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ZariusTwo 08-27-2012 03:28 PM

TMNT Movie Script
 
WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?


http://i1092.photobucket.com/albums/...pse9e258bd.jpg

Poster courtesy of the talented and supportful Blossombrooks

After reading the TANT script, I decided to pretty much begin writing a feature-length TMNT movie script of my own.

This is strictly for fun, but if someone WANTS to do something with it, it'll be here for thier use.

I will be using this thread to share snippets from the script, details about the plot, and even supplying you with some of the songs from the "soundtrack" I'm putting together for it. I've also written two original songs (there just lyrics though, no music) for the movie.

Give me your thoughts on the snippets I'll provide over the next few weeks

Keep in mind that, as an experiment, and just for the sake of debate, I will be taking SLIGHT liberties, TMNT has always been about reinvention, so I won't be 100% faithful to the comics


THE PREMISE



"Magic Monday" is the day a city-renowned building meets it's final curtain call....but what will cause it's downfall? What has been at the center of so many recent demolition jobs, ones that involve no explosives? Journalist April O'Neil is determined to uncover the truth, but as she peers into the rabbit hole, she, her good friend Irma Langestien, and April's boyfriend Casey Jones are swept into an altogether more sinister, warped version of wonderland. Saved from near-death by four strange creatures highly skilled in an ancient art of combat yet heavily influenced by the modern world and the odd hormone or two, April and Casey embark on a wondrous journey, discovering a secret lair beneath the streets, bonding with new friends, and uncovering another wild and eccentric world that must stay hidden. To most of contemporary civilisation, they are shadows, to others, they are guardian angels, to others like the ruthless Saki and his underlings, they are a target. For April and Casey, they're just too weird for words.

They are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.


Read the Novelization here


SCRIPT SAMPLES

SAMPLE ONE

Spoiler:
CROOK ONE:
What is that thing?

BEBOP:
Dunno…looks like something from Power Rangers

(The Turtle snaps back at them)

TURTLE:
Hey! I’m not THAT old


SAMPLE TWO

Spoiler:
(April comes to her half-senses, slightly unnerved, a combination of anxiety and enthusiasm)

APRIL
…Giant…my god, Casey, there were…giant Turtles, well, ok , they were about the same size as you and me, but they were all over the place. Casey they saved me.

CASEY:
Something seemed to scare those bums off. Wonder if it was a bunch of homeless war vets, you get them a lot in these places…

APRIL:
I’m not joking Casey, there were GIANT TURTLES IN THE PARK

CASEY:
…Have to admit, it’s less forced a meme than Alligators in the Sewer…


SAMPLE THREE

Spoiler:

(We take a peek inside a THE CENTER OF A HIVE OF SEWER TUNNELS, and QUICKLY ZOOM IN, we go DOWN A RIVER OF PURE SEWAGE AND TURN RIGHT TOWARDS A BARRICADED ENTRANCEWAY, we seep through the wooden barricade and enter a COMPACT, BUT LIVELY MAKESHIFT HOMESTEAD. THERE IS A SKATEBOARD RAMP, A MOULDY, SPRING-RIDDEN COUCH, AND A WORN-OUT SHEET OF CARPET FLOORING.. This is the home of the four highly-skilled Turtles who came to the aid of April

Here we see the Turtles engaged in different activities. Michelangelo is riding his skateboard across the length and bridth of the lair, not just the ramp. Donatello is quietly seated at the couch, staring at an I-PAD TABLET)

Two of the Turtles, Leonardo and Raphael, are engaged in a training session, pitted against each other in battle. Leonardo DEFLECTS SEVERAL ERRATIC ATTACKS BY RAPH, armed with his Sais, with his two kitana blades. He frequently critiques Raph for his perceived slowness)


LEONARDO:
Faster Raphael!

(Raphael does his best to oblige Leonardo, throwing his feet forwards, wildly throwing his sais in the multiple directions aimed at Leonardo’s body, hoping to prod it and score a “hit”, and thus bring the conflict to an end, but Leonardo continues to put up a fight, countering the erratic combative skills of Raph. AGAIN he criticises him for dragging in battle)

LEONARDO:
FASTER

RAPHAEL:
You’re getting most of me!

LEONARDO:
I want all …or Nothing.

(Raph lets out a scream of rage and desperation and pours his aggresion into a final strike, but opens himself up for a hit, Leonardo twists his body around, and, in a tornado-like way, deflects one of Raph’s sais with one kitana, and delicately “stabs” Raph in the stomach with the second. Raph throws his sais down, forfeiting the battle)

LEONARDO:
Game. Set.

RAPHAEL:
…Match?

LEONARDO:
…You weren’t one

RAPHAEL:
I don’t need to prove anything to you, I can hold it together in proper combat, just turn me loose up top and you’ll see what kind of damage I can do.

LEONARDO:
We’re not out to “cause damage”. We’re here to…

RAPHAEL:
…Here to what? What ARE we doing Leo? While we’re here playing “tag”, people are getting hurt up there. Everytime I walk the streets I see muggings, assault, and worse…hell look at what we prevented last night

LEONARDO:
That was meant to be a meditative retreat and it escalated into something else. We are not heroes, we are students

RAPHAEL:
Wake up already Leo….SCHOOL. IS. OUT.

(A sharp voice rings out)

VOICE:
RAPHAEL! COME HERE AT ONCE

(Leonardo folds his arms and shakes his head)

LEONARDO:
…Never say that when the TEACHER is present

(Raphael gives Leonardo a disproving stare and heads towards a tunnel entranceway, heading towards the source of the voice. Leonardo looks over to the couch, and then to Michelangelo, who is trying out all sorts of freestyle moves on his skateboard)

LEONARDO:
Donatello? You and Mike are up next.

(Donatello remains fixated on the I-Pad)

LEONARDO:
DONATELLO?

DONATELLO:
In a sec Leo.

(He is constantly refreshing the CHANNEL 6 BLOGSPOT HOMEPAGE, waiting for an update from April. Michelangelo pulls up his skateboard, leaps off of it and crashes down onto the couch, putting his feet up atop the sofa while hanging upside down. Donatello ignores the bravado on display and remains transfixed…finally, a NEW UPDATE APPEARS. Donatello becomes ecstatic)

DONATELLO:
THIS IS IT! THIS IS IT GUYS

MICHELANGELO:
…Donny boy, finally looking up girls are we?

DONATELLO:
Not just any girl Mike

(Michelangelo takes a peek at the I-Pad and instantly gets giggidy at the sight of April’s new tout)

MICHELANGELO:
SWEET DUDE!

LEONARDO:
I knew we shouldn’t have picked up that I-Pad….maintenance crews down here should have them on some kind of chain-link…

MICHELANGELO:
What are you waiting for dude? Switch the video on

(Donatello clicks “play” on the tout. April can be seen talking from what appears to be a DERELICT ALLEYWAY)

APRIL:
Hey Five O’Clock Shadows, this is April O’Neil with the promised exclusive you’ve been waiting for. Months away from “Magic Monday”, Channel 6 can exclusively reveal the secrets of it’s inevitable success. What causes the destruction of these proud historical relics without explosives? Suffice to say…

(she produces the robot and parades it up close to the camera)

APRIL:
…It’s because of THESE Perly whites

(Michelangelo seems more interested in April than what she has in her hand, but Donatello reacts differently to the LOGO on the right of the robot, which appears to resemble an IMPRINT OF THE HUMAN EYE)

DONATELLO:
…Hold everything. HOLD. EVERYTHING.

(He pauses the video, which annoys Michelangelo. Donatello gets up, taking the I-tablet with him)

DONATELLO:
I gotta go check something

(Michelangelo despairs at the lack of the I-Pad)

MICHELANGELO:
The least you can do is leave her with me

(Donatello races off through another tunnel leading out of the main chamber. Leonardo sighs and pulls his blades out)

LEONARDO:
Guess I’ve got double duty today. Ok Mike, you’re up. You and me. Come on.

(Michelangelo puts his hands on his face)

MICHELANGELO:
I do not wanna talk about fight club.

THE SOUNDTRACK
1. "I Try So Hard" by Tribal Ink

2. "Life Again" by Decypher Down
3. "World On Fire" by Sarah McLachlan
4. "We Are Shadows" by David Blyth (Original song)
5. "Towards The Day" by David Blyth (Original Song)
6. "These Days Are Ours" by Emma Hewitt
7. "Secrets From The Underground" by The Offspring
8. When You're Young By 3 Doors Down (Leo's theme)
9. Something New by Girls Aloud (April's theme)

PROMOTIONAL ARTWORK



Art by Blossombrooks[/center]

http://i1092.photobucket.com/albums/...t/CB606C0C.jpg

http://i1092.photobucket.com/albums/...t/42A3BB82.jpg

ZariusTwo 09-02-2012 09:20 AM

Updated with a new script sample

SAMPLE FOUR


Spoiler:
SHREDDER:
You are alone

LEONARDO
Maybe…but My brothers, my mentor, guide me in spirit

SHREDDER:
I was, until a few days ago…a rational man. I did not believe in the supernatural, I did not believe that the great warriors of the past, ny ancestors, were driven by anything other than their own superstition and self-confidence…but your kind? You are like the great reptilian delusion come to life. A bane sent from the Otherworld. It must fall to me to cleanse this planet of it before it overwhelms us all.

LEONARDO:
We do not come to tip the balance of power, merely to sustain it’s harmonious flux. Your “voiceless” intend to make this city scream until you are heard, to restore balance, we have had to silence it

SHREDDER:
And now you are here…to silence me

LEONARDO:
I do not kill in cold blood. You can surrender peacefully, avoid conflict, end this pointless war

SHREDDER:
History will be written by the victor . You are the demon’s head. If I remove it, the remainder of the body will wither and die.

LEONARDO:
If that is your choice, let us settle this with honour

(Leonardo bows his head in respect to his opponent. Shredder does not return the courtesy)

SHREDDER:
LOOK at me

(Leonardo obliges, he raises his head, he looks into Shredder’s cold, merciless, unemotional eyes, he looks for something, anything, to justify holding back)

SHREDDER:
What do you see?

LEONARDO:
If evil had a form, a face, it would be yours.

SHREDDER:
A judgement. From one who is so used to be judged himself by the ignorant world he foolishly protects.

LEONARDO:
I have seen the world, and while it can be grey, even black, I need only look at those noble souls I have seen in action this last week, I need only look at the country in and outside of the city. The truth is this land, this world, is altogether very GREEN.

SHREDDER:
Then I will ensure you join your lush green country…six feet beneath it

(With nothing left to say, the two give in to their conflictive impulses and CHARGE towards one another, their swords CLASH, THE BATTLE IS JOINED).

Azrael Macool 09-05-2012 04:49 AM

All right, not trying to be too nitpicky here.... Bit all your references to the IPad app they have? I think you mean IPad tablet. An app is an application. At first I thought you were just using the term awkwardly, but when you started saying things like hand me that app... Yeah, I think Inigo Montoya said of best: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means" :P

Beyond that, it looks okay enough, I guess, but something seems a little... Off about the dialogue. I wish I could be more specific, nothing sucks more than vague criticism, but a lot of of just doesnt seem very... Natural, I guess. I find it sometimes helps to by a friend or two to read the parts like you're rehearsing a play. If there's something wrong with it, one of you will notice. Course, I could be wrong anyway, I've done very little in the way of screenplay writing (Stan few scenes of a Mega Man X movie, and a pilot for a proposed Teen Titans revamp. Neither were seen by anyone worth mentioning), so I may very well.be talking out my ass.

But it looks promising, keep at it.

ZariusTwo 09-05-2012 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azrael Macool (Post 993069)
All right, not trying to be too nitpicky here.... Bit all your references to the IPad app they have? I think you mean IPad tablet. An app is an application. At first I thought you were just using the term awkwardly, but when you started saying things like hand me that app... Yeah, I think Inigo Montoya said of best: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means" :P.

I'm not a savy person in that area, thanks for the corrections there. :P

I guess the dialouge could be a little more...loose and fluent, at least on the human side. I'll look up some examples just to get a better feel. A lot of comics I've read have this sort of dialouge (including TMNT books)

Thanks for the interest, always appreciate help.

Azrael Macool 09-05-2012 12:09 PM

Another thing hat helps me and my friend, who both write on occasion, is for us to edit each others work. It's not only good for spelling and grammar, its great for continuity and clarity. Sometimes something that makes sense to you won't to someone else. That may help, just in general. Of course, my sister writes probably more than both of us, and doesn't use an editor, so again, different strokes, different folks, etc.

ZariusTwo 09-06-2012 05:00 AM

Beleive me, there's going to be things in this that will only make sense to me and that's half the fun of sharing it.:lol:

ZariusTwo 09-13-2012 04:17 PM

Added plot synopsis

Added new samples

SAMPLE FIVE

Spoiler:
INT: APRIL’S HOME
(SCROLLING TEXT READS “FIVE HOURS LATER”)

(April returns home to find the place RANSACKED, TABLES HAVE BEEN TURNED OVER, DRAWERS AND CABINETS ARE OPENED, Casey is in the living area, sitting on the rim of a TITLED-OVER SOFA. April is NOT pleased)


APRIL:
…What the hell is this?

CASEY:
April, they had authority


APRIL:
…Why didn’t you stop them?

CASEY:
I’m in enough ****, you think assaulting a federal officer is gonna clean up the dirt?

APRIL:
So you let them turn my Home INTO ****?…Wait…federal?

(a figure appears in the hallway, it is the mystery man who was talking with April a few hours earlier)

MYSTERY MAN:
I guess that’s my cue

APRIL:
You’re the asshole who was on the phone right?

MYSTERY MAN:
I do apologize for the mess Miss O’Neil, we were taking precautions

APRIL:
Precautions? Listen you horses ass,,,

CASEY:
April, calm down, they didn’t find anything.

MYSTERY MAN:
Not yet.

(another “man in black” joins him)

MYSTERY MAN:
Check her car

OTHER MAN:
Yes sir.



MYSTERY MAN:
Give him the keys. Now. Or Mr Jones comes with us.

(April reluctantly hands over her keys to the man, he walks out of the front door)

APRIL:
Sir?

MYSTERY MAN:
Agent Bishop. F.B.I

APRIL:
“Frightened Bastards Incorporated” to the average truth seeker

AGENT BISHOP:
And just what is the truth to you Miss O’Neil? The trigger to a much-needed revolution? Or a promising start to a life of mass media privileges? People like you are all the same, you use truth as a catapult, to launch yourselves into the stratosphere with no consideration for what goes on to keep the concerns of this city, the fears of this country, at rest and allow life as we all know it to go by just a little more peacefully

APRIL:
Your Big Brother attitude doesn’t scare me

AGENT BISHOP:
I was told specifically not to scare you Miss O’Neil, and I think I’ll keep to that promise.

(looks at Casey)

AGENT BISHOP:
…You I WILL scare.

CASEY:
Hey, I’ve been co-operating, but hey, you want to talk tough, I’ll show you tough

AGENT BISHOP:
Casey Jones. 28. High School drop-out. Went off the grid for four months before resurfacing in Detroit engaged in vigilante operations

CASEY:
Hey, some guys were messing up my aunt’s neighbourhood, the cops were doing nothi…

(Bishop cuts him off)

AGENT BISHOP:
…NOT Finished.

(continues)

AGENT BISHOP:
…Police in the area didn’t approve but they took a strong shine to you ‘cause you gave them a few weeks off dealing with the scum it was THEIR job to take out, so despite their better judgement they booked you for a mere two week stretch in jail in exchange for an immediate cease-and-desist upon release. Desist you did, but you couldn’t quite quit the knack to make a difference, you got more than desperate for release, you got drunk ,started bar brawls with as many unsavoury souls as you could meet thinking noone was watching, but I ASSURE you Mr. Jones, you were watched.

You Impressed a girl around the same time...Her name was Gabrielle. A few drinks later, you two were flying, got serious, but for you and your attitudes, a month was an eternity too long. You ended things with her, but left your mark in more ways than one. She comes back a month later scarred with that mark, the scar’s gotten pretty big since then…in a few more months, it’s clawing it’s way out of that body, and it’ll be wondering just what kind of man etched it’s form into flesh?

(Bishop turns to April)

BISHOP:
…Your next exclusive is to tell the enlightening story of how a punk like this was able to walk the straight and narrow long enough to see his legacy come into the light…failure to keep your eyes solely on HIM and NOTHING ELSE will lead your man directly into the darkness on the charges I brought up earlier as well as a hell lot more. .

(Bishop’s fellow agent walks back into the front door and hands Bishop the robot)

BISHOP:
Thanks Berger.

(Bishop makes his exit, Berger following him)

BISHOP:
Have a nice life Miss O’Neil

(They leave. April is distraught, she is trying to keep her cool, but the events of the day, coupled with the tiring hours she spent driving back home, begin to take their tolls. Casey tries to settle her down)

CASEY:
April..I…

APRIL:
…I had it. I had it all. The perfect story. The perfect moment…,my god Casey…what did I do?

CASEY:
It’s ok, you can let it out

APRIL:
LET IT OUT? Casey, I…just wanted people to know how a few dumb buildings were coming down, I didn’t expect THIS. ANY of this. And now he’s going to do stuff to YOU if I press further with…with

(April finally looses it, she grabs the nearest thing she can find, a lamp, raises it above her head, and savagely drops it to the floor. Rattled, she starts to get teary-eyed. Casey walks over and embraces her. April breaks down. The phone suddenly starts ringing)

APRIL:
Who is that?

CASEY:
Nobody. Nothing. It’s just you and me right now. Ok? Don’t let the world into your life just yet. C’mon.



SAMPLE SIX


Spoiler:


THE TURTLES LAIR

(We journey into another part of the Turtles’ lair, into a DARKENED TUNNEL, ALIGHT WITH SCENTED CANDLES, Leonardo can be seen seated on a TORN VELVET CARPET, locked in a MEDATATIVE POSE, HIS EYES CLOSED. A CALM, ANCIENT, AND EMPOWERING VOICE, SPEAKS TO HIM FROM THE SHADOWS, it is the Turtles teacher, their MASTER)

MASTER (VOICE):
Speak your mind Leonardo. What do you possess this day? Knowledge…or concern

LEONARDO:
Concern master

MASTER (VOICE):
It is always concern, you are letting it cloud your learning.

LEONARDO:
My brothers grow curiouser by each passing month Master, curious about the world, about how humans thrive up there, they are developing traits shared by humans, traits that you have not taught us.

MASTER (VOICE):
There is more to the mighty current than just the simple stream

LEONARDO:
…I am afraid my brothers will be swept from the stream and head down the mightiest of waterfalls. I cannot embrace my more crucial lessons until I am confident all will join me in learning them

MASTER (VOICE):
Perhaps it is you that needs to join THEM

LEONARDO:
…I…I cannot Master. I feel we belong in the dark. We are shadows.

MASTER (VOICE):
All shadows have some shape, all shadows have the same colour. All shadows move in silence, but some shadows can be clearly seen, some even wish to be. There will come a time where all of my sons will give shape to theirs

LEONARDO:
But when is the right time?

MASTER (VOICE):
The time has come for time itself to wait as patiently as you have

I should point out that these samples arent neccersarily in chronological order.

ZariusTwo 09-14-2012 04:16 PM

Added some promotional artwork (something incredibly simple, I'm not Picaso where this is concerned:lol:)

ZariusTwo 09-18-2012 09:14 AM

Rats, had to do some proof-reading on this, my dyslexia got the better of me at some points:ohwell:

Update time

New bit of promotional artwork and another script sample.

SAMPLE SEVEN

Spoiler:
SUBURBAN NEIGHBOURHOOD
NIGHT

(Back at the suburban neighbourhood that is frequented by Michelangelo, Mrs Ester is providing young Zack with some candy treats)

MRS. ESTER:
Here you go Zack. Should be enough for all your friends here

ZACK:
Thanks ma’am

MRS ESTER:
It’d be nice if I could meet this friend of yours, getting back my valuables shouldn’t go without a proper thank you.

ZACK:
I’ll let him know how grateful you are.

MRS ESTER:
…You sure it’s wise to hang out with someone who’s such a mystery?

ZACK:
If you ever met him, I think you’d understand why he prefers his privacy. All I know is he’s always come through for us as a friend

MRS ESTER:
Well if he’s got your approval, he’s earned mine. You run along now, summer vacation’s over, you’ve got school to think about.

ZACK:
Thanks for the treats, see ya

(He runs off, heading in the direction of Klunk’s Avenue, where his friends are being entertained by Michelangelo, who is telling them a story)

MICHELANGELO:
…And then, with the gateway to their home dimension rapidly closing, Kirby turned to the gallant Donny and told him to go in ahead of him. Donny complied, but as he returned home, there was only enough room left for a small piece of paper to be sent through, a note that said very little, but whose message meant a big It read “Don, life at best is bittersweet…Kirby”

(One of the kids, a girl, dries her eyes)

GIRL:
That was beautiful.

(another kid, male, isn’t impressed)

BOY:
Gay.



MICHELANGELO:
Oh c’mon, it was totally “band of brothers”

BOY:
You talked about flaky Vikings and rainbow bridges man

MICHELANGELO:
It’s a FANTASY

BOY:
That’s why I can’t take to it. Not anything I can relate to.

MICHELANGELO:
In reality, a lot of stories have the same bittersweet endings, fantasy’s just a better way of coping with something you might not be able to handle if push comes to shove.

BOY:
I can handle anything.

MICHELANGELO:
You screamed like a girl when you met me for the first time.

BOY:
That’s what they did in E.T. Didn’t stop the kid rising to the occasion and saving the day later did it? That’s me

MICHELANGELO:
…What’s an E.T?

BOY:
Extreme Twit where you’re concerned

(the kids laugh, Michelangelo gets ups and towers over the boy)

MICHELANGELO:
So…you’ve got a real high opinion of yourself. A bit of a critic aint’cha? Well here’s how I best deal with criticism

(Michelangelo starts playfully wrestling with the kid, grabbing him in a headlock and giving him a loogie)

BOY:
Hey, cut it out…

(he starts to laugh, so does Mike and the others, Zack shows up with the treats)

ZariusTwo 09-19-2012 12:11 PM

Two illustrations inspired by scenes in my fanfilm script

First, one from Casey Jone's introduction

http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/20...t4-d5fcalz.png

And Leonardo from the Turtles battle in the park

http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/20...t4-d5fd87b.png

Leonardo and Splinter have a conversation while Don works away in his lab

http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/i/20...t4-d5fev5a.png

ZariusTwo 10-18-2012 02:48 PM

Update time!

Whew, 70 Pages in with more to come, but things are finally coming together, as I finally got to the scene April meets the Turtles face to face. This is where the story kicks into higher gear, as next comes our first meeting with Splinter, Casey fends off home invaders, and one of Shredder's "pet" projects visits a kindly old woman, prompting Mikey into action! It's all yet to come in this script.

For now, enjoy another sample, taken from April and Irma's first meeting with Donatello and Raphael, when the four are interupted by two armed thugs, what kind of fireworks will ignite?

Spoiler:
IRMA:
April let’s get out of here…

APRIL:
Not without my story

1ST MAN:
Can it broad.

(he turns to his friend)

1ST MAN (instructing him to go after Raph)
Take him

2ND MAN:
He’s armed man.

1st MAN:
You heard his pal, there scared of this getting out of hand, he won’t dice ya, take him. I’ll get what I want from the chicks

(his friend plucks up the courage to do as instructed, he slaps himself in the face a few times to zone himself up, he shakes his head, lets out a yell, and charges Raph. Just as he approaches him, Raph KICKS HIM VICIOUSLY IN THE STOMACH, and RAMS HIS RIGHT ELBOW DOWN ON HIS BACK, he steps over the shattered man and heads towards his partner, but he grabs Irma)

APRIL:
Hey! Let her go!

( he slowly but surely begins to back out of the alley with Irma)

1ST MAN:
You’re not a good enough general for this war pal, now it’s gonna escalate.

RAPHAEL:
Go ahead. Test my speed, I may just surprise ya

1ST MAN:
One step further and her neck slides clean off

(Raph stalls. Unsure of what to do, the man sneers, he thinks he has the upper hand.

SUDDENLY, Donatello DASHES UP TO RAPH, LEAPS ONTO RAPH’S SHOULDERS, AND JUMPS OFF, CLENCHING A FIST IN MID-AIR AND COMING DOWN ON TOP OF THE THUG.

Irma is released from the man’s grip as his and Donatello’s bodies collide and fall down onto the hardened concrete. Donatello’s hat falls off as Irma rushes to April’s side. As Donatello pins the thug to the ground and holds him long enough for Raphael to take over, Irma observes the activity and is keen to comment)

IRMA:
Pfft, and you said they were Turtles

(Donatello turns around, his face completely exposed. Sure enough, April’s suspicions are confirmed. They ARE Turtles.

Irma stares upon it and begins to SCREAM IN PANIC. April quickly covers Irma’s mouth with her right hand.

The thug begins to stir, Raph HEADBUTTS HIM, knocking him out. Raph takes one of his sais and hovers it over the thug’s left eye. Donatello reacts to this in an alarmed fashion)

DONATELLO:
What are you doing?

RAPHAEL:
I reckon this guy could do with seeing a lot less of the world he’s in…might even open up his senses

DONATELLO:
He’s not a threat anymore, leave it be. Stay calm, center yourself, this is not what our sensei taught us.

(Raph sighs, and puts his sais away, stashing them in his jacket pocket)

RAPHAEL:
Yeah, yeah, I know the drill, just wishful thinking

(He addresses April and Irma, the latter still being held back from screaming by her friend)

RAPHAEL:
What do we do with these two?

DONATELLO:
Depends on what they want to do…your call Miss O’Neil. If you choose to run, we won’t try to stop you.

RAPHAEL;
Yeah but we’re compromised…

DONATELLO (putting his foot down)
..We WON’T stop you

APRIL:
I’m not going anywhere. You’re…you’re…so unreal, but…I was right…see Irma? I was ABSOLUTELY right

IRMA (Muffled)
Ok, ok, you’re right, Lemme go, I’m cool…I’m cool

APRIL:
…Promise?

IRMA:
Promise

(April releases her grip, Irma, still a little shaken, stays close to her friend as Donatello walks over)

DONATELLO:
Didn’t mean to startle you ma’am

IRMA:
…Didn’t mean to cry out for help because the martians were clearly invading Mister.

DONATELLO:
Please, just call me Donatello

IRMA:
I think I’ll stick with maritan

BubblyShell22 10-18-2012 04:46 PM

Wow. This is an awesome script, Zarius. I really like it, especially Leo's and Splinter's conversation. It was just so spot on and something they'd discuss. Nicely done on this so far. I'll be eagerly awaiting more.

ZariusTwo 10-18-2012 05:25 PM

Thanks for your poitive comments Bubbly, I appreciate it. It's been a bit since I worked on this so it's nice to know someone's paying attention to it.:)

BubblyShell22 10-19-2012 08:22 AM

No problem, Zarius. I'm always happy to lend my support and review when I feel something is good.

Blossombrooks 10-19-2012 01:27 PM

I love the Irma comment at the end there! Made me smile. This is good, there's a really nice genuine interplay between the characters.

ZariusTwo 10-19-2012 05:35 PM

Thanks for the kind words. I'm cramming a lot of characters into this, from all aspects of the franchise, I'm quite keen to make them all have a part to play here.

ZariusTwo 10-21-2012 05:17 PM

Another sample, while it's taken from a much deeper portion of the story, it doesnt spoil much. Donatello meets a certain scientist we ALL should know by now..

Spoiler:
MAXWELL:
Ah, and here’s the man behind the magic…Donatello, Doctor Baxter Stockman. Baxter, Donatello

(Baxter does not make eye contact with Donatello, instead turning to Max)

BAXTER STOCKMAN:
Max, I thought we agreed you weren’t to touch me

MAXWELL:
…I got excited Baxter

BAXTER:
…Sir

MAXWELL:
I’m your BOSS Baxter

(Baxter, stern as a stone, repeats himself)

BAXTER:
…SIR.

(He motions to grab Maxwell by his shirt collar. Maxwell puts both hands up)

MAXWELL:
Sir. Sir ok? Now, if you’d care to say hello to…

BAXTER:
…No.

MAXWELL:
No?

BAXTER STOCKMAN:
I don’t do interims.

MAXWELL:
There not interims. There intruders. But they're NICE intruders.

BAXTER:
Procedure is NOT kind to intruders. Why arent you dealing with them?

(Donatello taps Baxter on the shoulder)

DONATELLO:
..Erm, sir?

(Baxter freezes. His face becomes increasingly stoney. He closes his eyes briefly and tries to compose himself)

MAXWELL:
…****.

BAXTER:
…He touched me.

DONATELLO:
…Yeah. I did. That happened.

BAXTER:
…He’s an intruder and he touched me.

MAXWELL:
Baxter I think you should just….

(Baxter gets further into Maxwell’s face)

BAXTER:
You let an intrusive and unpredictable element touch a senior member of your personnel, putting our security, specifically MINE, at risk. Are you going to stand for that?

MAXWELL:
Baxter, just please turn around and…

BAXTER:
…And what? And WHAT Maxwell? Stare in awe at this latest bungling on your watch? Fine, just WATCH me turn around and deal with...

(He freezes when he sees Donatello up close)

BAXTER STOCKMAN:
…Oh crap.

DONATELLO:
…Hi. I come in peace. Don’t worry

MAXWELL:
Baxter, meet Donatello.

(he extends his hand. Baxter shakes it)

BAXTER:
A pleasure to meet you.

DONATELLO:
Likewise.

BAXTER:
You’re a Turtle. A big…green, scaly, mutant…Turtle. I really am not pleased. I’m terrified.

MAXWELL:
..And, unfortunately, very honest.

BAXTER :
But very formal.

DONATELLO:
I’m sure the fear’ll pass

BAXTER:
Don’t bet on it.

(Maxwell claps both hands loudly, trying to break the tension)

MAXWELL:
Right…now that we’ve…cleared the air, let’s get to talking shall we?

BAXTER:
You’re letting him walk. Now you’re letting him talk. To me.

MAXWELL:
Yes Baxter, you’re the most qualified to answer his questions

BAXTER:
..You’re letting a giant, mutant scaly Turtle ask questions about this establishment?

MAXWELL:
Yes.

BAXTER;
…Right. Right. Of course. Fine. Who am I to judge? Come with me freak

DONATELLO:
Pardon?

BAXTER:
…GEEK. Come with me GEEK. I was talking to him.

(points to Maxwell)

DONATELLO:
But he’s your boss

BAXTER;
And?

BubblyShell22 10-22-2012 08:38 AM

Wow. This was great. You have one mistake though. There should be they're as in they are. Other than that, good job. Can't wait to see more.

ZariusTwo 10-22-2012 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BubblyShell22 (Post 1013799)
Wow. This was great. You have one mistake though. There should be they're as in they are. Other than that, good job. Can't wait to see more.

Ah right, thanks for the correction. I've fixed it up now.

Glad you enjoyed that. Baxter's been a lot of fun to write.

BubblyShell22 10-22-2012 04:50 PM

No problem. Always glad to help out a fellow writer.

ZariusTwo 10-24-2012 07:35 AM

New sample. Leonardo finally gets quality time to spend with one of his brothers...unfortunatly, that brother uses it as a platform to talk about his favourite spy movie.

Spoiler:
INT: SEWER NETWORK

(In another part of the sewer hub, we rejoin Leonardo. His eyes are shut, he is taking deep breths. Suddenly, a pair of green fingers shaped like a gun point themselves to the side of Leo’s temple. It is Michelangelo)

MICHELANGELO:
Take the shot 007!

LEONARDO:
Mikey, please, you’re supposed to sit down and take in the experience…

MICHELANGELO:
Take the shot, what are you waiting for?

(Leo sighs)

LEONARDO:
Why do you have to do this every time I bring THIS out?

(he points to what he has in a GREY CASE opposite him. He opens it up. There, inside the case, is a BEAUTIFUL, THOUGH SLIGHTLY SCRATCHED, CELLO)

MICHELANGELO:
It’s not every day you get to see magic

LEONARDO:
It’s a CELLO, it’s a musical instrument…what does it do other than help sooth wild souls to assured stillness?

MICHELANGELO:
You can use it as a sleigh too. C’mon, we can try it down the stream just south of us

LEONARDO:
We are not riding this down any stream. Cellos are meant to be played and enjoyed, not be part of some wayward attempt to imitate some spy film

MICHELANGELO:
The Living Daylights is THE Spy film

LEONARDO:
And just why is that?

MICHELANGELO:
It’s got a back and forth plot where the good guys are not so clearly defined, you got fake assasinationss, you got this awesome looking car that rockets across a snow-covered landscape, you got that insane General and his action figure death machines

(starts making machine gun noises and mimics small explosions. Leonardo groans)

MICHELANGELO:
…And then there’s the tussel in the airplane, and the guy grabs Bond’s shoe and falls to his death WITH the shoe

(Mike flaps his arms about, simulating freefalling in the air)

LEONARDO:
I shouldn’t have asked.

(Mikey stops, folds his arms behind his back and leans towards Leo with a big grin on his face)

MICHELANGELO:
…And then of course there’s Cello girl.

LEONARDO:
Cello girl?

MICHELANGELO:
Bond’s girlfriend in the film. Well, she’s technically the girlfriend of the bad guy, but he starts treating her badly and she falls for Bond half-way through the movie. Really good looker too.

LEONARDO:
I’m trying to salvage something from this…but is the cello used for anything other than a sleigh and being the instrument of choice for a generic Bond chick”

MICHELANGELO:
Oh it gets played through the movie. Everything stops when that happens though

LEONARDO:
Good, I like it when everything stops.

(Leonardo lifts up the cello and makes preperations to play it. Mikey realizes the conversation has shifted in Leo’s favour, and his face begins to sag)

LEONARDO:
Sit down Mikey, and prepare to be left a little more cultured…

(Mikey sighs, and sits down, he places one hand on the right side of his face and looks on at Leo with a bored expression.

Leonardo begins to smile, relishing the captive audience of one. Just as he is about to perform however, Mikey sits upright, hearing something…voices)

MICHELANGELO:
Hey, I think the guys are back

(Leonardo is more than a little annoyed as Mikey gets up and dashes for the nearest exit tunnel)

LEONARDO:
Mikey, this is “WE” Time…

MICHELANGELO (shouting back as he continues to run)
It’ll be less of a drag if we’re all sitting down to hear ya play

LEONARDO (Muttering to himself):
Yeah, all so you can make faces and pester everybody while there trying to listen…

(Leonardo takes a look at the Cello, and gently places it down. An opportunity lost. It is now his turn to look glum and down-heartened)

BubblyShell22 10-24-2012 08:56 AM

Awesome interaction. You have two mistakes though: Breathes should be breaths and chelo should be cello. Other than that, good job. I really like where this is going.

ZariusTwo 10-24-2012 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BubblyShell22 (Post 1014558)
Awesome interaction. You have two mistakes though: Breathes should be breaths and chelo should be cello. Other than that, good job. I really like where this is going.

Thanks. For some reason my word document programme didnt pick up on the mispelling of Cello. Will fix the other mistake. Glad you're enjoying it. I'm getting the script done a lot faster due to encouragement and advise.

BubblyShell22 10-24-2012 01:59 PM

Ah, I see. Bad word document. Bad!

Yeah, I've been getting a lot of stories done myself. Can't wait to post more stuff. I definitely want to post my sequel to Hide and Seek on Friday for sure.

ZariusTwo 10-24-2012 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BubblyShell22 (Post 1014632)
Ah, I see. Bad word document. Bad!

Yeah, I've been getting a lot of stories done myself. Can't wait to post more stuff. I definitely want to post my sequel to Hide and Seek on Friday for sure.

Looking forward to it. I've also got another TMNT-related project in the works...and it's not the one I told you about over on FF.Net:)

BubblyShell22 10-25-2012 08:51 AM

Ah, I see. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it myself, but it depends on my mood. We're supposed to get rain tomorrow, so I don't know if I'll have a headache or not. That usually determines whether I post stuff or not.

ZariusTwo 10-28-2012 11:31 AM

Another sample, this one actually takes place just a few minutes after the last one I posted, rightafter Mikey meets April and Irma (and in the process of "dropping in" on them, injures his toe, explaining why he's hopping about in this scene), Leonardo isnt far behind...leading to a tense moment

Spoiler:
LEONARDO:
Back away from them Don. Slowly.

DONATELLO:
Leo, calm down, they're with us. This is April O’Neil. Remember? From the park?

LEONARDO:
You were told about this.

DONATELLO:
Leo, we need her help

LEONARDO:
We need noone.

(April steps forward, extending her hand)

APRIL:
Hey, I’d like to thank you for saving my…

(Leo swings his blade in her direction)

LEONARDO:
Take your friend and go.

(Raph places his hand on the blade and aggressively presses it down)

RAPHAEL:
Back off Leo. You heard Donny, she…

(Leonardo propels the blade up again, placing it directly below Raph’s chin. Raph is unphased)

LEONARDO:
Don’t push it Raph.

RAPHAEL:
Push? I don’t push Leo…I prod

(he removes his trench coat and swiftly unveils his sais, and, sure enough, prods Leo’s hand with them. Leo backs away slightly, positioning to attack)

APRIL:
Hey, HEY, I didn’t ask for this, let’s all cool our jets here

IRMA:
…Are you guys on the same side or not?

(Raph and Leo move about in a circle, weapons in hand, eyes fixated on the other)

RAPHAEL:
What do you say Leo?

LEONARDO:
We don’t say anything at this stage. There is only action.

RAPHAEL:
I don’t see you making any moves.

(Leo points to April and Irma)

LEONARDO:
If those two take another step further, I move in.

RAPHAEL:
And you’ll be stopped

LEONARDO:
Not by you.

(Raph notices something...he smiles)

RAPHAEL:
…You’re right. Not by me.

(April backs away slightly)

RAPHAEL:
,Move forward April

LEONARDO:
I’m warning you.

RAPHAEL:
Move April.

APRIL:
I’m not…

(Raphael motions for her to look to her right. She does. She gilmpses something. She catches on and nods to Raph, confirming that she understands. She grabs Irma’s hand and clutches it tightly)

APRIL:
Come on Irma. It’s safe

IRMA:
…He probably would hit someone with glasses April…ah why the hell not?

(EXTREME CLOSE-UPS of Leonardo and Raphael’s faces through SPLIT-SCREENS, sweat glands dripping down their foreheads, they tighten their hold on their weapons)

LEONARDO:
I’m warning you Raph. You try me, you WILL lose. This isn’t a game.

RAPHAEL:
You’re right. It isn’t….

(April and Irma move forward. Leonardo dashes for them…suddenly, Michelangelo, still hopping about the place in pain with his injured toe, SMASHES HEAD FIRST INTO LEONARDO. The Two turtles spill onto the ground, Leo’s blade drops also. Raphael takes the opportunity to laugh at Leo’s humiliation)

RAPHAEL (finishing his sentence):
…It’s totally a cartoon.

(Leonardo looks on at a dazed and baffled Mikey)

MICHELANGELO:
Sorry Leo…

(Leo shakes his head and shoves Mikey off of him, he brushes himself off)

LEONARDO:
…This doesn’t settle things Raph.

(Raph picks up the blade and aims squarely at Leo’s head)

RAPHAEL:
You’re right…school’s still in session. But we can get a time out over one simple word….just say it

LEONARDO:
Put that down you idiot

RAPHAEL:
Not until you say it.

(Leonardo staes Raph down again. Raph’s teeth grit.

SUDDENLY, A VOICE RINGS OUT)

VOICE:
RAPHAEL! STAND DOWN!

(Leonardo smiles. Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo, April and Irma all look upwards. HIGH ABOVE THEM, IN THE CENTER OF THE TUNNE HIGH ABOVE, AN OMNOUS FIGURE CLOACKED IN SHADOW ADDRESSES THEM.

Donatello instantly recognizes the shadow. Each Turtles’ reaction is different, some filled with alertness (Don), joy (Mikey), reassurance (Leo), and dread (Raph))

DONATELLO:
SPLINTER

MICHELANGELO:
…Papa.

LEONARDO:
Sensei.

RAPHAEL:
Grounded.

(Raphael drops the blade. Leonardo picks it up and places it back in his shell. He gets up. The figure, identified in name as SPLINTER, remains barely visible to April and Irma)

SPLINTER:
What is this about?

LEONARDO:
Two of your sons have returned from the surface…they have brought humans with them…

(Mikey cuts him off)

MICHELANGELO:
Hey lemme tell the story…ok papa, Leo was all like “I gotta play”, and I’m like “yawn”, then I hear “yatter yatter” so I totally go “Geronimo”, I hit the floor, BAM, then…

(points to April)

MICHELANGELO (cont):
…I go “Va Va VOOM”

(April laughs)

MICHELANGELO:
…Then…

(points to foot)

MICHELANGELO:
…Ouch.

LEONARDO:
You done?


MICHELANGELO:
…Very ouch.

(another awkward pause)

MICHELANGELO:
Ok. Totally done.

LEONARDO:
…I tried to prevent them advancing. There was insurrection.

DONATELLO:
Master, this woman can help us join the dots and help me unravel more about the great struggle Raph went through some nights ago. It could help to save more lives affected by that foe.

LEONARDO:
This is not our concern.


SPLINTER
And what is our concern Leonardo?

LEONARDO:
Inevitability

SPLINTER:
Do they prepare us…or do we prepare them?

APRIL;
Look, me and my friend came down here voluntarily, we’re not asking for trouble

SPLINTER:
Then I shall ask for your company

LEONARDO:
But Master…

SPLINTER:
Remember what I told you about time, for it has been patient enough. Now we must make time for others

RAPHAEL:
Well it’s about time

DONATELLO:
Well that was timely

(Donatello and Raph move past a dumbstruck Leonardo and begin scaling the ladder leading back to the higher tunnel. Mikey hops over to it but can’t put weight down on his foot)

MICHELANGELO:
Um…guys? STILL Ouch

(April approaches him, she places her hands on his foot and examines it)

APRIL;
Here, let me look at it, I did physical therapy at college.

IRMA:
April, you don’t know where he’s been…

APRIL:
He went through hell in the park for me Irma, the least I can do is offer him relief from this.

(Mikey sits down, April does a little bit of tweeking and twisting with his injured toe. In next to no time, the pain is lifted. Mikey wiggles it a little, then a lot, then jumps up with a spring in his step, he twirls around)

APRIL:
Better?

MICHELANGELO:
Right as Rain

(he motions to scramble up the ladder, but politely makes way for April as she approaches it, he gives her a courtesy bow)

MICHELANGELO:
Miracles first.

APRIL:
Thankyou Mike…Micha…sorry, what’s your full name again?

MICHELANGELO:
Stick with Mike. Everybody else does.

APRIL:
Mike it is.

(she climbs the ladder, Mikey follows, as does Irma, who comments on the situation)

IRMA:
A Martian with a name that doesn’t sound like a deviant art account. Who says this ancient universe doesn’t adjust?

(they all move up the ladder except Leo, who is the last to do so)

LEONARDO:
They're making a big mistake.

ryu238 10-29-2012 01:12 AM

I think Leo was a bit too harsh here, otherwise you are a fantastic script writer.

ZariusTwo 10-29-2012 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ryu238 (Post 1016358)
I think Leo was a bit too harsh here.

There's a storyline reason why he's like that, all will become clear.

BubblyShell22 10-29-2012 08:44 AM

Ooh, awesome job on this. Loved the stand off with Leo and Raph. You have a few mistakes though. There with us should be they're with us, ackward should be awkward, and there making a mistake should be they're making a mistake. Other than that, good job. I can't wait to read more.

ZariusTwo 10-29-2012 06:10 PM

"There's only one P in rapist Lois"[/Perry White]

Thanks for keeping me informed of my errors Bubbly, will fix them up.

BubblyShell22 10-30-2012 09:01 AM

No problem. Always happy to help out with that.

ZariusTwo 11-02-2012 05:15 PM

A scene from much earlier in the film, in which we meet someone addressed in the script as "Bebop's Boss", but you all know what THAT means

Spoiler:

INT: WAREHOUSE

(Bebop walks into the dimly lit innards of the warehouse compound. A SNOOKER TABLE is situated in the Middle of the room, while a HUB OFSURVELANCE MONITORS can be seen stationed on the SECOND FLOOR. Bebop sees a few HEAVIES scattered around the room, some playing Snooker, one of them has a guitar strapped to him. Another is shining up what appears to be a RIFLE. Each of the men give Bebop cold and eagle-eyed stares. There is TREMENDOUS TENSION in the room.

On one of the many monitors, we see Bebop’s lackeys being led away by POLICE via a FIRST-PERSON WEBCAM PERSPECTIVE. Bebop looks up. Someone, a figure attired in a BROWN COAT, BLACK TROUSERS, his hair is SMOOTH, HALF-SHAVEN, LIKE A MILITARY CUT. He is wearing a HEAVY METALLIC FACEPLATE COVERING HIS FEATURES AND JAW-LIN. Attached to his right hand is a GAUNTLET, with TWO SHARP BLADES ATTACHED

The monitors show, still in first-person POV, one of the captured theives being FORCED up against the side of a POLICE CAR, the arresting officers begin to examine something on the back of his neck

The figure in the metal mask delicately moves a finger towards a button on the CENTRAL CONSOLE in front of him, and flicks a switch.

Bebop suddenly REACTS as an ELECTRIC SHOCK stuns him. The first-person POV on the monitors also indicates the captured theif being examined is also suffering from the same disorientation. Finally, the images on the monitors go completely blank.

Bebop reaches for the back of his neck and TEARS OFF a small METALLIC CIRCULAR OBJECT with an INFRA-RED LENS. It appears to be short-circuiting, producing tiny sparks. He tosses it on the floor.
The man in the metal mask, seemingly THE MASTER OF THE HOUSE, BEBOP‘S BOSS so to speak, rises from his seat)

BEBOP’S BOSS:
New York City is part of a land. A land of plenty. Rich in abundance with whatever you need to survive the harsh conditions of this unkind thing we call existence….why is it, that you return…with nothing?

BEBOP:
There was hardly anything worth taking from where you sent us.

BEBOP’S BOSS
A pity it was YOU that returned…you with so little detail…I am most disappointed in Shark, it was his assignment, he should have informed you of the true reason I sent you to that specific address.

BEBOP;
I told you, there was nothing. We found Trinkets. A watch, a photograph, some…

BEBOP’S BOSS:
Photograph?

BEBOP:
…Yeah. Some teenager. Probably the old broad’s son. But like I said, nothing valuable.

(This sets off the master, he MARCHES down the staircase. The assembled men quickly scatter. The figure steps into the delicate light area, Bebop takes a few steps back, which angers the figure more, he walks faster, Bebop, as if realizing his mistake, holds himself still, but it is not enough to save him from unimaginable pain and unendurable punishment. His master THRUSTS one of his RIGHT GAUNTLETS into Bebop’s shoulder. Bebop yells, he is clearly in great pain. His boss begins to pick up speed, RAMMING Bebop into the wall with his gauntlet still embedded in the shoulder area)

BEBOP’S BOSS:
You are deaf. Even to the voiceless. We are all children of someone. Some have great stature, some have made minimal impact. In the end, it is the connections that strengthen our bonds with reality, it is unification that provides us with motivation, to strive to be better than what we are without a past, without a link, and without…hope. A photograph is a vital, visual link to the past, it can affect the memories and aspirations of the present, and shape the future. The future, our most vital of treasures, a priceless piece of insight…

(he twists the gauntlet ever so slightly)

BEBOP’S BOSS:
…Something you…clearly…lack

(Slowly, his boss removes his gauntlet from Bebop’s wounded shoulder. Bebop slumps to the floor. The master turns to his underlings, and gives a simple order)

BEBOP’S BOSS:
Prepare him

(Two of the heavies at the snooker table leave their posistion and walk over to the row of grey canisters. Scooping up one of them, they move in on Bebop.

They drag him away towards another roo. Bebop, realizing his fate is sealed, cries out)



BEBOP:
I DIDN’T KNOW MAN! NOBODY TOLD ME! NOBODY TOLD ME!

(his boss addresses the remainder of the men)

BEBOP’S BOSS:
Send someone else over tomorrow. We need to have proper identification

(the heavy with the guitar speaks out)

GUITAR MAN:
Should we be as “direct” as last time?

BEBOP’S BOSS:
No. No, it hasn’t worked, we’ve lost two men. Progress softly

(he stares upwards at the monitors as they replay the entire fight between Shark, Bebop, their friend, and Michelangelo)

BEBOP’S BOSS:
And find out all you can about this…freak.

Blossombrooks 11-02-2012 05:21 PM

Wow, excellent scene! I actually feel really sorry for Bebop, can't wait to read some more. :)

BubblyShell22 11-03-2012 09:03 AM

Awesome job on this. You have two mistakes: Collum should be column and the strive to be better should be to strive to be better. Other than that, good job. I feel sorry for Bebop as well. Sounds like they either killed him or tortured him. I'll be eagerly awaiting an update.

ZariusTwo 11-03-2012 05:27 PM

Thanks Bubbly.

All I can say is...Bebop isnt being killed or tortured...it's something worse

ryu238 11-04-2012 01:42 AM

Something worse than torture or death? Yikes. Also great work as usual, please update sooner please.

ZariusTwo 11-05-2012 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ryu238 (Post 1018478)
Something worse than torture or death? Yikes. Also great work as usual, please update sooner please.

Luckily there's enough in the script right now to cover more immediate updates, but if there is a longer gap, please try to understand it's due to my other commitments.

Anyway, back to samples, and I've got TWO of 'em.

Casey recieves a housecall while sinister forces make preperations...

Spoiler:
CUT TO:
INT: APRIL’S HOME

(Back at April’s house, Casey is lying down on the sofa staring at the ceiling. There is a SUDDEN KNOCK AT THE DOOR. Casey jumps up, alert, he swings his legs over the sofa, and ends up crashing them into the assorted heap of books and coffe mugs on the table. He looks at the mess briefly, before the knocks on the door repeat. He scrambles into the kitchen and grabs a sheet, darts back into the living room and drapes it over the mess on the floor. He combs his hair with his hands, using his own saliva to moisten it, and goes to open the door.

There, standing outside, is Gabrielle)

CASEY:
Hey…you’re here. You look…you look…

GABRIELLE:
Just be honest.

(Casey obliges)

CASEY:
…Pissed off.

GABRIELLE:
Cab driver didn’t know which street to comb, I ended up paying double the amount because he took so damn long. Was praying I started contractions just so he’d give me some kind of pity and spare me the pay-off.

CASEY:
Too bad you didn’t,. If he did, you could have named the kid “Mercy”

(Gabrielle doesn’t crack one grin)

CASEY:
“Mercy”…you know, nice, sound name…maybe put a French spin on it….

GABRIELLE:
Just let me in.

CASEY:
Oh sure, sure, right, by all means

(Gabrielle enters the house, she looks impressed by how well kept it is)

GABRIELLE:
Not a bad place.

(she spots the draped sheet on the floor of the living room)

GABRIELLE:
…Almost.

CASEY:
Decorators.

GABRIELLE:
Uh-huh.

CASEY:
…Would you like anything to drink?

GABRIELLE:
At this time of day?

CASEY:
…This isn’t like my pad Gabe, we DO have fruit juice.

GABRIELLE:
Alright. I’ll have that then

(she sits down on the sofa and spread herself out, taking deep breaths)

CASEY:
…You feeling ok?

GABRIELLE:
I’ve got your magic bean turning into a ****ing beanstalk, how do you THINK I feel?

CASEY:
Fair enough, fair enough

(he goes into the kitchen and looks through the fridge, he sees a half-empty bottle of orange and a purple concotion)

CASEY
Not much in here Gabby…we got some purple stuff

GABRIELLE:
Hit me with that. Never did like Sunny D.

CASEY:
Gotcha

(takes out the purple concoction and pours it into a glass)

GABRIELLE:
April’s blog being pulled made a few papers, so if you want to make the whole afternoon about how much grief you’re getting with her…

CASEY:
…Forget that. April can take care of her own problems.

GABRIELLE:
Oh. So it’s all about you again is it?

CASEY:
You’re a part of this too

GABRIELLE:
Yeah. Sad thing is it was by CHOICE.

CASEY:
I kinda got a scare recently. Made me reevaulate what I’m doing

GABRIELLE:
That skirmish you were involved in at the leisure centre’s car park finally snap your eyes open?

CASEY:
…How’d you know about that?

GABRIELLE:
C’mon Casey, your little attempt at playing Shia Lebuff was seen by every other zero you work with. I hang out in the places you keep April well away from remember?

CASEY:
Yeah, well…it wasn’t exactly that that woke me up

GABRIELLE:
So what was it?

CASEY;
Doesn’t matter. All I care about right now is making sure every interest is protected.

GABRIELLE:
…Nice to know you think I’m interesting.

CASEY:
I need a new job. I want you to help me look for one.

(Gabrielle laughs)

GABRIELLE:
Christ, you really are scared shitless.

(she looks at him, and sees the sincerity in Casey’s eyes, whatever he‘s trying to sell her, he means every word of it. Casey awkwardly scratches the back of his head)

CASEY:
What do you say Gabby?

GABRIELLE:
…Ok. Ok, if you really mean it, sure

(Casey hugs her)

CASEY:
You’re the best

GABRIELLE:
Then why do you always settle for the worst?

CASEY:
Oh behave yourself

(The two disengage from the hug and set themselves to work. As they scramble to clear up the mess on the floor, we ZOOM OUT of the living area’s main WINDOW and FOCUS on an EXTERIOR SHOT OF A BLACK VAN PARKED ON THE OTHER END OF THE ROAD. We CUT TO THE INTERIOR OF THE VAN)

INT: BLACK VAN
(Inside the van, a man, one of the men playing at the snooker table at Saki’s warehouse earlier, is seated at the driver’s seat, he looks over at April’s home, seated next to him is Rocksteady. Behind them, we can hear a faint HISS, and a GROWL, followed by HECTIC BANGING on the HEAVILY FORTIFIED BACK. Something is trying to get through)

ROCKSTEADY:
He’s restless in there. We need the order to go in soon before he attracts attention.

POOL MAN:
The order comes down tonight. Not before. Besides, O’Neil hasn’t turned up yet.

ROCKSTEADY:
Eliminating Jones would have a more permanent effect than giving O’Neil the luxuries of death.

MAN:
Is this eagerness to jump the gun for Bebop’s benefit or for yours?

(Rocksteady lights up a cigarette)

ROCKSTEADY:
Stick to your job and call it in Cue-Ball

(the man, identified by nickname as “Cue-Ball, takes out his cell phone and calls in to H.Q)

CUE-BALL:
Saki? Yeah…still no show from O’Neil. What’ll we do when we get to the allocated time?

(Cue-Ball hears and absorb unheard instructions. Rocksteady continues to smoke, looking at his reflection in the van’s mirror)

CUE-BALL:
…Ok. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah, I think he’ll keep. Thanks. Cue-Ball out.

(Cue-Ball puts the phone down and addressses Rocksteady)

CUE-BALL:
Saki says if she doesn’t turn up, we’re to go in anyway. Happy now?

(Rocksteady breaths out a whisp of smoke)

ROCKSTEADY:
Oh I’m good now. I am most definatly good.




And a (breif) excerpt from April's first face-to-face meeting with Spinter, just after he concludes a flashback to the Turtles origins

Spoiler:
IRMA:
So…wait a minute, something doesn’t quite add up, and that’s saying a lot given this, ALL of this, doesn’t synch up with life in general…if you were always a rat before you “evolved“…how did your master teach you ANYTHING about Martial Arts? About the renaissance painters? Anything as complex and rich in history like that?

(Raph leans over and whispers to her)

RAPHAEL:
He doesn’t know

(Leonardo elbows Raph, having heard him)

LEONARDO:
Quiet.

SPLINTER:
The miracles provided by my master are well versed in secrecy, but locked deep within the complex matters of the mind, the solutions to those years of learning are beckoning. Constant meditation, constant preparation, has provided me many an insight into how my world functions, and what my master achieved…


APRIL:
You don’t have a clue do you?

SPLINTER:
…No.

BubblyShell22 11-05-2012 12:45 PM

Okay, this is great. I like where it's going. A few mistakes though. Besr should be best and worsr should be worst. Also, renascence should be Renaissance. Other than that, good job on this script. It's getting better and better each time. I'll be eagerly awaiting an update.

ryu238 11-05-2012 02:42 PM

Uh, i think you broke the suspension of disbelief by questioning how Splinter learned the martial arts.


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