Does any one have an abusive dad besides me?

[Leofan26]

He hasn't hurt me yet but he does emotionally abuse me a lot

I know this isn't the place to talk about this type of stuff, heck I get so stressed out about it that I go into seizures. My Doctor thinks I should go see a therapist or else it could keep getting worse.

My parents fight a lot, he's a very controlling guy to me and my mom. Tries to act like a nice guy to every one outside of the house hold. I know what he's diagnosed with, it's a Doctor Hyde type situation that he can switch emotion or personality at any moment, it's very rare for people to have as far as I know.

It get's really scary at times at my house. Does any one else have to deal with this?

[Netkeeper]

My brother did. I should explain -- he's not biologically related to me, but when he turned 18 he packed all his things and took a taxi to my house while his dad was at work without leaving a single note behind. We kind of adopted him, and my own dad has even said he's family to us. So I refer to him as my brother, as we're just as close.

Anyway, he had an abusive dad as well, more emotional than physical also. He used to stomp on his "son's" self-esteem, tell him he's worthless, hopes he never breeds, mock him, and would find subtle ways of controlling his kids. There's probably a ton more I'm missing since nobody likes bringing him up in conversation. The only physical thing he ever did was take a serrated knife and slice his "son's" hand with it during some kind of rough housing, and claimed he was just "playing around". The scar's still there, though. That was when I KNEW something had to be done, and I'm the one that recommended the "get out of there and take a taxi to my house when he's working" idea. My whole family, including him, moved states soon afterward and this effectively cut off all contact with this man who doesn't even deserve to be called a father.

Add the fact that he's always drinking, and is a sexist, racist, homophobic bigot [that is incredibly proud of it] and you have one terrible terrible father. My dad's worked really hard to try and repair the damage that was done.

I consider myself a rather physically peaceful person, as I do not like resorting to violence, but if I ever saw that man again I'd fight him. Don't care if I lost, either. He's the only person on the planet I actively wish death upon.

As for your situation, I don't see any problem with talking about this kind of thing here. People need to vent, and they need to escape those dangerous places. This is online, so it's a safe place. If you can afford a therapist, I would seriously consider seeing one. Also, perhaps you can look into seeking help through some kind of support group or something. If you're under 18, you can call CPS.

[pennydreadful]

Hey Leo - sorry to hear you're in such a lousy living situation atm. My partner's father is exactly the same - his whole family's quite mentally and emotionally abusive and it took me years to re-train some of his thought patterns.

I definitely think that you should be seeing a therapist so you don't internalize any more toxic BS from this jerk.

[Eiko]

The family that lives a street away both parents are abusive to their kids, it is horrible to hear. They have said stuff like, you have ruined my life wish you would just die, and so on. I am a volunteer at my kids school, and they come to school with no lunch half the time, wearing the same clothes several days in a row. Child services are very close to taking the kids. I feel so sorry for them.

[Mona_Lisa]

My bad was "mentally abusive" as well. All my friends were terrified of him!!! But my parents separated in 1999...
Me and him still talk, I still love him. But we have a very sorry relationship ...
Sorry things are so hard on you friend, but things will get better! So many say your childhood is the best years of your life. But that's bull, the best years of my life are the ones I'm living right now

[Raven]

I grew up with a mentally abusive, unstable father as well, it took me many years to realize many of the things he was doing and saying were not right. I grew up with a lot of fighting in the house hold, people always screaming and threatening to commit suicide.

Things got very rough, but they did get better. Unfortunately they didn't get better until after the divorce.

The best advice I can give you based on my experiences is get a support network. Talk to people, don't be ashamed of this. Mental abusive is hard to prove and even harder to understand, these people like to play with your head, and then claim nothing.

I still love my dad very deeply, but I had to cut ties with him once things started to get even more out of control in our relationship. From what I understand your stuck with him (Correct me if I am wrong), so you can't just walk away from it. I remember days and long nights were I just wanted to run away and make it all end. It was hard to talk to others and explain what was going on.

Its even harder when its some one you trust, some one you want to protect you and take care of you.

I don't know how old you are, but find some one you can talk to in person. Even here, find some that will lend a ear. You'll go insane trying to hold it all in, have some one help you understand it don't go it alone.

But please, talk about this with some one you trust. Home should feel safe, I'm very sorry to hear that you have to go through this Leofan26, but as some one who went through a very similar case and lived to tell his story I can tell you it can get better. It just wont be perfect.

[Slade]

My mom found the guy who she told me was my "dad" when I was 10. My grandpaw didn't let him come around(smart man he was), so my mom lost him. Anyway, she found him 16 years ago. Turns out, he was a horrible alchoholic and has a coke problem. Along with beeing a mooch. Can't keep a job for sh*t. Anyway, about 3 weeks into my mom finding him, they started to fight....and it didn't stop. For a long time. It only got worse. From just being yelling, to him shoving, to punching, to down right trying to kill her. A lot of times, they would even fight about me. I could always hear him screaming "That's not my son!" About me. (though, it turns out, he's probably right) He loves my little brother to death though. He's actually his too. Anyway, I was just a scared little kid those days. That type of sh*t can harden you though. So, all the violence actually stopped when I hit 16 or 17. Had to put his ass in check...by tossing him through the front door. That was one of the only times I was actually at home then. I couldn't stand living in that sh*t...so I roamed the streets...stayed at cousins or friends houses all the time....there's a lot more to this..but you shouldn't deal with it how I did.


Sorry, I don't break my lines up like everyone else does How old are you anyway?

[musashi-kamiizumi]

Leofan,
First of all, I am so sorry that you are experiencing that, and you absolutely do not deserve to be treated that way.

A good place to start might be a school counselor, depending on your age. Keep in mind that if you give any type of specifics (if you say it is your dad) then it is mandatory to report it. This is the same for a therapist. I am not sure how the laws work if you are not a minor.

I was abused as a child and a young adult, and I honestly think that is what drove me to super heroes. I wanted to learn how to be strong, and I also wanted someone heroic to come and save me.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Originally Posted by musashi-kamiizumi

Leofan,
First of all, I am so sorry that you are experiencing that, and you absolutely do not deserve to be treated that way.

A good place to start might be a school counselor, depending on your age. Keep in mind that if you give any type of specifics (if you say it is your dad) then it is mandatory to report it. This is the same for a therapist. I am not sure how the laws work if you are not a minor.

I was abused as a child and a young adult, and I honestly think that is what drove me to super heroes. I wanted to learn how to be strong, and I also wanted someone heroic to come and save me.

You know, I think that might have been what drew me to the "super hero" archetypes, too. It started with reading sci-fi and fantasy novels, and watching action hero cartons even after I was in high school. I needed the escape it gave me, because it was the only joy I really had in my childhood. Goddess knows I didn't get any at home.

My step-dad is both mentally and for a long time was also physically and even sexually abusive. Never went so far as to actually.... y'know, but he would walk in on me in the bathroom as young as 7 WITH THE DOOR LOCKED (he used a hex-key to pick the "lock") he would try to grab/fondle my rear or boobs, and other crap that couldn't really be proven- because he left no physical evidence. He was smart enough not to do anything that anyone could nail him on. And the worst part is even now, after I finally had enough and told a counselor at school and he was slapped with a restraining order and counseling (my mom never pressed charges) he STILL does not see anything wrong with what he did, because quote "We're not related by blood." And even now, I dislike even hugging the creep, because he still hasn't changed. I've even had other family members threaten him in recent years due to his treatment of me. Yes, the verbal crap hasn't stopped, even though I'm an adult. He still puts down my job, my husband- who is TEN TIMES the man he is- and everything I enjoy or believe in. It's one reason he is one of the only three family members who do not know I am Wiccan.

Seriously. This man is sick, and when I was a kid, I used to imagine slitting his throat while he napped in his recliner (I did dishes a lot at home and mom sometimes worked late, and was taking some college courses for her job for a couple of years) and thinking how easy it would be, and who would blame me for it? But I always had this voice in the back of my head telling me he wasn't worth the mess, or the problems it would cause for my mom, and everything else that would go with ridding the world of that stain on humanity.

Like Netkeeper, mine was also a bigoted, racist homophobe, and somewhat of a misogonist, as well. The "housework and taking care of kids is a woman's job" type. He didn't care that she had a full-time job, she (and myself as young as 3) was expected to do all the housework as well, while he "worked" on the vehicles in the garage (which was rare) or occasionally mowed the yard or cleaned HIS vehicles. Mostly, he just sat and watched TV (and fell asleep doing so). Because, y'know, his job/chores were SOOO much harder. Made me sick to think of his attitude and how my mom always put up with it. He was never physical with HER, just verbally and mentally demeaning. He saved his worst douche-behavior for me.

Bottom line- I still have to deal with this man when I visit my mom, or at family gatherings- at least when he chooses to go- but I've learned how to ignore his opinions and sick mentality. And avoid contact as much as possible. I know that may not be possible for some, but talking to someone and getting support is the best thing you can do. It certainly helped me. Once he realized that I wasn't afraid of him, a lot of his worst behavior stopped, and I made it clear that I wouldn't hesitate to report it the next time he pulled any physical $hit. Sometimes even the threat of getting caught is enough to curb these creeps.

[musashi-kamiizumi]

I don't know if it will help you at all, but you could seek out and read some of Casey's comic stories. His father is an abusive sack of ****.

[pennydreadful]

Just wanted to say - I think a lot of bravery is being shown in this thread. *hugs* And those of you who have shared your stories - you make it easier for other to share theirs, or at least let other people reading know that they aren't alone.

[MsMarvelDuckie]

I hope so. It's always easier to deal with things like that when you know that there are others who share the same problems.

[pennydreadful]

Agreed - and it takes more strength to show vulnerability and share about the things that have hurt you than a lot of people think.

[Davetello]

Thoughts with everyone sharing difficult memories, and to Leofan: it sounds like you're in a predicament here, as you're too young to really gain full independence. You should certainly talk to as many people as you can and make it well-known what this clown is like. You shouldn't have to live in fear as that's ethically sickening. Can't you report or something for his behaviour, or would that just make things worse? It sounds like you're trapped and have nowhere to go or turn, and you shouldn't have to live like that. People - especially adults - should be helping you.


As for me, I've never met my biological father, but my stepdad (my brother's dad) was a real creep. I can't even remember how he met my mother but he was extremely abusive towards her both mentally and physically - he would hit her and occasionally even burn her with cigarettes (I hate smoking and this is probably part of the reason why). She was scared of him but looking back I realise she took a lot of abuse to keep his focus of of us - specifically me. However, that didn't always work and he was very controlling towards us as well - he used to make me eat every single bite of my dinner or else he'd give me the belt (looking back I wonder if this has contributed to some of my battles with eating disorders). He made me do my homework the instant I got home (nothing wrong with this you might think, until I tell you he'd 'smack' me if I made a mistake). He hit my younger brother as well but I was his main target of the two. My mum used to tell me he had a soft spot for me (despite me not being biologically his) but I think that's bollocks to be honest.

He'd do the usual things a controlling, abusive father would do, like buy us new action figures or sports materials in order to 'compensate'. As a young kid (I'd be between 4 and 10 in the period he was with us) you find it exciting but as you get older you look back and realise how repugnant it is that these sorts of characters think they can buy you off. My grandparents absolutely hated him - especially my gran (who is no longer with us).

I've seen him a couple of times out and about and he hasn't even made eye contact - I think he knows what will happen if he does. Apparently he's a train driver now and making a nice living. Goes to show that karma doesn't always hit. He's a prick, basically.

My biological dad is a real idiot as well - he treated my mother terribly. He apparently asked to see me when I was a newborn then he just vanished. He comes from a wealthy family apparently, and my grandparents on that side apparently offered my mother a 'blank cheque' to stay out of their lives because they hated her (I don't know the full story, but it's a wealthy looking down on the poorer type scenario). He lives far away now but my mum still knows extended family members of his and apparently he is racked with guilt over what happened and regrets not being part of my life. I don't really care, to be honest. Sometimes I get curious about my aunts and uncles on that side of the family, but for the most part I don't even think about it - unlike many people I've never really been curious about estranged family members or been eager for reconciliation. I'm sure I'd get on with some of them but it has always seemed like a hassle I don't need. I'm perfectly happy with my mum's side of the family (or those I have left as I've lost two of them in the last 9 years).

Yeah, just felt I would share seeing as everyone else has. It's cathartic to talk about things.

[pennydreadful]

It's really brave of you to open up about your eating disorder, Dave. That must have been really hard for you to go through. There's definitely not enough awareness of (or support for) eating disorders among men.

My (ex)best friend in highschool had an eating disorder and it was very difficult for me as a teen to see someone going through that and not be able to help. I've been lucky enough to not have had that particular illness, but I will definitely admit to having eating-disordered thinking, though I don't restrict or purge.

I think it's another mental illness that there isn't enough understanding of - and particularly with the social pressures today and the images that we're fed (no pun intended) through the media, that definitely needs to change.

In the meantime, I hope everyone who's posted on here about family troubles is doing ok and remembering to be kind to themselves. Hugs to y'all.

[Icebot]

My parents never meant to hurt me or abuse me and I love them very much but I disagree to this day the way they punished me as a kid and I'm still traumatized from those punishments.

The punishments were for not answering the phone but as an adult I still think punishment wasn't the answer. I have a disability in communicating and my terms are don't answer the phone unless I know I have to. I thought someone else was gonna answer the phone those times and I ended up getting punished because they didn't. Now because of those punishments, I only get confused when the phone rings and I think someone else is gonna answer it. When no one does, it scares me and chaos and confusion take over my mind.

[Leo656]

Ooof, that one kinda hits close to home for me. When I was a kid, if I didn't answer the phone when one of Mom's friends called, that was worth getting hit over. If I did answer the phone and it was a bill collector, that was also worth getting hit over. Seeing as how this was before caller ID, you can tell that me and the phone don't exactly get along. A ringing phone is still a big cause of stress for me.

Just one story of many, just haven't felt like getting into details. One of these days.

[Gunpowder]

Saddening stuff. Seriously. I've been seeing quite a few "eye-opening" threads like this one on these forums lately, and I don't mind that at all.

My parents both treat me well, so I'm thankful for that. But I have (had) a brother who seemed to acquire immeasurable pleasure from tormenting me, to the point that I had recurrent depression and even a lack of emotional capabilities. Because of him, I constantly fret over not being good enough (in every regard), and once every few weeks or so, I'll undergo an episode of depression for no given reason - during which time I always remain secluded in my room and spend all my time thinking and sleeping (there are suicidal thoughts here and there). But I come through.

Now, is this as severe as the stuff some other people on here have gone through (or are currently going through)? Hardly. And that makes me almost feel guilty for fretting over comparatively underwhelming problems. Makes me feel like I don't have the right to be stressing. So I'll just end by saying that no one deserves ANY of that. To everyone who posted and will post on here, you don't deserve what's happened. If you can't change your situation - and usually you can't - find something that gives you consolation (unless, of course, it harms you). Find several things, even. Mine are working out, running, drawing, and Ninja Turtles. But my ambition to be successful is primarily what keeps me going. Find something like that to believe in - it helps.

Edit: My brother left a while back; I don't know where he is now. But I oddly miss him.