C.O.W.boys of Moo Mesa

[Dawnatello Turtle Chick]

Season 1, Episode 3: "A Snake in Cow's Clothing" (September 27, 1992) Teleplay by Cliff Ruby and Elana Lesser

Characters:
Moo Montana, Dakota Dude, Cowlorado Kid, Lily Bovine, Jacques Le Beef/Barney Finkleburg, Buffalo Bull, Mayor Bulloney, Sheriff Terrorbull/the Masked Bull, Cowlamity Kate, Boot Hill Buzzard, Saddle Sore, un-named goat train conductor

Code of the West Quotes:
1. A snake in cow's clothing is still a snake.
2. You can't call a bull a weasel less'n you see him steal your eggs.

Firsts:
First appearance of Buffalo Bull

Synopsis:

Spoiler:

The 1:00 train has arrived and Lily asks the conductor to look for her safe she ordered but all they can find are lots of luggage for Jacques Le Beef. Jacques flirts with Lily and says he might have to stay in town for a while. Jacques reveals that his trunks are full of fine items he plans to sell to the good folk of Cowtown. He offers to escort Miss Lily home and tips the conductor, but as they walk away Jacques uses a magnet to recapture his tip. Dakota helps Miss Lily place her new safe in the Tumbleweed when Buffalo Bull comes in hoping Lily will let him store his prize tool set inside her safe. She says she's got room so be hollers out that she's got room and soon a crowd of townsfolk rush in with prized possessions they hope to keep in her safe.

Many citizens feel their money is safer in Miss Lily's safe than in the bank. This upsets Mayor Bulloney who crafts a plan with Sheriff Terrorbull to get the townsfolk to put their money back in the bank. Just then Moo and Cowlorado ride up and Moo says Lily invited Moo to dinner. Jacques is selling products to townspeople when he is told of Miss Lily's safe. Jacques offers to help Lily close the overfilled safe, but Cowlorado steps in- however he is knocked away by the safe door. Jacques then shuts the door, but first steals a piece of paper out of it- Miss Lily's secret recipe for her Sarsaparilla. Moo warns Lily that it may be dangerous to store everyone's valuables in her safe but she says she can't turn down her friends. Moo and Dakota don't trust Jacques and decide they should put something in the safe to keep it safe.

Moo and Dakota look through wanted posters to see if Jacques is a known criminal when Moo observes Jacques wooing Lily and walking her to the Tumbleweed. Moo and Dakota watch suspiciously when Cowlamity Kate rides up and lassos Jacques. She wishes to buy a riding jacket he has on sale- as he measures her for her size he notices her very valuable belt buckle. Moo and crew agree they must keep their eyes on him.

Jacques beats Mayor Bulloney, Sheriff Terrorbull and Boot hill Buzzard at cards and as he leaves the Mayor and Sheriff concoct a plan to run Jacques out of town plus eliminate the safe competition. Jacques is in his hotel room admiring his money and trick cards he uses to cheat with and we see him making "hair tonic" with sugar water that he plans on scamming people with. After Jacques goes to sleep, the Masked Bull pays him a visit and steals a monogrammed handkerchief.

Moo and Dakota attend a hoe-down and are looking for Lily and Kate, Cowlorado jumps on stage and begins singing when Moo and Dakota finally spot their gals. When Moo and Dakota ask the ladies to dance they inform them that they are waiting for Jacques to teach them a new dance. Jacques show up to teach them the dance and a long line of eager women immediately forms, Moo and Dakota decide to leave. Cowlorado walks Kate and Lily to the Tumbleweed where Moo and Dakota are waiting. Lily and Kate tell the boys they missed a great hoe-down and Jacques danced so much he had to leave early. Lily then walks into the Tumbleweed and screams when she discovers that her safe was robbed. Moo and crew rush in and surmise that the hoe-down was a diversion for the safe robber. Sheriff Terrorbull and Saddle Sore step in and announce that they will be investigating this crime. The Sheriff checks out the empty safe and plants the monogrammed hankie thereby framing Jacques for the the theft. Lily protests that she believes Jacques is innocent and could have never done a thing like this even though Moo and crew all agree that Jacques is crooked. Lily begs Moo to look into the crime and Moo finally agrees that they will need to find the proof of who did it. He finds chalk on the floor by the safe and decides to start there.

Meanwhile Jacques is jailed while proclaiming his innocence. Moo arrives at the Sheriff's and asks to see Jacques boots and notices that Jacques' boots are clean with no sign of chalk. After hearing that Moo had left chalk in Miss Lily's safe to help him track down any safe robbers Saddle Sore decides to make his escape. Moo notices Saddle Sore is leaving chalk boot prints and tell him to stop. Saddle Sore runs out and jumps in the wagon Boot Hill Buzzard has waiting and tells him to hurry. Moo and crew pursue the two fleeing goons and succeed in stopping the wagon and knocking the trunk full of stolen goods from the wagon. Moo and crew are then lassoed by the Masked Bull who ties them to the wagon and sends the horse running, dragging them along behind. Moo is finally able to shoot the rope and break them free and Dakota breaks the rope holding them together, thus freeing them all.

Boot Hill Buzzard and Saddle Sore are guarding the trunk of stolen goods when Moo and crew sneak up on them to arrest them and return the contents of the safe. The goons point out that Moo didn't like Jacques but Moo still says Jacques should go free since he was innocent of the crime.

Meanwhile at the jail the women of the town are lining up with food for Jacques, the Sheriff looks at the dishes to be served and finds that they all contain tools for Jacques to break out of jail. The Sheriff sends all the ladies away, warning them that they would be breaking the law by helping a criminal escape. The women are all standing outside the Sheriff's office when Moo and crew ride up with the guilty goons and safe contents in tow. Moo tells the Sheriff that he found the thieves and he'd like to have a word with Jacques. When they head inside to the jail cell they discover Le Beef is gone! Everyone is shocked and Moo finds a note inside Jacques' cell saying he must leave. Mayor Bulloney is furious with Sheriff Terrorbull over him losing the prisoner and tells him he has to go to jail with Saddle Sore and Boot Hill Buzzard. Lily offers Mayor Bulloney her safe which Dakota promptly drops right at the Mayor's feet. Lily then looks around for Moo but can't find him anywhere.

Jacques is aboard the train leaving town and has Lily's secret Sarsaparilla recipe in his possession plus Kate's expensive belt buckle. Moo rides up along side the train to approach Jacques with the truth that Jacques is really Barney Finkleburg, the notorious con-artist. Moo tells Barney that he will be taking possession of Barney's trunks and if he ever sees or hears of Jacques again Barney will be serving jail time. Without his trunks Barney will be unable to pull his scams. Moo then rides off with the trunks in tow while Barney stays aboard the train.