Ninja Turtles Foodabunga #1- TMNT POPSICLES!

[snake]

Written by snake

I was just browsing the drome this morning and a thought crossed me. I've never really contributed anything. Like, compared to most people here I've done jack sh*t. I've just kinda chimed in and caused fights most of the time. So I weighed my options here on what I could do that was low effort enough to still be considered content and I came to the conclusion of writing about turtles food that comes out. Most of this stuff is just regular food, just slapped with the same goddamn image of the Nick turtles we've seen 1000 times over on everything from sunglasses to music players. The small percentage of it that isn't just a cheap cash grab and is actually worth celebrating is far and few.

Today we have the former, in the shape of TMNT Popsicles, made by the Popsicle company!



Wow what amazing packaging. I just love that copy pasted image of the turtles onto the same old yellow box like it's nothing. These things shouldn't just be popsicles, they should be an EVENT! The whole box should be green, dripping with ooze, and if they really wanted to sell these things, the popsicles would have a gimmick with them. I'm a sucker for popsicle gimmicks; pushups, hard shelled, printed drawings etched onto the treat ala WWF Ice Cream Bars, you name it. If I was the man in charge of the Popsicle company, I would've gone with a green outer shell with purple goo in the middle, complete with images of the turtles ON THE BARS! Load the back of the packaging with bios and TRADING CARDS! Glow in the dark trading cards! Cards with no value whatsoever and always look like sh*t when you cut them out

Or y'know I could just attach sh*tty, vaguely related turtle jokes to the stick and call it a day.

I wonder what being the head of the popsicle company is like. It must make talking with non popsicle-affiliated folk extremely awkward when work related talk comes up. "Oh yeah, I work for Popsicle. I guess you can say I'm a pretty big deal."

Maybe it's just me or I can't see working as someone important in the company without wearing a get up that isn't a mix between a child predetor and Wily Wonka

The "gimmick" here is pretty simple. 4 different flavors representing the 4 brothers. The flavors are appropriately named "Orange Fury", "Cherry Crush" (Like the pornstar!), "Blue Raspberry Blast", and "Smashing Grape".

It looks like Donnie won out of all these names. His sounds pretty intimidating, like there's regular grape, and then there's SMASHING grape. Big difference. Mikey's popsicle (god that's dirty) sounds wayyyy too much like "Orange
Furry".

Raph's shares the name of a pornstar, which might be pretty accurate. Maybe Raph called up Popsicle and gave them the name as a joke and they, ignorant of what Raph polishes his sai to, decided it was good enough.

Leo has "Blue Raspberry Blast" which is way too generic for a f*cking TMNT popsicle. Why not Booyakasha Blast instead?

Donnie has SMASHING GRAPE. Hell yeah. That name reeks of greatness.

NUTRITION FACTS
-40 calories per popsicle (HOLY MOLEY)

The Nutrition Facts were actually a shock to me, clocking in at 40 calories. Usually this stuff is loaded with sh*t, so I guess it's nice to see a change.

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