Got Any Jokes??
 

Well. Do you?? Feel free to add your favorites here. ;)

I can't think of any at this moment besides this one I heard from a friend (which I posted in Chatter)

"If you have a bladder infection,
Then urine trouble."

What nationality are you when you have to pee?
You're a Russian.

What nationality are you when you get to the restroom?
European.

What did Tennessee?

Same thing Arkansas!

EUROPE ISN'T A NATION! :x

These aren't jokes. Jokes are supposed to offer humor of some kind. This is like a doctor offering someone medicine, and then just standing there staring at the patient, waiting for them to get better.

I feel cheated. It took seconds of my life to read this, and I'll never have those back. In a way, you kind of murdered me. You kind of murdered us all.

Just because we aren't dead doesn't mean we all haven't died inside, even if just a little bit.

On top of that, you robbed us. You promised us mirth and gave none, whilst at the same time brutishly grabbing the joy of our anticipation right from our bosom. You, with sickly grin stretched upon your gray and hateful face forced your hand through our chest and, like a burglar, took what was good and sweet and left only want in our hearts. It is akin to rape, this deed.

Why, now the sun rises cold on our days. The sweet water no longer quenches parched lips! Food becomes bland upon our tongues, and our stomachs never hunger yet never full give no rapture in mastication.

DO YOU SEE, sir? DO YOU KNOW? Graves offer sweet embrace to the dead, but not to us! We walk damned in the noise of these "jokes." The misdirection of these words lead only to Hell! To fates worse than death! The angels cry! The devil gnashes his teeth with this torment unknown to Perdition!

From hence forth, we shall never speak of this travesty again. . . lest the Lord find reason to end this story He has written. . . lest the world stop and die. . . :cry:

:blanksta: :teek: meh. Sorry. :tanime:

Yeah I know I suck at this whole joke telling thing. :P I just wanted to see if anybody got any good ones. You know, cause laughter is the best medicine. (Not to mention that I was bored) so *slowly backs away with hands up* :tcouch:

Pyramid Head: knock knock!
Nurse: Who's there?
Pyramid Head: Lettuce.
Nurse: Lettuce who?
Pyramid Head: Lettuce in.
Nurse: *opens the door* dohohohoho!
she was violently raped to death

No, it was sarcasm for the most part. They were awful jokes, though. I wish you didn't delete them in embarrassment.

Well. I feel less confused now. :) most of time it's things I say or text my friends that they find funny. (Not those dead jokes from earlier. 2 were from my brother. One from a teacher.) But I don't want to really say much here. Since most of you are grown ups. And probably won't find my randomness all too hilarious. I will put something I would randomly say just as like a teaser. :P

:sweatdro:

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: WTF!!!

Well aware that this isn't a joke, but I find these lyrics amusing. (Maybe I should have called this the Comedy Thread?)

How are those funny/amusing?

They didn't make me laugh.

Here's my joke:

There was a girl who was on her way to school, and she met another girl. The second girl said, "Hello, my name's Mary. What's your name?"

"Happy Butt," the first girl replied.

"Come on, you have to have a real name," said Mary. "Now, what is it?"

"Happy Butt," the other girl answered.

The two girls went to school, and the teacher was taking down names for the record. She approached the girl and asked for her name.

"Happy Butt," the girl responded.

"You must have a real name," the teacher told her. "Now, what is it?"

"Happy Butt," the girl answered.

"Either tell us your real name, or we're going to the principal's office," the teacher commanded.

"Happy Butt," the girl responded.

So they took her down to the principal who asked her name, and she responded with, "Happy Butt." The principal then asked to speak to the parents and wanted to know their phone number, so the girl gave it to him. He talked with the parents and then faced the girl.

"Your parents tell me your name is Gladys," he said.

"Glad Ass, Happy Butt, same thing," the girl said.

2222

Another joke:

What did the baby corn ask the mom corn?

"Where's pop corn?"

Why was the chicken arrested?

Because he was suspected of fowl play.

Why was the bluejay arrested?

Because he was caught jaywalking.

2 blondes walk into a bar.

You think one of them would have seen it...

"Eat your Wheaties, Johnny, you have to go to school!"

"But I don't want to go to school!"

"You know you have to go to school, Johnny!"

"But really, I don't want to. The kids don't like me, the teachers don't like me. Why should I have to go to school?"

"Well, here are two reasons. First, you're 42 years old. And second, you're the principal."

Pyramid Head walks in to a bar.
The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
There were no survivors.

What do you get when you cross an octopus and the Abyss?

I don't know, but it's damn good at staring back at you!

Um. :-? Here's my attemp at another one. (a simple :tmad: :x 'BOO!' will do if you hate it. Thank you very much ;) oh and please don't come in here with a chainsaw and try cutting off my head. :tanime: )

Dude One: And what do you learn from "Cinnamon Toast Crunch"?
Other Guy: :tgrin: That cannibalism is OKAY!
Dude One: *_*

(Okay that sucked. :toops: Oh well. )

You're trying to hard NCG.

Holy sh*t

NOTHING in this thread is funny but....what the hell is this even attempting to be?

What does an angry pepper do?

He gets jalapeno face!

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

....

To get to the bottom! :tlol:

:trazz::x BOO

This thread belongs in the disintegrator unit.

Another Nietzschean joke:

What is brown and lies dead in the gutter?
Rusty God.

Ok...that was kinda funny.

I said to my husband 'Hand me that newspaper'
'Don't be silly,' he said, 'Here use my iPad'

That spider never knew what hit it....

How did the Grim Reaper die?

He touched himself.

:tdead: Why?! Have I been cursed to be BORING? Could it be that I'll never be able tell anything funny? (Yes because you suck) I can't even make fun of myself without it failing! (Are you done yet?) NO- okay yeah I am.

Warning: possible bad joke, but I just gotta try again.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
The-
*slams the door shut*

Even your attempts at quirky self deprecation are awful.

I have to agree with Stryker here, Ghost. You may be one of those people who're funny when they aren't trying to be.

I had a friend who only dated fat, white trash girls. He believed he could see ghosts and insisted he killed one with his car once. He rarely showered, was covered in cat hair, and failed out of remedial community college courses.

The moment he tried to make a joke, I stopped laughing at him.

Right....a "friend"....

Listen, my friends laugh at me when I do stupid things or make poor life choices. It's what guys do. If I end up being a fat moron with an even fatter girlfriend, and the two of us form some sort of schizophrenic scooby-doo mystery inc. thing with my magic ghost killing car, I expect to be laughed at. In fact, it's the only humane thing to do.

The problem with the world today is that stupid people aren't laughed at and ridiculed enough.

Hell, if we were just a little crueler, we could fix Congress in a week-tops.

I like your comments. :rolling:

Okay. New plan. You guys do the joke telling. :D

EDIT: Of course. This says, "Got any Jokes??" Meaning that I shouldn't be telling the jokes, but you guys should be. (I think I'm one of the few that find AT-Man's jokes kinda amusing. Then again I like dark humor)

As the say, Voltron, "there shouldn't be a death penalty for stupidity, just take the warning labels off of everything and let nature take its course."

Haha :lol: I agree.