Young men giving up on marriage?

[CyberCubed]

There's also the aspect of a male/female couple living together for years and decades and simply choosing not to get married. So technically they're still boyfriend/girlfriend even as 30-40+ year olds simply because they choose not to be legally married even if they live with each other like a married couple.

[newfan]

Originally Posted by CyberCubed

There's also the aspect of a male/female couple living together for years and decades and simply choosing not to get married. So technically they're still boyfriend/girlfriend even as 30-40+ year olds simply because they choose not to be legally married even if they live with each other like a married couple.

Is that seen as Common Law marriage? so far as where the legal stuff comes into a break up I mean.... I can't remember.

People not wanting to marry has become more common, not a very new thing, that's fine for them, just as some people still want to. So long as the couple are on the same page or clear about what they want as the relationship progresses.

[Andrew NDB]

Originally Posted by newfan

Is that Common Law marriage? I can't remember.

Most states, like mine, don't have Common Law marriage. Doesn't exist here.

[Prowler]

Originally Posted by CyberCubed

There's also the aspect of a male/female couple living together for years and decades and simply choosing not to get married. So technically they're still boyfriend/girlfriend even as 30-40+ year olds simply because they choose not to be legally married even if they live with each other like a married couple.

Yeah. In theory that should make things easier if they decide to break up one day... but they'd still have to argue about who keeps the fridge, the tv, the closet, the house, etc. since they might have gathered money to buy/pay for that stuff or might have joint bank accounts. So it'd still get ugly.

Well, I think if both people truly love each other and have been living together for a while they might as well get married to get the benefits that come with it, but I can see why some people just simply don't want to. Everyone is different.

[newfan]

Originally Posted by Andrew NDB

Most states, like mine, don't have Common Law marriage. Doesn't exist here.

Just searched it, apparently it's not a recognised thing here either, 'contrary to popular belief'. I just heard about it some time back and Cubed's post reminded me.

[Andrew NDB]

Originally Posted by newfan

Just searched it, apparently it's not a recognised thing here either, 'contrary to popular belief'. I just heard about it some time back and Cubed's post reminded me.

Just curious, but I wonder how Common Law works in states that allows gay marriage? Like, how could the state impose that?

[MsMarvelDuckie]

Originally Posted by Leo656

Yeah, but women have that pesky "menopause" thing that comes out of nowhere and smashes guys in the face like a brick.

I can't tell you how many friends, family, and clients of mine have given me the same story: "My wife WAS my best friend... Until she hit menopause. Now she never stops telling me how much she wishes she never met me," etc. Nothing else changed, the wife just had too many Birthdays and now she's a lunatic. I've seen mousy types become violently abusive. It's a mess.

At least a woman knows that if she's been with the same guy for many years, he's essentially the same guy he always was, and barring any addiction issues will stay that way. A man has to forever be worried that one day, his "best friend" is going to smother him in his sleep for some flip remark he made a decade ago, because that's what her hormones say is a "reasonable" response.

What works in my favor is, my wife is already a lunatic and we already hate each other, so it kind of can't get much worse. But even all the older women I know who know us very well are warning me away from the situation. These are post-menopausal women, openly warning me, "You better make an escape plan. If it's like this and she's only in her 30s, in her 40s she might up and stab you. For no reason."

I'm very open to what these women have to say, having seen it all before. So yeah, nobody's perfect, but at least if a guy is an asshole OR a Nice Guy, he's most likely going to stay that way. With women you literally have no idea what to expect - although the mother is a safe guide. If the mother is crazy, then run, because most women turn into their mothers in their 40s or 50s even if they swear they won't. It's not a choice, they just end up like that.

Yeah, I don't know why anyone gets married. It's a drag. Get a dog and a cat and you're set.

The cinicism is strong in this one, lol! Speaking as a female who is (possibly) going through it already, I can safely say that I am still the same person, except with a little less libido. The only thing that really changes is a woman's patience for stupidity and/or assholery, whether real or percieved. It all depends on the woman in question whether it is the real thing or all in her head. Also, her body is probably doing stupid s**t of its own, so she may be at the mercy of crack hormonal changes that come out of nowhere at a moment's notice and bounce around until she's an emotional wreck.

That being said, marraige CAN be a good thing, when two people truly are on the same team, working together as equals in life. Not to brag, but mine has been such a partnership. We may argue every now and then, but we agree on all the important issues, and talk things out reharding important decisions or major events. And we support each other. Trust and mutual respect are key. Passions may fade over time, but the bond of real love actually grows and deepens. This I know to be true after 20 years with the same partner.

[Leo656]

I know NJ at one time WAS a common-law state, as my parents never had a marriage ceremony but were still considered legally married, but I don't know about now. I'm constantly told different things by different people, including social and state workers, so I don't honestly know.

[Redeemer]

Originally Posted by Leo656

I'm shocked your hair hasn't turned completely silver. Once for me was plenty.

A lot of studies are showing that people are finally realizing that it's better to focus on career. You earn (and keep) a ton more money if you're single, and fewer outside distractions get in the way of "climbing the ladder".

That thing they call "romantic love" is a chemical attraction that fades with time, but the financial debt, the resentment, the arguments, and the "I'm gonna go back in time 15-20 years because I want to be mad at you Right Now" bullsh*t... that NEVER slows down or goes away.

Marriage is an institution that completely favors the woman - especially if/when it comes time to dissolve it - so I'm not shocked to realize that more and more men are getting smart and not wanting to be a "sucker fish". There's literally zero upside for any man to get married. It's a fool's game. This is encouraging news.

Now let's hear some news about rapidly declining birth rates, and we MIGHT just save this planet after all.

Now I am not going to swear to it, but Oxytocin as long as the chemical is constant has lasting affects. Essentially Oxytocin can be triggered by mere physical contact.
Oxytocin can be constantly renewed throughout a couple's life time IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY (sorry I took my neuroscience classes two years ago.)
But I know animals with out Oxytocin are not monotonous versus those that have Oxytocin ex: Mountain Vole study. The study was really interest bc the voles mate for life, but another type vole(A distant relative of the mountain vole)lacked oxytocin and did not mate for life and did not have a partner.

Sorry but you comment reminded me of this study.

Originally Posted by Leo656

Yeah, but women have that pesky "menopause" thing that comes out of nowhere and smashes guys in the face like a brick.

I can't tell you how many friends, family, and clients of mine have given me the same story: "My wife WAS my best friend... Until she hit menopause. Now she never stops telling me how much she wishes she never met me," etc. Nothing else changed, the wife just had too many Birthdays and now she's a lunatic. I've seen mousy types become violently abusive. It's a mess.

At least a woman knows that if she's been with the same guy for many years, he's essentially the same guy he always was, and barring any addiction issues will stay that way. A man has to forever be worried that one day, his "best friend" is going to smother him in his sleep for some flip remark he made a decade ago, because that's what her hormones say is a "reasonable" response.

What works in my favor is, my wife is already a lunatic and we already hate each other, so it kind of can't get much worse. But even all the older women I know who know us very well are warning me away from the situation. These are post-menopausal women, openly warning me, "You better make an escape plan. If it's like this and she's only in her 30s, in her 40s she might up and stab you. For no reason."

I'm very open to what these women have to say, having seen it all before. So yeah, nobody's perfect, but at least if a guy is an asshole OR a Nice Guy, he's most likely going to stay that way. With women you literally have no idea what to expect - although the mother is a safe guide. If the mother is crazy, then run, because most women turn into their mothers in their 40s or 50s even if they swear they won't. It's not a choice, they just end up like that.

Yeah, I don't know why anyone gets married. It's a drag. Get a dog and a cat and you're set.

That sounds like a character issue if she is willing to act like that. I understand menopause is difficult, but you make these woman sound like monsters


This thread is honestly depressing and cynical

[Andrew NDB]

For real. Leo656 has me wanting to rethink my life... lol.

[Leo656]

You've already been rethinking parts of it bubba. We've all got regrets. And one way or another, every guy's BIGGEST regret is always a woman. Be it the one that got away, or the wrong one who refused to leave, or whatever, it always comes down to a dame.

Originally Posted by Redeemer

That sounds like a character issue if she is willing to act like that. I understand menopause is difficult, but you make these woman sound like monsters


This thread is honestly depressing and cynical

A good number of 'em are. Not ALL of them, of course - some of my favorite people to be around are women - but I've spent far more time around women than men in my life, and I'd say about 7 out of 10 are a real f*ckin' drag, and the other 3 out of 10 are f*cking amazing human beings, but there's very little middle ground.

I actually am a lot closer to my female friends than my male friends, and generally get along better with women than with a lot of men. So individually, a lot of them are great. But most of the rest of them will stab someone over a parking space or a flip remark. A lot of guys are assholes, but a lot of women are just plain f*cking nuts. It's not "polite" to speak that opinion, but the fact is, most of my chick friends AND my wife agree with it, so I'm pretty sure it's an accurate assessment. But again, some of them are angels, I won't deny that. But some of them are literally From Hell.

I've seen some things, man. And some stuff. I wouldn't recommend it!

[IndigoErth]

I dunno about it being acting nuts, but there's certainly some level of aggression that society likes to pretend doesn't exist and encourage repression of, because "good girls don't act that way" and it's only a "respectable" thing in men. And those that are more inclined definitely need some healthier outlets other than the people around them. Women can be frigging brutal, esp if you aren't allies or harbor resentment, few women would probably deny that.

Heck, I remember back in high school (and laughing to myself) overhearing a couple guys commenting and agreeing that the girl's soccer team was rougher than the boys. I guess guys play to win...and girls play to destroy the competition. Forget just winning, the girls are out for blood. lol Reality isn't as pretty as the ideals that society likes to pretend are real.


That aside, there's certainly plenty of unstable people out there and that's probably a whole lot more to do with their head than their gender. And you show me one that isn't a total b*tch/a**hole at times... or most of the time.

[snake]

Originally Posted by Leo656

And one way or another, every guy's BIGGEST regret is always a woman. Be it the one that got away, or the wrong one who refused to leave, or whatever, it always comes down to a dame.

Uh, wrong. My biggest regret is not buying those f*cking Jubilee wave Marvel Legends figures before I had to pay $200 to get goddamned Stryfe.

[Leo656]

Originally Posted by snake

Uh, wrong. My biggest regret is not buying those f*cking Jubilee wave Marvel Legends figures before I had to pay $200 to get goddamned Stryfe.

Well, if when you're 40 that's still your biggest regret you'll be Winning At Life, sir.

[Sumac]

Originally Posted by IndigoErth

A lot of people of course also end up postponing simply because education is expensive, life is expensive, and many people want to be financially ready and stable first. Which... unfortunately, with the world the way it is today, forces many people to push that back.

On the other hand, availability of free time, pushes a lot people to just live for themselves.

[Candy Kappa]

Originally Posted by snake

Uh, wrong. My biggest regret is not buying those f*cking Jubilee wave Marvel Legends figures before I had to pay $200 to get goddamned Stryfe.

That wave was a mess when it came to the distribution.

[snake]

Originally Posted by Candy Kappa

That wave was a mess when it came to the distribution.

Christ, tell me about it. I saw Cyclops, Logan, and Stryfe all at a TRU when the wave first dropped. Guess which ones I picked up?

None. Not a single f*cking figure. I legitimately bought two of those TMNT TRU Retro Collection figures over the Legends. What mindset do you have to be in to even do that? I passed up STRYFE for a repacked Foot Soldier.

[Leo656]

I feel the same way every time I pick salad over soup.

I have a really hard time forgiving myself for my mistakes, so you can imagine how much it bothers me. Especially if it's a Lobster Bisque vs. Caesar Salad situation. I'unno how the f*ck I blew THAT one.

I feel yo bro. More than you know. But it gets better if you just hang in there.

[Voltron]

I like how marriage discussion shifts to toys I wish I bought.

We have our priorities.

I did it with these awesome Mega Man figures I found in a Japanese toy store. They had Mega Man and Proto Man. The articulation on them was NUTS. Could've bought them. Didn't.

Same with an in-box Dragonzord and Megazord. Combined were about $300. Didn't do it. Hate myself.

[Candy Kappa]

Ah, I regret so much not getting the 4 Inch-Nel Megaman figure. It's really expensive now