NK Seeking Help
 

I'm doing it so i can finally be dead.

Breathe, friend.
Just breathe.

that's the PROBLEM i won't STOP breathing.all of this could beover in 2 minutes if i could.

Did you ever get online contact information for your support team?
Because if you have, you should use it today.

it doesnt matter because they cant help me every time i go in there i tell them EXACTLY what the problem is and EXACTLY what i need and everyone just shoves their heads up their asses and shrugs.

Net, calm down. Other people aren't your problem.

Talk to someone and take some deep breaths.

What is this thread?

Calm down dude

it doesnt matter if i talk to someone, all that will do is remind me that i cant tell the public what my problem is at absolutely any cost, and the peope i tell privately cant do anything eiother. ****ing nobody can.

Wait so NK, are you talking about self harm or just killing people then self harm or just killing people?

oh i just want to be dead.

I know you're having an episode right now and getting anything through to you is near impossible, but nothing is gonna change unless you make it change. Get help. Serious help.

it doesnt matter because NOBODY wants to help me. and everyone that says they do is probably lying because otehrwise i would have gotten this ****ing help already, i have been shuffled from doctor to fuycking doctor and doctors have quit their jobs all probably because they dont want to help me and they just want me to suffer and they probably hope i'll bite tyhe bullet pretty soon so they can stop being fake people. unless they enjoy being fake people like hellary clearly does.

my first case manager person i think si the word, she was super nice to me and said she realluy enjoyed having me around and would ****ing drive me to a place to get what i needed her ****ing self

next week i come in, i'm told she's on vacation for three weeks.

i come in three weeks later, i'm told she doesn't work here any more.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP.

they dont want to help me.

none of tehm do.

they will lie then resport to extremems to keep themselves from having to dedicate to that lie.

I think you're pretty mad and I feel bad for you

i just want help and to live an actual goddamn life.

but everyone wants me to eventually kill myself, otherweise people wopuldnt do these thingd to me.

Dont kys.

What's wrong that you ned help with anyway?

i can't say. if i said it, i'd get treated even worse.

It sucks how much trial and error there is in life, but...that's how it works.
Just because something hasn't worked for you doesn't mean EVERYTHING won't.

Breathe.
This will pass.

Tell yourself. Say it outloud.
Your brain is lying when it says no one can help.
It's lying when it says no one wants to help.
It's lying when it says this isn't temporary.

Nobody wants you to kill yourself.

I want you to stay not dead netkeeper.

i literally cant afford to tell myself that. myself is the only one i can trust because everyone else is fake, lies, and only acts in their own best interest. if someone says they want to keep me alive its probably because i provide something for them, almost certainly amusement because i am an incapable mess. or because they actively wish to prolong my suffering.

Not sure if trolling, or you actually need help.

Anyway, I changed the thread title. Any more talk about killing people or yourself and the thread disappears.

and then i get called a troll despite having this condition my whole life.

see how nice people are to me?

oh wait youre in NC you probably want all of my kind dead

I don't know you personally, so how do you expect me or anyone else to know if you are serious or not.

What about NC makes you think that I would want anyone dead.

What kind of help do you need.

Focus on the people that are trying to help you instead of the one who wasn't sure if this was legit or not.

if youre not sure what about NC is so despicable then you havent been keeping up and if you live in NC i have no idea how you could be unaware. there's a reason it should be wiped off the map.

and no, this is the perfect demonstration of how people treat me, let him treat me like ****. he'll just show everyone exactly what i experience. exactly what i'm talking about.

it REALLY says something when someone is very clearly suffering and others are talking to him but he STILL doesnt know if legit. this is what people are like. this is what they actually do. every single one of them.

So are you saying you are someone that would be affected by NC HB2?

If you didn't want help, you wouldn't be here.
You know your brain is lying to you.
Don't listen.
Breathe.

What you're feeling right now is going to pass.
It's temporary.

Alright NK. You have some friends here that let me know that you are legit.

Let us know what we can do to help.

huh, well my profile DOES say i'm gay, doesn't it? in fact it's the first word present.

except i feel like this all the time. that i can't trust anyone.

i want to. but not a single soul has proven they can be trusted. i'm 25 ****ing years old now. i've known CHILDREN that could get what they needed but i couldn't. this means i am not worth saving, to everyone.

and you took their word over mine because the mentally ill can't be trusted, right? or is it the gays that can't be trusted?

You're not a child.
You're an adult.
It's time to act like an adult, and ask for help when you need it.
And to actually listen to help when it's given.


Stop it.
Stop that right now.
You're looking for help, don't be a douche to people when you're looking for help.

Just because you live in ****ed up place doesn't mean you are ****ed up.

but i've said it a dozen times. every time i walk in to see somebody, i tell them what my condition is and what needs to be done about it. every single goddamn time i just get "well i can't help you with that". my [new] psychiatrist made a ****ing joke about it and said "is there anything else i can /not/ help you with". to me. he said that to me. when every day i want to die.

i need help, i know what the precise problem is, and i know what can be done about it, but every single professional i've ever seen has told me they don't know how to get that for me. even my online friends that have the exact same condition don't help me. when they themselves already have it. the thing i need. they have it, they love posting about how good it makes them feel on social media, it makes me ****ing cry, and still i get no help

no help at all from people that were supposed to be my friends

okay, i will admit i'm really sorry for getting like that. i had to go get my emergency stash [that i'd only just acquired yesterday...] to calm my ass down once everyone left the house. now i realise i'm being so irritable when people are saying they want to help.

i hope this isn't why this keeps happening to me. i'm so sorry.

god damn though why do i sound like an insincere like lawyer or something whenever i just try to apologise, i swear to god it isn't sarcasm, mockery, or anything i'm just so bad at apologising and it makes me so anxious

I hope you get the help you need. All I can really do.

Look, Netkeeper. I don't want you dead. No one here does. But you cannot be like this. In order to get help, you need to be open to help. What makes you happy? Listening to music? Drawing? Watching anime? If something makes you happy keep your mind focused on that. Say if you like watching anime, or anything for that matter, watch it until your eyes fall out! Of course that was a idiom, but you should get the picture.

Have you tried any forms of meditation? I've read up on this and it can release stress. Hell, even listening to calming music to put you to sleep is meditation. You don't have to do that extreme crap you see in TV where you float up in the air like that one Street Fighter character.


Please, don't kill yourself, harm yourself, or harm anything. I will not go into detail but someone very close to me was having issues, too. That person got help, not by therapy, and is now way better. Write your thoughts down, Scream all you need to, please, don't kill yourself. I know you may take this with a grain of salt, but just please don't kill yourself.