Complete Frustration

[Jo Dawn]

I don't want this to seem like I'm whining. But just let me get this off my chest...

Those of you who don't know me as well as some others... I've been sick for a while now. Don't worry, thus far it hasn't been diagnosed as anything dangerous. But therein lies another problem. It hasn't been diagnosed at all.

Going on three months straight now, I think, I've been 'sick'. I can't eat. I can't drink. I went three days with nothing but two sips of water a day. And when I did, I felt awful, like I was punched, but not physically ill. Which is why, in the picture thread, I had to laugh when gobo (I believe) told me to 'get some meat on my bones'. I had some. I lost it.

I'm JUST being able to eat some stuff, though not as much as I'd like, and I still feel awful every day. I've done the multiple doctors (and those who know me know how much I absolutely hate doctors. I wait until I really have to see them to go. I've done the blood tests, the ultrasound, the CAT scan... The only things they've figured out are some off blood counts and a cyst that have nothing to do with they way I'm feeling.

So, right now I'm supposed to be taking up to 9 pills a day. At the very least, two... I've done the different medicines; and they have a problem all their own. They make my seratonin levels wonky, so, in essence, they make me cry. Easily. Plus, they're playing havoc on my heart, so I have to wear a heart monitor for a month for them to track it all. (Bad heart problems on both sides of my family.)

I'm just frustrated. I haven't felt well in three months +... I can't do fun things I want to, but I HAVE to drag myself to work. I have bills to pay otherwise, and now tons of medical bills. Tests are expensive, and my medicines even moreso.

My frustration lies, though, in NO ONE being able to tell me what's wrong with me. I have to see a specialist now, but have to wait until mid December to see him (I made appt. weeks ago, too). I just want to know what's wrong with me, so I can fix it.

I want to feel good again. That's all. And I hate that I don't and haven't... It's so frustrating...