Sexuality and gender identity discussion
 

Thought that there should be a thread for this where like-minded folks can talk about themselves, their feelings and associated things to do with these topics in a friendly space.

This isn't meant to be a thread for bashing anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity, so let's all keep it friendly. :)

In response to your last post Net, I do understand how you feel - both gay and straight people a lot of the time fear that bi men and women are always going to leave them for the gender that they're not getting. Nobody ever wants to play with us. :lol:

I mean, I'm actually more attracted to butch and androgynous women than femmes, and again, due to my orientation, they're the type that are least likely to want anything to do with me. But that doesn't mean that I want them to be men, because again, gender-conforming cis-men are definitely not my preferred type. (I was surprised that I did end up with the partner that I did, because I had never pictured myself as being in a relationship with a man... I view it more as, I'd be with my partner regardless of their gender).

Whoops, I'd better wrap this up as I'm just about to go out for a family dinner - but yeah, I do understand how you feel Net but you may find a lovely guy who just happens to be bi. :)

Ah yes, thanks for the thread!

Oh, it isn't fear of being left or anything like that, because if I'm in a relationship with somebody I am secure; I wouldn't say yes to anybody if I was in an emotional state where I wouldn't be. I just don't like the emphasis on my body or mannerisms. That they're only with me because "I'm a guy that acts girly, best of both worlds", which isn't what I'm about at all. I probably wouldn't have too much issue with a bi dude that preferred guys. Bi dudes that prefer chicks tend to come off as pretty... dudebro-like, sometimes only liking guys that are really really feminine, and their secret wish is like, a futa or something. Nooo, not my type of guy, please don't message me :lol:

That said, I don't really think I HAVE a "type". Muscular guys look amazing, but so do slender, androgynous types. The only thing that really predisposes me towards attraction would be a high pitched, gentle, nurturing voice. Luckily there is no shortage of gay dudes that talk this way.

But on the topic of bisexuality, I do get that it's more about "liking someone regardless of gender" than it is "wanting both genders in your life". I feel really sorry for people that can't get this message through their heads, because that's where a large majority of biphobia and misunderstandings of the sexuality come from. And it REALLY is not a hard concept to get. Bisexuals aren't greedy, most of them are monogamous, and even if they aren't, polyamory isn't about being GREEDY. Polyamorous people don't do ANYTHING without full consent of EVERYONE they are in a relationship with.

I sometimes wonder if my 11 year old is gay, not that it bothers me it he is. just the things he does could be a faze I suppose, but if it turns out he is I don't want him to be afraid to tell me or others when he is older. I love him not matter what.

Hi Eiko,

Probably won't be a big deal because you sound like you're prepared. I'm sure you've already taken in lots of advice through various sources on how to handle raising a potentially LGBT child and whatnot, so I won't condescend by offering suggestions ;)

And if he is, you just never know when he'll come out with it. Young people are doing it younger and younger these days. I just would not assume that it's some far off thing, if it indeed happens to be the case.

BTW just thought I should mention i'm gay so, glad we have a strong contingent of TMNT fans who can identify with these sorts of things.

Well, if he is gay, he's not likely to say anything about it until he's in like, middle or high school or something. If you want him to feel comfortable, I'd make sure he knows you're for gay rights or something like that, but don't say it in a way that implies you're suspecting he's in the closet. If what I'm saying makes any sense.

I wasn't afraid of coming out to my dad because he got on his soapbox about gay rights all the time, getting angry about Prop 8 and stuff like that. It was really easy to find my dad's stance on a subject, because all you had to do was listen to him yell at the TV about it.

EDIT: Zulithe ninja'd me. And you're gay too! Awesome!

I am a normal girl, who likes boys.
The only difference is that I would even be fine with Quasimodo as a boyfriend.
I don´t care about looks. :lol:
(I am also not the pretty type of girl, sooo)

Hey thanks you guys. Zulithe, and Netkeeper,. I am ready for when or if it happens. I will stand by his side always. I really don't quite understand how so many people will shame or hate someone for being gay just really sad.

Ooh. Finally this thread has been made. :tlove:

I am bisexual. So I feel attracted to both genders. :tanime: I started getting into Yuri. Might watch Yaoi. :tshifty: In fact I've been finding out that many of my friend/aquiantances are gay, bi, or lesbian. :3 Plus a lesbian couple moved in the house next to us. :tgrin: They seem nice. Maybe my family could have them over for dinner one night. (As long as mom is comfortable with it. Still unsure of her viewpoint on homosexuals. :ohwell: )

This thread brings up bad memories of the "Volcanic Astroid" endeavor
:o hopefully it doesn't get too outrageous :lol:

It's quite a shame there being no room to discuss these issues in the technodrome forums

I'm bisexual as well! Not only am I attracted to men and women but I'm also Ok with dating trans people as well. My ex-boyfriend was trans and he educated me on trans issues and all of that. I came out to my parents about a month ago as well and, to my surprise and delight, they accepted me (though they still mislabel me as a lesbian :ohwell: ) I'm also friends with some LGBT people in my real life and I even know an asexual person!

This looks like a great idea for a thread.

I'm straight, but I have been told a couple of times that I look Gay, so there's something:ohwell:

The reason I don't agree with you.....

Is this right here, we have younger member on this forum. When I joined I was a minor I believe, but I know we have definitely younger members. I think we just need to watch what we say on here. I don't mind discussing a topic like this and have no problem with it.
Its just little sentences like this we need to watch out for is all.

Girls kissing on TV and movies is not adult oriented. It's for everyone.

If you're going to promote equality for gays than two girls kissing on TV is no big deal.

I await the day Disney gives us the first lesbian princess. Most people already think its Elsa.

No mention of porn... Man, you're dumb.

Ah see, Cyber Cubed is an adult, he just acts like a child for the negative attention.

I'm straight as straight can be, but I say do what you want. Just be honest with people up front if you are trans. Know a girl who was dating and in love with a guy who turned out to still have girl plumbing. Since she's not a lesbian she broke it off and never really got over it. Never seen someone so hurt before in my life. They were together for a year and a half and he didn't care enough to be honest before things went to far.

I didn't mean to underline the tv part, but I hope you get the point.

Exactly

Literally laughed out loud at that one. (Underlined)

The rest of the post is pretty depressing :cry:
I can only imagine how shocked she was, embarrassed, heart broke ect...

As far as I know the only younger user on this forum is snake. Which surprises me he is only 12, I thought he was about 15 from reading his posts. His posts are very mature for his age.

Hey, you're in good company - I was into yaoi before I started getting into yuri... I am an absolute yaoi fiend!!! Not as familiar with yuri, but maybe we could swap some suggestions? Do you like Strawberry Panic?

Ah, I didn't know that there had been a Volcanic Asteroid attempt at this type of thread - though I did check the Disintegrator Unit. I think we can make the thread work as long as everyone is respectful and age-appropriate in their posts - obviously we shouldn't talk about porn, fetishes or particular kinks but general discussion about our identities, fears and experiences shouldn't hurt.


Also Eiko, you are wonderful - I wish there were more people out there like you. :) However your son ends up identifying, it's good to know that he will have a loving and supportive parent - and trust me, that makes a really big difference.

Heck yeah! I think it's so cute. :tlove: Another one i liked was "Sasameki Koto" :tgrin:

I'm heterosexual, so not had to worry about this for myself, but I've seen what challenges my younger brother has faced. My brother is bisexual and once explained it to me that he wanted to fall in love with the right person despite their gender. He started dating a guy last year and it's his first serious relationship despite the fact he's approaching his 30's. He was worried about what our parents would say but their response has been brilliant (they've known deep down since his teens - when it didn't sit too well with them - but none of them had dared bring the subject up with each other since). Now my brother seems happier than ever and his partner is an awesome guy who has quickly become a part of our family. I'm so pleased for them both. I'll never understand why some people in this world think it is ok for them to dictate to others who they can and cannot love. I am a mother of two young boys and it honestly would not bother me if one day they reveal they are straight, gay or bi, as long as they are safe and happy.

I haven't tried that one, I'll have to check it out.

Glad your brother is doing well and is in a happy relationship. :) I have read that bi men and women have a much higher rate of depression and anxiety; sources for anyone who's interested:

http://www.brown.edu/Student_Service..._bisexuals.php

http://www.apa.org/monitor/feb02/newdata.aspx

http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/bi...y-to-be-abused

Actually, I was thinking about this... I thought the difference between bi and pansexuality is that gender does factor into a bi person's attractions, whereas pan people are attracted to the person rather than the gender? Or am I getting it wrong? Can anyone else weigh in on this?

Also I know that there are some people who identify as bi who are attracted to people outside the male/female binaries, and then there are others who aren't... so I think that there are definitely some individual interpretations when it comes to identity.

As I said, it made it really hard for me to work out where I stood, cuz I just didn't feel like I fit under any of the umbrellas. In my partner's case, gender doesn't matter to me, but as a rule, gender does factor into my attractions, as does their orientation and whether they're gender-conforming. Add to that the fact that my attractions differ depending on whether I'm feeling male/female/neither and yeah, it just gets waaaay confusing trying to work out where you fit on the chart! (e.g. On days where I feel male, I'm far more attracted to male-bodied persons than on days where I feel female). Then you throw in body dysmorphia as well (which I have quite regularly) and I end up trying to work out if I'm attracted to someone's body, or if I just want to look like them, or both.

http://funsubstance.com/uploads/gif/95/95917.gif

Yay! A thread where i know its safe to express myself~ ;w;

I'm Asexual-Panromantic and hella proud of it... just wish my mom wasn't so pushy about how she says I will someday want to... do it (for a lack of a better way to say it cause idk what I would be allowed to say here...) and that I can't be asexual and date...

You can be asexual and still date, people. Love isn't just about what you do in your private time or in bed...

Glad that this thread exists! One of the biggest sources of health is having an accepting network of people with genuine understanding. I am always open to learn more from the LGBT members. Thanks for being open and honest with your narratives.

I'm just glad that I haven't weirded anyone out so far/made anyone feel uncomfortable! :tlol: And if I do, I apologize; it's definitely not my intention - I promise, I'm not scary! Just a bit unusual. :tgrin:

Mika, you were one of the people who motivated me to create this thread - I thought some people here might not have a place to talk and could use one. And I mean hey, it's a way for us to all get to know each other a bit better too!

http://i.imgur.com/w1eIJMt.gif

I did some looking on a bi friend's blog, and came across this useful statement:

This seems to hold true to when I first started hearing more people using the word "pansexual" as opposed to "bisexual", as they'd often couple it with "it means I'm attracted to boys, girls, and in-betweens" or something along those lines. Their use was to emphasize inclusivity.

That said, from personal experience I do notice the trend that people that identify as bisexual are more inclined towards gender-based attraction whereas people that identify as pansexual don't so much.

Also, I just wanted to say that I too have the occasional mixup of "do I want to BE this guy or be ****ed by this guy" moment. It's only slightly annoying until I think about said guy being with another really attractive dude. Then it becomes overwhelmingly fun to think about! :V

As a Panromantic (Asexual) I can safely say that I love another person not for their sex or genitalia but for who they are... I don't give a dip if they are male, female, transitioning male to female (or vice versa), bigendered, agendered or whatever. If they are a good, kind hearted person with a great attitude and they liked me and I liked them back then there is a good chance I would date them. (Only problem is if they are sexual... I won't be able to give them that experience and that would be hard...)

Ahhh! I'm glad I was part of your motivation to make this! It definitely was a great idea on your part! >w<

Flaming heterosexual here :lol:
But comfortable enough to be around gay folks.
3 of my coolest most awesome cousins are gay and super down to earth and just a blast to be around.
As for the Volcanic Asteroid we all just too it too far (myself included) where it all sort of became religious bashing and about sexual practices. Most of the posters here seem a bit more level headed in that regard.

Ah - yeah, I think it'd be better if we tried to steer clear of that! I mean, my feeling is that if the topic of non-hetero peeps makes someone uncomfortable for whatever reason, they might be better off just avoiding this thread.

Maybe we could just agree to just make any discussion of whether it's right or wrong a no-go zone? I dunno, I think everyone's managed to be pretty cool-headed about it so far. :)

Also, thanks for weighing in on the pan/bi thing Mika and Net!

I agree. Anytime values and beliefs get involved, things turn into a torrent of shout.

I'd say the reality is that if some may be a little uncomfortable, they will be able to learn and grow from discussions like these. I'm happy that you guys are being open.

I'm a straight girl here, but I have no problem with people being gay, bi, or whatever you want to be as long as you're happy. I hate the stigma that if you're in a relationship it seems like you have to be married and have kids and if you aren't, then it's wrong and there's no point in being in a relationship at all. I'm never getting married or having kids, and I'm okay with that as is my BF. As long as people are happy, I don't care what you do with your life. Yeah, I did have issues with my sister living with a guy, but the only reason for that is because I didn't know him well and wasn't sure who he was as a person and if he would respect her or not. If I had gotten a chance to know him better, I would have been okay with it, just as I was okay with her living with her current husband before they got married because she introduced him properly to the family so I was able to get to know him. Of course, things changed when she married him and he became a complete a**hole to her, but that's a whole other can of worms right there.

So my whole stance on it is this: Do what you're comfortable with. I don't care if you have sex outside of marriage as long as it's consensual and not for money, and I don't care if you're straight, gay, bi, or whatever. I accept all of you Dromers because you're all nice people.

Edit: And I even have a cousin who's a lesbian, and she's still my cousin regardless of who she is. My aunt was afraid to tell my mom for fear of her reaction, but my mom assured her that she wasn't upset about it and that she accepted it without question despite the fact that she's Catholic (as is my aunt).

^ Exactly. As long as the two people in a relationship are happy and aren't hurting anyone else, it shouldn't matter.

I hate people who use the word 'Gay' as an Insult.

Same here, just like when people misuse 'Retarded' or 'Queer'.

That's one of the worst. Ugh.

Volcanic astroid was a sub-forum where just about any mature material could be discussed, but quickly got out of hand and unethical many times. I think this thread is perfectly appropriate, just have to watch what we say.
I want to point that out to make sure it people didn't infer I was damning the thread.

As long as we don't describe things in great detail or insult other people, I think this thread will be fine.

Bi and proud :D

I like someone for who they are, not what equipment they've got.

I'm with a fella, but as someone stated earlier, gender is irrelevant to me.

Thanks, me too, he deserves it. And cheers for the links. It's so sad reading about the devastation caused by the prejudices of others. Hopefully this thread can be a positive source of support for those who need it.