Got Any Jokes??

[RaphAndDonnie]

I've always found Little Timmy/Johnny jokes to be funny so here are some I found on the Internet:

one day lil timmy was headed to his fathers house for the weekend.
so, he packed up all his materials for the next couple of days and put it in his wagon.
on his way to his fathers he passed a church and so happens the priest was raking some leaves.
lil timmy yelled "god damnit" while pulling his wagon

the priest says "you know you shouldn't swear god can hear you, he's every where"

lil timmy replies" is he in my wagon."

the priest exclaims "yes hes in your wagon to"

lil timmy shouts back " well, tell him to get the f*ck out this bitch is heavy."

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'

[gobo]

A horse walks into a bar. The bar says "watch where you're going, jackass!"
I just made that one up.

A kid dressed up as a pirate for Halloween. He goes to his neighbor's with his bag ready. He yells "trick or treat" as a lady opens the door. The woman exclaims, "Oh, what a cute little pirate! Where are your buccaneers, little pirate?". The kid replies, "Under my buccanhat".

Originally Posted by RaphAndDonnie

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

[BubblyShell22]

I like the one with Lil' Timmy and the priest. That's hilarious.

Those are some nice ones, too, Gobo.

[AT-Man]

Please stop telling gay jokes, cum on guys!

[joefsas]

Iv'e got a few but don't think there quite appropriate

[BubblyShell22]

Here's one:

A baby duck and a baby skunk were walking with their moms. The moms crossed the road but got hit by a car and died. The duck began crying and said, "My mom's dead and I don't really know who I am."

The skunk replies, "I can tell you who you are. You have webbed feet and you swim. You're a duck." Then the skunk also cries and says, "I never knew who I really was either. "

The duck replies, "Well, I can tell you that. You're black, you're white, your mom died. You're O.J. Simpson's son."

I heard this one while the O.J. trial was going on.

[AT-Man]

I would tell you a joke about my penis, but it's too long.

[BubblyShell22]

Nice one, AT.

[Lethal Lullaby]

This one I heard from a friend.

Dear Math,
Stop telling me to find your 'X'. It's not coming back.

[BubblyShell22]

Oooh, good one, Ghost.

[DONATELLO DUZMACHINES]

Who wants to hear a pizza joke? Nah its too chessey.

[Lethal Lullaby]

Originally Posted by DONATELLO DUZMACHINES

Who wants to hear a pizza joke? Nah its too chessey.

cute

[gobo]

A blonde walks into a bar and says

Spoiler:

"Ouch!"

Another vlonde walks into the same bar and says

Spoiler:

"Ouch! How come the preist and rabbi can always do it right?"

A duck walks into a bar and says

Spoiler:

"AFF***!!"

A bar walks into a bar and says

Spoiler:

"Whoa! Hold on a sec. Since when do I have legs?? "

A mormon walks into a bar and I say

Spoiler:

"When's it my turn to be in one of these jokes? They're my jokes, for cryin' out loud!"

I walk into a bar and say

Spoiler:

"Finally!"

Everybody in the bar looks at me and I say

Spoiler:

"'Sup?"

The bar walks out of the jokes and I say

Spoiler:

"Was it something I typed? O_o"

[BubblyShell22]

Nice ones, Gobo. Also a good one from you, DDM.

[Guitar_Raph]

Have you heard about the diner that only serves pancakes & instant rice?

That's because the owners are Uncle Ben & Aunt Jemima!!

[gobo]

Originally Posted by Guitar_Raph

Have you heard about the diner that only serves pancakes & instant rice?

That's because the owners are Uncle Ben & Aunt Jemima!!

Either I'm looking for the funny too hard or that's equivalent to saying:
You know why I like Frosted Flakes? Cuz they're grrrrreat!
Is that all it was? O_o

[Luke795]

Do you know why the skeleton went to the library?
To bone up on a few things.

[BubblyShell22]

Where do writing utensils go on vacation?

To Pennsylvania.

[Voltron]

A compliment to Gobo's:

How do you drown a blonde?

Spoiler:

Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

If a blonde and a brunette fall off a cliff at the same time, which one will hit ground first?

Spoiler:

The brunette, since the blonde will have to stop and ask for directions.

A man bit his tongue, so he went to the doctor.

"Doctah!" He says. "I bid my tong! Id hurds!"

The doctor looks him over and says "Here is some aspirin. Take a few and call me in the morning."

The man thanks the doctor and leaves. He hops in a cab and, after some confusion (with the speech impediment due to the bit tongue) gets the cabbie to take him home. Suddenly, the man realizes that he's forgotten his aspirin at the doctors!

"Dwivah! Dwivah!" He shouts, in a panic. "My assbirns! My assbirns!"
The driver, who prides himself on being a problem solver, says "Oh! Quick! Stick in out the window!"

[Jester]

How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?

Spoiler:

Wave.