happens. It's time to discover who you are without her, ya know?
__________________
https://markblogofepicrandomness.blogspot.com Check out my blog on random stuff from TMNT to Batman comics to whatever else hits my mind.
Coola Yagami is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2015, 04:51 PM   #10
Bry
So Long, Stinktown!
 
Bry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,464
Quote:
Originally Posted by plastroncafe View Post
My advice is this:

You're under no obligation to be her friend, not now or not ever again.
Late to the thread, but I can 100% vouch for this. She may have (or think she has) the best intentions, but the person playing the "let's still be friends" card is almost always the person who's moved on already to some degree. And that's an important thing to remember, because if you're the one being broken up with, that means the other person has been thinking about it or even planning it for a while. They've had time to sort through their feelings and come to terms with the change... but you haven't. So asking for friendship in that moment is a very unfair, and I'd say even selfish, situation for them to put you in. Just because they're ready for that doesn't mean you are, and you shouldn't be pressured into a situation you're not comfortable with or ready for.

Some romantic relationships can transition into healthy friendships, but not all, and even the ones that do will always take some time to get there. And if you're hurting like it seems you are, you're going to need time and space to move past it and kind of rediscover who you are on your own. She may want you in her life, but she chose to end your relationship, and all choices come with consequences. I think a lot of people make major life decisions but don't want to "lose" anything in the process, but that's not how it works. And you may still want her in your life, but if any part of that desire is romantic, spending time with her is very likely just going to stop you from healing. You don't owe her anything now, and you should 100% focus on yourself -- doing what you want to do, making yourself happy, and kinda "rebooting" your life. Try to enjoy that as much as you can. You can do anything you want. Enjoy the freedom and put your energies toward building an even better life.

I hope things have gotten better since you first posted.
__________________

Last edited by Bry; 12-06-2015 at 10:28 PM.
Bry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2015, 07:28 PM   #11
Netkeeper
tactical blackquill
 
Netkeeper's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,649
Tell her you don't want to talk to her for the time being, then just distance yourself until the pain heals.

Eh, it's the Netkeeper-approved way of dealing with people problems: ignore the piss out of that person until the bad things go away. Can't always work and I know I'm technically running from my problems, but damn if it isn't a piece of cake to do.
__________________
Netkeeper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2015, 12:00 PM   #12
Amaranthus
Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: West-Flanders, Belgium
Posts: 1,815
Amaranthus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2015, 01:23 PM   #13
Andrew NDB
Weed Whacker
 
Andrew NDB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Auburn, WA
Posts: 13,384
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tetsu Deinonychus Power-5 View Post
How do you get past having your girlfriend of two years possibly leaving you for somebody else, a friend of hers that she had a fling with before you (and so many female friends have had bad experiences dating) and once assured you you had no reason to be jealous of, when she still says she cares and wants to be friends, and you don't want to be angry at her because aside from this you still think highly of her as a person, but, you feel really really hurt?
By having a lot of sex with a lot of other girls.

OK, that's terrible advice. But then I really shouldn't be giving anyone relationship advice.
Andrew NDB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2015, 01:58 PM   #14
Prowler
Emperor
 
Prowler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Portugal
Posts: 5,384
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew NDB View Post
By having a lot of sex with a lot of other girls.

OK, that's terrible advice. But then I really shouldn't be giving anyone relationship advice.
I'm sure you're not the only one who thinks that might help. Although not everyone is into casual sex. OP seems like he cared about his gf, so I doubt he'll be wanting to have sex with other girls anytime soon.
Prowler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2015, 05:01 PM   #15
Tetsu Deinonychus
The Iron Dinosaur
 
Tetsu Deinonychus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Studio Snowlion HQ
Posts: 3,010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prowler View Post
I'm sure you're not the only one who thinks that might help. Although not everyone is into casual sex. OP seems like he cared about his gf, so I doubt he'll be wanting to have sex with other girls anytime soon.
Yeah, I wouldn't. But I think Andrew was joking anyway.

@Shuriken: Thanks. And, hang in there.
Tetsu Deinonychus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2015, 12:44 AM   #16
shuriken
Second City Shinobi
 
shuriken's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chi-town
Posts: 4,169
^^ I'm good man. It took like 3 months for me to say that honestly and consistently but yeah. You're cool man you'll be alright.
__________________
Some things are better left unsaid. This isn't one of them
shuriken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-22-2015, 07:57 AM   #17
BubblyShell22
Leo-holic
 
BubblyShell22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 16,913
You do what you feel is best. I probably would just sever ties with them and never have anything to do with them again, but that's just me. If you feel you still want her in your life and she's sorry she did that to you, then you should give yourself some time to heal and then reconnect with her.
__________________
"A warrior who never fails, never learns."-The Ancient One.

"Embrace your inner a**holiness."-Mr. Anderson.
BubblyShell22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-23-2015, 09:24 PM   #18
Commenter 42
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 3,959
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew NDB View Post
By having a lot of sex with a lot of other girls.
That Morgan Freeman .GIF goes right here ^
Commenter 42 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
cybercubedthevirgin, cybercubedthinkscheap

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:52 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.