Joke thread

*cqb101* · 03-17-2003, 08:54 AM

This is a thread where people post Jokes for others to read......

*Jade Green* · 03-17-2003, 09:49 AM

Knock knock

Who's there

Thread

Thread who

If yer goanna put up a jokes thread then why didn't put up a joke?

(ya, ya, corny... I know.)

tasuki · 03-17-2003, 10:07 AM

All I have to say is, "Down with the hamsters!"

Raphael · 03-17-2003, 12:14 PM

A director is screen testing Sylvestor Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out who to give which part to, he asks Sly who he would like to be.

Stallone says "I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart"

So the Director says, "Very well, you can be Mozart" Then he turns to Arnie and says "Arnie, who would you like to play ?"

And Arnie says "I'll be Bach!"

*Groan*

*Kameko* · 03-17-2003, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raphael

And Arnie says "I'll be Bach!"

*cqb101* · 03-17-2003, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raphael

A director is screen testing Sylvestor Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out who to give which part to, he asks Sly who he would like to be.

Stallone says "I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart"

So the Director says, "Very well, you can be Mozart" Then he turns to Arnie and says "Arnie, who would you like to play ?"

And Arnie says "I'll be Bach!"

*Groan*

LOL!

Heres mine:

A redhead walks into a sport s bar around 9:58 PM. She sits down next
to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was
on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large
building preparing to jump. The redhead turns to the blonde and says, "You
know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
The redhead placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive
off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to the redhead and said, "All is fair. Here is your money." The redhead replies, "Honey, I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o 'clock news and knew he would jump." The blonde replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

*Jephael* · 03-17-2003, 04:15 PM

Aw man, my uncle e-mailed that blonde joke to me. Here's a good one-

A man is in the hospital hooked up to the respirator when the nurse comes walking in and he asks "Are my testicles black." The nurse asks him to repeat himself and he says "Are my testicles black?"
Feeling too embarrased to check, she decides to get another nurse to check for her. When the second nurse asks what's wrong, the patient says "Are my testicles black?" the patient removes his breathing mask and exclaims "I said ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"[/b]

*Voltron* · 03-17-2003, 04:40 PM

A man was sitting at the bar on the top floor of the Empire State Building sipping his drink. There was an oddly dressed drunk next to him who suddenly turned and said, "You know, if you jump out the window on this floor you'll be sucked into an open window on the way down due to change in air pressure."

"Yeah right," said the other man, "why don't you prove it?" So the drunk stood up and stumbled to the window, and without a second thought jumped out. The sober guy watched in horror as this man plunged....

then suddenly was drawn into an open window about 10 stories above the street.

"See? What did I tell ya?" The oddly dressed drunk said as he got off the elevator and ordered another drink. The sober man, obviously astounded leaped out the window and fell to his death.

The drunk stumbled over to the bar and picked up his drink.

"You know", said the bartender to Superman, "youre a real asshole when you drink."

*cqb101* · 03-17-2003, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jephael

Aw man, my uncle e-mailed that blonde joke to me. Here's a good one-

A man is in the hospital hooked up to the respirator when the nurse comes walking in and he asks "Are my testicles black." The nurse asks him to repeat himself and he says "Are my testicles black?"
Feeling too embarrased to check, she decides to get another nurse to check for her. When the second nurse asks what's wrong, the patient says "Are my testicles black?" the patient removes his breathing mask and exclaims "I said ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"[/b]

LMAO!!!!

*cqb101* · 03-17-2003, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Voltron

A man was sitting at the bar on the top floor of the Empire State Building sipping his drink. There was an oddly dressed drunk next to him who suddenly turned and said, "You know, if you jump out the window on this floor you'll be sucked into an open window on the way down due to change in air pressure."

"Yeah right," said the other man, "why don't you prove it?" So the drunk stood up and stumbled to the window, and without a second thought jumped out. The sober guy watched in horror as this man plunged....

then suddenly was drawn into an open window about 10 stories above the street.

"See? What did I tell ya?" The oddly dressed drunk said as he got off the elevator and ordered another drink. The sober man, obviously astounded leaped out the window and fell to his death.

The drunk stumbled over to the bar and picked up his drink.

"You know", said the bartender to Superman, "youre a real asshole when you drink."

LOL I've heard that one before but I still laugh........

**Karpo_007** · 03-17-2003, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Voltron

A man was sitting at the bar on the top floor of the Empire State Building sipping his drink. There was an oddly dressed drunk next to him who suddenly turned and said, "You know, if you jump out the window on this floor you'll be sucked into an open window on the way down due to change in air pressure."

"Yeah right," said the other man, "why don't you prove it?" So the drunk stood up and stumbled to the window, and without a second thought jumped out. The sober guy watched in horror as this man plunged....

then suddenly was drawn into an open window about 10 stories above the street.

"See? What did I tell ya?" The oddly dressed drunk said as he got off the elevator and ordered another drink. The sober man, obviously astounded leaped out the window and fell to his death.

The drunk stumbled over to the bar and picked up his drink.

"You know", said the bartender to Superman, "youre a real asshole when you drink."

Good one!

Peanut · 03-17-2003, 07:11 PM

LOL! The Superman one is great.

*The Defibrillator* · 03-18-2003, 08:59 AM

2 guys get captured by a primitive amazon tribe while visiting the forests of Brazil. The tribe chief says that the penalty for trepassing is death unless they pass "the test." The chief tells them that they must find a fruit and let the natives shove it up their butt, and if they don't make a sound then they will be let free. If not, they will be put to death.

The first guy finds a bunch of grapes, and gets ready for immense pain. It comes and the guy doesn't make a sound for a couple of minutes, but then all the sudden he bursts out laughing! He is then put to death. The guy goes to the pearly gates to be let into heaven, and a minute later, his partner comes up with him. His partner says,
"You were so close!! Why did you start laughing!"
"Sorry man, but I couldn't hold it in after I saw you coming with a pineapple..."

*cqb101* · 03-18-2003, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TeenageMutantNinja Hobbit

2 guys get captured by a primitive amazon tribe while visiting the forests of Brazil. The tribe chief says that the penalty for trepassing is death unless they pass "the test." The chief tells them that they must find a fruit and let the natives shove it up their butt, and if they don't make a sound then they will be let free. If not, they will be put to death.

The first guy finds a bunch of grapes, and gets ready for immense pain. It comes and the guy doesn't make a sound for a couple of minutes, but then all the sudden he bursts out laughing! He is then put to death. The guy goes to the pearly gates to be let into heaven, and a minute later, his partner comes up with him. His partner says,
"You were so close!! Why did you start laughing!"
"Sorry man, but I couldn't hold it in after I saw you coming with a pineapple..."

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*R-iZZy* · 03-18-2003, 02:06 PM

Here's one...

Three women; a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, were sentenced to be put against a wall and shot by a squadron of men for their death penalty. It was the readhead's turn first. She stood against the wall, as her executioners were ready to fire.

The general began, "READY... AIM..."

But out of desperation, the redhead said "TORNADO!" The men dropped to the floor and covered themselves, allowing the redhead to break free. Now it was the brunette's turn. She was standing against the wall, ready to take her punishment, as the general commanded.

"READY... AIM..."

But the brunette said "THUNDER!!!" The men ran about, trying to avoid any lightning that would come their way. The brunette escaped. The blonde caught on to the trick and decided to do the same gameplan. So she stood against the wall, wide grin and confident look. The general began the command.

"READY... AIM..."

And the blonde yelled out, "FIRE!!!"

Ninja Turtles Cartoon Fan · 03-18-2003, 02:13 PM

Playing baseball alone in his backyard, a boy announced, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world."

He tossed the ball into the air, swung hard, and missed. "Strike one!" he yelled.

He picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"

Feeling confident this time, he lobbed the ball, swung – and missed. "Strike two!" he yelled.

The boy examined his bat and then his ball. He spit on his hands, rubbed them together, then tugged his cap and repeated, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"

Again he tossed the ball, swung and missed. "Strike three!" he yelled.

"Wow!" the boy exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"

"Leave the comedy to professionals, Michaelangelo." - Raphael, from "Split-Second"

*The Defibrillator* · 03-18-2003, 02:14 PM

heard it before, but it's still pretty funny, lol

Ninja Turtles Cartoon Fan · 03-18-2003, 02:17 PM

Here's another one I heard:

If a person was to throw a cat out the window while driving, would it be considered kitty litter?

"Not that again!" - Raphael, from "Four Musketurtles"

*cqb101* · 03-18-2003, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ninja Turtle Nincompoop

Here's one...

Three women; a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, were sentenced to be put against a wall and shot by a squadron of men for their death penalty. It was the readhead's turn first. She stood against the wall, as her executioners were ready to fire.

The general began, "READY... AIM..."

But out of desperation, the redhead said "TORNADO!" The men dropped to the floor and covered themselves, allowing the redhead to break free. Now it was the brunette's turn. She was standing against the wall, ready to take her punishment, as the general commanded.

"READY... AIM..."

But the brunette said "THUNDER!!!" The men ran about, trying to avoid any lightning that would come their way. The brunette escaped. The blonde caught on to the trick and decided to do the same gameplan. So she stood against the wall, wide grin and confident look. The general began the command.

"READY... AIM..."

And the blonde yelled out, "FIRE!!!"

LMAO! I love blonde jokes......

*cqb101* · 03-18-2003, 02:25 PM

Another blonde joke...

A blonde a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops and decide to hide in a barn. They hear the sherrif comming and think that he might check the barn so they find 3 sacks and hide in them. The sherrif and his deputy walk into the barn and see the three sacks. The sherrif tells the deputy to find out what's in the bags. The deputy goes over to the bag that the brunette was in and kicks it. "Meow." "It's just a cat." He goes to the second sack the one the red head is in and kicks it."Woof." "Just a dog." He goes to the third and final bag that the Blonde is in and kicks it. He doesn't here anything so he kicks it again. And the blonde yells out "Potatos!"

03-17-2003, 08:54 AM	#1
cqb101 Cinephile Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Salem, MA Posts: 8,489	Joke thread This is a thread where people post Jokes for others to read...... __________________ Facebook

03-17-2003, 10:07 AM	#3
tasuki Thug Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: I'm lost. Posts: 97	All I have to say is, "Down with the hamsters!" __________________ bla bla bla......

03-17-2003, 04:15 PM	#7
Jephael That whack job behind you Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Carlisle, Pennsylvania Posts: 8,143	Aw man, my uncle e-mailed that blonde joke to me. Here's a good one- A man is in the hospital hooked up to the respirator when the nurse comes walking in and he asks "Are my testicles black." The nurse asks him to repeat himself and he says "Are my testicles black?" Feeling too embarrased to check, she decides to get another nurse to check for her. When the second nurse asks what's wrong, the patient says "Are my testicles black?" the patient removes his breathing mask and exclaims "I said ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"[/b] __________________ "I like it. Simple, but effective!" Raphael; The Mean Machines - 1988

03-18-2003, 08:59 AM	#13
The Defibrillator Mad Scientist Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Dee Eff Dubble You Posts: 1,631	2 guys get captured by a primitive amazon tribe while visiting the forests of Brazil. The tribe chief says that the penalty for trepassing is death unless they pass "the test." The chief tells them that they must find a fruit and let the natives shove it up their butt, and if they don't make a sound then they will be let free. If not, they will be put to death. The first guy finds a bunch of grapes, and gets ready for immense pain. It comes and the guy doesn't make a sound for a couple of minutes, but then all the sudden he bursts out laughing! He is then put to death. The guy goes to the pearly gates to be let into heaven, and a minute later, his partner comes up with him. His partner says, "You were so close!! Why did you start laughing!" "Sorry man, but I couldn't hold it in after I saw you coming with a pineapple..." __________________ My newest signature.

03-18-2003, 02:06 PM	#15
R-iZZy The Long Con Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: G'ville, FL (Gator Country), USA Posts: 3,007	Here's one... Three women; a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, were sentenced to be put against a wall and shot by a squadron of men for their death penalty. It was the readhead's turn first. She stood against the wall, as her executioners were ready to fire. The general began, "READY... AIM..." But out of desperation, the redhead said "TORNADO!" The men dropped to the floor and covered themselves, allowing the redhead to break free. Now it was the brunette's turn. She was standing against the wall, ready to take her punishment, as the general commanded. "READY... AIM..." But the brunette said "THUNDER!!!" The men ran about, trying to avoid any lightning that would come their way. The brunette escaped. The blonde caught on to the trick and decided to do the same gameplan. So she stood against the wall, wide grin and confident look. The general began the command. "READY... AIM..." And the blonde yelled out, "FIRE!!!" __________________

03-17-2003, 09:49 AM	#2
Jade Green ReyeJaye Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 3,873	Knock knock Who's there Thread Thread who If yer goanna put up a jokes thread then why didn't put up a joke? (ya, ya, corny... I know.)

03-17-2003, 12:14 PM	#4
Raphael Foot Soldier Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: England Posts: 143	A director is screen testing Sylvestor Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out who to give which part to, he asks Sly who he would like to be. Stallone says "I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart" So the Director says, "Very well, you can be Mozart" Then he turns to Arnie and says "Arnie, who would you like to play ?" And Arnie says "I'll be Bach!" Groan

03-17-2003, 04:40 PM	#8
Voltron Handsomest Boy in School Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: The Realm of SJW Posts: 4,642	A man was sitting at the bar on the top floor of the Empire State Building sipping his drink. There was an oddly dressed drunk next to him who suddenly turned and said, "You know, if you jump out the window on this floor you'll be sucked into an open window on the way down due to change in air pressure." "Yeah right," said the other man, "why don't you prove it?" So the drunk stood up and stumbled to the window, and without a second thought jumped out. The sober guy watched in horror as this man plunged.... then suddenly was drawn into an open window about 10 stories above the street. "See? What did I tell ya?" The oddly dressed drunk said as he got off the elevator and ordered another drink. The sober man, obviously astounded leaped out the window and fell to his death. The drunk stumbled over to the bar and picked up his drink. "You know", said the bartender to Superman, "youre a real asshole when you drink."

03-17-2003, 07:11 PM	#12
Peanut Second Gear Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: The New World Posts: 15,422	LOL! The Superman one is great.

03-18-2003, 02:13 PM	#16
Ninja Turtles Cartoon Fan Stone Warrior Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: USA Posts: 835	Playing baseball alone in his backyard, a boy announced, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world." He tossed the ball into the air, swung hard, and missed. "Strike one!" he yelled. He picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Feeling confident this time, he lobbed the ball, swung – and missed. "Strike two!" he yelled. The boy examined his bat and then his ball. He spit on his hands, rubbed them together, then tugged his cap and repeated, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he tossed the ball, swung and missed. "Strike three!" he yelled. "Wow!" the boy exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!" "Leave the comedy to professionals, Michaelangelo." - Raphael, from "Split-Second"

03-18-2003, 02:14 PM	#17
The Defibrillator Mad Scientist Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Dee Eff Dubble You Posts: 1,631	heard it before, but it's still pretty funny, lol __________________ My newest signature.

03-18-2003, 02:17 PM	#18
Ninja Turtles Cartoon Fan Stone Warrior Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: USA Posts: 835	Here's another one I heard: If a person was to throw a cat out the window while driving, would it be considered kitty litter? "Not that again!" - Raphael, from "Four Musketurtles"

03-18-2003, 02:25 PM	#20
cqb101 Cinephile Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Salem, MA Posts: 8,489	Another blonde joke... A blonde a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops and decide to hide in a barn. They hear the sherrif comming and think that he might check the barn so they find 3 sacks and hide in them. The sherrif and his deputy walk into the barn and see the three sacks. The sherrif tells the deputy to find out what's in the bags. The deputy goes over to the bag that the brunette was in and kicks it. "Meow." "It's just a cat." He goes to the second sack the one the red head is in and kicks it."Woof." "Just a dog." He goes to the third and final bag that the Blonde is in and kicks it. He doesn't here anything so he kicks it again. And the blonde yells out "Potatos!" __________________ Facebook