What the hell do I do?
 

Sorry to rip off Lance Storm, but, "if I can be serious for a minute..."

This is going to be a VERY long post, and I apologize in advance, but I NEED help.

Long story short... well, I'm single. Engagement's off after 3 years, women are scum, yadda yadda yadda.

Long version...

She's spoiled, selfish, inconsiderate, whiny, rude, insensitive, makes fun at me when I'm hurt and bleeding, calls me a baby when I'm sick and dying, threatened to break up with me if I didn't have sex with her and now claims that I force her to do it...

This girl had no friends before I met her. Not one. She was suicidal. In all honesty, I probably saved her life just by talking to her... we didn't start going out until about 6 months later, and it took a lot to get me that far.

See, I'd had a lot of bad relationships, and I'll be perfectly honest: By that point, I was thoroughly convinced that all women were selfish, spoiled, lying, inconsiderate tramps who thought their vaginas were lined with solid gold and that all guys need kowtow to their every whim. After I spent a lot of time with her, she was seemingly all I really wanted... we had a lot in common (a LOT), and for the first time I knew I was with someone who wouldn't cheat on me. So I decided to drop my guard and give her a chance, and I was happy with her. I could never really say I was completely happy with anyone before her.

But she almost never seemed to be. When I'd try and do anything for her, she found something wrong with it. She badmouths me in front of my friends, my family, even strangers. She tells everyone I never buy her things... look, I'll be completely honest: when I have my week budget planned out, and I can only afford a few select things, and I see some figure or something that I've been searching for for weeks, damn right I'm going to put me first, because nobody else is going to. I never lied to her even before we started going out: I take care of ME first, everyone else in life comes second, and she could either deal with that or she couldn't, period, but it wasn't going to change.

But when I did do something for her, it still wasn't enough. The only time she's happy is if we cuddle on the bed. I work hard at my job, and when I lay down I pass out... and when I fall asleep, she gets even MORE mad... so I keep busy, I go on the computer, I draw, I play videogames... all with her less than two feet away making sure she's ok. We go out every weekend, I pay for her gas half the time... but if I can't afford to buy her flowers or go bowling because I have to spend 40 dollars a week on cab fare to get to work, I'm the most selfish person who ever lived.

Getting to the here and now, she apparently told my father that I'm selfish, mean, and I force her to have sex (which is a LOT of bull b/c days before she was like "I love getting you all worked up by acting like I dont want it, it's so fun that way"), so she was either lying to him or lying to me, and either way she's a scumbag for it.

He told me this after she left tonight, and when she came online I confronted her about it... so here's some choice parts, because I need some advice and it's best you get some perspective on the situation...

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KalEl656: so you tell my father I'm bossy, pushy, mean, selfish, and that I force you to have sex... gee, I love you too, "sweetheart"
Mary: Whhhahhhhhat!?
Mary: No way man
Mary: WTF?
Mary: I never said that!
KalEl656: said you were all bitching yesterday
KalEl656: well thats just great
Mary: No I wasn't
KalEl656: somehow I dont believe you since he was on MY side Thursday night but just now was chastising me saying you told him I dont treat you right
Mary: You treat me fine damnit.
Mary: I never said that ****
Mary: Wait. I never say you don't treat me right. I just wish that you'd do certin things that you don't.

(didn't she just say she didnt say any of that....?)

KalEl656: you told him I force you to have sex... I KNOW you told him that because he'd have no reason to say that if you didnt say it
KalEl656: so now you DON'T get laid anymore, period. Dont even ask. It's not worth the ********

Mary: If you were listening to me, you'd understand what I'm trying to say but you think it's something else.
KalEl656: I'm listening to you tell me I force you to have sex, so I've decided that I dont care how good it is, you dont get it anymore because frankly, I only do it to make you happy
Mary: So then your saying it was meaningless?
KalEl656: I'm saying that I was perfectly happy waiting until YOU forced ME to **** you by threatening to basically stop acting like my girlfriend, and now you only want to do it when I'm sick, or tired, or doing something else,... It's too much like work with you. I'm fed up. No more.
KalEl656: want to break up over it? Fine. But I'm through listening to you badmouth me to anyone who will listen, from my father to the cashier at the mall.
KalEl656: here you go typing up another novel about how I refuse to listen to you. Yknow what? I do listen to you. Constantly. I just really hate what I'm hearing and I'm tired of it.

KalEl656: if you're not happy, and the things I do to try and MAKE you happy arent enough, then you need to get the hell out of this relationship
KalEl656: because I am NOT going to change
KalEl656: I am sorry to be honest with you, but the most important person in my life is, was, and will always be ME
KalEl656: not you
KalEl656: ME
Mary: It should be me because of all the **** I do for you. I stick by you no matter what. For all the things that you've done, I could have left, I still can but I won't because I love you. I give you rides everywhere you wanna go, I pick up things for you, I take all the "Look at that ass!" stuff and you know no other girl would ever do that for you. You should be thanking god you have me.
Mary: I ****ing take all the **** you do to me when you get pissed off and out of hand because I love you.
KalEl656: I do, but I also realize that no matter what, you'll never be completely happy with me, and that's all I ever wanted: someone who was happy with ME. And you aren't. No matter how much you say you are, you still wish I was different in some way. And that's not good enough for me. I know that nobody will ever love me for who I am, and I told you that before we ever started going out. But you wouldnt listen. You never do. All you do is hope and hope that somehow, I'll wake up and be the knight in shining armor you want me to be so badly.
KalEl656: Well, tough ****, cuz it aint happening.
KalEl656: In fact, I'm so fed up with this, that our relationship is officially over
KalEl656: and I am NOT taking no for an answer
KalEl656: you dont love me for what I am, you love what you want me to be and complain constantly about what I'm NOT

KalEl656: it's alright for you to call me names and hit me and cut me open but if I do anything to you you cry and moan and whine
Mary: I call you names because I'm playing around, I hit you because your a man and it wouldn't hurt you and sometimes it's also a reflex and I don't mean it, I cut you open always by accident. No offence but when you get cut or something you act like a wuss
KalEl656: I can hardly believe I'm being called a wuss by someone who cries like a baby when I dont even do anything... "owwww my back!" "owwwww my wrist!" "Owwwww my whatever imaginary injury I have this week!" go **** yourself
Mary: Those are different. I'm a GIRL your a GUY.
KalEl656: and it hurts just as much when someone slices me open with a tape measure... a tape measure aint exactly sharp, Mary, thats a ****ed up way to get cut open. I'll be sure and slice you open with one and see what happens and how you react

(earlier tonight Mary accidentally sliced me open with the edge of a tape measure... she's also sliced me open with razors, kicked me in the balls, hit me on the head with stuff... she's a dangerous girl to know, even if they are accidents)

KalEl656: its the same when I get sick
KalEl656: all you do is badmouth me
KalEl656: well I'm SICK OF IT
KalEl656: you know what? I really, really hate you
KalEl656: I hate your mouth
KalEl656: I hate your whining
KalEl656: I hate the way you badmouth me in front of people
KalEl656: I hate the way you dwell on every single argument
KalEl656: I hate how nothing is good enough for you
KalEl656: I hate how spoiled and selfish you are and then you dare accuse me of the same thing
KalEl656: in fact, I can hardly find one thing I DON'T hate about you anymore
KalEl656: nobody ever had the gall to treat me the way you do. Ever. You're nothing but a spoiled, whiny little daddy's girl who had everything in life handed to her and has no idea what the real world is like. You laugh at other people's misfortune when you've never had anything bad happen to you in your life. You laugh when I get sick and puke blood, when you've never had anything more than a runny nose in your entire miserable life. You tell me to start driving when the only reason you can is because someone bought you a ****ing car and *I* pay for your gas half the time. One day, someone even dumber than me is going to marry you, and the relationship we have is going to seem like a picnic when he beats you until the day he cant take it anymore, strangles you and buries you in his yard like your sister's friend.

(ok, that was entirely me being a HUGE jerk... but everything I said was also true)

Mary: I'm not a daddy's girl. He doesn't love me. Now go away.
KalEl656: news flash kid:
KalEl656: NOBODY loves you

Mary: Your funny when your mad
KalEl656: I told James... I told Jahi... NEVER get involved with ****ing virgins
KalEl656: and yet I thought somehow I was smarter than them and could manage it
Mary: Hey, you agreed to **** me.
KalEl656: you said you'd break up if we didnt, I was trying to save our relationship
Mary: I did? Hmm. I forgot.

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After that we just stopped talking and eventually she signed off. Now I confess, I said a lot of mean, spiteful things in that conversation, but all of them were also true. If I come off like a jerk to anyone, fine, I can't say I blame you. But remember my side and that I was, for lack of a better term, "fighting back".

But here's the problem...

We've been through this a million times before. A few people on the NTML might recall that I've more than once lamented the loss of my relationship. Well, the same thing happens every time, and I know it's going to happen tomorrow. She's going to come over, cry her eyes out, beg forgiveness, blame herself for everything and eventually I'll feel so guilty that I'll end up forgiving her. It always happens.

Is it worth it? I need the opinions of people who aren't close to the situation, people with no bias whatsoever. I have been genuinely, truly happy with this girl. In fact, the only time I'm not is when she throws all the bad stuff about me in my face, be it real or lies, and when she says the same things to people behind my back. I've been with her for three years. I have/had every intention of spending the rest of my life with her.

Keep in mind, also, that if this relationship does end, I'm through with relationships forever, because nothing good ever comes from them. I went through high school surviving on casual sex alone, and quite frankly if I wasn't so attached to Mary I could go back to that way of life in a heartbeat and never feel an ounce of remorse.

But I love her. And I know that I'm going to forgive her.

You know the story. I need some advice. What should I do?

Should I put up with all the aggravation and B.S. because I love her? Or should I say the hell with it and go back to treating women like faceless, emotionless pieces of meat? (no offense to women, but there's a reason guys do it, and it's to AVOID SH*T LIKE WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH NOW)

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Help me. Please.

Wow.. Hey bro, if you ask anyone that I RP with, they'd tell you I've been pretty ****ed up myself lately for similar reasons. The love of my life, the girl that I ALSO intended to marry, and that I loved with every fiber of my being, cheated on me with my best friend. Of all people, my best friend. So in every way, I feel your pain. If you need someone to vent to, my screen name is Y2Dane. If you'd like to talk, just send me a PM and I'll put your screen name on my unblocking list (I have everyone that's not on my buddylist blocked.) My heart truly goes out to you. Take care, man.

*sigh* I'm sorry to hear about this. I'm not expert at relationships, but I do know one thing; you're awfully young to be in a commited relationship. You're young, you're growing and changing as a person, and you shouldn't be growing or changing in the direction a "signifigant other" wants you to. But you already know that, or at least you say you do.

You may be lonely for a while, but I think it would be wise to back off. I think its too early in your life to commit to another human being, or to totally write off the possibility of ever commiting to another human being again. Look out for number one.

Y'know what I'd love to do?

I'd love to see her lose her house and be homeless... just like I was.

I'd love for her father to steal all her money, and her car, and blow it all on drugs... just like my father did.

I'd love for her to have to carry the casket at her mother's funeral, just like I did.

I'd love for my sister to threaten her life, just like hers did to me.

I'd love for my mother to physically assault her, just like hers did to me.

I'd love to cut her open with a razor blade, just like she did to me.

I'd love to watch her swallow broken glass, so she can cough up blood like I do.

I'd love to watch her deal with severely infected sinuses... strep... pneumonia... for her entire life... just like me.

I'd love to see her get severely infected sinuses and a severe case of the flu at the same time, so she can alternate between coughing up blood and crawling on the floor like a dog trying - and failing- to make it to the bathroom before heaving all over the floor, just like I did in March. Repeatedly.

I'd love to watch her beg to die rather than suffer one more day, just like I did.

I'd love to watch the scenario repeat itself for months on end until she cursed God's name and would kill herself if only she had strength to lift a knife, so she would know how I felt.

I'd love to laugh in her face as she suffered, just like she did to me.

I'd love to tell her that every single bad thing that ever happened to her in her entire life was worthless, that she was weak, just like she did to me.

I want her to have my life for a day... a DAY... so I could watch her kill herself rather than deal with a piece of garbage father, a family that doesn't care, friends who aren't there, a backbreaking, sh*t-paying job, and a girlfriend who cares about nobody but herself.

I wish she was JUST LIKE ME.






Bitter? Who the f*ck is bitter?

I think it's time for you to take a much deserved break from all the bullsh*t that surrounds most relationships. I empathize in many ways, but from what I can see, that relationship is far from healthy.

While it's admirable to stay committed to someone, that's no reason to stay in a seemingly abusive relationship. But love is blind. I'm 21, and already married for a solid year now. While I'm fortunate that I couldn't have fallen in love with a more responsible, kindhearted and loving guy, I do regret rushing the marriage. Extenuating circumstances, and whatnot. But, c'est la vie.

Bottom line: While you can't help who you fall in love with, you can decide where these people fit in your lives. Can you justify spending ever day, from this one to the last, under the same circumstances you have been under for the past 3 years with this girl? Breakups are always messy, but divorces... that's like calling in the damn Hazmat team.

You've got to look out for yourself. I wish you the best of luck, I know things like this can be a bitch and a half to work out.

There is no break. If I'm done, I'm done.

There's so many diseases, addictions, and just plain hexes in my genetic makeup that I am, simply, not fated to live a very long time. I just turned 21, and for years I've been having random fainting spells, brief but uncontrollable periods of mild shaking (usually my right arm), and more recently, shortness of breath and severe chest pains. Frankly, I'm surprised I've lived THIS long. Toss in the fact that half my family died of suicide or drugs by the age of 50, and the rest are enjoying an agonizingly painful old age complete with heart problems and diabetes and Alzheimer's and Parkinson's and brittle bones, and I've come to accept the fact that I have, at most, 20 more good years left on this Earth before I either get cancer or AIDS, or just get fed up and blow my brains out like my cousin did.

20 more years. And bottom line, I've wasted too much time trying to find the person to spend my life with. I physically can not go through it all again. Ever. I went through it once before I even met Mary. I went through it with Mary. I don't have it in me anymore to meet someone else, go through all the "getting to know you/pretending I care about the stupid bullsh*t you're into" crap (luckily I was able to skip this part with Mary b/c we liked all the same things), and then ease into the actual relationship, put up with accusations of cheating, argue about money, and so on and so on only to have it all end badly AGAIN.

Too young? For God's sake, I'm already half dead. I'm not about to waste any more time finding someone new only to have it blow up in my face again. If it's over, it's over.

Not that I'm happy about it. But hey, my father never had a happy relationship either. Why break tradition?

I'd feel better talking about this in IM, but I see you are set to away right now, so I'll just say, Don't deal with it anymore. We can talk more later.

You shouldn't have to go through that, you're only wearing yourself down dealing with her. I know you said if you say no to this relationship, then you're going to forget relationships permanently, but there are so many people in the world not like that. I think you should take a little break from relationships and relax. Maybe you'll find someone down the road. Hang in there.

Well after all the stuff that youve said she has done I thinkyou should break up with her and try not to have contact with her anymore. If I were you I would just concentrate on other things for the time being. Judt don't concentrate on finding the love of your life. If it happens it happens. I know you probably feel pretty bad right now but eventualy it will be better. And as for you being sick, I have severe Asthma, severe exzyma (it is probably spelled wrong, it is a severe skin problem), I had Pneumonia eight times before I was five. Heck, I'm allergic to wooden pencils for goodness sake! But I always think, "hey it could be worse, at least I'm not homeless and can afford medical care." And as long as I stick to my meds it isn't so bad.

If you want my advice, you can just talk to me on AIM. I have had to put up with bulls*** like this in my life, as well as my friends so I know what it's like.

I'm gonna make this short: your top priority should be taking care of yourself. She obviously doesn't care what condition you're in. She isn't returning the favour. So if she's not willing to be there for you when you've been there for her, she's got to go. Just my two cents.

hey.

i'm under a slightly differenct username on aim, but i'm tryin' ta reach ya. ... ironically i just joined your "homeless" club earlier this week and things have been less than normal. but yeah. i'm on a borrowed machine now. if you wanna talk, i'll be around...

Yeah Leo just take care of yourself. Don't mind her. If she does that to you I don't think your getting love on the other end of the relationship. You should just walk away and take it easy. Enjoy yourself and have some fun. Then maybe later try the relationship thing again. But only if your ready. And don't you dare think of killing yourself. Suicide isn't the solution. So just go out and be single for a while. Go to wrestling events. Do stuff you enjoy. To keep your mind off of her. I really think she is not worth the wait by the way you said in your first post.

We talked a bit last night...

I agree with many of the people here. You need to get away from her. Do some stuff you enjoy. Take that gas money, take whatever money you used on her, and take good care of YOURself. Do something that makes you happy. You have a group of friends here who will never leave you alone.
If she tries to get back with you, dont do it. All this stress of living with her, I think, could be wearing on your health a lot. I know when I had a really difficult situations going on in my life, it nearly killed me.
You have friends here, people you can talk to, and get everything off your chest. Never hesitate to talk to me, hun. You know where I'm at... :twink:

Well I'm just gonna have to agree with everyone else. Get her out of your life. At least for awhile. While I don't have experience exactly like this, I do have a friend who gets on my nerves enough to make me physically sick. You've got more than enough stress in your life without having to worry like that about other people as well.

You need take care of yourself first, and I think anybody who was worth any kind of effort would understand that.

I sincerely wanna thank everyone for giving a damn.

Well she IMed me twice while I was asleep, then called and made Dad wake me up so I could talk to her. First, she admitted that she'd lied to me about not saying all that stuff to my father, and after that I really didn't need to hear any more, and told her, bluntly, "After all this time, you have the nerve to lie to me repeatedly. You're the biggest piece of sh*t I know."

She was actually mad at HIM for telling me the truth for once in his life, cuz he's a lying piece of garbage too, but for once he told me the truth. And SHE was mad at HIM. A person's only as good as their word, and someone who lies to me is a piece of garbage, period. Especially someone who I was planning on staying with forever.

She moved on to the excuses. "I needed to vent." "I felt better." "I loved you more after I got it out." Vent? There's nothing TO vent. She acts like SHE is the god damned victim. Like I'm supposed to care how she feels when I can't even believe a word she says.

She didn't really have much to say when I threw all this in her face, just the usual "well I needed to talk to someone" garbage. Hm... call me crazy, but I thought that's what *I* was for. "I didn't want you getting mad at me," she says. Well gee, "honey," if you're afraid I'll be mad at you, doesn't that automatically mean you're WRONG to begin with?

So I verbally kicked her in her non-existant balls and told her to do herself a favor and go kill herself the way she wanted to before I was nice enough to take pity on her ass four years ago. Yeah, that was cheap, but after being told that every effort on my part for three years was worthless in so many words, I honestly just don't give a sh*t. Then I told her "you wanna play your little f*cking games? Play them with some other idiot, because I'm done," and hung up.

I am done. Done. The very THOUGHT of going through this again with someone has me completely disgusted. No relationship is worth this. If I'm gonna be alone, then I'm gonna be alone, but I am DONE with women and their little friggin' games. If I have to keep everyone at arm's length for the rest of my life to be happy, or even just feel safe, then fine, but I physically have nothing more to give.

Agreed. No relationship is worth that much turmoil, inner or outer. Simply put: Good riddance.

Agreed. You put it well, Hooligan. Just be glad she's gone, Leo. Now that you have your old life back, you can do what you what WHEN you want and not have to worry about someone messing up your life.

*pauses* Ah, crud...I've gone and upset myself. Gotta go. :lol:

Am I the only one who doesn't know what to say? My life's been so mediocre...I feel bad for NOT knowing how you feel, since:

- I'm still a virgin (yeah, shoot me...I'll be 19 in 5 days, still haven't boned a girl yet)

- The worst treatment I've ever gotten from my dad was that damned brutish "military discipline" (damn all Vietnam vets like him!, heh)

- I've been single all my life, so I've never had rough relationships, thus I'm a bit more content with myself

- I hardly ever get sick considering I tempered my immune system as a kid by playing in as much dirt as I could

- Overall, my life has been quite peachy so far, and I only expect it to get better

Regardless, you don't deserve such a sh*tty life...do what everyone else says and just take it easy on yourself...who knows? Your health may improve significantly either by luck, taking it easy, or seeing a doctor to know exactly what the problem is.

Please don't get the wrong impression from me, I'm only trying to find some ground I can stand on, which is kind of hard since I've had neither a life where everything was given to me nor one where I've been suicidal since age 5 either...it's tough for me to give advice :|

Get outta town! You're single too?! I've had guy friends all of my life (and that's all they were...they were just friends that I could turn to if I needed to talk to them (half were football players.... :D) ) and I've never ONCE had a serious relationship. I've had married friends come up to me and tell me that I'm "lucky to be single". Phhht....if I'm so lucky...then why do I feel so alone all the time.....?