TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES
"THE GANG'S ALL HERE" (REWRITE)
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
CHAPTER ONE
"I am seriously starved dudes" bemoaned Michelangelo as the Turtle Van sped through the city, carrying all four of it's occupants, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, to a fateful rendezvous with their dreaded enemy Shredder
"You'll have to monitor your munchies Mikey" cautioned Leonardo, "April gave us a big tip on the Shredder's whereabouts, this is as good an opportunity as we've had had to nab him"
The van stopped in it's tracks as the traffic lights turned red. From a distance, a pair of infamous individuals known to the Turtles were closely monitoring the four's activities, and seized their own opportunity.
"Alright Bebop, time for you to play damsel in distress" said the repulsive man-rhino Rocksteady, handing his warthog friend a small triangular device. Bebop looked at it and let out a heavy sigh
"Hey, what's the matter? You picked the short straw, that means you gotta do it" said Rocksteady
"My straw was longer than yours, you bit half of mine off" Bebop added.
"What's the point of being a bad sport when you can't be bad to go with it? Life ain't fair, so stop wasting time and help us make life miserable for them Toitles" Rocksteady replied.
Bebop snarled and triggered the device. His entire physical appearance was transformed into that of a dour looking elderly lady carrying a small handbag. Rocksteady grabbed the device and used it to transform himself into a gruff and heavy looking thug.
"Try to be convincing, put up some kind of struggle" Rocksteady said, and leapt towards Bebop's handbag, grabbing it and setting off an aggressive tug of war between the two
"Gimme that bag you..you old bag" remarked Rocksteady.
"Never, unhand me you evil man" said Bebop.
The commotion caused by the two seemed to pay off, as Leonardo spotted what was going on.
"Uh oh guys" he said, "Looks like we have another crime in progress"
"Shredder'll have to wait" Donatello replied.
"Let's cream that creep" Michelangelo added.
The four quickly exited their vehicle and approached the pair.
"You do know picking on the elderly is right up there with taking candy from kids" remarked Raphael, tapping the thug on the shoulder, unaware of his true identity.
"Yeah, says who? I don't see a badge anywhere on ya" said the thug, who was swiftly hit on the head by Bebop.
"You ought to learn some matters you awful beast" said Bebop, who was really getting into his character, much to Rocksteady's chagrin.
"We fight with a badge alright, a badge of honor" said Leonardo, grabbing the thug while he was left dazed from the bag attack, scopping him up and pressing him over his head.
"Hey, put me down" said the thug
Leonardo obliged, tossing him to the left side, instructing Raphael to catch him. As Raphael did so, he leaned back on his shell and spun himself around, keeping his arms firmly attached to the back of Rocksteady, sending him on a dizzying ride, before tossing him again to the right.
Michelangelo caught him this time, and in a most unique manner, hoisting his back up and balancing Rocksteady delicately onto it.
"I'm not the type to carry this kind of weight on my shoulders" Michelangelo remarked, and quickly threw the large load off of his back and sent him crashing down on his keister.
"You freaks sure showed me, I'm tailing it" said Rocksteady, making his way down the street with Michelangelo in brief pursuit
"What a wimp" exclaimed the Turtle, "Not even a patch on old tin-grin"
Leonardo approached the elderly woman, helping her get her bearings as she appeared visibly shaken.
"He won't be bothering you again ma'am" assured the Turtles' leader.
"Oh thank you my dears" said Bebop, almost heaving as he put on his most insincere of sincere voices to express his 'gratitude'
"Hey, no thanks needed" said Michelangelo
"Such bravery demands a reward of some kind" Bebop continued, and rummaged through his handbag, ultimately producing a small brown box.
"Here you are" he said, "Chocolate Chip Cookies. My own recipe, freshly baked too" he said, handing Leonardo the box.
"Thankyou ma'am" said a cheerful Leonardo as the 'lady' made her way down town.
"I'd best be off, take care now" she replied.
"What a sweet old lady" said Leonardo
"I don't know Leonardo, from the way she helped us takcle that thug, she seemed perfectly capable of handling herself, and her voice sounded awfully familiar" Donatello noted.
"She can't be all that bad, her cookies smell delcious, mind if I take a bite?"Michelanglo asked, but Leonardo kept the box far from his grasp.
"Mikey, your cravings will be your undoing one day, we still have Shredder to deal with, and if we're to stand any chance against him, we have to be in trim fighting shape" Leonardo replied.
"Yeah Mike, I'm positive there's something more to this set-up than meets the eye, that thug gave up way too easily, and the lady actually went down the same street he fled down, what's to stop her from being attacked again?"
"Should we tail her and find out for sure then?" said Raphael
"No, for now, I think it's best we run some tests on these cookies she gave us, just to be on the safe side" Donatello suggested.
"Besides, the traffic lights turned green more than a couple of minutes ago, the van being where it is is causing a bit of a traffic jam" said Leonardo, pointing to the line of cars and impaitent drivers blaring their horns.
"Man, the lights may be as green as our faces, but they're the ones looking a bit red" remarked Michelangelo.
Bebop and Rocksteady soon rendevouzed with their master, Shredder in a downtown alleyway
"Them Turtles bought it hook, line and sinker boss" said Bebop.
"You two puilling this off is the biggest surprise of this episode thus far. Those cookies you supplied them with will soon prove thier downfall, and will fuel our own appetite for destruction" hissed Shredder.
Back at the lair, a hungry and desperate Michelangelo refused to let up.
"This is such a waste of my stomach's good time Don, there's nothing wrong with those cookies" he protested as Donatello examined the snack more throughly.
To the surprise of the group, the beaker that Donatello had deposited the cookie into turned from yellow to green as the chemicals mixed with the baking soda. The cookie dissolved and an odious, vapor rose from the beaker. Donatello cautioned the remaining Turtles to hold their breath as he disposed of the contents of the beaker in a nearby trash can.
"Just as I thought, they weren't made with baking soda, these cookies were laced with some kind of reverse-engineered strain of mutagen" concluded Donatello.
"Shredder's doing no doubt" replied Leonardo.
"I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles" remarked Raphael.
"One bite of one of these, and we would have mutated into the most degenerate lifeforms on the planet Earth...human beings" Donatello revealed
Michelangelo's eyes lit up at the prospect
"Human beings? That sounds like the kind of pary I oughta be invited to" he replied.
"You can't be serious" Donatello said, grabbing the bag of cookies as Michelangelo reached out to take one.
"When is he ever serious?" Raphael snarked.
"Think about it, humans get all the perks in life, and more importantly, they get all the chicks"
"Mikey, you're about as random with this line of thinking as Leo is whenever he trails off and talks about wanting to ride in a western rodeo" Raphael replied.
"It's not like we would lose our ninja skills, or stop being who we are on the surface, we'd just be...different" said Leonardo.
"That is the conundrum you face my students..is the difference even worth the time?" uttered the wise sense of the Turtles, Master Splinter, as he entered Donatello's lab.
"I'm not about to let any of us waste any time on this Master, I'm putting these cookies in the garbage" said Donatello, tossing the box into the trash.
"Ah well, it was a sweet dream while it lasted" expressed a down heartened Michelangelo