Break up advice.

[Darthknuxward]

The thing that gets me is that "friend" I mentioned doesn't even have feelings for her. He's just dating her to date sombody. And now she's been saying she'd date me in a heartbeat if I came back around, but I just can't trust her anymore. She also does still like me, but now she's saying she wants to be friends because she thinks it'll "help her more". Kind of selfish if you ask me. This is a girl I talked out of suicide and when I need her most she abandons me. She's done this to other people before.

And Katie, just to clarify, no sex is involved.

[Katie]

Ever hear that Leopards don't change their spots? If someone has a pattern of behavior, you are not likely going to be able to change it.

At best she doesn't know what she wants. At worst, she's the type to go with whomever has the best stuff to offer.

Either way, keave it alone. No sense making yourself crazy over someone who doesn't want what you do.

[Darthknuxward]

Thing is, now she wants me back. I'm not sure if she's speaking the truth, but it's probably because I'm the only guy she's ever dated who (in the words of her best friends) was not an @$$hole. I want to contact her so bad, but I'm just worried about what could happen.

[Katie]

Well, no one knows better than you what you want to do.

Answer some question honestly and you might get your answer:

Were you happy with her?
Was there give and take with the relationship or did you give more than you got from the relationship? (And not just materially...emotionally as well)
Why exactly do you want to be with her? (Ie, do you feel like she owes you? Don't like being alone?,etc.)
What makes you think it will be different this time?
What was it like in bad times? Did she just quit or try and work on things with you?
What do you want out of this?

Thats the kind of stuff i think about when i am at a cross roads in a relationship.

But only you can know whether or not something is right for you.

[Zak The Neutrino]

Originally Posted by CyberCubed

I also imagine adults who break up and are in their 30's-40's have trouble dating again because at that point everyone has an established career and a kid or two. A lot of people don't want to be step parents, and if they see someone already has a kid with a previous marriage, its hard to get into that.

When you're young and only in your 20's everyone is just starting off so you're able to do whatever. Its a lot harder when everyone is older, has full-time jobs, and so forth.

Story of my life. I've had a son until I was 17 so I've had lots of rejection over the fact that I have a kid already.

People always say it's harder on women with kids but that's a load of bull. Here's the issue is that most women want you to make them your first priority and when you have a kid you can't do that. They get jealous of your kid coming first and shortly get sick of dating someone with a kid.

[Powder]

Originally Posted by Darthknuxward

The thing that gets me is that "friend" I mentioned doesn't even have feelings for her. He's just dating her to date sombody. And now she's been saying she'd date me in a heartbeat if I came back around, but I just can't trust her anymore. She also does still like me, but now she's saying she wants to be friends because she thinks it'll "help her more". Kind of selfish if you ask me. This is a girl I talked out of suicide and when I need her most she abandons me. She's done this to other people before.

And Katie, just to clarify, no sex is involved.

I know that girl. She's a problem. Get far, far away.

[Darthknuxward]

Originally Posted by Powder

I know that girl. She's a problem. Get far, far away.

Wait, You know her?! Well, I guess I'll take your advice, at least for now.

[CyberCubed]

Originally Posted by Zak The Neutrino

Story of my life. I've had a son until I was 17 so I've had lots of rejection over the fact that I have a kid already..

To be fair, having a kid at only 17 years old is definitely a warning signal.

[Darthknuxward]

I will say this. This girl drive me to attempt to take my own life. Make if that what you will.

[shuriken]

^^Not worth it dude. Been there before, and it's just not worth it.

Originally Posted by Powder

I know that girl. She's a problem. Get far, far away.

Yes. This.

[pennydreadful]

Originally Posted by Netkeeper

Not me, I've only been rejected once. I'm a ****ing stud.

It's true. You've got mad mojo, bro.

Originally Posted by Darthknuxward

So I need some advice too. Coming from someone who is a teen, being the nice guy and being confident are hard to do after so many times of every girlfriend you've ever had being an abusive @$$hole. Especially my most recent girl I was attracted to, here's what happened. I'm not someone who thinks I'm a particularly "nice guy" but everyone's always told me that I am, so go figure. I already told this in the despair faction. I was very confident, even if on the inside I wasn't always. I literally did every single thing for her I could, and then she just lies to me, dates a "friend" who called me worthless to my face, and then says she'll only date me for a week after she knows I've been chasing after her for three years. And now she says she's "sorry" and "wants to be friends". But I'm just not sure I could ever do that because she's never been just a friend to me. It's been particularly hard to deal with and there are some details I can't even begin to elaborate on.

Dude - cut this person out of your life. Like Powder said - we know this girl. All of us have had experiences with a girl like this. In my case, it was a girl called... actually, you know, I can't even remember her name now! But at the time I was convinced I was in love. She had red hair and the tiniest, cutest feet. She picked me up one night, took me back to her place and seduced me (she didn't have to work very hard but the point I'm making is - she approached me). So I go into crush mode because hey, young, dumb and full of cum, as the saying goes. A couple of days go by and then she says "I like you and would totally date you but I need to be celibate for a while". Then a week or two later, she boffed someone I was friends with at a party we're all at. So much for celibacy, huh?

The moral of the story is... some chicks (and some guys) are just assholes. Or dishonest. Or dishonest assholes. It's nothing to do with you - they're just dicks. You can't control other people being dicks - but you can control whether you put up with their sh*t. It's as easy as walking away - don't cave to the emotional manipulation. Being a friend to someone is great - but if having a "friendship" with someone consistently makes you feel bad, it's not worth maintaining it.

There's a world full of people out there who won't treat you like crap - don't waste any more time on this one. Sometimes you feel like you've gotta be there for someone because they're so damaged and you can't leave them because everyone else in their life has left them and you can't be like that, blahdeblah... it's a standard emotional manipulation tactic and you need to recognize it for the bullsh*t it is. Tell the bitch to pound sand and move yourself on to bigger and better things.

[CylonsKlingonsDaleksOhMy]

Originally Posted by pennydreadful

Dude - cut this person out of your life. Like Powder said - we know this girl. All of us have had experiences with a girl like this. In my case, it was a girl called... actually, you know, I can't even remember her name now! But at the time I was convinced I was in love. She had red hair and the tiniest, cutest feet. She picked me up one night, took me back to her place and seduced me (she didn't have to work very hard but the point I'm making is - she approached me). So I go into crush mode because hey, young, dumb and full of cum, as the saying goes. A couple of days go by and then she says "I like you and would totally date you but I need to be celibate for a while". Then a week or two later, she boffed someone I was friends with at a party we're all at. So much for celibacy, huh?

The moral of the story is... some chicks (and some guys) are just assholes. Or dishonest. Or dishonest assholes. It's nothing to do with you - they're just dicks. You can't control other people being dicks - but you can control whether you put up with their sh*t. It's as easy as walking away - don't cave to the emotional manipulation. Being a friend to someone is great - but if having a "friendship" with someone consistently makes you feel bad, it's not worth maintaining it.

There's a world full of people out there who won't treat you like crap - don't waste any more time on this one. Sometimes you feel like you've gotta be there for someone because they're so damaged and you can't leave them because everyone else in their life has left them and you can't be like that, blahdeblah... it's a standard emotional manipulation tactic and you need to recognize it for the bullsh*t it is. Tell the bitch to pound sand and move yourself on to bigger and better things.

Penny speaks truth.

The world is a bucket full of crap, and the only way to survive it is to cut out as much of it as possible from your own sphere of influence. Sounds harsh, but so's the world.

It won't be easy, but know that we fellow TMNT fans are rooting for you. You can do it.

[Darthknuxward]

Yeah, Penny, Cylon, thanks for the advice. You know, she specifically told me she wanted to be single for awhile, then I find out the very next day that she's dating my "friend".

[Darthknuxward]

This is just my mood right now

[Powder]

Originally Posted by Darthknuxward

Wait, You know her?! Well, I guess I'll take your advice, at least for now.

Not literally her, but her type. There are tons of people who do/say that exact same sh*t, it's like this culmination of issues (mostly stemming from the oxymoronic combination of insecurity & narcissism) that when spear-headed form the same person in all they inhabit. I've had my own experiences with them, they're all the same, everything's a game (whether or not they're doing on purpose, 'cause to be fair, sometimes it's just fault of how f*cked up they are upstairs). They want what they want until they get it, then they f*ck it up so they can enjoy the chase again, because that's the only part that they get anything out of. They want the attention, they want to feel like this tortured soul who needs to be rescued, but as soon as you put that shining armor on & make them feel safe, they panic, because dramatics are all they know. The uncertainty & chaos is their comfort zone, they feed off of that. They can't sort out their own feelings so they mess with the emotions of others, gives them a sense of power in an otherwise unyielding life, all at the expense of people who care for them. It's toxic. You can't fix these people, it's all their own internalized bullsh*t, they're the only ones who can work that stuff out. If you try to go along for the ride they're just gonna drag you under. It's as if causing/having problems is the only way they know how to keep people around, you know? If you're always trying to solve something for them, you're gonna be there, & you being there is all that matters. Doesn't matter if you're there & unhappy, the fact you remain to feed their psychosis is key, nothing else. It's an ego trip. Trust me, I'm only 25 but I've had a lifetime's worth of troubled romantic interests, & I'm intimately acquainted with mental illness/depression/etc.

[Darthknuxward]

Originally Posted by Powder

Not literally her, but her type. There are tons of people who do/say that exact same sh*t, it's like this culmination of issues (mostly stemming from the oxymoronic combination of insecurity & narcissism) that when spear-headed form the same person in all they inhabit. I've had my own experiences with them, they're all the same, everything's a game (whether or not they're doing on purpose, 'cause to be fair, sometimes it's just fault of how f*cked up they are upstairs). They want what they want until they get it, then they f*ck it up so they can enjoy the chase again, because that's the only part that they get anything out of. They want the attention, they want to feel like this tortured soul who needs to be rescued, but as soon as you put that shining armor on & make them feel safe, they panic, because dramatics are all they know. The uncertainty & chaos is their comfort zone, they feed off of that. They can't sort out their own feelings so they mess with the emotions of others, gives them a sense of power in an otherwise unyielding life, all at the expense of people who care for them. It's toxic. You can't fix these people, it's all their own internalized bullsh*t, they're the only ones who can work that stuff out. If you try to go along for the ride they're just gonna drag you under. It's as if causing/having problems is the only way they know how to keep people around, you know? If you're always trying to solve something for them, you're gonna be there, & you being there is all that matters. Doesn't matter if you're there & unhappy, the fact you remain to feed their psychosis is key, nothing else. It's an ego trip. Trust me, I'm only 25 but I've had a lifetime's worth of troubled romantic interests, & I'm intimately acquainted with mental illness/depression/etc.

Again, sincerely thank you for the advice. I thought you might just actually know her because you look a hell of a lot like her father. Sorry bout that

[Darthknuxward]

I think I'm going to give it a few months and see what happens. See if I still like her in March and if I do I'll give her a third chance. And what happens then, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

[Darthknuxward]

I am still rather pissed that someone who doesn't care about her at all is living the life I tried so hard for three years to achieve.

[Powder]

Well, at the end of the day, nobody owes you their heart, no matter how much nursing you may have put into it. Free will & all that. F*ck that other guy, he's riding the wave life sent his way, as any dude prolly would. She's the one supposedly messing with your feelings, direct your upset her way. You're only gonna idealize her further if you put the blame on him, as if she can do no wrong & he's the one taking advantage. Honestly, why would you wanna be with a broad who pulls some sh*t like that & makes you try to off yourself? Not worth the frustration. She clearly doesn't truly respect you.

[Darthknuxward]

Well to be fair, the guy is a huge asshole and literally called me worthless to my face. He said his doing this just to spite me. I don't think she's blameless, but he's to blame for being an asshole about it.