The Thread Dedicated to Terrible, Horrible, Down Right Crappy Movies

[Jester]

As the title states this thread is dedicated to the films make you cringe. A thread for the likes of Gigli, anything by Ed Wood and Abraxas. (If you've never heard of the last one, then count yourself lucky, let's just say Jesse Ventura, Terminator Rip-off, and fight scenes with smooth jazz background music.)

To kick things off, here's an ad for a movie I'm sure would be a proud addition to this list. As some of you know I work behind the video counter at work on occasion, and we get a movie guide with the release schedules and ads for new movies. Along with ads for numerous sequels (Saw III, Open Water 2, because the first one was soooo good, and Walking Tall 2, with Kevin Sorbo replacing Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) and the other crap came this gem, and by gem I mean steaming pile of excrement. What makes it all the worse is it stars actual known actors (but I guess so did Plan Nine, with Bella Lugosi, and several of the other crap films I have in my collection). Here it is: Devil's Den.

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y13...g?t=1168837778
(The Tagline says it all: "The final battle for the soul of mankind will be fought IN A BAR FULL OF POSSESSED STRIPPERS!")

I couldn't help but laugh as I read the synopsis. If it's too small I'll type it here:

Originally Posted by Devil's Den Ad

During a routine Spanish-Fly trip back from Mexico, 2 friends stumble upon an out-of-the-way gentleman's club with no cover charge and plenty of sexy, friendly ladies. (with a first sentence like that, this movies bound to be gold...did I mention it's DtV?) But what feels like lap dance heaven (oh, I get it...it's a pun. Cause the strippers are possessed. Get it! Get it? You don't get it!) is actually a recruiting station for an army of the flesh eating undead. (Oh...it gets better) Now a drug-dealing film geek (what a combo) (Devon Sawa), a trigger happy assassin (Kelly Hu), and a samurai demon hunter (does he hunt samurai demons, or is he a samurai who hunts demons....ow my brain hurts.) (Ken Foree) and a airhead cocktail waitress (Karen Maxwell) must battle ferocious hordes of (oh this is gold! The person who wrote this synopsis has got to do my PR sometime) gut-ripping strippers whose pimp-daddy is Satan himself. FHM and Deal or No Deal model Dawn Olivieri co-stars in this skin-baring (that explains the crap plot...it's all about the sex ) bloodbath where (get ready...) the horny meets the horned, beautiful women can be soul-sucking ghouls, and every man's road to Hell leads straight into DEVIL'S DEN.

Ahhh...that sounds like a winner. I'd consider watching it to laugh at just how bad it is, but I'm sure mommy wouldn't approve of some of the content.

[LogicDonny]

Haha this topic is full of win! Abraxas. It's that sci-fi movie right? I think it was aired on space a few times.

[Roseangelo]

Aside from all the MST3K movies I could list, Deep Blue Sea is easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

[Jester]

Originally Posted by LogicDonny

Haha this topic is full of win! Abraxas. It's that sci-fi movie right? I think it was aired on space a few times.

Yep.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraxas...f_the_Universe

[LogicDonny]

Yep that's the one. Wasn't there a sequel?

[iris]

I saw some of Devil's Den... that's what happens when you fall asleep with the sci-fi channel on. It's as bad as advertised, and worse. But not as bad as the jaw-dropping horror of "From Justin to Kelly."

[Jester]

Wait...it was a made for TV movie...I could have sworn it hadn't been seen yet...kinda glad i didn't know it existed.

[iris]

Originally Posted by Jester

Wait...it was a made for TV movie...I could have sworn it hadn't been seen yet...kinda glad i didn't know it existed.

Oh...yeah I see now the date says 2007... but I coulda sworn... is there ANOTHER movie where dumb travellers visit a she-demon-infested establishment in Mexico?! I guess maybe that's an irresistible theme.

[Jester]

Must be. What was that Decoys movie about? (That is also getting a DtV sequal.)

[Anarky]

Hahahaha, that Devil's Den flick sounds like something I need to see, because I enjoy trash movies a lot.

Among the worst-yet-awesome films you can expect to hear the name "Troma" sooner or later, so I'll be the first one to name them here. Who could forget the awesomeness that is the Toxic Avenger and immortal film titles like "Surf Nazis must die"? Up the same alley are the MST3K-Films, first and foremost "Manos - the Hands of Fate", which is a movie I tremendously enjoyed. And then there's another classic: Spanish SciFi-trainwreck "Accion Mutante" in which a couple of militant deformed retards take their revenge upon the beautiful of the future. Amazing movie, I tell you.

A downright bad movie is "Mars Attacks". Lots of stars, lots of big advertising and the film is just bad. Story's dull, the jokes stupid and the aliens are just idiots. Then there's the new Miami Vice flick. Sure, it's more or less true to the original, but have you ever seen such a huge amount of ego-masturbation in two hours? You get a bit of story, then you see them doing something tremendously cool for half an hour, such as driving a speedboat to get a drink in Cuba.

[iris]

Decoys was about aliens posing as college chicks.

Come to think of it, "Dusk Til Dawn" was about some guys stranded in a vampire saloon in Mexico, too. There's just something about Mexico...

Hey... I liked Mars Attacks. I enjoy the idea of Tom Jones music as a weapon of mass destruction!

[Barkworm]

Hulk. That movie still gives me nightmares.

[Jester]

Originally Posted by Anarky

Up the same alley are the MST3K-Films, first and foremost "Manos - the Hands of Fate", which is a movie I tremendously enjoyed.

I've heard Manos is awesome(ly bad). A friend of mine loves MST3K, and he says Manos is a must see....sadly I haven't....and I've seen a lot of crap-cinema.

[Roseangelo]

Manos is horrible (one word: Torgo!), and while it's usually considered the best MST3K episode, I wouldn't say it's the worst movie they ever riffed.

My favorite episode of MST3K after Manos is Warrior of the Lost World; horrible movie combined with great riffing.

[Sewer Bull]

Originally Posted by Anarky

A downright bad movie is "Mars Attacks". Lots of stars, lots of big advertising and the film is just bad. Story's dull, the jokes stupid and the aliens are just idiots.

Well... technically, wasn't that movie an intended parody? It was directed by Tim Burton after all, so it couldn't have been that deadly serious like "Independence Day" for instance.

And "Surf Nazis Must Die" has its moments of awesomeness, but in overall, it's very, very boring.

[Jester]

Anyone see the cinematic dumb that is "Santa Conquers the Martians." Man that's a bad film (what's sad is most of these bad movies i own...)

[Ra]

Is it okay to put up the names of all the crappy sequals Disney has been dishing out lately?

Well, I have been fortunate to see nearly no crappy movies in my short lifespan, but the one which I will always remember in my mind as "CRAP" will have to be "Ice Age 2: The Meltdown". The first one was okay, but the second one left me with that feeling. You know, the "WTF" feeling. It's probably just me, but shmeh *shrugs*

[Roseangelo]

Originally Posted by Jester

Anyone see the cinematic dumb that is "Santa Conquers the Martians." Man that's a bad film (what's sad is most of these bad movies i own...)

As that is an MST3K movie, yes I've seen it. I think it sometimes actually gets played on TV in December (the actual movie, not the MST3K version), which is just scary and wrong.

[Jester]

I actually bought the non MST3K version....for around $2.00 at K-Mart.

[That Matt Guy]

Everyone should give "Mac and Me" a try. It's an E.T. ripoff sponsored by McDonalds and Coca Cola.