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Old 04-17-2015, 06:27 PM   #1
Ecto Jedi
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 2,439
Playing MGS 4 for the first time. I don't like it...and that scares me.

I've never played Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. The original MGS blew my f*ckin' balls off years ago. So did Sons of Liberty, and Snake Eater. Peace Walker for the PSP was pretty fly, too.

I bought Guns of the Patriots the other day, seven years after its release. Nine bucks. I thought, "why the hell not." My girlfriend owns a PS3 (I'm a 360 owner). The time is right.

So I start it up. And...it's...awful? Like, I'm not liking it. There's the fact that the "Mission Briefing" intro is accessible only via the main menu, and not when you, like, actually start the campaign, so there's vital information I'm missing off the bat.

The Middle East setting is cool. I guess. But interspersed within the pseudo-realistic Kojima world of guns, terrorists and global warfare, there's...fart jokes? Wait, no -- not fart jokes, just farts. We meet Meryl for the first time since the original Metal Gear Solid, and she has a teammate who soils himself -- complete with frrrap and gurgle noises -- during her intro, and during the reunion talk, and during your escape from an abandoned building?

Like. Jesus. Is this supposed to be funny? Whose idea was this?

And then there's Sunny. Olga's daughter, apparently, who hangs out with Otacon in Snake's mobile headquarters. I can't stand that little girl. She's just so stereotypically "Japanese" in design. A character meant to come off as so cutesy and adorable that she actually has the exact opposite effect.

I hate her thin-pitched little stuttering voice. And those striped leggings, bottomed by oversized shoes. And the way she clodhops around the other characters, while they talk of PMCs and private militias and military coups, offering fried eggs to everyone and then emoting when they turn her down.

There's a lot of good stuff in here. Don't get me wrong. But...did Kojima pull a George Lucas here? Did they let him have complete creative control, and he went a little nuts? Is Olga Jar Jar Binks, and all the fart jokes sort of like overdone CGI?

I'm now starting Act II. Vamp just showed up. Maybe things will improve.

Am I being overly picky? Am I just not in the right frame of mind? Has Metal Gear Solid always been this...asinine? Strange, yes, and idiosyncratic, always. But this lame?

Someone help.
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