Fixing "The Today Show"

*Tetsu Deinonychus* · 06-13-2005, 09:41 PM

Something has been occurring to me recently on mornings when I get up for work...The Today Show SUCKS!!! Not, the way it ALWAYS sucked, but in new, sucky ways. I think the fact that NOTHING ELSE (except "Good Morning America" which is really the SAME DAMN SHOW) is on is the problem. Lack of competition is hurting the "product".

It used to be dumb but fun; it was the show that introduced me to Odd Todd, it used to be tons of lighthearted Hollywood Fluff, and recipes, and movie promotion, but now it's all preachy political crap and "Social problems", and the "Murder of the Month", and Katie Couric being a preachy, self-righteous bitch.

In the interest of DOING something about that problem, I've decided to send a list of suggestions to NBC, and I'd like to run them by all of you first...

1. Replace Katie Couric with the Cryptkeeper

-She's the embodiment of the preachy self-righteous "Cater to the soccermoms" mentality. And, am I the only one who doesn't give a flying damn about who's having sex with who in High schools?! She's always doing self-righteous stories about how we should run our lives, while
constantly sporting that phony Crocodile/Shark/Joker smile. There has GOT to be a better host. And, I know just who to get....

THE CRYPTKEEPER!
Think about it! He's better looking, More likeable, wittier, and superior to Katie Couric in every way! He could even spruce-up the bad news with his upbeat death-jokes. Followed by his wonderful laugh! And, just picture him interviewing politicians. I think if we were all a little more like Cryptkeeper. The world would be a better place!

2. Put Matt Lauer in a chicken suit.

-What can I say? I like Matt Lauer, but the guy is just plain dull as dishwater! Rather than hope for him to develop more personality, it would be easier and quicker just to put him in a good-old-fashioned chicken suit! Just imagine him doing all the things Matt Lauer does, but IN A CHICKEN SUIT! Why, the possibilities are ENDLESS!

3. More Willard Scott

-Let's face it. The guy is funny. But, he needs more air-time. Well, I got the perfect solution! Every time he greets some old lady on her birthday, he should make a reference to her having had an affair with some obscure forgotten president from a century ago. Ex: Hoover, Taft, McKinley,
etc., but never a well known president like Washington or Roosevelt, it's only funny with obscure unknown presidents! If they give him time to do that with every old-lady birthday, we should get plenty of Willard!

4. Cojokaru Every Day!

-On Fridays they have this flaming-homosexual fashion reporter, named Steven Cojokaru, talk about what the movie-stars are wearing, and this guy is without-a-doubt HILARIOUS! So, wouldn't it be great to have him on there everyday! Commenting on the wardrobe of politicians, religious leaders, etc. Just imagine if Tony Blair, or the Pope were subjected to Cojo's hilarity, it'd be a party every morning!!!

I think these changes alone would make "The Today Show" something I can watch everyday, and maybe even wake-up just to watch it. And, hey, it's not like it can get any worse!

06-13-2005, 09:41 PM	#1
Tetsu Deinonychus The Iron Dinosaur Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Studio Snowlion HQ Posts: 3,021	Fixing "The Today Show" Something has been occurring to me recently on mornings when I get up for work...The Today Show SUCKS!!! Not, the way it ALWAYS sucked, but in new, sucky ways. I think the fact that NOTHING ELSE (except "Good Morning America" which is really the SAME DAMN SHOW) is on is the problem. Lack of competition is hurting the "product". It used to be dumb but fun; it was the show that introduced me to Odd Todd, it used to be tons of lighthearted Hollywood Fluff, and recipes, and movie promotion, but now it's all preachy political crap and "Social problems", and the "Murder of the Month", and Katie Couric being a preachy, self-righteous bitch. In the interest of DOING something about that problem, I've decided to send a list of suggestions to NBC, and I'd like to run them by all of you first... 1. Replace Katie Couric with the Cryptkeeper -She's the embodiment of the preachy self-righteous "Cater to the soccermoms" mentality. And, am I the only one who doesn't give a flying damn about who's having sex with who in High schools?! She's always doing self-righteous stories about how we should run our lives, while constantly sporting that phony Crocodile/Shark/Joker smile. There has GOT to be a better host. And, I know just who to get.... THE CRYPTKEEPER! Think about it! He's better looking, More likeable, wittier, and superior to Katie Couric in every way! He could even spruce-up the bad news with his upbeat death-jokes. Followed by his wonderful laugh! And, just picture him interviewing politicians. I think if we were all a little more like Cryptkeeper. The world would be a better place! 2. Put Matt Lauer in a chicken suit. -What can I say? I like Matt Lauer, but the guy is just plain dull as dishwater! Rather than hope for him to develop more personality, it would be easier and quicker just to put him in a good-old-fashioned chicken suit! Just imagine him doing all the things Matt Lauer does, but IN A CHICKEN SUIT! Why, the possibilities are ENDLESS! 3. More Willard Scott -Let's face it. The guy is funny. But, he needs more air-time. Well, I got the perfect solution! Every time he greets some old lady on her birthday, he should make a reference to her having had an affair with some obscure forgotten president from a century ago. Ex: Hoover, Taft, McKinley, etc., but never a well known president like Washington or Roosevelt, it's only funny with obscure unknown presidents! If they give him time to do that with every old-lady birthday, we should get plenty of Willard! 4. Cojokaru Every Day! -On Fridays they have this flaming-homosexual fashion reporter, named Steven Cojokaru, talk about what the movie-stars are wearing, and this guy is without-a-doubt HILARIOUS! So, wouldn't it be great to have him on there everyday! Commenting on the wardrobe of politicians, religious leaders, etc. Just imagine if Tony Blair, or the Pope were subjected to Cojo's hilarity, it'd be a party every morning!!! I think these changes alone would make "The Today Show" something I can watch everyday, and maybe even wake-up just to watch it. And, hey, it's not like it can get any worse! __________________ (Image hosting by Postimage.org) And here's a list of all my old wacky threads! Last edited by Tetsu Deinonychus; 06-14-2005 at 12:30 AM.