I'm going to kill myself
 

I've had to put up with being bullied and hated my entire life because of my Aspergers. I literally have no friends in real life, and the people here sure aren't helping. My parents hate me, my school life sucks, I've done nothing with my life.
My friends here have already lost all sympathy for me because of my actions, and now I have no reason to live



Goodbye forever.

Really....

Please.. STOP..

You don't know what you're doing. People DO love you! Your parents DO love you!

There is ALWAYS a reason to live. Please.. Just don't do it! :tcry:

Go to this website and get some help.

1. See you tomorrow.
2. Please visit Cure's website.
3. It always gets better, as cliché as that sounds.

I'm not sure I've talked to you on the boards but you're obviously in pain and I'd like to help.
You say you've done nothing with your life but you sound quite young, trust me there is time enough to make your life into whatever you want it to be, if you'll allow yourself to do so. Letting go is not the answer and your parents will be devastated, trust me. I almost lost a young relative to suicide last year and they now realise it was a mistake, they were lucky that they were found in time, it was close.
Is there a school counsellor you can talk to? You must be able to talk to someone. You can get through this.

You've got us. Please feel free to PM me anytime you want to talk. Most of us have been bullied at one time or another. IT GETS BETTER.

You're slogging through a tough patch right now, but there is always something worth hanging in for.

Yes. Moonlight, You really shouldn't do it. Suicide is not the way to go. And like blossombrooks said, there's gotta be someone for you to talk to.

Go to the website Cure referred you to. Don't do it! Nothing good comes from doing things when your emotions are at an extreme.

There are people you can talk to (i.e. school counselor) and you would be surprised if you get to know people how everyone has some form of hurt or pain in their lives that can give help and advise on how to overcome them.

It may seem like the end of the world, but it isn't. I'm sure your parents do LOVE you because, from what I'm assuming, they still have you at their home. (Who knows what kind of stress your parents may be under too.) And don't take your classmates teasing/insults to heart, it's not worth it. Don't try to impress or value people's opinions who don't value you in the first place.

Bullies CAN be dealt with. In high school I had someone bully me, and I told the principal about it. He talked to the bully and didn't bother me again.

I've read and posted these myself. Though I must say, if you're going to kill yourself, find a better reason than a ninja turtles message board. Also, if you're telling someone that you're going to kill yourself, you're probably not going to do it.

If anything, this is a scream for positive attention. I know the feeling, though I don't know where your feeling in particular stems. For me, it was a crappy family life, poor diet, lack of exercise. . . I was in a bad way.

My solution: nothing will cure you completely of this, but it's very manageable. Try getting out of the house more, even if it's just by yourself. I go to movies and eat out a lot. I also try to exercise when I can, to undo the eating out (five guys is awesome self-medication) and also because it releases endorphins which make you feel good. Eating a balanced diet made me feel a bit better, too.

Most important: talk. Talk with anyone who will actually listen. There are a lot of people here who would. I would. I saw offers in posts above, too.

Today's world is built to induce chronic stress. Some people, like you and I, are not well suited to this.

Also, Apsberger's is a pretty hefty weight. Are you clinically diagnosed, or is it just a hunch you have because high school is rough?

Everything Voltron said. Especially the first half.

You won't be put away anywhere and they will just want to help. You're telling us and that's the first step, a lot of helplines are anonymous, it would kind of be like talking to us.

Yeah! Like Blossom said. They sincerely do want to help you. Nobody will think less of you for calling for help.

You're stronger than this. I know you can get through it.

You know, I had this whole post written up to address your problems, but Voltron pretty much said what I was aiming to say.

So instead, I'll just quote someone you may have heard of before:

"Some say, the path from inner turmoil begins with a friendly ear. My ear is open, if you care to use it."- Master Splinter.

Talk. I'll listen. We all will.

My parents are divorced and my father is sick of me. My mother lives far away and she can't help me. Everyday I have to go to school with moronic guys who cause me to fail because they act stupid joke alot and distract the teacher.

When I was a kid, I was diagnosed with autism. I once nearly strangled a kid to death. I wasn't aware that I was doing anything wrong until now. Now people are afraid of me and bullying me at school. I try to go to the internet to escape from my real life problems only for people bully again for my poor actions caused by Aspergers. I feel like I wont be accepted anywhere

I'm not lying just to get attention. I feel alone and worthless.

You're not alone. You're not worthless. You deserve help. Please go visit Cure's website or talk to a guidance counselor or an adult that you trust.

Everything seems permanent when you're struggling, but it will change, it will get better.

Moonlight, talk to those helplines they will help you. You have to put your situation into perspective. It's not the end of the world.
I've known friends who were physically and mentally abused by one/both of their parents and lived in the crime-rampant inner city, and they are doing well today. If it should give you any hope, there are former prisoners of war and abuse victims who have conquered their hardships and are living well today. You got to put your situation into perspective, don't let your extreme emotions dictate your actions.

You GOT to talk to someone on the helpline! ...If your emotions are this extreme.

I talked it over with a few people and I guess I feel little better. Still upset.
I wasn't lying! I'm sorry!

It's okay! I'm glad you're feeling better. We'll get you through this. :tsmile:

Nobody thinks you're lying and don't be sorry, everyone here just wants to help and it's good you reached out. Please continue to talk to people.

Don't apologize for feeling the way you feel. And don't apologize for bringing it to our attention. It's better than holding it inside until you can't take anymore and do something drastic.

I'm glad you're feeling better.

I've had a close friend who killed herself about 3 years ago. Only difference between her and you is she didn't show any of the problems that you're going through. Unfortunately, she did a good job of concealing her pain. She was always happy, friendly, and social with others, including me.

Next thing you know, she's putting a bullet through her mouth. She died after 1 and a half day in ICU.

I don't want to rant to you on the consequences on suicide, but I will say this: It won't solve any of the problems that you're experiencing. People go their whole lives trying to get that 'happy ending', but the cold truth is, it doesn't exist. You have to look within your own soul to make everything worth it. Because believe me, it is. You may not see that now, but the evidence is there.

Obviously, we're all concerned for you here. Just imagine your actual family. People don't show their true colors often, but they give a damn about you.

Like everyone else said, check out that website, man. It definitely wouldn't hurt.

You gotta try and keep calm and listen to what everyone here has been saying. I sometimes think I get suicidally depressed at least once a day, although that has to be an exaggeration, it just FEELS like I'm down that often. I and others can relate a lot to what you're going through. Everybody's got their rough patches and a lot of times it can feel like it's never going to change or can only get worse. Sometimes it does get worse. But then sometimes when it seems like it can only get worse from here, it randomly gets better. For me, some of the biggest positive things to happen to me in my entire life came only AFTER I'd mentally thrown in the towel and given up hope. Now when I feel down and out, I remind myself of that and how it would really be very stupid and pointless for me to have suffered and struggled for so long for no reason and no payoff. The way I look at it, is it all HAS to have been for something, and I'll MAKE it be that way if I have to.

Further, and it's so cliche, but to hell with what other people think of you. Anyone in life who makes it their business to drag people down instead of build people up is frankly trash. Take what they say at the source, remember that they don't matter, and tell yourself that you're better than them. You have to be better than them by definition, after all you're not the one picking on people for being different, right? Bullies are nothing more than wimps and cowards who need to step on other people and make them feel small, so they can feel good about themselves because they're the ones whose lives are that miserable. Otherwise they'd be doing something meaningful. I'm not saying it's always easy, but it starts with realizing that you're better than them, and deserve better, and not letting anyone tell you different. Don't let people drag you down with their petty nonsense.

Finally, the sad fact is that if you kill yourself, it doesn't prove or fix anything, and sadly most people don't feel sympathy for those who do it. Most people I know, sadly, treat suicides as big jokes, like "Wow, guess he really was stupid after all, huh?" Don't give people the satisfaction of letting them think you're weak. You can't be weak, after all, because you're struggling with things they can't even comprehend.

My best friend told me off one time not that long ago when I was in the middle of a really bad stretch and told him I was seriously thinking of killing myself. Instead of sympathy, I got: "If you do that, I won't even go to your funeral except to spit in your casket, because you'd be nothing but a huge disappointment to me, you'd let me down, and make me feel like I wasted my time ever getting to know you, let alone care about you. It would be a huge insult to me and anyone else who cares about you. I think you're better than that, and if you prove me wrong I will never, ever forgive you for it." I was a little pissed off, until I realized he was right to tell me off like he did. One of the reasons we're good friends is because he's so honest and blunt, and I like people like that. It's what I needed to hear. "We expect better from you, so expect better from yourself". I was being stupid, letting things that don't matter cloud my judgment and make me feel I was worthless, and I needed a hard slap to wake me up.

I struggle with it almost every day, so I can't say "Well, one day it'll be easy" because I haven't gotten to that point. But I do know it can't get better if you quit, you can't win the game if you take yourself off the board. You've gone this far, right? You've put up with so much, dealt with so much sh*t it feels like the world's caving in, but so far, you've managed. Make it mean something! You do matter, you are better than the people telling you otherwise.

Glad today seems to be going better for you. Feel free to PM me whenever if you want to. And try to remember this lyric, it's gotten me through many, many dark days:
"When your truth turns to lie, and the pain makes you cry,
And the fountains of faith run dry...
When your dream starts to die, and the fire inside starts to dim, the more you fight..."
Take a look at yourself, and what you've sacrificed."
-Fozzy, "Lazarus"

I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now..but I have aspergers, I have contemplated jumping off a building a few times, and I have spent a month in hospital because I went a little loco...although it wasnt because I felt dejected or anything, it's because I obsessed too much over a particular interest and let that one interest dictate my attitudes for two years until it ate away at me

It took me pills, a lot of time to myself, a lot of kindly people and minders, and I've more or less improved. It doesnt change everything of course. I'm still an asshole to some people, but I feel pretty normal about it because...well, everyone can be a d*ck...but you shouldnt let that side be the part you demonstrate all of the time to people. It can paint a pretty bad picture.

Killing yourself may also make the people that have given you a hard time feel really down...but if you think for one solitary second it'll somehow make them suicidal, you're up a gum tree. They'll see your actions as selfish and cowardly and not think twice about it if they're strong-willed and have been down the rabbit hole enough times not to borrow further down it.

Try not to go OTT all the time on a certain subject, once you step back a bit and see the blessings in disguise, life isnt about the big problems. You are not alone in your thoughts and feelings, this is all one world and those that listen do our best to understand it, you don't have to fight battles that neednt be fought so aggresivly.

Hey there Moonlight, Im sorry to hear about these bad things in your life. School can be a very tough place. And it also puts a lot of stress on family relationships too, I nearly got into a fist fight with my dad during my senior year. But time really does help mend these things. I know that sounds like the most cliche advise ever, but I promise you its true. After high school, you don't see the kids you don't like or those who were mean to you. Getting a job can also be good for you. Just having an every day job to wake up to and come home from opens up new possible friendships and experiences. I hope I dont sound too much like Calvin's dad.
http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__...r_Building.png

And I cant say I know the relationship between you and your father, but I doubt that he doesnt love you. As I said, family relationships can survive years of troubled times and still come out great. Me and my dad are closer than ever now. My sister is about to graduate high school and she's going through the same mood swings/ unfriendlyness I went through at that age. You might want to try and bond over you're shared interests. Do you like sports at all, or specific movies, or music? My dad and I started bonding over hockey and music, and its created a great bond. And dont necessarily start off with one of your "big" likes, such as TMNT, if he's not already any sort of fan. (Believe me, I tried and it doesnt work :D ) Just remember its a 2 way street, try getting involved with something he likes too.

Best of luck! And if you need to talk, you know where to find me.

:lol: I love that one brah. Way to read my mind.

It's my favorite scene.

moonlight please don't do this,this isn't your fault people who bully are big a**holes and they just feel like bullying people cause they feel it's good the thing i suggest you do is call a parent or principle to stop it....so please don't do this....also school is always hard place to fit in since people in school are stranger's but sometimes you can make friends by being nice,i was bullied by a tall kid in middle school got punched in the face and i started bleeding. hope you get better

Glad to hear your feeling better.

And it passes, but it will come again. That's the nature of the beast. Don't fret, though. You can beat it; you just have to try.

Everything that needed to be said has already been said.

Although from reading through this thread I'm surprised how many other people here considered suicide at some point. There's a difference between getting depressed over things in life not going your way (understandable), but thinking about killing yourself is too far.

Also basing your life on this one particular time period is ridiculous. People's 20's and 30's are a lot different than their teens years, and so on and so forth.

THIS!!!! Keep your head up!

Hey there. :)

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better by now. Living with family and being surrounded by morons in life is definitely not easy and I understand that sometimes things feel so hopeless that going on seems impossible, but it's good that you could speak about it here.

Bullying someone is something really pathetic, no matter due to what reason they treat you like that: It's wrong! I've read quite often that it's best to talk to somebody at your school about it so a teacher or the principal can put an end to this, have a chat with the bullies and clear that up. Whenever life gets rough there's no need to feel ashamed to get some help, after all you might get some new advice or learn of another option you might have not been aware of before. Happened to me quite a few times. :tsmile:

Oh, by the way, have you ever tried Rescue Remedy? http://www.bachflower.com/rescue-remedy-information/ We are rather satisfied with it at home as they can be taken in particularly stressful situations, help calming down.

As a family member of someone who committed suicide I can tell you it messes families up. It messed my grandmother up so bad that she died on the anniversary of my uncle's actions. It won't punish bullies or make them think twice about anything. It only hurts your family. Period.

I hate my uncle for what he did to the family.

Suicide is not the answer as it ruins lives rather than solves the problem. Divorce may be rough, but your parents do love you, and if you kill yourself, it won't solve anything. You'll just be left with parents who've lost one child, classmates who have lost another classmate, and you really won't be doing yourself a favor. Yes, life can be rough. I've felt depressed at times and have felt worthless also, but I'd never take my life. Have I thought of it? Yes, but then I always thought about the people in my life and how it would affect them if I killed myself. You may not realize it, but there are people who care about you. You have to stay strong and maybe talk to someone about this. It'll help. You could also write a journal and detail why you feel down. I've done this myself, and it really works to get all the feelings out.

"Where there is desire there is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die
You gotta get up and try try try."

Try by P!nk.

It's good that you are feeling a bit better Moonlight. If you feel that way be sure to talk to someone because isolating yourself with your extreme emotions will only intensify those emotions.

As for the bullies, they can only hurt you if you value their opinion. It's easier said than done, but you have treat them like a dog barking on the street. No matter how many times they make noise and make a scene from behind the gate, if you give them attention they'll continue to be louder and bark louder.

Remember that high school is only 4 years as with college, and don't compromise your integrity and values for them or any type of peer pressure because when high school/college is over, they'll be off doing their own thing and you're the one who compromised yourself just to be accepted by a bunch of people who didn't care about you in the first place. What's for them? One may have done all those things to be "cool" but now you're the one dealing with all of the consequences and regrets.

It may be difficult but there are some decent people out there who would be great friends. Who knows? They may feel just as isolated and alone as you do, but just observe your classmates behavior and be a bit pro-active. Remember friends are only friends if they can uplift you and respectfully not challenge your integrity and values.

As for your father, talk it out with him. It's far too easy sometimes for us (as children) to compare our parents to others when sometimes we have to realize they're human too. Most of us probably realize this unrealistic high standard we had set for our parents when we have children of our own. Who knows what kind of stress or hardship he might be going through and may have inadvertently said something wrong.

As you have seen, most to all of us have had varying levels of hardship that seemed overwhelming at the moment, but once you come through it and look back in hindsight, you will see how that experience has transformed you into a better person. To become not only stronger, but to be more compassionate and helpful to others because now you can empathize with others pain. Or a metaphoric way of saying it, the way to transform a boulder-like rock into a "work-of-art" statue is only when it's been chiseled aggressively through the trials and hardships of life. You can PM me whenever you want to.

Just curious, but what was that particular interest?